My Heart's Deeper Wounds

“God never uses a person greatly until He has wounded him deeply.The privilege He offers you is greater than the price you have to pay.  The privilege is greater than the price.
~ Helen Roosevere, April 13, 1993

I searched for more areas in my heart that bled. This process had been becoming more common since being involved in a huge battle at work, with some people desiring to cease my career as a Correctional Nurse using the power they were in. Lies upon lies were poured out in front of me, accusing me of my own inability when it never prevented me from performing my tasks for so many years.

I found one…I quickly opened the Kit (Bible) and tried to find the best suiting remedy to soothe the searing pain I felt upon seeing that cut. And how I was impatient! Carefully, I read the Instruction in a rush and then, I slowed down and let every letter coat that pain.

“Can any of the worthless foreign gods send us rain? Does it fall from the sky by itself? No, you are the one, O LORD our God! Only you can do such things. So we will wait for you to help us.”
– Jeremiah 14:22 (NLT)

And how my heart struggled to not be soaked in this right dose, begging for His answer to come quick!

As my heart was still trying to avoid that needed dose for its wound to be exposed then be healed, another part showed up: “anger”… I was not worried at all with whatever outcome this battle would produce. I was becoming more upset with the unfair treatments, the bias, the discriminating actions or words I heard over and over, not only for me, but for those who had left long time ago…

“Nurse G. might quit…She applied for another facility and she is going to move there,” one co-worker called me and informed me the other day.

Nurse G. and I had shared so many frustrations when I was still going to work and she found out about the mistreatments I had been receiving from the same people who plagued her with same dilemma.

“That’s sad. I am sad because she said she was going to fight but I understand, too. It is quite tiring and it is a long process. It seems it’s easier to just quit,” I replied.

“Ouch! What was that?” I looked and saw that part of my heart pulsing with more “anger.” The opened Kit in plain sight directed my vision to what cure it needed.

“People with understanding control their anger; a hot temper shows great foolishness.”
– Proverbs 14:29 (NLT)

I was barely done reading that verse and another one showed up, as if an invisible Finger kept pointing at another remedy for me to choose:

19 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. 20 Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. 21 So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls.” – James 1:19-21 (NLT)

“Aww..." a soft cry emanated from deep within me, realizing the truth that exposed more of my heart's core...

I closed the Kit not in protest but I knew I had enough treatment for the day of my heart’s deeper wounds. The pain that I thought came from those evil intentions from work was not true. The pain came from His truth…His Word! It is taking away the areas in my heart that needed to be removed. No wonder it hurts! And I must let it shape my life and the only way to do that is to allow His Word to reveal who I am and what I’m not. 

“For the Word of God is full of living power. It is sharper than the sharpest knife, cutting deep into our innermost thoughts and desires. It exposes us for what we really are.” – Hebrews 4:12 (NLT)
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The Attacker (5/15/09)

The sun was just peeking from the Eastern skies. Ephesians 6:12 [37 kb]

Out in the prison’s yard, some huge Sheriff’s buses were illuminated by the soft glow coming from the lights all over from the tall lamp posts. Their engines were turned on, warming up, before the buses would take the inmates to the different courts where they would have their trials.

Orange-uniformed men were lined up in pairs, joined together with handcuffs and chained, forming a long line. They already had their breakfast and had their morning medications prior to going to courts. Some were fidgeting, as they waited to board those buses.

All of a sudden, all hell broke loose! Two men were engaged in a fight, using weapons they made secretly for a while. Deputies called for help on the radio, both for custody back-up and medical staff, as well.

When the air was cleared and the other inmates were secured, one man was down on the floor. He sustained multiple gashes but two of them were deep. One cut was vertically etched from his left ear going down to the jaw line. The other dangerous cut was horizontal on his left neck, close to the jugular vein. Pool of blood dripped all over the floor. Holding his bleeding neck, he was pointing at the other inmate few feet away, being guarded by the other deputies.

The other man being accused was not hurt. There were no lacerations nor any other signs of trauma. He was obviously very agitated as he was being questioned by those deputies, while the medical staff started treating the other man on the floor. They cleaned the wounds and controlled the bleeding. That man was sent to the nearby hospital.

When the investigation was finalized, it turned out to be that the “downed man who was accusing the other inmate” was the attacker and the other one who didn’t have injury was the one attacked. The deputies found out that it was the second attempt to attack the unhurt man. Both attacks on him failed. He was well-prepared after the first attempt on him, that when the second attempt was done, he was able to defend himself and ended up injuring his attacker severely.

[Source: NLT Bible ]:

We also have an “accuser of the brethren.” Satan and his army of demons are the enemies of God and of everything good.

“Because God’s children are human beings – made of flesh and blood – Jesus also became flesh and blood by being born in human form. For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the Devil, who had the power of death.” –Hebrews 2:14

Because of what Jesus had done [dying on the cross], we, who live in constant fear of death shouldn’t be afraid anymore. Jesus had freed us from that fear so we can live for Him. When we belong to God, we know that death is only the portal that leads into “eternal life”. [“Thank You Lord!].

Paul warned us, too that we also battle against the evil forces of Satan, who is a vicious fighter. But to be able to withstand their attacks, we must depend on God’s strength and use every piece of His armor. We face an army whose goal is to defeat Christ’s church. When we believe in Christ, they become our enemies. They will try any device to turn us away from the Lord.

Fear not! For God has provided His supernatural power to defeat Satan and his army, through His Holy Spirit within us. So, arm yourselves with God’s armor.

Let us be strong in the Lord's mighty power. Let's put on His whole armor to resist the enemy's attacks: put on the sturdy belt of truth and the body armor of God's righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News, so that we are well-prepared. We will need faith in every battle as our shield to stop the fiery arrows aimed by Satan and his army. Let us put on salvation as our helmet, not forgetting the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. Let's pray at all times, on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit. We must stay alert and be persistent in our prayers for all Christians everywhere. [Ephesians 6:10-18].