The One Who Holds My Hand

"There is nothing wrong with you," the doctor in ER insisted. Nothing wrong with your heart...

"But doctor, how come I'm having severe neck pain and my left arm and upper chest feel numb?"...That question of mine was answered by a bottle of pain killer and muscle relaxant that 2 days later didn't help.

Back to ER I went. It was the same doctor, who was looking at me like I wasn't supposed to be there. But he felt the tenderness on the back of my neck and he just listened to my complaint of neck pain [I was probably figuratively a "neck pain" for him because I wouldn't settle to his diagnosis that nothing was wrong." This time, he ordered an x-ray. When the result was read by a radiologist and by him, he started interrogating me as if he was an FBI agent.

Doctor: "Are you a nurse?"

Me: [hesitantly...] "Yes"

Doctor: "Do you remember lifting someone lately?"

Me: [after a few minutes of deep musing..], "Come to think of it, I did help a nursing assistant that night prior to me complaining of pain, turned a patient to her side. The nursing assistant hurt her back immediately while I felt some pressure on my neck but I didn't think of anything. Why are you asking me these questions?"

Doctor: "I'm sorry, the x-ray showed a little bit of herniation between C3-C4 area [cervical spine]. That's why you're having pain."

The year was 1997. I had been working in an Orthopedic setting for 10 years at that time. I loved taking care of my patients and being involved with their healing process. It was great to see them up and walking again after 2 or 3 days after their total hip, total knee or other Orthopedic surgical procedures. If I felt for my patients having a lot of pain then, the more compassion I had after my own injury. The compassion I had shown, I never got from the hospital's insurance company nor the doctors who treated me. Because despite the pain I was feeling, if there was no test or x-rays that will prove the source, it was hard to defend my case and sometimes, I felt like they looked at me as if I was lying.

I was a "born-again" Christian then when it happened but let's say I wasn't as mature as I am now. By God's grace He sustained me. Looking back, He was the One Who held my hand and believed in me. He was the only One Who knew the pain I was having. Yet, I chose to be positive despite those trials. Now that I think about it, did I choose it or God had given me that heart to do so? Either way, I know and I will always know the truth that He does help us as we go through trials. It's a long story of struggle and confusion as I started my treatment. But God is not a God of confusion.

After almost 3 years of on and off pain, [I still have it at times but not as severe as when I first got injured], the evaluating Medical Examiner told me to get out of Nursing.

Fear enveloped me. The road I was walking on was suddenly a "dead end". In front of the computer, I cried out loud:

"Lord, I don't want to get out of Nursing because in my heart, that's what I want to do. I want to help out others. I am suffering with this neck pain Lord but I thank You anyway because this pain helps me remember that I need to depend on You, that I can't make it on my own...Please help me Lord. You're the only One Who can help me and I don't know the next road to take..."

[As I was crying, for some reason I typed on the keyboard and spelled "correctional". From a long list, the one on top caught my eye. They were hiring in this particular facility ASAP.

"Is it Your answer O Lord? I asked Him.." To make it short, I got hired even before I was pulling into our garage on the day of my interview. [I had only waited for 2 weeks instead of the usual 2-3 months background check].

That was 9 years ago. The Lord had brought me to another setting where He could truly use me as His instrument in sharing the Good News.

And through this blog, I praise You Oh Lord! I want them to know how You are always there, giving us strength when we are weak, reaching out to us when we fall, straightening out any confusions in our life's journey, and hugging us when we feel so alone and battered by this life's troubles. Thank You Oh Lord for Your love, Your mercy, Your gift of salvation. I surrender everything to You Lord. May my life be a sweet offering to You. I love You Lord.

[New International Version]:

Psalm 33:11- "But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations."

Proverbs 16:1 -" To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the LORD comes the reply of the tongue."

Proverbs 16:3 - "Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."

Proverbs 16:9 - "In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps."

Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Isaiah 41:13 - "For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you."

The Monitor of the Heart

The wrist cuff started puffing up on its own and restricted the circulation around my left wrist. The numbers digitally shown started going down slowly...The reading ended at "133/81." That reading wasn't bad at all if you are like me who have a history of high blood pressure. That's even great because I haven't taken my morning pill yet that will help lower it down.

This is an everyday habit that I need to do if I want to be responsibly able to control my blood pressure. Through that, it will continue to encourage me to eat healthier foods and exercise, even if my will is trying to resist to follow those sometimes. It will help me remember to avoid fatty foods, stuff that will just clog the arteries more and will end up causing a higher blood pressure. Temptations are around us as we are surrounded with "fast-food chains", "jumbo sizes of meals", tv shows and video games that will keep you sitting on the couch for hours.

Please check and
remind me by giving me Your daily reading.

Show me if there's any pride or high reading in my heart.

Please help me remember to avoid any of the impurities and temptations surrounding me.

Remind me, Oh Lord that all of my unstable ways I can surrender to You so that You will give me a recorded reading of a life living for You.

In Jesus' Name, I pray. Amen.

All posts/composed songs copyright by RCUBEs.


The Attacker (5/15/09)

The sun was just peeking from the Eastern skies. Ephesians 6:12 [37 kb]

Out in the prison’s yard, some huge Sheriff’s buses were illuminated by the soft glow coming from the lights all over from the tall lamp posts. Their engines were turned on, warming up, before the buses would take the inmates to the different courts where they would have their trials.

Orange-uniformed men were lined up in pairs, joined together with handcuffs and chained, forming a long line. They already had their breakfast and had their morning medications prior to going to courts. Some were fidgeting, as they waited to board those buses.

All of a sudden, all hell broke loose! Two men were engaged in a fight, using weapons they made secretly for a while. Deputies called for help on the radio, both for custody back-up and medical staff, as well.

When the air was cleared and the other inmates were secured, one man was down on the floor. He sustained multiple gashes but two of them were deep. One cut was vertically etched from his left ear going down to the jaw line. The other dangerous cut was horizontal on his left neck, close to the jugular vein. Pool of blood dripped all over the floor. Holding his bleeding neck, he was pointing at the other inmate few feet away, being guarded by the other deputies.

The other man being accused was not hurt. There were no lacerations nor any other signs of trauma. He was obviously very agitated as he was being questioned by those deputies, while the medical staff started treating the other man on the floor. They cleaned the wounds and controlled the bleeding. That man was sent to the nearby hospital.

When the investigation was finalized, it turned out to be that the “downed man who was accusing the other inmate” was the attacker and the other one who didn’t have injury was the one attacked. The deputies found out that it was the second attempt to attack the unhurt man. Both attacks on him failed. He was well-prepared after the first attempt on him, that when the second attempt was done, he was able to defend himself and ended up injuring his attacker severely.

[Source: NLT Bible ]:

We also have an “accuser of the brethren.” Satan and his army of demons are the enemies of God and of everything good.

“Because God’s children are human beings – made of flesh and blood – Jesus also became flesh and blood by being born in human form. For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the Devil, who had the power of death.” –Hebrews 2:14

Because of what Jesus had done [dying on the cross], we, who live in constant fear of death shouldn’t be afraid anymore. Jesus had freed us from that fear so we can live for Him. When we belong to God, we know that death is only the portal that leads into “eternal life”. [“Thank You Lord!].

Paul warned us, too that we also battle against the evil forces of Satan, who is a vicious fighter. But to be able to withstand their attacks, we must depend on God’s strength and use every piece of His armor. We face an army whose goal is to defeat Christ’s church. When we believe in Christ, they become our enemies. They will try any device to turn us away from the Lord.

Fear not! For God has provided His supernatural power to defeat Satan and his army, through His Holy Spirit within us. So, arm yourselves with God’s armor.

Let us be strong in the Lord's mighty power. Let's put on His whole armor to resist the enemy's attacks: put on the sturdy belt of truth and the body armor of God's righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News, so that we are well-prepared. We will need faith in every battle as our shield to stop the fiery arrows aimed by Satan and his army. Let us put on salvation as our helmet, not forgetting the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. Let's pray at all times, on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit. We must stay alert and be persistent in our prayers for all Christians everywhere. [Ephesians 6:10-18].