How Long Oh Lord?

“ ¹ How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever?
   How long will you hide your face from me?
² How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
   and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
   How long will my enemy triumph over me?” – Psalm 13:1,2 (NIV)

“Stop talking! Just relax!”

Panting slightly, she pursed her lips and let out some rapid breaths. The nasal cannula in her nostrils delivering 2 liters of oxygen per minute aided a bit. I kept observing a foot away from where this middle-aged inmate was sitting. A nurse had previously seen and treated her already for her chest pain.

“How much longer Nurse? I’m feeling okay now.”

Dialing the nearby phone, I verified with the Charge Nurse and asked about the Estimate Time of Arrival of the ambulance.

“Soon….Just be patient.”

Excitingly, she started again telling me about her family history of how she, being the oldest among 5 sisters was the only one alive and her dad, being 82, was so youthful for his age.

“Wooo….I’m so excited that it’s getting hard to breathe…”

“Stop talking! I told you, just relax…”

Breathing in through her nose, I coaxed her to slow down and savor the oxygen going through her nostrils. She appeared calmer. Her white hair strewn in disarray and the lines on her made her look older for the stated age. She had been using heroin for 30 something years, she told me. The use of injected drugs made our IV starts difficult. She knew her working veins well, pointing to me where to land the needle. Without success. The veins and arteries felt hard, so hard that they were scarred because of the long drug use.

“I’m getting tired Nurse. I’m not having chest pain anymore. Oh….How much longer do I have to wait?”

“Just a few more minutes Ma’am. I heard it on the radio, the ambulance just arrived in the yard. You still need to go to the ER to be examined and make sure your heart is okay.”

I felt like that inmate, too, being impatient with the outcome of my battle that started in December 2010. While my enemies laughed at me and continue to harass me, I remained silent as this was not the proper time to speak up. I felt tired. I felt weak. I had been having pains from all the wounds those people had been inflicting me with. But I knew from the start, it would be Jesus Who would carry me through. I was never afraid of them because I knew I didn’t do anything wrong. They were just plain abusive of the power given to them that they thought they could do anything they wanted to do on a certain person. Like me. But victory was won! Long time ago! Victory that was given to me as He poured His love on my heart and brought me to a place of abundance. I needed to learn to relax. I needed to be patient. Everything happens for a purpose and I must trust on His timetable not mine. Forgive me Oh Lord.

^“3 Look on me and answer, LORD my God.
   Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
⁴ and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
   and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
 ⁵ But I trust in your unfailing love;
   my heart rejoices in your salvation.
⁶ I will sing the LORD’s praise,
   for he has been good to me.” – Psalm 13:3-6 (NIV)

How Long Oh Lord (Psalm 13)
Robert Barham Music Psalms


Consider, and answer me my Lord.
Re-store my strength; don't leave me here to die.
I know that you've been good to me,
I know that you will rescue me,
So please, answer me my Lord.

I've trusted in your steadfast love,
My heart will rejoice in Thy salvation,
I find these times so hard to bear,
I need you Lord to hear my prayer,
So please, answer me my Lord.

How long Oh Lord? Will you hide your face from me forever?
How long must I bear this pain in my soul?
How long Oh Lord? Will my enemies prevail forever?
How long till I see the light of your love?

I've trusted in your steadfast love,
My heart will rejoice in Thy salvation.
I find these times so hard to bear,
I need you Lord to hear my prayer,
So please, answer me my Lord.

How long Oh Lord? Will you hide you face from me forever?
How long must I bear this pain in my soul?
How long Oh Lord? Will my enemies prevail forever?
How long till I see the light of your love?
How long till I see the light of your love?