Please Pray For Me And My Family

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. - Ephesians 1:3 (NLT)

I had been very exhausted at work. Mentally and physically. But what is to happen come October is something I needed to truly cling closer to the Lord. I can't elaborate at this time. But if I may request for a favor from you, friends and soldiers of Christ. To please pray for me, my family and friends' protection. I have people coming over next month for a visit. Said people were involved in a literal spiritual battle fighting against unseen enemies. That is all I can say at this time. But I remember...years ago when I got involved. It was very exhausting. Mentally and physically. To fight against something you couldn't see. But at the same time, that was when the Lord had me discover the power and strength that He had already given to those who believed in Him. We, if we truly follow the Lord's footsteps, are truly blessed. Not because of us. But because of the "beloved"....Jesus!!! Heaven's door had been opened because of Jesus. We are able to truly approach the throne of grace and mercy because of Jesus. We are sinners robed in Jesus' righteousness. Yes...Because of Jesus. And no matter how tough each of us are facing battles, He never leaves us. The question it us straying away from Him? Thank You Jesus! Thank You Lord for everything You have granted to us! Thank You for Your love and mercy! I pray for my family in Your Holy Name as You know what each of them is going through...To please be there for them and heal where illnesses weaken them. Your provisions for those empty resources. Your restoration for broken hearts. Your protection that Your legions of angels will always surround us all wherever we are. Lead us Lord...Lead us into Your truth! Oh Lord, how we need You!


Blog Break

Taking a break at this time...God bless you all.

The Lieutenant

From now on, don't let anyone trouble me with these things. For I bear on my body the scars that show I belong to Jesus. - Galatians 6:17 (NLT)

I heard a familiar voice whose footsteps walked in silently into the Infirmary. Not greeting anyone of us. The figure went directly to the Charge Nurse’s desk and asked something about an inmate. Her ebony hair I had seen before. Brushed up and gathered in a ponytail the way I had seen it first. She glanced at my direction by the computer as I also looked at her at the same time. I smiled at her. She just looked back at the Charge Nurse who wasn’t even looking at her, looking down on some paper works on her desk. She never looked at my direction again. But I sensed. She remembered me. And she couldn't look at my direction.

She was one of those sitting in higher positions who gave me a hard time regarding my position as a Correctional Nurse. She must have heard a lot of “hear-says” from others like the supervisors where I usually worked and agreed with their decisions. Though she didn't know about me. They wanted me to quit though I had not done anything wrong. They accused me of lies that were unfounded.

Much later, I heard…that she was our Lieutenant now. I didn’t know. She got promoted from being a Sergeant when she first dealt with me. Her and the others scarred my heart. With their  false accusations. They intimidated me. So I could quit. I faced two choices when that trial occurred:

To become bitter or to remain feeling better.

She must be surprised that I remained working. Getting along well with my co-workers. Thankful that I was still picking up shifts because it was always short of staff. Some of my co-workers knew my struggle with them. I heard so much about her much later. No one liked her. She never said “hello” to deputies even. Maybe a few. And that they perceived her as very arrogant.

Anger wanted to steal the peace and joy residing in my heart that moment I saw her. Bitterness that wanted to establish ground in my heart was testing my will power again if I would let her roots grow.


The “waiting period” I had been in, the Lord Jesus turned into good. That was why I stayed joyful. Feeling “better” because of the strength He had given me. Because of the inexhaustible hope He gave me. What those people took away from me, He replaced with immaterial blessings that had far more worth.

Her face showed it all. She didn’t seem happy. She looked very tired. Despite being promoted and earning higher salaries. In this world, that seemed to be a place of fulfillment. When in reality, it would never be.

One’s fulfillment is not measured by what she or he holds in his hands. One’s fulfillment comes from the secure hold on him or her by the Scarred Hands.

As I wait for the outcome of my charge against them, whether I win or lose doesn’t matter anymore. I am just grateful to know the real satisfaction that comes from knowing Jesus. He soothed my scars. He comforted my broken heart. Who better does the healing but Him Who chose to have the scars on His hands because He loved us?

Words and music by Ray Boltz

I heard Him call my name
He said I've come to save you
But I was so ashamed
I turned to walk away
He reached out His hand
And said I have something to show you
And what I saw changed my life that day

I saw His scars
No He didn't try to hide them
He said, Come and look inside them
They are a window to my heart
And don't forget I love you
Just the way you are
I knew it must be true
I saw His scars
I said Lord my scars are deep
And I don't want You to see them
So many of them were caused
By things I chose to do
He said, Look again
At the ones that I am wearing
Don't you know I chose these scars too?

And one day in Heaven
When we are on our knees
We'll look up at Jesus
And I believe we'll see
We'll see His scars
No, He will not try to hide them
He'll say, Come and look inside them
They're a window to my heart
And don't forget I love you
Just the way you are
And we'll know that it's true
We'll see His scars
We'll see His scars
No He will not try to hide them
He'll say, Come and look inside them
They're a window to my heart
And don't forget I love you
Just the way you are
Oh we'll know that it's true
Because He died for me and you
Oh we'll know that it's true
We'll see His scars

I'm Not Backing Down

Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. – Proverbs 3:3 (NIV)

I saw her again…Down on the ground. Shaking uncontrollably. Breathing rapidly. Shallow breaths. The day before, she was not feeling well from the heat when she played out in the hot Rec yard in her unit for over an hour. Giving her plenty of cold water to drink, she got up and uttered that she didn’t want to bother any doctor or nurses. She was feeling alright. But bother staff??? She did… Many times. She was becoming well-known to staff because of her different medical emergencies. Except… Some were not truly urgent in nature.

Like that time…I knew she wanted attention. I had already addressed her possible mental health issue the day prior and had referred her to the prison’s Mental Health Services.

“Sit up! I know you can!” my voice filled that tiny cell as her head shook and her arms tried to flail.

She sat up immediately and the action confirmed that she wanted attention. To which, her manipulative behavior was becoming irritable to the unit’s deputy. The deputy’s  eyebrows arched as she glued her eyes on her with anger.

“Do you want to hurt yourself?” she yelled loudly.

“No! You don’t know what I have gone through!” the inmate replied back, remembering she hasn’t been shaking her arms and when she saw me observing her, tried to shake her upper extremities harder.

“Well, I’m gonna’ put you on Suicide Watch!” the deputy yelled even louder.

I tried to catch the deputy’s stare and once we locked our eyes, I motioned for her to get out of the cell. My non-verbal cue suggested I wanted to speak with her. Alone…Away from the manipulative inmate.

“You can’t put her on Suicide Watch!” I cautioned. Her angry stare at the inmate now staring back at me. The deputy’s lips remained closed. Trying to make me change what I just uttered. I sensed she was fed up with this inmate who always wanted medical attention.

“If her behavior is upsetting, do you have a cell where she can be housed alone?”

“No! My Ad-Segs (individual cells) are full!” she replied quickly, remaining upset with her tone.

Without moving her head anywhere, she said, “Well… then, if you’re not going to put her on Suicide Watch, I’m gonna’ write her up for faking her emergency and that’s the only reason I can separate her from others.”

“But you can’t do that!” I warned.

“Because even though her medical symptoms might not be an emergency, she still has an obvious mental health issue and that’s why she’s doing this. I had already referred her to the Psych Doctor yesterday.” (It was the same deputy who was present when I assessed this inmate that day).

She didn’t say anything. She bobbed her head down a bit only to look up and look me in the eye again. But she knew…I wouldn’t back down on my decisions that would not support what she wanted to happen. I wouldn’t. Because that was the right thing to do.

“Tell you what…”I kept looking through her dark, brown eyes…

“I’ll come back and try to get an order for medication to help her calm down until the Psych Doctor sees her tomorrow. I’ll tell the Charge Nurse so she can be the priority in the morning to be seen.”

She remained silent. A mixed feeling I was sure. Of unbelief that I wouldn’t back her up with her decisions and relief there was a solution to keep that inmate quiet and calm.

I told the Charge Nurse what happened so she could be aware of the struggle I had to go through. Not so much with the inmate. But of all, with Custody. We should be working together instead of against each other. I went back to that unit and gave 2 small, white pills to which the inmate was grateful for. Grateful because her attention-seeking won. But she didn’t know. What would be coming. When the Psych Doctor would see her, that behavior had to stop.

“Thank you!” I heard a soft voice coming from a female deputy whose back was turned as she typed something on the computer’s keyboard in a far corner as I was heading out.

“You’re welcome!” I responded and gave her a smile. I knew. She would remember me.

Not for the quick response to her radio call for medical assistance…Not for calling the doctor to get an order for some calming medication. Not for going back to her unit just to medicate the inmate.

She would remember me…For going against wrong decisions.  For standing up for what was right…

And so it must be with our Christian walks. May our loyalty to God not be like clouds nor the morning dew that dissipate early. For God delights in one’s loyalty. We are given His truth so we must stand for what we believe in. His truth! For loyalty to God weighs more than our sacrifices.It is not always easy. But by His grace...Only by God's grace...

Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God's righteousness.
- Ephesians 6:14 (NLT)

So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable. Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless.- 1 Corinthians 15:58 (NLT)

The Stroking Inmate

For it is impossible, in the case of those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, and have shared in the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the age to come, and then have fallen away, to restore them again to repentance, since they are crucifying once again the Son of God to their own harm and holding him up to contempt.- Hebrews 6:4-6 (ESV)

I got up immediately after asking the prison’s bridge over the phone to summon an ambulance for a sick inmate who could  possibly be having a stroke that the Charge Nurse was currently seeing. I slightly pulled the sliding curtain to gain more access and just discard the privacy as there were no other inmates in the Infirmary’s perimeter  at that time. It was quicker for the three of us, nurses, to bring in the equipments needed to intervene to the best ability we could.

He was a big man, well-built in mid-40’s. His mustache drew my eyes as he talked, trying to wipe a tear that had dropped from his right eye. His speech was slightly slurring and the mustache, a little lopsided as we asked him to smile. His initial blood pressure was high. What scared him was losing the sensation on his chin area and around his bottom lip.

“Still numb…” he kept uttering.

“Try to relax and take a deep breath!” I requested as the IV was started and I gave him the oxygen. The Charge Nurse busy running the EKG and in-between, I dashed to the nearby copier machine so I could make copies of his medications and the EKG result.

After giving him some rounds of Nitro and a pill (Aspirin), he wiped another tear that fell. He commented how his chest pain seemed to have been going away.

“Finish your charting,” I told the Charge Nurse. “I’ll keep an eye  on him…” The Charge Nurse didn’t want to leave the room at first, finally accepted the offer. She knew time was crucial as she had a little window to finish writing about the inmate’s medical history that would be sent out with him.

With the sight of the medical supplies surrounding just him and I, I kept a constant sight as I pushed the IV pole that was distracting my vision of him at first.

“Feeling better? Don’t worry, Okay?”

He nodded…His brown eyes followed my shadow and eye-to-eye he tried to smile.

“I was worried…Lots of stuff I had gone through, Ma’am…”

“I used to be a deacon. Bought a house. Had a good life. Married. My wife…Volunteering every Sunday in our Sunday school. But she was hooked up with drugs. Our lives were turned upside down. I was caught in the mess. Now, I might lose my house…So, I’m trying to sell it. And divorce her.” His statements never paused. Anger’s smoke rose from his mouth and ears.

“Shhh…Relax…” I requested. “But I hear you…”

“So…you’re a born-again Christian?”

“Yes, Ma’am…For years now…Happy with Jesus…And now, I am here in the jail.”


“You’re a Christian…”


His eyes grew wide with excitement and he wasn’t sure at first if he heard me call him “brother”.

“Brother…” I repeated.


“Surrender your worries to Jesus.”

“You know Him…”

“Go back to Him first.” “Go back to Him…” “Again…”

“And all the things will be given to you…”

He laughed. I saw the Charge Nurse peered through the big glass window facing the exam room where the inmate and I were. She seemed to be wondering what was going on with our talk.

“You’re right, sister…” he acknowledged.

“I will do that. I'm not worried anymore...Ahhh….God is good!”

I turned on the bp monitor and the reading that was once very high registered: 130/90. Slightly high but much better than the initial reading we got first. His eyes remained shining brightly and his spirit seemed to have soared like an eagle.

“Are you okay? I could hear you from where I was,” the Charge Nurse’s head peeked through the door.

“Oh…I’m feeling a lot better, Ma’am. This ssss…nurse made me laugh.”

I knew he wanted to say “sister” but he remembered the status he was in. That in the prison, it was a rule for staff not to be friendly with inmates. He didn’t want me to get in trouble. But I wasn’t afraid. I knew he sensed that. Because in reality. We both belonged to Christ’s family.

He didn’t see me eating my dinner in the back of the Clinic as I saw the guerney that carried him, being pushed by the EMT’s. The heavy, metal door popped open and I knew where he would be going.

First… To the cross…

Then…To ER…

Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love.- Revelation 2:4 (NIV)

You were running well. Who hindered you from obeying the truth?- Galatians 5:7 (ESV)

But now that you have come to know God, or rather to be known by God, how can you turn back again to the weak and worthless elementary principles of the world, whose slaves you want to be once more? 
- Galatians 4:9 (ESV)

The backslider in heart will be filled with the fruit of his ways, and a good man will be filled with the fruit of his ways.- Proverbs 14:14 (ESV)

“Return, O faithless sons; I will heal your faithlessness.” “Behold, we come to you, for you are the Lord our God.- Jeremiah 3:22 (ESV)

To The Cross (Paul Baloche)

All posts/composed songs copyright by RCUBEs.