“God whispers in our pleasures, but shouts in our pain.” - C.S.Lewis
“But I don’t like to do this! I have told everyone here that I’m not diabetic! I’m not on meds! I’m not on anything!” uttered this obviously upset female inmate. When her turn came to do her blood sugar check, she started going off, while the others before her were efficient in doing their own and receiving the morning insulin doses and sat right back to the chairs in the waiting area.
I didn’t expect that from her. I had seen her before as I always tried to help the LVN’s do the morning accuchecks on the female side. So they could just concentrate on the male side, being that there was a big number. I didn’t want our attention distracted, much more so with the Infirmary Deputy, that I always volunteered to take care of the female diabetics.
She continued to complain and whine loudly, as if I had caused her all the troubles. I wasn’t saying anything the whole time and just let her do the ranting at the beginning. The big glass partition window, almost fogging up with her breath of anger every second that passed by. Almost out of breath and breathing fires through her nostrils, she smeared the Accucheck machine with her blood.
“That’s not the first time she did that, Ma’am!” whispered one disgusted inmate. The rest who saw what she had done did not want to use the same machine fearing they might catch something from the blood-smeared tiny machine.
“Listen to me!” I spoke with a slightly higher tone of voice and didn’t allow her to cut me off the entire time, as I waved at the nearby deputy, giving her a signal that I got it and did not need her help at that time yet.
“You don’t have to come here screaming at the top of your lungs when the nursing staff is just trying to help you. We won’t force you to do your accuchecks if that’s what you want. When you first came in here at this jail, your sugar was way high, that’s why the nurse who saw you started this to monitor you.”
“Here!” I continued, “Just sign this piece of paper and you won’t need to come down here and act this way, smearing our machine with your blood, when you know many use this. As long as you’re aware that we’re not going to be responsible if anything happens with you when your blood sugar either goes way high or way low, then, just sign this. Even up to the point of death as a consequence since we wouldn‘t be able to check your blood sugar!”
She was visibly wanting to interrupt me but something held her back. At that time, I wearily remained quiet but constantly looked at her eye to eye. She tried to avoid my eye contact. She paused. Smokes stopped coming out of her nostrils by that time. She must have started weighing in the word “consequence” when I said it loudly. She got quiet and proceeded to do her accucheck anyway. I had heard, she came with the rest of the group, day to day ever since.
I wonder how many times I ranted in front of Him. Of the way I like to run things in my life when obviously He’s the only One Who has the control. Why doesn’t it sink in sometimes? And every time I reach the limit and try to meet Him and question Him, He doesn’t come with a roaring Voice. He never meets me with any surprises. He remains quiet most of the time. But in that silence, that’s how I know He’s there. He’s giving me that opportunity to be quiet myself. To learn to be still. To be able to listen. To be able to trust. To be able to believe. So I can know more things about Him. He lets me think over what “consequences” will happen if I don’t go His way. He lets me think things through. That just because I think I’m right doesn’t mean I am. He knows best…And I know being my loving heavenly Father, He always wants the best for His children. Even if it would hurt at times. Yes…in that silence, in that quiet place, that’s where I feel His presence the most. And He's inviting all to "Listen to Me!"
“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.” ~ John 10:27
You gotta see it before you can be it
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