Idols

"“You shall have no other gods before me. " - Exodus 20:3 (ESV)

I was surprised to see him with the Acting Supervisor, wife of the current highest supervisor from our Healthcare Department. We both started around the same time 12 years ago. He was brought to my last meeting with 2 other people who held high positions. A tryst they planned thinking they would scare me by doing so.

I greeted them both as I sat on a nearby chair. Waiting for minutes and I arrived way early than their set time.They were late. He didn't know what to say. He couldn't look me in the eye. I sensed he wasn't comfortable. But I also understood that he needed to do what was being told to him in order to protect his own career. I never saw him after he was granted a higher position. He held an office upstairs, close to the highest Supervisor's room.

I was more calm during that time. Answering appropriately to their questions with no more anger as I had dealt with them with the previous 2 meetings that didn't make sense at all what they were doing with my job. They had put me to a tremendous pressure to make me quit on my own. But I never did. They had tried all sorts of plan even a forced leave to scare me. Such tactics didn't work as I clung more to Jesus' comfort and faithful promises.

They were all in that circle. Elevating each other by their praises. Giving their own selves a "pat on their own backs." I just looked at them in silence. But when I asked them something, a simple question, their answers were vague. If not, they didn't have an answer at all.

I felt good leaving the room as I said goodbye to four of them, wishing them a good day to which they didn't know how to react. I knew they knew in their hearts the ill treatments they had been giving me that I didn't deserve. They had nothing to show that I did anything wrong at my work during those years I had worked as a night nurse. They only threw one accusation about my neck injury. Except it was a lie. I didn't respond in anger anymore knowing I could prove it in God's perfect time. But I didn't want them to know I had that evidence. I left as I saw him fidgeting, tapping the pen in his right hand on the table as if it was a drum.

It had been almost a year since I battled with these people. The lesser hours that replaced my once steady shifts should have made me worried. It meant lesser income. But God turned it into good. It became an advantage as my husband became busier with his line of work. Our income was much lesser but God did sustain my family and I this whole time and to my disbelief, my husband and I were still able to help out his parents. I was never wrong about completely trusting in Him though it was difficult to not know what was coming. Day by day, He always replaced the uncertainties in every crevices of our hearts with His faithfulness, love, and grace.

"¹ The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
 ² He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
 ³ he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
   for his name’s sake.
⁴ Even though I walk
   through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
   for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
   they comfort me." - Psalm 23:1-4 (NIV)

The help I sought would be starting anytime soon. Whether I would win or lose actually didn't matter anymore. I would rather rely more on the help that would come from His hands. What was a man's help? We are all humans and we know we are limited and we are all not perfect. Except Him.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." - Jeremiah 29:11 (ESV)

I thought he was different. Others from work did, too. That he would always do the right thing. But the influence of being swayed by a particular group made him like them, wanting to see things the way they desired. Even if it was wrong. They praised each other but elevating anyone or anything above God would make them blind to His love. They were trying to hurt me but spiritually, they didn't know, they were just hurting themselves as if they were sitting as they cut on this huge branch of a tree...My tree...Except the branch they were cutting was the very branch they were sitting on...

"All who fashion idols are nothing, and the things they delight in do not profit. Their witnesses neither see nor know, that they may be put to shame. Who fashions a god or casts an idol that is profitable for nothing? Behold, all his companions shall be put to shame, and the craftsmen are only human. Let them all assemble, let them stand forth. They shall be terrified; they shall be put to shame together. The ironsmith takes a cutting tool and works it over the coals. He fashions it with hammers and works it with his strong arm. He becomes hungry, and his strength fails; he drinks no water and is faint." - Isaiah 44:9-12 (ESV)

I'm Sorry

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“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless - - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” – C.S. Lewis

She was one of those who hurt and broke my heart from the past…It took me many years before I had forgiven her. Not because I wanted to. But because God compelled me to. That was the right thing to do as He willingly forgives. Not just once. Many times.

I found out she had said many lies behind my back. I welcomed her but she rejected me. My ways seemed not enough to please her. I felt I wasn’t good enough. No matter how hard I tried for her to love me and accept me. Until the pressure our strained relationship had started building up and was about to explode. I confronted her. She didn’t know what to say. She was surprised I knew about the things she used to break my heart. With lack of words to reason out, she shed big tears and said, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”  As she attempted to wrap her arms around me.

Like a dam that broke and the water was released, a flood of anger broke through the walls erected in my heart as each season passed that I was with her in order to protect myself from the pain she caused…But with honesty, I told her I forgave her except…I was not willing to be hugged at that moment because deep inside, I sensed something. It was easier for her to say those words, “I’m sorry…” Only time would tell if she meant it. Years had gone by and this person had been miles away from me…I showed her that my trust then broken would never be the same. My heart. The reservoir for love was broken would still try to love her. Not because of her. Not because of me. It was because God wanted us to love others as well after Him. It wasn’t easy to follow what He wanted. To love even our enemies.

True enough, her words were empty. Her actions never matched what she uttered to me that day. It saddened me that she would choose to not change and be her old self. She allowed dividing walls in between us instead of a bridge. She succumbed to her refuge, a place of isolation.

How many times I did that to God? Easy for me to say “I’m sorry” then I find myself doing the very same things that I said “I was sorry for.” Except…He’s always willing to accept and forgive me. But He desires only one thing…To offer Him true repentance. What good would it do for me to utter those words and my inward thoughts and the condition of my heart do not match with “I’m sorry?” That would be simply a hypocrite thing to do…Oh, that I pray for my heart to always be quick to be torn when it stores things that God despises. True repentance from a broken heart also tears the heaven's door so love, grace and mercy can be poured out into those broken pieces in order for it to be healed...Yet it also seals Satan's door...

“Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the LORD your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity.” – Joel 2:13 (NIV)

“The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.”

- Psalm 51:17 (NLT)

“Return, O Israel, to the LORD your God, for your sins have brought you down.” – Hosea 14:1 (NLT)

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18 (NIV)

“Sow for yourselves righteousness, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the LORD, until he comes and showers righteousness on you.” – Hosea 10:12 (NIV)

“Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land.”

- 2 Chronicles 7:14 (NLT)

Sticky Note

“Kristian…” I texted to my son…

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“Where do I go to get the apps for “sticky note?”

My friend and I were on our way to Costco to shop together. She had just upgraded her phone and I was glad she did as she was the type to not really care much about gadgets. But she knew the convenience in a way in keeping in touch with her relatives thousands of miles away. I had told her I prepared a list on my “sticky note” but we couldn’t find it in her widgets. So, after my son texted back the link, we were running out of time so I sort of nudged her to get up and hinted that it was time to go or else we would have very little time to get the things we needed.

I had passed by many aisles that housed some of the items I used to get. Unfortunately, they were not beneficial to our health. Like sweets. Salty cold cuts. Or other snacks that had no nutritional values. With my list, I got those few things on my 'sticky note' in just a matter of minutes.

“Done already?” my friend asked after we lost each other somewhere in the snacks aisles. Seeing that my cart was full, she was surprised I had already finished shopping. It was just full of the necessities that would not spoil like paper towels, dish soap and toilet paper.

“Yup,” I smiled at her, a little shy that I had left her when we enjoyed shopping together. I left her after I couldn’t find her. So, I found myself looking at my “sticky note” that came in very handy and prepared my decisions to not stray away from it…

“C’mon…I’ll still go with you and follow you to whatever you need…”

“That’s why I waited…I wanted to go shopping with you.”

Still surprised how I got done so quickly with shopping,  off my friend went and pushed her cart ahead of me as I just browsed and kept pushing my cart without getting any other extras until we got to the cash register.

I don’t like gadgets, too. I’m not into widgets, apps or other things on the cell phone. If I’m able to send text messages and access my email, I’m happy. But I like that “sticky note”. When I pump gas and the pump is out of paper and won’t give me any receipts, I save the amount in my ‘sticky note’ so I can write it down later in my checkbook. When I need to get things from groceries, I use the ‘sticky note’. Very convenient sans a piece of paper and black pen.

The ‘sticky note’ prepares my heart ahead of time to choose wisely when shopping. It helps me be focused on just the needed items my family and I use.

As Christians, it’s just wise to prepare our hearts to be always strong and stable. The way we act and think are fueled from what’s stored in our hearts. The Most Special Guest resides in our hearts that we must aim in pleasing no one but Him…Jesus… We must replace the old sticky note in our hearts with a new one which make ourselves right with God. That is the necessary step.

^“20 In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for special purposes and some for common use. ²¹ Those who cleanse themselves from the latter will be instruments for special purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.”

- 2 Timothy 2:20,21 (NIV)

His Word when etched in the sticky notes of our hearts will surely guide us and help us with our decisions. His Word will help us to fend the attacks of the evil one.

“¹⁵ Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, ¹⁶ making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. ¹⁷ Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.” – Ephesians 5:15-17 (NIV)

“Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.” – Joshua 1:8 (NIV)

So, I’m done shopping. Would you like to prepare a 'sticky note' and shop with me next time?

“¹ My son, keep my words
   and store up my commands within you.
² Keep my commands and you will live;
   guard my teachings as the apple of your eye.
³ Bind them on your fingers;
   write them on the tablet of your heart.” – Proverbs 7:1-3 (NIV) -emphasis is mine...

I'm Allergic To Cinnamon

“Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place.” – Ephesians 6:14 (NIV)

One female inmate tried to fight with a unit deputy. With the imminent danger of having most of the inmates in the segment against one or two deputies, the pepper spray was deployed to prevent the combative inmate from harming the deputies. Nurses were summoned to assist with treating that particular inmate. Except…the other inmates from the bottom tier were also affected by the stinging aroma of the spray.

I just went back to the Clinic from that unit to bring some needed items for the nurse. I saw her shadow with what seemed to be gasping for air. I asked the Charge Nurse if I could help so she gave me her chart. She did have a history of Asthma. I immediately brought her in and reviewed the chart as I took her vital signs.

“I’m allergic to cinnamon and I think my throat is closing up,” she complained.

“Relax!” I commanded. “I saw that from your chart. Let me finish taking your vital signs…Take a deep breath!” I stated as I held the end of my stethoscope close to her chest and listened to her lungs expanded and deflated. I didn’t hear any abnormal sounds. As I took it away, I heard a more audible wheezing-like sounds coming from her nares. I knew she was doing it but I ignored her drama. I couldn’t ignore the fact that she still suffered from the pepper spray’s effects.

“Ma’am, I can’t breathe!” she wailed.

Putting my oxygen monitor in front of her, it was registering at 100%. A perfect amount of oxygen reading in her blood.

“See this?” She nodded before I even explained anything.

“That number means your lungs are well-ventilated. You need to relax…”

“But I’m allergic to cinnamon!” she whined.

“Ma’am…Cinnamon is not one of the ingredients in the pepper spray. But the pepper. It will hurt your vision though and your breathing because it can irritate your throat and that’s what you’re suffering from. Have you washed your face or rinsed your mouth?”

“I haven’t done anything.”

“Okay. Go to the restroom and wash your face really well to wash off some of it and rinse your mouth.” She obeyed. She sat down after, looking less anxious. I was glad she finally listened and chose to not be stuck with her thought that “cinnamon” from the spray bothered her. She gave me a smile as I handed a sack lunch I ordered from the prison’s kitchen. I decided to keep her temporarily until the problem in her unit got resolved. She took two puffs from the inhaler I issued and related how she was feeling much better.

That’s what humanity is. Stuck with our own thoughts. Our own ways. It’s easier to believe when we see proofs of our existence. Choosing to ignore that “faith” is not based on seeing things. Faith is a result of having a knowledge of knowing God first. We can’t challenge that the pepper spray doesn’t have cinnamon because that’s the truth. So, if that’s the truth, why argue?

“He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth. The world cannot receive him, because it isn't looking for him and doesn't recognize him. But you know him, because he lives with you now and later will be in you.” – John 14:17 (NLT)

“Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” – John 14:6 (NIV)

“The LORD is close to all who call on him, yes, to all who call on him in truth.” – Psalm 145:18 (NLT)

“Buy the truth and do not sell it; get wisdom, discipline and understanding.” – Proverbs 23:23 (NIV)

“For you are the children of your father the devil, and you love to do the evil things he does. He was a murderer from the beginning. He has always hated the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies.” – John 8:44 (NLT)