Just Because

For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes, and he is the one to whom we are accountable. – Hebrews 4:12-13 (NLT)

I woke up from a short nap as the late afternoon’s sun was still baking the back of our house. My mind wandered right away to what had transpired at work the last two nights. As the supervisor was away and on a vacation, her seat being taken over by two, newer nurses. One with correctional nursing background, the latter a new grad who was assigned that Saturday night as the other one called off. Sadness and the feeling of being fed up with purposeless conversations or actions among the staff cut deep into my heart on those past, two nights.

Pressing the power button to warm up a bowl of what my husband made for lunch for my late meal, I told him about the heavy feeling I had. I knew he sympathized with me all the time. As it was the same for his work. We knew the toughness that came in working for these kinds of careers. We knew the dangers. But we also both loved it and felt the calling in our hearts during those times of our transitions from our old jobs. Him from the military to a federal agency. Mine from orthopedic floor in a big hospital to correctional setting.
Many years passed as we both learned and discovered the ills. Not only with the criminals we dealt with. But sadly, inside our own work environment. Our department. The polished image outside didn’t necessarily matched what was going on inside. 

I chose not to be intimidated by that kind of power when I had to go against some powerful people myself. It might have seemed I was defeated. But in my spiritual state, I won. God always gave me ways to save me. He rescued me every time. Working less hours as their punishment to demote me to a per diem position became a winning advantage on my part. Their own penalty went against them when they couldn’t force me anymore to work in whatever shifts they wanted me to. Whatever hours they wanted me to. Because as a per diem, I had the choice to put in my availability. On my own terms. Well…God-given terms.

Friday night was very busy. But the three of us made it through that storm. On Saturday night, the Charge Nurse on Friday night called in sick. I sensed he might. He looked so weary that morning we all parted. Saturday night was a different story. Lots of mingling and conversations about “clubs”, about relationships and other vain things. As I watched the hands of the clock moved so slowly. And tried spending my time helping the medical secretary prepared the charts for the sick calls for Sunday morning. I could sense the abrupt “shush” when I would go back to my seat where they were gathered, talking all night long. Laughing all night long. But working in this environment for 14 years, I already developed a thick skin and deaf ears and blind eyes. 

Some of their topics were uncomfortable to my operated heart. I chose not to join. It wasn’t easy. I felt like a surfer going with those other ones toward the waves. Against the flow. Then, only a handful made it, catching the big wave that brought glory back to shore. I wanted to always be a part of that “few handful”. 

The supervisor was away and people under her wanted to do what they wanted to do. Jesus was away and people wanted to do what they wanted to do. A lot never believed in Him and what He had done on the cross. But I chose to trust in Him. Just because…

God’s promise of entering his rest still stands, so we ought to tremble with fear that some of you might fail to experience it. For this good news—that God has prepared this rest—has been announced to us just as it was to them. But it did them no good because they didn’t share the faith of those who listened to God. For only we who believe can enter his rest. As for the others, God said,
“In my anger I took an oath:
    ‘They will never enter my place of rest,’”
Even though this rest has been ready since he made the world. We know it is ready because of the place in the Scriptures where it mentions the seventh day: “On the seventh day God rested from all his work.”But in the other passage God said, “They will never enter my place of rest.”
So God’s rest is there for people to enter, but those who first heard this good news failed to enter because they disobeyed God. So God set another time for entering his rest, and that time is today. God announced this through David much later in the words already quoted:
“Today when you hear his voice,
    don’t harden your hearts.” – Hebrews 4:1-7 (NLT)

I took my first bite and realized something… The heaviness wasn’t coming anymore from what was going on at work. The pain came from knowing how hard it was and would be. To make that decision to follow Christ. To choose to do the right thing no matter what. 

That is the true battle I face. Each day. No matter where I am. The worldly things against that of God’s. One thing is for sure…

No matter how badly wounded I get, God is always there to welcome me. Reassure me. Strengthen me. Increase my wisdom with His knowledge and grace. He continues to transform and operates on my heart which will hurt more. Because He is setting me apart. Away from sins that imprisoned me before. He called me to His freedom. His Word truly cuts deeper than what a man can do to me. To make a new me. Who will hunger for Him and His place. The place where rest is eternal.

Lord, please help me...To always go against the flow...And to bring YOUR glory back Home...Thank You Lord.
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