Like Eagles

“How could this be?” I thought to myself as I kept clicking the mouse, trying to find something I could do from some lists in the computer monitor while being on a leave. I don’t like to waste time. I want to be productive.

Sadness pierced my wounded heart. All I wanted was to perform my job every night (for 11 years) I was scheduled to work, without complaining, helping others if needed. While some lulled into light sleep or just not picked up anything to help the whole crew out.

I was the one being punished even if I didn’t do anything wrong but to place a needed request since the schedules for night nurses was changed by a new manager. I tumbled but by God’s grace, my feet were not caught by many snares placed in my path. Traps that were set up by people who held higher positions and were determined to destroy my hope.

I am tired. I want to fight but there are times doubt creeps in. Doubt that I can ever overcome because the process is just too long. Deep inside, I know that thinking is a lie. A big lie. I know that I am being taught to persevere. To endure. To remain trusting. After all, if we know the truth, there is no reason to explain it. We just go for it and never oppose it. His Word. True promises that in His perfect time will help me rise above this difficulty I’m in. God, please help me endure.

“But those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” – Isaiah 40:31 (NLT)

Coffee!!! Anyone?

Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend.”  ~Author Unknown

I am a “coffee” type of person. Each morning starts with brewing some and I just love the aroma that spills into all the corners of our kitchen. I try to make a lot with some to “go” inside the vacuum-packed slim container my husband totes with him everyday to work.

Some days, I like to use my old cup. Other times find me reaching for a tall, brown cup and I remembered my brother teasing me one time he was here as a guest how big my cup was as if it amounted to one big pot. Many years later as I thought about that memory, it is not really about the cup. I remembered the loving, fun times I had with my brother and his family as we talked about many life’s losses and trials…Over some cups of coffee. Not the cup…

Truly, we can all learn from this concoction, being perfected and served in many ways. With cream or no cream. Sweetened or not. Hot or iced. Served for breakfast or after a meal. Some people think of it as something that helps them to be alert. Others swear they are not really affected by it and can easily get their “zzz’s” in no time.

As I learn to continue to endure during this “waiting period” in my life’s journey, the more I enjoy my morning cup of joe’s as I take my time to savor each treasured sip. Sitting in my favorite corner of our sofa in the family room, I start my day with it knowing it makes me alert. I need to be alert as I dive into the richness of His Word. Every morning. Like that aromatic scent from the freshly-brewed ground beans, He is calling me us daily to be alert and drink from the cup received with thanksgiving.

“Wake up, Jerusalem!
      Wake up! Get up!
   The Lord has handed you the cup of his burning anger.
      And you have drunk from it.
   That cup makes men unsteady on their feet.
      And you have drunk from it to the very last drop.” – Isaiah 51:17 (NIV)

Coffee…God’s grace….Everyone needs to drink it in order for him or her to have something to hold firmly in their hands and sip the brew that soothes one’s lips with peace, security and contentment in stressful times.

16For God so greatly loved and dearly prized the world that He [even] gave up His only begotten ([a]unique) Son, so that whoever believes in (trusts in, clings to, relies on) Him shall not perish (come to destruction, be lost) but have eternal (everlasting) life. – John 3:16 (Amplified Bible)

Coffee!!! Anyone???

Sipping my coffee as I type this post

Jesus, My Healer

 Waiting prior to my meeting with some people at work determined to paralyze me

Psalm 140 (NLT)

1 O Lord, rescue me from evil people.
      Protect me from those who are violent,
 2 those who plot evil in their hearts
      and stir up trouble all day long.
 3 Their tongues sting like a snake;
      the venom of a viper drips from their lips.
 4 O Lord, keep me out of the hands of the wicked.
      Protect me from those who are violent,
      for they are plotting against me.
 5 The proud have set a trap to catch me;
      they have stretched out a net;
      they have placed traps all along the way.
 6 I said to the Lord, “You are my God!”
      Listen, O Lord, to my cries for mercy!
 7 O Sovereign Lord, the strong one who rescued me,
      you protected me on the day of battle.
 8 Lord, do not let evil people have their way.
      Do not let their evil schemes succeed,
      or they will become proud.
 9 Let my enemies be destroyed
      by the very evil they have planned for me.
 10 Let burning coals fall down on their heads.
      Let them be thrown into the fire
      or into watery pits from which they can’t escape.
 11 Don’t let liars prosper here in our land.
      Cause great disasters to fall on the violent.
 12 But I know the Lord will help those they persecute;
      he will give justice to the poor.
 13 Surely righteous people are praising your name;
      the godly will live in your presence.

Yes, I was paralyzed before...But Someone had told me to "Get up and walk!!!" ....Jesus...

Injustice To Justice

“It is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope.” – Robert Francis Kennedy

Being put on a forced leave did not worry me a bit. However, I miss my work, the stuff I used to do behind the prison walls. I missed some of my co-workers who I discerned to be truly caring. I miss assessing and prioritizing when it comes to the needs of the inmates seeking medical treatments. I miss reading and applying the orders of doctors from our medical and mental department and enter them in the computer.

Since my battle began against some people who were sitting in higher positions, I was never afraid. I knew I had no option but to face them. At first, I didn’t know why, but now as I learned to wait and endure, I was even glad that it did happen. Despite the injustices I was being treated with, I knew that those people and I needed to learn something from these evil intentions and acts.

Waiting is hard but it is always present in any trials we encounter. It seems to give us time to reflect on what and what we must not do or say. I’m grateful that God’s timetable is not the same of this world’s.

“But you must not forget this one thing, dear friends: A day is like a thousand years to the Lord, and a thousand years is like a day.” – 2 Peter 3:8 (NLT)

“I think I have all the info’s I need for now,” remarked the person on the other line.

“Thank you for calling me back so soon,” I replied.

The moment this battle began, it drove me to His feet. I gave it all to Him Who promised for us to give all of our cares to Him for He cares for us. But I know that I must confront this injustice at the same time. I know I must face this “what they thought would make me afraid” selfish acts. Yesterday was one of those steps I took to defend myself...But I am not angry anymore. I know that once, I was foolish like them. I know I was selfish like them. I desired none but the world’s riches. Money, Power, Prestige, Etc…Riches that cannot be brought to His world…

In His perfect time, all these lies would be exposed under His light. In His perfect time, this story would be told for His glory. For now, I know deep in my heart, God is working behind the scene to bring this injustice to justice. He is after all, God of justice.

My Shield

“3 But you, O Lord, are a shield around me;
      you are my glory, the one who holds my head high.” – Psalm 3:3 (NLT)

I played and heard each message I recorded over and over again. The voice that seemed so sweet from each message was not the same in person. Her advices that seemed full of hope were in reality void and deceptive. I never believed her and the others in the first place the moment my battle with them began.

They thought by outnumbering me, I would be easily defeated. The case kept being dragged on from making it appear that they were doing something for me but in reality, they were not allowing to have any options.

They were puzzled every time we met in a well-choreographed conference. They thought I was alone that they could say what they wanted to say to intimidate me, scare me, and to harass me. They were frustrated not to know what my actions would be for I never spoke but only at the proper time. I was never alone. He was with me. I was not hurting anymore with all their wrongful accusations and lies being hurled at me. With every hurt they caused me and every wound in my heart they created, He healed me immediately. With every tear I secretly shed, He was there to wipe every bead and comforted me. With their deception, He proved how faithful He’s always been. With their intention to kill my career as if it was on their hands, they didn’t know it was Him Who placed me in the prison in the first place after I got hurt working in a hospital.

They were confident that because they had done it many times against many workers who didn’t choose to fight back, that they would do the same act against me without any trace. But Someone had been watching this shameful act from the beginning! He provided me with His weapons right away. And now, because of His strength I had been more than willing to fight back. I was never afraid knowing I have the Best Back Up. But at the same time, He warned me not to rejoice in my already known victory! He wanted me to show compassion on them the way He did for humanity. He wanted me to throw love for every evil deed that was done. He wanted me to forgive no matter how hard…because He forgave me.

I heard the last message. I sighed…The very same words hurled at me would be thrown back to them at His perfect time. I was ready when they started their plans to paralyze and kill me. My question was: “Would they be ready when I play these same messages at the right time?”  Do they have anyone or anything to defend their accusations? I don’t desire only to win my case. I know I’m already a winner because of Him. But I desire to throw the sWORD and pierced their calloused hearts.

In our lives, it is not the wounds or the storms of life that can hurt or kill us. It is the way we react and respond to them. We must not be afraid if you know that you have fully trusted and believe in Jesus. He is our protector. He is my Shield. He is Our Shield.

A Servant Attitude

“2 Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.
 3 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.
Photo Credit
 5 You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.” –Philippians 2:5-8 (NLT)

Four of them against one in this planned, mandatory tryst…That one was “me”…That was my second meeting with them except one person got changed, a move I discerned to be dodging from being blamed much later. They laid out their plans. I was calm and prepared. They spoke so many words. They were all empty and void.

They did not know. I had a meeting prior to that. In tears, I consulted His advice. I was comforted. I was reminded not to be thinking nor acting the way they would. I was strengthened even more with what I perceived as inability, He promised He would enable me.

They were flustered when I spoke and they tried to cut off what I was saying. They knew truth would hurt but they chose to ignore it. I was not afraid knowing I was not alone and I was only speaking of the truth. They chose to continue to follow their evil ways and with the power they had, they were certain they took the right route in dealing with my case.

This morning as I was consulting the Best Advocate again, this word came to mind: “HUMILITY…”

Sadness came swiftly in my mind and heart. This world seemed to not like that. For some, humility meant defeat. But not in God’s place. He opposes the “proud.” He sent Jesus Who set the example of being submissive in everything and of serving God and others. He didn’t act like He was “a big thing.” He clothed Himself with humility and came as a Servant.

At this tough time I’m going through, I am being taught to become more patient. I am being taught that there is nothing wrong about being a “servant.” I may not have the power those oppressive people have but I don’t desire their ways. I desire that of God’s. God is teaching me to learn to wait. If I did before, then, wait some more on His perfect timing. With the power that comes from Him, it’s all worth the wait.

God wants us to serve. It’s easy to choose who to serve and to be a servant. But the sad part is when we put a stress on what we should or shouldn’t do without any concern for the inner condition of our hearts. Without an inward change, our walk is empty and shallow.

Those people in power are in great positions to serve. But they set their own rules. They are consumed with self-reliance and have no regard with others’ needs. Please help me pray for them that they may know God’s love and grace. Please help me pray for them that they will recognize that power and position is only a gift of God and that they will use that to serve God, not themselves.

Please pray for me that this “inner change” will start with me. Thank you for your continued encouragement and prayers. I know that our suffering will never compare to what Jesus had gone through. We must remember He suffered first before He was lifted up.  The cross came first before the crown. I know we all long for that day where there is no more pain, no more rejection, no more suffering. We must keep that longing because that will always remind us that we are all strangers or aliens in this world.

I have shared this song before but it truly blesses me that I always listen to it. As you come and share with my heart’s pain, I would rather have you be leaving encouraged and be reminded how important it is with God that we be changed into new and different people. His people. As believers, we have truly been set free by our Lord. Let us use our freedom to live for Him and serve Him. Let us be true servants of God. Let us suffer together for Him.

No Matter What

“2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you.
When you cross rivers, you will not drown.
When you walk through fire, you will not be burned,
nor will the flames hurt you.
3 This is because I, the LORD, am your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” – Isaiah 43:2-3 (NCV)

I was calm when this battle at work started. None of the surprising attacks from those who love to see other people get hurt ever caught me off guard. Out of the many years I had been working behind the prison walls, my spiritual condition was allowed to grow. You see, when I injured my neck in 1997 from a busy Orthopedic ward in a famous hospital, I worried. I thought I wouldn’t be able to do Nursing anymore after a treating physician had advised for me to look for other options, aside Nursing. I let hope slipped away from within me, nurturing anxiety instead of it.

With endless tears I cried out for help. He heard me! In front of a blinking cursor, He guided my hands to type the word “corrections…” And right in front of my eyes, He showed me that He indeed could open doors if everything else had closed in on me. With the background check that usually took months only took a few weeks for me. With renewed confidence, I faced a couple of interviewers who were careful in finding out both of my weaknesses and strengths. Until I had turned the table and asked the Nurse Manager if I could be given a tour inside the prison. She marveled at the brave request I had demanded. She told me none of the previous applicants had ever said that before. She liked the idea because she said that maybe that was the reason why many who were eager at first to start working in the prison, ended up quitting, right on the first day of their work.

To make this story short, I was given that tour. What was beautiful outside was completely opposite from what I saw inside. Heavy metal doors were banging. I heard lots of yelling, either from deputies or disrespectful inmates. Fists were thrown into the air.The Infirmary was busy. Phones were constantly ringing. Mental Health Services were checking their long lists of those needing to be seen and evaluated for their mental problems. Medical doctors, same with Nurses, had their hands full with the sick call they needed to finish that day. I left very uncomfortable after seeing a new workplace that was completely strange for me. I left a little intimidated and scared because none of my Orthopedic skills would apply.

I was barely parking my car into our garage when the phone rang. When I picked it up, it was the Nurse Manager who couldn’t wait for my answer. She offered: “You’re hired! Are you able to start tomorrow?”

How could I say “No” when Someone opened that door for me. Despite the fear of unknown, I knew that was the time that I should place my trust in what He could possibly do for me. The first thing for me to do on my part was to “believe.”

The first three months were tough. I sustained injuries but the kinds that were not seen. Fear... Hopelessness...Intimidation...Doubt...Ridicule...Rejection... My heart was wounded countless times, scarred in different places.

Looking back, now I know I was injured in order for me to learn how to endure. The trials were not about to end. I was to face a bigger battle.It only started. Except I was not afraid anymore, no matter what the outcome. He arms me. He protects me. He guides me. He surrounds me.

Indeed, God gives and God takes away...I must let go of any worry and fear no matter what circumstances I’m in because I do belong to Him. The fact is: it’s not my hold on Him that saves me. It is His. And because of that, I choose to rejoice and praise His Name, no matter what season of life I’m in…Blessed be Your Name Oh Lord!

No Exemption

“5 In your lives you must think and act like Christ Jesus.
6 Christ himself was like God in everything.
But he did not think that being equal with God was something to be used for his own benefit.
7 But he gave up his place with God and made himself nothing.
He was born as a man
and became like a servant.
8 And when he was living as a man,
he humbled himself and was fully obedient to God,
even when that caused his death—death on a cross.
9 So God raised him to the highest place.
God made his name greater than every other name
10 so that every knee will bow to the name of Jesus—
everyone in heaven, on earth, and under the earth.
11 And everyone will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord
and bring glory to God the Father.” – Philippians 2:5-11 (NCV)

“So, how’s Mr. B?” I queried my son who just got home from volunteering in a nearby high school for a couple of hours. He has not seen this particular teacher from middle school and he was eager to volunteer and helped him out in preparing his classroom before the new school year would begin.

“He’s doing well, Mom. It was great to see him and he was so happy to see me and hear about what was up with me and the stuff I had been doing at school. He was asking about you and dad.”

“And…what did you say?”

“I asked him if he could pray for you because Mom, if you didn’t mind, I told him a little about what was going on at your work. I was surprised how quickly he replied that it was illegal. I mean, he doesn’t even work there in the prison.”
“Well, I didn’t mind that you told him and thanks for asking him to pray for me. I certainly need prayers.”

As we ate lunch together, he was so excited to tell me about how his time went with Mr. B. I was glad that they had time spent together today and in prayers, I was grateful for one of God’s greatest blessings in my life: “my child.”

I knew he was very observant of my own life’s struggles. He had been watching me do my steps carefully as I continued to rehearse and perform this dance of life. He knew that perfecting my moves had nothing to do with my own strength knowing how limited we truly were! He witnessed that I was quick to fall down on my knees and in tears, lift up my petitions to the One Who had strong convictions if I had done any wrong steps. He knew I read His instructions daily, as I tried to go against this world’s rules and regulations. My son saw the truth in His Word and the importance of following His commands. He understood that aside from being obedient, He also desired for us, dancers, to seek Him first on top of everything and then…to love others and even our enemies...

Through this greatest rehearsal, others are watching every step and every move…Whether they like our dance or not, what matters is pleasing the One Who is always patient to teach us the right moves!

“I love you, Mom. Thanks for the lunch… Thank You, Lord,” my thoughts interrupted by my son’s gratitude.

I fell many times as I danced. I cried many tears as I went through so much pain. I had been broken but comforted and healed anyway. I knew deep inside, there was no promise for only good, fun times as I chose to dance in this narrow stage. And the crucial thing to know was that bowing down was the first step even prior to my performance. And for those who choose to not listen and do the moves on their own strength, all the things we all do would not matter. To bow down after one’s performance was over might even be too late in God’s sight…For in God’s perfect time, there would not be any exemption.

And all of us will bow down…

Our Song

"Part your heavens, LORD, and come down; touch the mountains, so that they smoke.
6 Send forth lightning and scatter the enemy; shoot your arrows and rout them.
7 Reach down your hand from on high; deliver me and rescue me from the mighty waters,
   from the hands of foreigners
8 whose mouths are full of lies, whose right hands are deceitful.   
Choosing to praise even in the darkest hour
9 I will sing a new song to you, my God;
   on the ten-stringed lyre I will make music to you..."
- Psalm 144:5-9 (NIV)

I wiped a few drops of tears I shed, hidden in the darkness of the night as I kept tossing and turning and sleep was eluding from me.

I missed weaving memories and learning a lot of spiritual lessons from those incarcerated individuals I often treated when they complained of ailments, even if some of them lied about the symptoms.

I am on a hold at this stage of my journey. People seated in power deliberately planned to cease my work. I felt some piercing stabs in my heart as I recalled those events that led into this situation. One’s lack of understanding caused a wave that sent a ripple effect on those other ones who should have been mourning but rather was rejoicing at the expense of others’ fall.

“Singing cheerful songs to a person whose heart is heavy is as bad as stealing someone’s jacket in cold weather or rubbing salt in a wound.” – Proverbs 25:20 (NLT)

Tears welled up again as my heart ached for justice. I never desired their company. Their words were so many but were empty. They spent time plotting violence. They talked and let rumors sounded like it was the only truth. It would grow as fast as cancer cells, penetrating those ears opened to hear them and as they got passed along, with the truth either unfounded, twisted or had a few more added to it.

I was angry... Angry with their evil plots and actions. I was angry on their words that had no basis and they made the accusations without evidence. More tears and the piercing aches in my heart were more of a pity much later. I abhorred their ignorance. But I felt so sorry for them at the same time. What difference did we all have from those incarcerated individuals if even to lie was a sin?

We are all prisoners. But because of God’s grace, I remained a prisoner, a prisoner not of this world but of His love. I had been both destroying and building up walls in my heart and mind since He found me. Destroying those walls that needed to let go of the bad stuff and building up walls to keep those good things acceptable by Him.

“There is a time for everything, a season for every activity under heaven…a time to tear down and a time to rebuild…a time to tear and a time to mend…” – Ecclesiastes 3:1,3,7 (NLT)

Heavenly Father,  You know my heart’s cries since I started working in the prison where You placed me. The evilness is too much. But it’s because people have the walls of their hearts ruined, lying bare to all of the enemies’ attacks, easily penetrated by their darts of corrupted things, easily conquered for they have no knowledge of Your power and might. Lord, I lift up my co-workers defeated by the enemies, corrupted with the world. Lord, may Your love and grace penetrate their hearts and with Your power, may they turn to You and come to know You.

As I go through this sea of trial, part the waters for me Oh Lord so that I may be able to cross safely. Help me not to miss those things I need to make the walls You help me erect in my heart to contain all those unseen things that have far more value than the things of this world.

It is hard Lord to even talk with You sometimes when You feel so far from me. But I know You are there. I always believe and trust in You because I know You truly alone are the way, the truth and the life. If living life means to suffer, then I am honored even to suffer with You. You’ve been there before that I know You’re the Best One to consult knowing how much understanding, love and faithfulness You have for us. My heart sings for joy Lord because of what You have done. I choose to sing…even in this difficult times knowing You are the One fighting for me and knowing that I already have the victory. Despite my weariness of the false, I choose to adore the Truth... You, Oh Lord are our song from heaven. Thank You for Your love, mercy and grace. In Jesus’ Holy Name. Amen.

By His Grace

I sustained an injury in 1997, working in a busy Orthopedic floor in a well-known hospital. I couldn't do the same work I did and it saddened me. The doctor had advised for me to get out of Nursing. But deep inside, I knew I had that important decision to make. To listen or not listen to that advice, knowing that by faith, God had no limitations with what He could do.

He brought me to the prison. I had fear. I was being taken away from my comfort zone and was being brought to a place not known. I was being delivered to a place where I had to re-learn new skills, different interventions, and with much autonomy with decision-making. I was brought to a place where spiritual enemies abound, but only to prove to me how powerful the Name of Jesus was, that enemies cowered... I knew turning back at that time was not an option. He opened this door to allow me to grow with my spiritual state. I faced that fear.

That was 11 years ago. Strengthened by His power, sustained by His grace, covered with His protection, taught by His wisdom, guided with His discernment, I was injured again. A different kind of wound I sustained. It was my heart that was wounded when hurled with lies. I was constantly accused about my previous injury. They never acknowledged my contribution. Not that I expected anything in return. I loved this place. Knowing I owed it to the One Who helped me conquered my fear and limitations. He didn't give me an option but to fight and never quit. He was the one who enabled me with my limitations.

When you feel weak...When you think you can't overcome...When you think there is no hope and solution...When you think you are not able...Look up to the One Who is able! God Who is able! God of Armor! God of love! God Who is faithful! God Who is righteous! God Who always forgives! God of compassion! And so much more...

"But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them--yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me."
 -1 Cor. 15:10 (NIV)

May this strengthen and encourage you:

I Don't Need Luck

“Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."
- Matthew 19:26 (NIV)

“Rcubes…call me back if you’re interested in coming in tonight for 12 hours or any hours you want to work…”

Our home’s answering machine picked up this message. The caller was a “fill-in Charge Nurse” who I knew well as we had also worked together for a long time. She was not aware of my battle. She was not aware of my current situation. My career smothered by evil intentions. Temporarily.

I called her back and acknowledged and thanked her. She was surprised to hear that I was put on a leave. She didn’t understand “why” when it was always short of staff. We all knew that. But I told her it was not the right time for me to say anything. She wished me “Good Luck.” I kept silent.

I didn’t need “luck”. I knew I was serving a God Who already predestined everything. Those involved and I needed to learn something through this battle.  The sad part was we were never on the same side. Luck would not help anyone. It was lack of knowledge that would destroy anyone.

They outnumbered me. I was never afraid. I had One Who could do anything for me.

They broke my trust. I was hurt at first but letting go of that hurt was easy compared to the faithfulness He had always shown to me.

They believed their own wise words. I kept silent knowing He always knew and had always weighed any person’s intentions or motives.

They put me on a “forced leave.” I thanked them, much to their amazement and they were dumbfounded with my gesture of kindness in return for their threatening schemes.

Today, God had given me another thing, well, actually, two things, to be added to my already overflowing cup of weapons. I would post it in His perfect time.

Luck…I don’t need that…I only need God. The One Who uses ordinary things and turns them into “extra-ordinary!”

Stand Up For What Is Right

“You can bend it and twist it... You can misuse and abuse it... But even God cannot change the Truth.”- Michael Levy

 “What?” exclaimed one of my co-workers on the other line after I had told her that I was put on a leave after my meeting with some powerful people last Monday.

“This had gotten way out of hand!” she added.

She was like me. A nurse working quietly until those pair of evil eyes saw her and now, tried to steal her joy.

She was a number. I was also a number. But the statistics seemed to be growing. Others did not fight. Avoiding the hassles of a legal battle, they exited the prison door.

But I didn’t take that route. She knew that. She decided to walk on the path I chose. Then, there was another one. Now, it seemed a lot of us were sprouting from here and there. Situations that were caused by some people in power who taught that they could always get away with their wild, evil schemes, knowing that they were on top that nothing would happen. No one would know.

She told me another story from work where a group of LVN’s were affected and were treated unfairly. Now, those group wanted to file a charge against that person in power for creating a hostile environment.

And this was one of my prayers as I sought the Lord for His safety. That people would stand up and do what was right. For people not to be afraid when their rights were being violated.

I knew from the beginning that my battle was in the physical and spiritual realm. I knew that in order for me to become successful, I needed to surrender. To Jesus. Because this battle was not mine. It was His.

And how in reality, as believers, we must also be united and willing to stand together. All for one cause. And that is to defend our faith. To defend the truth!

As my husband grabbed and enveloped my hands into his, to do our early, daily morning prayer, he always prayed these words: "Lord, give us the courage to do the right thing..." and this morning, it had penetrated my heart as if I just heard those prayers anew. I heard those pleas done everyday...He was right. We need the courage to do the right thing because we are waging so many battles each and every day. The truth is the battle starts deep within ourselves. And God alone can give us that strength we need to make the right decision to always "do the right thing..."

“In everything we do we try to show that we are true ministers of God. We patiently endures troubles and hardships and calamities of every kind. “ 2 Cor.6:4

“7 Now we pray to God that you will not do anything wrong—not so that people will see that we have stood the test but so that you will do what is right even though we may seem to have failed. 8 For we cannot do anything against the truth, but only for the truth.” – 2 Cor.13:7,8 (NIV)

The Rock

"One reason the devil is called the dragon in the Bible is because he knows how to make difficult circumstances drag on." -Francis Frangipane
Foggy morning obscuring view of Morro Rock in Morro Bay, CA.
From the moment the battle at work started, I already had a clear view prior to these people’s attempts to make me quit my current position by assaulting me with constructed, unfounded lies. They had tried many times to obscure my view of the future and had desired for my work to end. Darts of lies were constantly thrown. Mysterious plans to put hindrances on the road I was walking on were constructed. They wanted to satiate their hunger to change my path and thought they had their plots devised well. They wanted to see me tremble with fear and worries.  They wanted to see me shed tears and perhaps, fall down and beg for their mercy. They shrouded any attempts of mine to bring truth and honesty with every encounter we had.

Looking back since this battle started at work, I caught a glimpse of what the Lord had planned before me. After sustaining an injury from the hospital where I used to work for almost 10 years, He opened this door in a Correctional setting. This was the place where He taught me to grow and learn how to engage in many forms of spiritual warfare.

I saw many injustices and corruption done by those people who puffed up themselves with pride as they took higher positions. Injustices against those hard-working nurses who were afflicted by physical illnesses and instead of helping them out, had chosen to harass them and stopped their careers right there. Instead of fighting back, most of them chose not to stay and had chosen the easy route: to surrender their badges and end their duties.

I saw the unseen evilness by God’s grace. What I thought I would be dealing with like problems from inmates was wrong. I began to see that God trained me to be strong in His power because I would be dealing with a bigger problem. That was to face these corrupt people.

I was never moved nor shaken by their schemes from the start… God had already provided His weapons way ahead of those ploys.

They wanted to see me fall… But I was adept at that as I had fallen down to my knees many times as I intertwined the fingers of both of my hands in prayers.

They constantly accused, assumed, and set traps. But God gave me a hedge around me, sprinkled with His blood.

They were strong in number as we met couple of times now to pretend they were giving me options when there was none, as they spoke things that were not the same on a piece of paper they were writing on. But I always asked for His gift of discernment and His divine wisdom that I chose not to sign and they didn’t know that…I was never alone…

This was another attempt done when I met with them two days ago. They had put me on a leave for a long stretch of time. Another attempt to make me quit on my own as I discerned that move. But I wasn’t called by Him to be a “quitter”. I was a disabled vessel, enabled by His power!

So, I chose to fight back. I chose not to take the easy way out that others had taken before me. I chose to fight, not only for me but for those who didn’t have a chance to avoid the traps they had placed before them. I chose to fight so that these evil deeds would be exposed in His light so that no one else could ever be victimized. I chose not to yield to their evil schemes because it was very clear from the beginning I invited Christ to live in me: “He has the best future for me!”  I saw that clearly!!!

"3 And we can be sure that we know him if we obey his commandments. 4 If someone claims, “I know God,” but doesn’t obey God’s commandments, that person is a liar and is not living in the truth. 5 But those who obey God’s word truly show how completely they love him. That is how we know we are living in him. 6 Those who say they live in God should live their lives as Jesus did." - 1 John 2:3-6 (NLT)

Morro Rock in Morro Bay, CA.

“From the ends of the earth, I cry to you for help when my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the towering rock of safety.” – Psalm 61:2 (NLT)

Perfecting The Dance

“How long, O Lord, must I call for help? But you do not listen! “Violence!” I cry, but you do not come to save me. Must I forever see this sin and misery all around me? Wherever I look, I see destruction and violence.” – Habakkuk 1:2-3 (NLT)

I knew I wasn’t alone watching a very-well but very surreal choreographed dance. I was clapping in my mind with every attempted move, but even to think that was not permitted by my spirit. I saw more twists done. Of lies… A spectacle done from the past before those eyes who had seen them all and who didn’t desire to do a counter move of stepping forward. Sadly, most of them fell until they desired not to get up and wanted a quick exit.

I wondered how many wrong steps the Spectator must see as my own limited vision saw so many. I knew He wasn’t happy. He was known to forbid them all.

“You must never twist justice or show partiality. Never accept a bribe, for bribes blind the eyes of the wise and corrupt the decisions of the godly. Let true justice prevail, so you may live and occupy the land that the Lord your God is giving you.” – Deuteronomy 16:19 (NLT)

Except many continue to risk taking those wrong moves with the confidence that no one would notice. Just like yesterday’s dance.

Though I didn’t enjoy it, my spirit was calm. I was never angry. And I was glad I fed my appetite to the full prior to the performance! Two of my co-workers in higher positions sought to see any fearful reactions from me, until a perplexed look was painted on their faces. I was dancing with them, except I perfected my moves ahead of this dance. I must! Knowing how much the Spectator hoped for that and He was the only One I wanted to please, out of all this choreography that tried to smolder the true moves that should have been shown and done. One…Two…Three…I lost my count of those hidden moves with ulterior motives…I sighed…with unbelief yet I knew it was about to happen even before opening that door and taking my seat. They tried many times to speak of words they thought was wise. I didn’t say many. I didn’t utter in long sentences. But when I did, they couldn’t answer. They avoided my straight stares. They wondered what step I would take. They didn’t have a clue. I was groomed with perseverance knowing that the Spectator hoped for that from every dancer who wanted to be in His team. They expected to see some of my moves. I didn’t give any satisfaction. It was not the right time. Only the Spectator knew. But He was the One Who gave me many hints to avoid pitfalls. And He was very clear that there would be many spins, dips and turns to be done in this dance of life.

And what would make it elegant and perfect was to do the moves right!

“Don’t let evil get the best of you, but conquer evil by doing good.” – Romans 12:21 (NLT)

I smiled at their performance. I thanked every one of them. They were not smiling, still bewildered with my joyful actions despite the wrongful steps they planned. I closed the door leaving all of them behind. But I knew, I would return and perform my own dance moves, perfected with His grace, corrected by His rebuke alone, strengthened by His power and might.  Not in my time. Not in their time. Only in His perfect time! What a dance it would be!

“Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. 13 But rejoice in as much as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. 14 If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you. 15 If you suffer, it should not be as a murderer or thief or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler. 16 However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name. 17 For it is time for judgment to begin with God’s household; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God? 18 And,
   “If it is hard for the righteous to be saved,
   what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?
 19 So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.” – 1 Peter 4:12-19 (NIV) 


The Feast

I got up early to prepare myself for a scheduled banquet given by two people I met before. From our past meeting, both of them, along with another supervisor had tried to accuse me of unfounded lies. None of their plans worked. So, through my supervisor, I was invited again to meet up with them in a few hours.

I am anticipating a feast. But instead of bringing and letting my appetite grow, I actually fed myself an hour ago. And I couldn’t stop!

I tasted the sweetest food that always left me more than satisfied…”His Word!” And It came with a warning: “That when I sit down to dine with a ruler, I must consider carefully what will be before me….That I shouldn’t desire for his delicacies for it is deceptive food…” (Proverbs 23:1,3)

I sipped a little coffee from my favorite small, red cup but even with that, I had lost my appetite. The Lord’s Word was just too satisfying that I didn’t desire for any fluids or other solid foods anymore.

I am ready…I have something to bring and offer them in return…But it is not from me. I will bring a bowl with fruits. Fruits that will never ruin their banquet…

Here there is no conflict with the law…(Galatians 5:22 – NLT)

Father, even with me being able to call You that, I am deeply humbled by what You have granted to me through Jesus, Your Son. I am leaving later to face those who like to see people crushed because I am under them. But I am not under them. I am under Your power, love, grace and mercy. I thank You Lord for removing the fear and calming me in the way that nothing in this world could have ever done. I have no fear and You know my heart. I don’t know what they will offer but I don’t desire any of their plans. I desire for Yours. May Your will be done Lord. Help me to draw nearer to You. Through this difficult trial, remove the things that hinder me from walking closer with You. That I may always be a broken vessel, more pure each time, ready for service at Your feet. Thank You Jesus. Thank You for Your love. Thank You that You satisfy all the kinds of hunger I have…Thank You that I am more than completely satisfied and no matter what the outcome is, after I meet up with them, I know it is okay…Because….Just because…You are…In Jesus’ Name. Amen…

Just Because You Are (Phillip Sandifer)

Father of the world
You are the life within me
God of all creation
Living in my heart
I will praise You Lord
Regardless of your blessing
For You are worthy of my praise Lord
Just because You are

Just because You are
Forever I will praise You
Just because You are
I will glorify Your Name
Just because You are
I lay my life before You
Father I adore You
Just because You are

Folded in Your arms
I've never been without You
Through every tear I've ever cried
I've always found You there
But craddled in your love
It's easy Lord to praise You
But even when the times get hard
And it seems that I'm alone
Still I'll always praise You Father
Just because You are

I Have More Than Enough

I closed my eyes as I reflected on each word of the hymn we were all singing in our fellowship this morning…

“Your Name….is a strong and mighty tower…
Your Name… is a strong and mighty tower…
Your Name is a shelter like no other
Your Name, let the nations sing it louder
'Cause nothing has the power to save
But Your Name….
(Jesus…..Your Name….)            (From Paul Baloche’s ‘Your Name’)

And with a soft breath coupled with my silent prayer……”I give all my worries to You, Oh Lord…” was let out…I took my glasses off and kept cleaning the fogged up lens, slightly damp from my vision that got misty.

"Are you okay?" my husband whispered from my left side.

"I have never felt more okay than now..."I uttered quietly.

I am going to another battle tomorrow morning to face some people in higher power from work. But I am not afraid no matter what the outcome will be. The truth etched in my heart:

“38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” –Romans 8:38-39 (NLT)

There is nothing that these people can do to make me be afraid and to stop the work God had started in my life since He found me. They may take away my work. But I know it will be okay.

I may be in the lowliest position in their eyes…..
…….but I know I have an inheritance that this world can never be able to give.

I may seem to lack wisdom when I don’t open my mouth to their allegations and lies….
……but I would rather look like a fool to them while I hunger for more things of God.

I may appear like a coward when I seem to not speak up much…
……but I would rather have reservations with the things I say and be slow to anger.

I may look so weak……
….but I know the Power working in me…..that makes me so strong; stronger than them...
I may look afraid of their power to their eyes...
...but I am only afraid of One Power, One amazing Power Who sees everything and Who desires all living in darkness to approach His Light...The One Who wants those who believe in Him to reflect His light in this dark world.

So...while they think that I might be backing down, the reality is... I am approaching them closer and closer...Speaking truth against all their lies. Blowing an invisible horn in this invisible battle between us. Because I carry with me the Power that will destroy all those walls they built. I pray for His Light to penetrate the areas of darkness that surround the people at my workplace...I pray for His love to find hearts that will open up and invite Him in....

I don’t need anything that this world offers…
…I have enough…I have more than enough…

“I have Jesus…” and because of Him, that makes me a winner in everything!

Photo Credit
 "1 The Lord is my shepherd;     
      I have all that I need.
 2 He lets me rest in green meadows;
      he leads me beside peaceful streams.
    3 He renews my strength.
   He guides me along right paths,
      bringing honor to his name.
 4 Even when I walk
      through the darkest valley,
   I will not be afraid,
      for you are close beside me.
   Your rod and your staff
      protect and comfort me.
 5 You prepare a feast for me
      in the presence of my enemies.
   You honor me by anointing my head with oil.
      My cup overflows with blessings.
 6 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
      all the days of my life,
   and I will live in the house of the Lord
      forever.” -Psalm 23:1-6 (NLT)

Up Ahead

There goes the anticipated call that never was given for so long. It was not because I ignored it, I didn’t pick it up so the message could be recorded in our home’s answering machine. A new way I had planned since some people in positions from work started giving me a hard time when the highest one changed the night nurses’ schedule. A lot more got involved when they should not have been. Lies were told about me. Things were done to intimidate me. Wrong motives that were so clear as shown by their actions that didn’t match their words. They secretly desire for me to quit my job.

From the very start, I knew I had nothing to be afraid of. I knew that I had done nothing wrong. I never had problems from the past supervisors when I made my request not to work full time because of my history of disability. Was I? For so many years, I never had a problem performing my tasks since day 1, working in the prison where God had brought me when I got hurt from the hospital where I used to work.

I ran my errands. But that message changed my mood. I became upset again. Upset with the fact that I wanted to say so much yet, it wouldn’t be the perfect time. I tried to forget the demand but it kept creeping in the back of my mind.

Work had called me to meet up with 2 people I had spoken with before. Two people who aggravated me from the last time as they spoke words sounding with a punitive tone. It was a meeting with a fa├žade that they were trying to work it out with me for my best interest. It was not true.

I opened my emails to see that not only this person had called me, she also decided to email me the same message from the answering machine. It was unbelievable that she did that as she ignored my emails most of the time when I was trying to communicate and prevent any miscommunications between us. I knew she never valued my request. When I started saying a little bit about their wrongful actions, she softened up a little bit, sounding like she was not a part of this evil tryst anymore. But I wouldn’t believe anything she would tell me. They all broke my trust.

My husband hugged me this morning and asked me if I would be going to work this afternoon. I caught his stare with mine and I just sighed. He got my muted answer. He knew I didn’t want to, but I had to. Work was never hard. It was the people who do evil things that make it hard and not a fun place to be.

I closed the door behind him as he left to start his day. After we both had prayed together. I let out another deep sigh. I had been seeing blurriness around me since my battle at work began. But remembering those days the Lord had blessed me and my family with His comfort when we took a needed vacation, I let go of these worries. Into His wounded hands. He showed me a picture we took as we were traveling early on a road. When the mysterious-looking fog blanketed some areas and up ahead, it was very clear. Then I got my answer from Him. I needed to press on. I needed to keep moving despite the vagueness in these people’s actions. I must trust in Him. I must trust in His plans for me. So I wouldn’t be side-tracked. Because up ahead, when this situation is over, it would be very clear. In His light…

Foggy morning but up ahead was so clear...

“But their evil intentions will be exposed when the light shines on them.” – Ephesians 5:13 (NLT)

Lord, I have given You my battle at work from the start. Because of You, I was never afraid. I pray Lord for You to continue to guide me, give me discernment and protect me as I meet these people come Monday in the morning. Lord, I pray that You will teach me with what to say and when to say the wisdom that comes from You. I pray for them Lord. May they have clarity of mind and the heart to do what is right. In You and in You alone I trust Oh Lord. Thank You for everything You have done for me and continue to bless me, even through sorrows and pain. I know that with every tear shed, every fall I sustain, every wound I obtain, those are nothing compared to what You had gone through in order for us to live and have a hope and a future. You keep reminding me about Your wounded hands. You place these words "wounded in order for you to be healed" in my heart. Thank You Lord for Your healing. Your grace. Your mercy. Your love. I pray for those who are going through heavy persecutions. Those who are afflicted with sorrows or illnesses. Those who feel like they have no hope. Those that doubt Your existence. Please bless them all Lord and open their hearts and minds to come before You and know You. Your awesome power. Your awesome love as a Father. Because up ahead, Your light awaits...In Jesus' Name. Amen.

Killer Squirrel

Moonstones from a famous beach
Enjoying the quiet stroll on some wooden planks of a pathway alongside the coastal scenery, I heard soft crackling from my left side. Keeping a tight hold of the little moonstones my husband gathered down below on the sandy beach and in which this place was famous for, my right palm housed the gathered, special treasures. Some drying out grasses were bending, as a figure tried to check us out.

“What’s that?” I asked my husband and son.

“It’s the squirrel, mom,” my son answered, opening the lid of the camera he was holding, as my husband turned on the video camera, its black straps dangling from his neck.

“Ohhh… Why does it keep coming closer?” I asked as my right hand froze and so was the rest of my body.

The Killer Squirrel
“Shhh…”my husband and son both warned me to stop making movements and literally to seal my mouth so they could take a picture of the little creature.

I had faced hundreds of murderers, rapists, and so many other criminals where I work. But a tiny creature? It would only take a tiny creature not even bigger than my feet to scare me?

“Shooo! Shooo!” I loudly warned for it to stop being curious with the human beings that were just trying to relax on such a beautiful day.

“Mom!” my son warned louder as my husband’s voice also joined his. “Stop it! So we can take a picture!”

I suddenly thought how these squirrels coming from nowhere must be so used with human’s presence, being fed by others as they ran in commotion to check out what food could be thrown at them and that was why this particular one was not afraid of us.

But please…. Not me…

“Daddy,” I whispered to my husband… “Will it be okay for me to throw these moonstones near him just to scare him?”

Next thing I knew, two of my loved ones were busting, laughing at this afraid being who was ready to let go of little moonstones from her right hand as if they were ammo’s.

“Stop it!” my husband uttered. “Just stop being afraid!”

“Why wouldn’t I be afraid? You guys keep calling him but he keeps looking toward me. And why does he stare at me as if I’m food?”

The more laughter ensued, with intensity of roaring thunders heard on that spot where the surrounding areas were marked with yellow ribbons to prevent humans from touching the preserved area.

“What was that?” my son asked my husband when he was aiming his camera toward the squirrel. He got surprised when a tan-colored sweat shirt dropped on the ground.

“That’s my sweatshirt!” I replied.

The killer squirrel was not harmed. I just kept walking fast, double the pace I usually did. My son was not able to take a picture as he kept laughing, standing still behind me as the gap between us widened. My husband stayed with my son and I wasn’t sure if he was able to film the whole thing but at that point, I truly didn’t care but to keep going fast toward our car and preserve my God-given life.

(You’re reading this post….so you know I’m okay! Thank You Lord!)

Panting in the car as I took a gulp of cold water, I just realized that in reality, the squirrel was not my enemy. It was my fear. And so it is with our spiritual battles. If we know we are on God’s side, we should not be afraid of our spiritual enemies. It is our faith that conquers “fear of anything.” Fear is the enemy’s tool that robs ourselves from having joy or peace. Fear is the tool that distorts our decision-making that keeps us away from walking on the narrow path of life. But faith?  It is God’s tool that helps us realize that God will always come through for us, no matter what we are facing: whether we are going through the severest storms of life or even facing a “tiny squirrel” like the one I encountered.

Yes...Even up to the point of facing death...

“35As evening came, Jesus said to his disciples, “Let’s cross to the other side of the lake.” 36 So they took Jesus in the boat and started out, leaving the crowds behind (although other boats followed). 37 But soon a fierce storm came up. High waves were breaking into the boat, and it began to fill with water.
 38 Jesus was sleeping at the back of the boat with his head on a cushion. The disciples woke him up, shouting, “Teacher, don’t you care that we’re going to drown?”
 39 When Jesus woke up, he rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Silence! Be still!” Suddenly the wind stopped, and there was a great calm. 40 Then he asked them, “Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?” – Mark 4:35-40 (NLT)
All posts/composed songs copyright by RCUBEs.


The Attacker (5/15/09)

The sun was just peeking from the Eastern skies. Ephesians 6:12 [37 kb]

Out in the prison’s yard, some huge Sheriff’s buses were illuminated by the soft glow coming from the lights all over from the tall lamp posts. Their engines were turned on, warming up, before the buses would take the inmates to the different courts where they would have their trials.

Orange-uniformed men were lined up in pairs, joined together with handcuffs and chained, forming a long line. They already had their breakfast and had their morning medications prior to going to courts. Some were fidgeting, as they waited to board those buses.

All of a sudden, all hell broke loose! Two men were engaged in a fight, using weapons they made secretly for a while. Deputies called for help on the radio, both for custody back-up and medical staff, as well.

When the air was cleared and the other inmates were secured, one man was down on the floor. He sustained multiple gashes but two of them were deep. One cut was vertically etched from his left ear going down to the jaw line. The other dangerous cut was horizontal on his left neck, close to the jugular vein. Pool of blood dripped all over the floor. Holding his bleeding neck, he was pointing at the other inmate few feet away, being guarded by the other deputies.

The other man being accused was not hurt. There were no lacerations nor any other signs of trauma. He was obviously very agitated as he was being questioned by those deputies, while the medical staff started treating the other man on the floor. They cleaned the wounds and controlled the bleeding. That man was sent to the nearby hospital.

When the investigation was finalized, it turned out to be that the “downed man who was accusing the other inmate” was the attacker and the other one who didn’t have injury was the one attacked. The deputies found out that it was the second attempt to attack the unhurt man. Both attacks on him failed. He was well-prepared after the first attempt on him, that when the second attempt was done, he was able to defend himself and ended up injuring his attacker severely.

[Source: NLT Bible ]:

We also have an “accuser of the brethren.” Satan and his army of demons are the enemies of God and of everything good.

“Because God’s children are human beings – made of flesh and blood – Jesus also became flesh and blood by being born in human form. For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the Devil, who had the power of death.” –Hebrews 2:14

Because of what Jesus had done [dying on the cross], we, who live in constant fear of death shouldn’t be afraid anymore. Jesus had freed us from that fear so we can live for Him. When we belong to God, we know that death is only the portal that leads into “eternal life”. [“Thank You Lord!].

Paul warned us, too that we also battle against the evil forces of Satan, who is a vicious fighter. But to be able to withstand their attacks, we must depend on God’s strength and use every piece of His armor. We face an army whose goal is to defeat Christ’s church. When we believe in Christ, they become our enemies. They will try any device to turn us away from the Lord.

Fear not! For God has provided His supernatural power to defeat Satan and his army, through His Holy Spirit within us. So, arm yourselves with God’s armor.

Let us be strong in the Lord's mighty power. Let's put on His whole armor to resist the enemy's attacks: put on the sturdy belt of truth and the body armor of God's righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News, so that we are well-prepared. We will need faith in every battle as our shield to stop the fiery arrows aimed by Satan and his army. Let us put on salvation as our helmet, not forgetting the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. Let's pray at all times, on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit. We must stay alert and be persistent in our prayers for all Christians everywhere. [Ephesians 6:10-18].