Cut Off

“You’ve been mean to me ever since I got here!” screamed one female, heavy set inmate in front of the female deputy. Her torso bent midway, with her right hand supporting her weight as she leaned on the deputy’s desk.

I just gave her some Motrin for her complaint of back pain and a small cup of water.

“Don’t you dare spill that cup of water on my desk!” exclaimed the deputy. As she saw the inmate put down the plastic cup with her unstable stance.

If anyone saw this moment, they would truly believe the inmate. That this deputy had no heart. That she was a plain evil person. But it wasn’t true. I came on to start my shift that night. Unable to get report from the evening shift nurse, I got a little background from the same deputy.

I saw this inmate first on the floor, moaning and crying, not wanting to talk with the nurse or the deputy. Complaining of back pain and screaming every time the staff asked her if she could share a little bit about herself so we could attend to her needs. But she remained just that. Moaning and crying all night long. Until she was called to be processed. And the deputy called me and requested if I could give her something for pain because she found out that she had been abusing many types of narcotics. And that was what she was in for. Committing robbery perhaps, to sustain that habit.

The following night, I was not surprised to see her inside the female waiting area in the Infirmary. She was doing the same thing. Moaning and crying and pretending that she could not get up when staff was present. But some of us [including myself] had witnessed she was able to get up and go to the bathroom without any problem when she thought that no one was looking.

We are used to this kind of game. Some inmates play games, pretending that their conditions are really bad that they can’t be incarcerated. They wanted to be free. Despite the crimes they committed. They exaggerate symptoms thinking it will earn them a free pass,  an easy way out. So they think….But it doesn’t work that way. You can’t be free without acknowledging the mistakes you have done. Freedom is always available. But there is always a cut off…Only to those willing to accept responsibility for those mistakes and learn from them are able to recognize the worth of becoming free. To feel sorry and not do these same crimes, mistakes, hurt, sins…



"From that time Jesus began to preach, and to say, Repent: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand." - Matthew 4:17


"I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish." - Luke 13:3


"Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord,..." - Acts 3:19

No repentance, no forgiveness...


No forgiveness, no salvation...