Spiritual Sundays- "The Hole In My Heart"

My mother passed away on December 2000 from a sudden stroke. Going home was tough and for a while, after losing her, I thought I was entering through the portal of depression. I want to share a glimpse out of my journal I had written for her. Reading it just now, gave me the comfort of knowing how good our God truly is, for promising His gift of eternal life to those who believes in Him. This is the hope I cling to, knowing that someday, I will see my mother again. May you always treasure your mother and father and other loved ones and friends. We have a short life in this world…

Here, I was traveling to go home to see my father and be there for him to support and encourage him…After flying for 13 hours and riding in a car for 2 ½ something hours, my mind was just wandering….

“As the night slowly covered the tropical skies, I saw the silhouettes of the mountains, of swaying coconut trees, of carabaos in the rice fields, of people outside their homes mingling and chatting about how their day went, of kids playing outside, not minding the hardships in their lives. I thought it would have to always feel good to go back home. This time, it was the worst!

I was imagining my mother’s face, as I sat in the back of my cousin’s car and tried to recall more memories I spent with her. The tropical air brushing its warm breaths against my hair, I felt my mother’s warm kisses. I pictured her glowing smiles, the smiles that I knew I would eternally miss since the day she died. I just lost the maternal guidance I admired and which served as an inspiration in reaching my goals. I just lost a special person who was happy and grateful for even little things.

The illuminating and bright amber lights shone all over my mother’s casket, like a spotlight highlighting a statue. Eerily, despite the lights, I couldn’t see anything. I could cry a river as my legs started to ascend the stairs of my parents’ home. They felt heavy. I was like a prisoner dragging those metal balls, with chains wrapped around their feet. I didn’t commit a crime but I felt I just became a prisoner of the war that had beaten me and my mother - the war of life against death.

There were a lot of people sharing our grief: downstairs, in the terrace and inside the house. Their faces seemed blank to me as I could only see my mother’s face, through the glass that showed her beautiful face. The beauty like that of a princess from fairy tales that was just asleep. The picture of her smiles stuck in my mind while riding in the car was replaced with this real photo of my mother’s surrender to mortality. Beautiful flowers surrounded her and I knew she would have enjoyed them because she loved flowers.

This wasn’t the scene I wanted to see. I didn’t want those bright lights highlighting my mother’s death. I wanted my mother - the very own light in our home. I didn’t want those beautiful flowers, which smell lingered and seemed to announce my mother’s passing away. Instead, I wanted to smell the wondrous cooking, of foods specially prepared by her for many seasons. I longed for that big smile that would greet anyone, always painted on her face. Instead, I had this still pair of cold lips that made me cry. I was looking for those warm hugs and kisses that came from her. Instead, I got hugs and kisses from people, from all walks of life, sharing their grief with me.”

Before sulking into being depressed, it was the Lord Who comforted me. Even up to this time. I’m sharing this with you now, for you to remember that as you face any trial, no matter how impossible it seems, cling to His hand because He is the Greatest Comforter. We are all facing different degrees of trials. But God is always there for us. His hand is always reaching to us. All we need to do is give ours to Him so He can pull us out of what’s drowning us.

These were the words I spoke to the people who came with us when we buried our mother:

“I stand in front of you today to thank you all for sharing your love and respect for my mother. As I was sitting down and looking at my mother’s casket, I thought about a caterpillar that has to die in order for it to become a beautiful butterfly. We don’t really know much about death or the other side. But this world is like a big classroom where we all have to learn a lot of lessons. The greatest lesson we can learn is sharing what we have and giving our love to others, without asking for anything in return. We will all graduate someday, like how my mother just did.

I didn’t cry because my mother died. I cried now because my other brothers didn’t see all these wonderful people who shared their love and prayers for our mother and father and for us, her children. God bless all of you…”

I still have a big hole in my heart…that only my mother can fill….But God bandaged my broken heart with His love and sealed me with a promise that I would be going to His Home and see my mother again…for forever…Glory to God!

For more encouraging posts, please visit Spiritual Sundays, hosted by sister Charlotte and sister Ginger.
All posts/composed songs copyright by RCUBEs.


The Attacker (5/15/09)

The sun was just peeking from the Eastern skies. Ephesians 6:12 [37 kb]

Out in the prison’s yard, some huge Sheriff’s buses were illuminated by the soft glow coming from the lights all over from the tall lamp posts. Their engines were turned on, warming up, before the buses would take the inmates to the different courts where they would have their trials.

Orange-uniformed men were lined up in pairs, joined together with handcuffs and chained, forming a long line. They already had their breakfast and had their morning medications prior to going to courts. Some were fidgeting, as they waited to board those buses.

All of a sudden, all hell broke loose! Two men were engaged in a fight, using weapons they made secretly for a while. Deputies called for help on the radio, both for custody back-up and medical staff, as well.

When the air was cleared and the other inmates were secured, one man was down on the floor. He sustained multiple gashes but two of them were deep. One cut was vertically etched from his left ear going down to the jaw line. The other dangerous cut was horizontal on his left neck, close to the jugular vein. Pool of blood dripped all over the floor. Holding his bleeding neck, he was pointing at the other inmate few feet away, being guarded by the other deputies.

The other man being accused was not hurt. There were no lacerations nor any other signs of trauma. He was obviously very agitated as he was being questioned by those deputies, while the medical staff started treating the other man on the floor. They cleaned the wounds and controlled the bleeding. That man was sent to the nearby hospital.

When the investigation was finalized, it turned out to be that the “downed man who was accusing the other inmate” was the attacker and the other one who didn’t have injury was the one attacked. The deputies found out that it was the second attempt to attack the unhurt man. Both attacks on him failed. He was well-prepared after the first attempt on him, that when the second attempt was done, he was able to defend himself and ended up injuring his attacker severely.

[Source: NLT Bible ]:

We also have an “accuser of the brethren.” Satan and his army of demons are the enemies of God and of everything good.

“Because God’s children are human beings – made of flesh and blood – Jesus also became flesh and blood by being born in human form. For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the Devil, who had the power of death.” –Hebrews 2:14

Because of what Jesus had done [dying on the cross], we, who live in constant fear of death shouldn’t be afraid anymore. Jesus had freed us from that fear so we can live for Him. When we belong to God, we know that death is only the portal that leads into “eternal life”. [“Thank You Lord!].

Paul warned us, too that we also battle against the evil forces of Satan, who is a vicious fighter. But to be able to withstand their attacks, we must depend on God’s strength and use every piece of His armor. We face an army whose goal is to defeat Christ’s church. When we believe in Christ, they become our enemies. They will try any device to turn us away from the Lord.

Fear not! For God has provided His supernatural power to defeat Satan and his army, through His Holy Spirit within us. So, arm yourselves with God’s armor.

Let us be strong in the Lord's mighty power. Let's put on His whole armor to resist the enemy's attacks: put on the sturdy belt of truth and the body armor of God's righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News, so that we are well-prepared. We will need faith in every battle as our shield to stop the fiery arrows aimed by Satan and his army. Let us put on salvation as our helmet, not forgetting the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. Let's pray at all times, on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit. We must stay alert and be persistent in our prayers for all Christians everywhere. [Ephesians 6:10-18].