I was trying not to be blinded by my teary eyes as I steadied my gaze on the road, covered with darkness.
"How could she say that to me?" I thought to myself.
My friend had a lot on her plate. I usually visit her to help out in anyway I could. To be there if she needed to vent out about the ills from her work and other pressures dragging her, some continuing to wound her heart.
Her silence in the car as we were running errands stabbed my heart.
"What's wrong?" I queried to break the ice.
"Nothing's wrong!" she replied with a sure tone. More silence ensued.
Going back to their house, that was when she blew up and accused me that I always assumed things when she wasn't talking.
I found myself raising my voice and told her I couldn't read her mind so maybe that was why I always assumed because she treated me with silence.
But she retorted that she always was complaining to me that she chose to do so. Though I never complained I got tired of hearing her problems, even if they were told over and over.
She accused me of not even asking how she felt because she had a lot of things in her mind. I didn't. Because I was nursing my own wounds. I was recalling my dad's death anniversary that day and my mom's today. I didn't even dare tell her knowing she was going through a lot. That I didn't think of my own misery as important as hers. But she didn't know that.
I tried not to answer anymore knowing that in anger, I might have answered words that I didn't want to regret later. She didn't like my silence then. So, I chose to go home and sped away which drove her more mad.
I didn't like feeling that way. Angry and the situation not resolved. I knew this would come to pass. But later on, the more it hurt me. Knowing how precious each day is. And to spend day to day with either family or loved ones and friends having a wall in between is just not a good situation to see everyday.
Then I saw Christ's hands...through the wet blurriness soaking my pillow...Those precious hands healed. Did miracles. Blessed little ones. Washed disciples' feet. Spread out to be nailed. Not only to pay for humanity's sins. But to remind His followers to "stop thinking the way this world thinks...which is being selfish." His hands spread out to intersect the "I" part of the cross.
Living my life is not about "me". It's truly all about Jesus.
No matter who hurt you, no matter who is right, who is wrong, Jesus is demanding us, as believers, to always pay back with love. We are permanently in debt to Christ for the love He has given us. And the only way to repay Him is by loving others in return. May we use our hands like Him, to serve others because a strong faith with lack of work is a way of not doing Christ's work.
"Lord, I want to be like You. Forgive me for the times that I forget Who I represent in this dark world. Help me Lord to show my love for You by helping me forgive others easily and loving them the way You do. Father, I want to be like Jesus...In His Holy Name. Amen."