I heard a familiar voice whose footsteps walked in silently into the Infirmary. Not greeting anyone of us. The figure went directly to the Charge Nurse’s desk and asked something about an inmate. Her ebony hair I had seen before. Brushed up and gathered in a ponytail the way I had seen it first. She glanced at my direction by the computer as I also looked at her at the same time. I smiled at her. She just looked back at the Charge Nurse who wasn’t even looking at her, looking down on some paper works on her desk. She never looked at my direction again. But I sensed. She remembered me. And she couldn't look at my direction.
She was one of those sitting in higher positions who gave me a hard time regarding my position as a Correctional Nurse. She must have heard a lot of “hear-says” from others like the supervisors where I usually worked and agreed with their decisions. Though she didn't know about me. They wanted me to quit though I had not done anything wrong. They accused me of lies that were unfounded.
Much later, I heard…that she was our Lieutenant now. I didn’t know. She got promoted from being a Sergeant when she first dealt with me. Her and the others scarred my heart. With their false accusations. They intimidated me. So I could quit. I faced two choices when that trial occurred:
To become bitter or to remain feeling better.
She must be surprised that I remained working. Getting along well with my co-workers. Thankful that I was still picking up shifts because it was always short of staff. Some of my co-workers knew my struggle with them. I heard so much about her much later. No one liked her. She never said “hello” to deputies even. Maybe a few. And that they perceived her as very arrogant.
Anger wanted to steal the peace and joy residing in my heart that moment I saw her. Bitterness that wanted to establish ground in my heart was testing my will power again if I would let her roots grow.
No!!!
The “waiting period” I had been in, the Lord Jesus turned into good. That was why I stayed joyful. Feeling “better” because of the strength He had given me. Because of the inexhaustible hope He gave me. What those people took away from me, He replaced with immaterial blessings that had far more worth.
Her face showed it all. She didn’t seem happy. She looked very tired. Despite being promoted and earning higher salaries. In this world, that seemed to be a place of fulfillment. When in reality, it would never be.
One’s fulfillment is not measured by what she or he holds in his hands. One’s fulfillment comes from the secure hold on him or her by the Scarred Hands.
As I wait for the outcome of my charge against them, whether I win or lose doesn’t matter anymore. I am just grateful to know the real satisfaction that comes from knowing Jesus. He soothed my scars. He comforted my broken heart. Who better does the healing but Him Who chose to have the scars on His hands because He loved us?
Scars
Words and music by Ray Boltz
I heard Him call my name
He said I've come to save you
But I was so ashamed
I turned to walk away
He reached out His hand
And said I have something to show you
And what I saw changed my life that day
CHORUS:
I saw His scars
No He didn't try to hide them
He said, Come and look inside them
They are a window to my heart
And don't forget I love you
Just the way you are
I knew it must be true
I saw His scars
I said Lord my scars are deep
And I don't want You to see them
So many of them were caused
By things I chose to do
He said, Look again
At the ones that I am wearing
Don't you know I chose these scars too?
CHORUS
And one day in Heaven
When we are on our knees
We'll look up at Jesus
And I believe we'll see
We'll see His scars
No, He will not try to hide them
He'll say, Come and look inside them
They're a window to my heart
And don't forget I love you
Just the way you are
And we'll know that it's true
We'll see His scars
We'll see His scars
No He will not try to hide them
He'll say, Come and look inside them
They're a window to my heart
And don't forget I love you
Just the way you are
Oh we'll know that it's true
Because He died for me and you
Oh we'll know that it's true
We'll see His scars
