Faith Or Fear?

The second, heavy metal door slammed loudly as I continued to walk quietly towards the Charge Nurse’s desk on Friday night. A familiar long locks of hair greeted me as she just hang up the phone after speaking with one of the units.

“Charge Nurse already?” I asked with a big smile on my face.

“Yes,” she shyly admitted and her eyes lit up upon seeing who asked her.

“I knew you could do it!” I uttered back.

She was the new nurse being given a hard time that I wrote about from my last post. A threat to those who had intentionally kept their pacts as they formed their own groups behind the prison walls. People whose eyes were more intent on seeing everything, keener than what the prison’s security cameras would never be able to scan or see. Except whose eyes always chose to see the negatives and all evil things than to see the good and the positive.

We had been having problems again with shortage of staff despite my workplace recently hiring many new nurses, both experienced and non-experienced. With the trial I had gone through with the corrupt administration, I had been grateful that their decision to make me Per Diem from a full time position became an advantage. It wasn’t my own strength that helped me get through. I knew it was somehow God’s plan to turn all those hardships into good on my part. Now, they couldn’t force me to work many hours nor put me to work in an unpleasant part of the prison.

“Just keep doing what you are doing! I told you… Show them what you got!”

“Why? Tell me please. What did you hear about me?”


“Seriously…I need to know, Nurse Rcubes. Because I feel there is something going on and it feels great to know that I can speak openly with one, “You!”

My heart and mouth had kept all the bad accusations I heard about her. Many advised me to be cautious on the first night I hadn’t even known her before I oriented her to what we did in the Clinic. I kept quiet. I knew better after working for 14 years to never allow anyone to make me form my own opinion about someone based on what they perceive or suggest. I would rather form my own after working with that person and see their own work habits with my own eyes. Hear how they speak. See how they interact not only with medical or custody staff but also with inmates.

“Did you lie, Nurse Rcubes when I first asked you? You knew something, right?” she repeated.

With my memory rewinding from the last nights I had worked with her, I paused for a while and was careful to answer that query. With the hope of always not being a part of the grapevine…But instead, to always encourage and be a part of the good than the bad.

After a deep sigh, I started talking, my eyes glued to meet her own, piercing stare:

“You may call it that…But I chose to call it "encouragement." I shut up at that time and didn’t tell you what I knew because I wanted to encourage you…”

She almost fell off the chair. She didn’t know how to react upon my admission. But at the same time, I felt her relief upon the chance she might heard a confirmation of what was to be exposed.

“I did that because I wanted you to focus on the positive not the negative and bad things you encountered as you joined us here. Tell me, “Would you quit if I said the truth otherwise?”

Her head bowed lower a bit. Gathering strength to once again straighten her neck and meet my stare, she uttered in a sad voice…

“Perhaps, Nurse Rcubes. Because it was overwhelming…”

She thanked me. She had asked for me to accept her gratitude and a hug. She went back to her empty seat. The Charge Nurse’s. She looked back again to where I was and smiled at me. As the phone rang again as one of the units was calling to ask about medical stuff.

I felt her strength. I felt her positive energy. I always saw her as a hardworking nurse burned out from working in a hospital. Learning new theories and applying her learned skills in a different field of Nursing. But the bottom line was…

Anyone can choose to have fear or faith… To have fear means lack of faith. To not have faith means not knowing or believing in God. Faith is a gift from God. To not have faith in everything we do means we deny that hope that God will and can take care of us no matter what circumstances we’re facing.

I pray…someday…that this nurse would always remember the things we had learned together in the prison. That there was hope despite the trying times. That there was an opportunity to grow in faith whenever we faced adversities or when we felt afraid. Because what was true for me would be true for her…Or for anyone else…..

That God can handle anything that happens in anyone’s life. It is our choice to trust that and truly believe that He will take care of us…Because His faithful love endures... 


All posts/composed songs copyright by RCUBEs.


The Attacker (5/15/09)

The sun was just peeking from the Eastern skies. Ephesians 6:12 [37 kb]

Out in the prison’s yard, some huge Sheriff’s buses were illuminated by the soft glow coming from the lights all over from the tall lamp posts. Their engines were turned on, warming up, before the buses would take the inmates to the different courts where they would have their trials.

Orange-uniformed men were lined up in pairs, joined together with handcuffs and chained, forming a long line. They already had their breakfast and had their morning medications prior to going to courts. Some were fidgeting, as they waited to board those buses.

All of a sudden, all hell broke loose! Two men were engaged in a fight, using weapons they made secretly for a while. Deputies called for help on the radio, both for custody back-up and medical staff, as well.

When the air was cleared and the other inmates were secured, one man was down on the floor. He sustained multiple gashes but two of them were deep. One cut was vertically etched from his left ear going down to the jaw line. The other dangerous cut was horizontal on his left neck, close to the jugular vein. Pool of blood dripped all over the floor. Holding his bleeding neck, he was pointing at the other inmate few feet away, being guarded by the other deputies.

The other man being accused was not hurt. There were no lacerations nor any other signs of trauma. He was obviously very agitated as he was being questioned by those deputies, while the medical staff started treating the other man on the floor. They cleaned the wounds and controlled the bleeding. That man was sent to the nearby hospital.

When the investigation was finalized, it turned out to be that the “downed man who was accusing the other inmate” was the attacker and the other one who didn’t have injury was the one attacked. The deputies found out that it was the second attempt to attack the unhurt man. Both attacks on him failed. He was well-prepared after the first attempt on him, that when the second attempt was done, he was able to defend himself and ended up injuring his attacker severely.

[Source: NLT Bible ]:

We also have an “accuser of the brethren.” Satan and his army of demons are the enemies of God and of everything good.

“Because God’s children are human beings – made of flesh and blood – Jesus also became flesh and blood by being born in human form. For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the Devil, who had the power of death.” –Hebrews 2:14

Because of what Jesus had done [dying on the cross], we, who live in constant fear of death shouldn’t be afraid anymore. Jesus had freed us from that fear so we can live for Him. When we belong to God, we know that death is only the portal that leads into “eternal life”. [“Thank You Lord!].

Paul warned us, too that we also battle against the evil forces of Satan, who is a vicious fighter. But to be able to withstand their attacks, we must depend on God’s strength and use every piece of His armor. We face an army whose goal is to defeat Christ’s church. When we believe in Christ, they become our enemies. They will try any device to turn us away from the Lord.

Fear not! For God has provided His supernatural power to defeat Satan and his army, through His Holy Spirit within us. So, arm yourselves with God’s armor.

Let us be strong in the Lord's mighty power. Let's put on His whole armor to resist the enemy's attacks: put on the sturdy belt of truth and the body armor of God's righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News, so that we are well-prepared. We will need faith in every battle as our shield to stop the fiery arrows aimed by Satan and his army. Let us put on salvation as our helmet, not forgetting the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. Let's pray at all times, on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit. We must stay alert and be persistent in our prayers for all Christians everywhere. [Ephesians 6:10-18].