I'm Not Backing Down

Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. – Proverbs 3:3 (NIV)

I saw her again…Down on the ground. Shaking uncontrollably. Breathing rapidly. Shallow breaths. The day before, she was not feeling well from the heat when she played out in the hot Rec yard in her unit for over an hour. Giving her plenty of cold water to drink, she got up and uttered that she didn’t want to bother any doctor or nurses. She was feeling alright. But bother staff??? She did… Many times. She was becoming well-known to staff because of her different medical emergencies. Except… Some were not truly urgent in nature.

Like that time…I knew she wanted attention. I had already addressed her possible mental health issue the day prior and had referred her to the prison’s Mental Health Services.

“Sit up! I know you can!” my voice filled that tiny cell as her head shook and her arms tried to flail.

She sat up immediately and the action confirmed that she wanted attention. To which, her manipulative behavior was becoming irritable to the unit’s deputy. The deputy’s  eyebrows arched as she glued her eyes on her with anger.

“Do you want to hurt yourself?” she yelled loudly.

“No! You don’t know what I have gone through!” the inmate replied back, remembering she hasn’t been shaking her arms and when she saw me observing her, tried to shake her upper extremities harder.

“Well, I’m gonna’ put you on Suicide Watch!” the deputy yelled even louder.

I tried to catch the deputy’s stare and once we locked our eyes, I motioned for her to get out of the cell. My non-verbal cue suggested I wanted to speak with her. Alone…Away from the manipulative inmate.

“You can’t put her on Suicide Watch!” I cautioned. Her angry stare at the inmate now staring back at me. The deputy’s lips remained closed. Trying to make me change what I just uttered. I sensed she was fed up with this inmate who always wanted medical attention.

“If her behavior is upsetting, do you have a cell where she can be housed alone?”

“No! My Ad-Segs (individual cells) are full!” she replied quickly, remaining upset with her tone.

Without moving her head anywhere, she said, “Well… then, if you’re not going to put her on Suicide Watch, I’m gonna’ write her up for faking her emergency and that’s the only reason I can separate her from others.”

“But you can’t do that!” I warned.

“Because even though her medical symptoms might not be an emergency, she still has an obvious mental health issue and that’s why she’s doing this. I had already referred her to the Psych Doctor yesterday.” (It was the same deputy who was present when I assessed this inmate that day).

She didn’t say anything. She bobbed her head down a bit only to look up and look me in the eye again. But she knew…I wouldn’t back down on my decisions that would not support what she wanted to happen. I wouldn’t. Because that was the right thing to do.

“Tell you what…”I kept looking through her dark, brown eyes…

“I’ll come back and try to get an order for medication to help her calm down until the Psych Doctor sees her tomorrow. I’ll tell the Charge Nurse so she can be the priority in the morning to be seen.”

She remained silent. A mixed feeling I was sure. Of unbelief that I wouldn’t back her up with her decisions and relief there was a solution to keep that inmate quiet and calm.

I told the Charge Nurse what happened so she could be aware of the struggle I had to go through. Not so much with the inmate. But of all, with Custody. We should be working together instead of against each other. I went back to that unit and gave 2 small, white pills to which the inmate was grateful for. Grateful because her attention-seeking won. But she didn’t know. What would be coming. When the Psych Doctor would see her, that behavior had to stop.

“Thank you!” I heard a soft voice coming from a female deputy whose back was turned as she typed something on the computer’s keyboard in a far corner as I was heading out.

“You’re welcome!” I responded and gave her a smile. I knew. She would remember me.

Not for the quick response to her radio call for medical assistance…Not for calling the doctor to get an order for some calming medication. Not for going back to her unit just to medicate the inmate.

She would remember me…For going against wrong decisions.  For standing up for what was right…

And so it must be with our Christian walks. May our loyalty to God not be like clouds nor the morning dew that dissipate early. For God delights in one’s loyalty. We are given His truth so we must stand for what we believe in. His truth! For loyalty to God weighs more than our sacrifices.It is not always easy. But by His grace...Only by God's grace...

Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God's righteousness.
- Ephesians 6:14 (NLT)

So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable. Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless.- 1 Corinthians 15:58 (NLT)
All posts/composed songs copyright by RCUBEs.


The Attacker (5/15/09)

The sun was just peeking from the Eastern skies. Ephesians 6:12 [37 kb]

Out in the prison’s yard, some huge Sheriff’s buses were illuminated by the soft glow coming from the lights all over from the tall lamp posts. Their engines were turned on, warming up, before the buses would take the inmates to the different courts where they would have their trials.

Orange-uniformed men were lined up in pairs, joined together with handcuffs and chained, forming a long line. They already had their breakfast and had their morning medications prior to going to courts. Some were fidgeting, as they waited to board those buses.

All of a sudden, all hell broke loose! Two men were engaged in a fight, using weapons they made secretly for a while. Deputies called for help on the radio, both for custody back-up and medical staff, as well.

When the air was cleared and the other inmates were secured, one man was down on the floor. He sustained multiple gashes but two of them were deep. One cut was vertically etched from his left ear going down to the jaw line. The other dangerous cut was horizontal on his left neck, close to the jugular vein. Pool of blood dripped all over the floor. Holding his bleeding neck, he was pointing at the other inmate few feet away, being guarded by the other deputies.

The other man being accused was not hurt. There were no lacerations nor any other signs of trauma. He was obviously very agitated as he was being questioned by those deputies, while the medical staff started treating the other man on the floor. They cleaned the wounds and controlled the bleeding. That man was sent to the nearby hospital.

When the investigation was finalized, it turned out to be that the “downed man who was accusing the other inmate” was the attacker and the other one who didn’t have injury was the one attacked. The deputies found out that it was the second attempt to attack the unhurt man. Both attacks on him failed. He was well-prepared after the first attempt on him, that when the second attempt was done, he was able to defend himself and ended up injuring his attacker severely.

[Source: NLT Bible ]:

We also have an “accuser of the brethren.” Satan and his army of demons are the enemies of God and of everything good.

“Because God’s children are human beings – made of flesh and blood – Jesus also became flesh and blood by being born in human form. For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the Devil, who had the power of death.” –Hebrews 2:14

Because of what Jesus had done [dying on the cross], we, who live in constant fear of death shouldn’t be afraid anymore. Jesus had freed us from that fear so we can live for Him. When we belong to God, we know that death is only the portal that leads into “eternal life”. [“Thank You Lord!].

Paul warned us, too that we also battle against the evil forces of Satan, who is a vicious fighter. But to be able to withstand their attacks, we must depend on God’s strength and use every piece of His armor. We face an army whose goal is to defeat Christ’s church. When we believe in Christ, they become our enemies. They will try any device to turn us away from the Lord.

Fear not! For God has provided His supernatural power to defeat Satan and his army, through His Holy Spirit within us. So, arm yourselves with God’s armor.

Let us be strong in the Lord's mighty power. Let's put on His whole armor to resist the enemy's attacks: put on the sturdy belt of truth and the body armor of God's righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News, so that we are well-prepared. We will need faith in every battle as our shield to stop the fiery arrows aimed by Satan and his army. Let us put on salvation as our helmet, not forgetting the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. Let's pray at all times, on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit. We must stay alert and be persistent in our prayers for all Christians everywhere. [Ephesians 6:10-18].