That was the final message from one of my supervisors in regards with the schedule requests for the holidays.
The feeling of being mistreated in my heart seethed, prior to those few messages left in my blinking answering machine. But that final message brought sadness instead.
I was the first one months ago to request for the Christmas Eve off. Until this supervisor approached me and wanted to give our hearts and sacrifice for the newer nurses who have little kids than us. I agreed. Without thinking.
Because the heart of gratitude and tasting the Lord's kindness always overwhelms us in situations that are needing that extension of a loving Hand, of a merciful Heart, or His everlasting kindness.
Except I didn't know...That everyone wanted to be off for Christmas Eve. Including this supervisor. The schedule came out amidst the anticipation of those eager to be off on their chosen holidays. Not everyone was happy. Someone complained. That prompted this supervisor to call me at my home. To make me aware of the changes. And that....certain nurses were off and her, and I would be the one working then for Christmas Eve. Silently, I prayed while conversing with her. I didn't want to be disrespectful for feeling so wronged. I didn't want to do anything coming from my own strength because I felt like I didn't have enough and my body and mind was just drained off of its functions as I heard the news.
There are so many injustices in this world. It's nothing new. But it was a comfort to have His Word to remind us that we have hope in a time of discouragement. We have God Whom we can trust and wait patiently for Him to act. That we have God's faithfulness, justice, and love which are opposite with the sinful hearts of humanity.
"Lord, what do I do? I feel so wronged. But I know You know it. And I trust in You more than anything. Please talk to me. I need to hear from You Lord," my heart was crying out.
"It's okay C...I'll just work on Christmas Eve if there is no other way to make it work out for my request," I softly uttered as I ended the conversation with a "Thank you." She must sensed my sadness.
But my spiritual conversation has not ended. This was the line that was always open. I opened the Bible and this was what He told me: [from 1 Peter 2:18-21]
As I was reading those precious Word, my phone rang twice, 5 minutes in between. And the last one was that final message letting me know that I would be off and she would be working instead. What caused a change of heart? Deep inside, I knew she had conviction, too. Knowing she is also His child. She might be the supervisor but she had a Higher One she must answer to. She knew she was always off on all the holidays.
But her message made me sad. Because I knew she was also a good mother needing that day off. To be with her family. I started praying for her, for the Lord to bless her and that she would still find someone to work for her. There is nothing impossible with our Lord.
Because I knew...We were both lost sheep before. And both of us have turned to One Shepherd, the Guardian of our souls. It was not about who would be off, who would be working anymore. We both could look at the situation through His eyes. We both have His victory. And I know we both have feeling of gratitude because we have this precious job, one of His provisions. And we both serve a mighty God, Who leads all of us out of any despair.
God does answer prayers...Whatever response, it is not because that is what we want but because He knows that's what's best for us. To give our hearts a chance to purge those things that do not need to take its space. Things that are not glorifying God. Yes, He answers even through those periods when He seem so far away. His silence does not mean He is not listening...What would be hard for Him not to give when He gave His One and Only Son to be the sacrifice for humanity? We just can't help but "thank Him!"
"May he grant your heart's desire and fulfill all your plans. May we shout for joy when we hear of your victory, flying banners to honor our God. May the Lord answer all your prayers."
- Psalm 20:4-5