My Heart's Deeper Wounds

“God never uses a person greatly until He has wounded him deeply.The privilege He offers you is greater than the price you have to pay.  The privilege is greater than the price.
~ Helen Roosevere, April 13, 1993

I searched for more areas in my heart that bled. This process had been becoming more common since being involved in a huge battle at work, with some people desiring to cease my career as a Correctional Nurse using the power they were in. Lies upon lies were poured out in front of me, accusing me of my own inability when it never prevented me from performing my tasks for so many years.

I found one…I quickly opened the Kit (Bible) and tried to find the best suiting remedy to soothe the searing pain I felt upon seeing that cut. And how I was impatient! Carefully, I read the Instruction in a rush and then, I slowed down and let every letter coat that pain.

“Can any of the worthless foreign gods send us rain? Does it fall from the sky by itself? No, you are the one, O LORD our God! Only you can do such things. So we will wait for you to help us.”
– Jeremiah 14:22 (NLT)

And how my heart struggled to not be soaked in this right dose, begging for His answer to come quick!

As my heart was still trying to avoid that needed dose for its wound to be exposed then be healed, another part showed up: “anger”… I was not worried at all with whatever outcome this battle would produce. I was becoming more upset with the unfair treatments, the bias, the discriminating actions or words I heard over and over, not only for me, but for those who had left long time ago…

“Nurse G. might quit…She applied for another facility and she is going to move there,” one co-worker called me and informed me the other day.

Nurse G. and I had shared so many frustrations when I was still going to work and she found out about the mistreatments I had been receiving from the same people who plagued her with same dilemma.

“That’s sad. I am sad because she said she was going to fight but I understand, too. It is quite tiring and it is a long process. It seems it’s easier to just quit,” I replied.

“Ouch! What was that?” I looked and saw that part of my heart pulsing with more “anger.” The opened Kit in plain sight directed my vision to what cure it needed.

“People with understanding control their anger; a hot temper shows great foolishness.”
– Proverbs 14:29 (NLT)

I was barely done reading that verse and another one showed up, as if an invisible Finger kept pointing at another remedy for me to choose:

19 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. 20 Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. 21 So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls.” – James 1:19-21 (NLT)

“Aww..." a soft cry emanated from deep within me, realizing the truth that exposed more of my heart's core...

I closed the Kit not in protest but I knew I had enough treatment for the day of my heart’s deeper wounds. The pain that I thought came from those evil intentions from work was not true. The pain came from His truth…His Word! It is taking away the areas in my heart that needed to be removed. No wonder it hurts! And I must let it shape my life and the only way to do that is to allow His Word to reveal who I am and what I’m not. 

“For the Word of God is full of living power. It is sharper than the sharpest knife, cutting deep into our innermost thoughts and desires. It exposes us for what we really are.” – Hebrews 4:12 (NLT)
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