To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked
down on everybody else, Jesus told this parable: “Two men went up to the temple
to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood up
and prayed about himself: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other
men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast
twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’
“But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not
even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a
sinner.’
“I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went
home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and
he who humbles himself will be exalted.”
- Luke 18:9-14 (NIV)
This young male, newly-booked prisoner was quick to answer
me when I asked him if he wanted to hurt himself (which the unit advised us
prior to his arrival at the Clinic).
“Yes, I am,” maintaining his eye contact with mine through
the thick, glass partition window as our Infirmary Deputy sat watching him. He
looked like his hygiene was good. He answered appropriately. He looked like he
was well-nourished. I didn’t see any other obvious symptoms except when I
looked into those brown eyes, I knew he wasn’t telling the truth.
The secretary and I were trying to find his medical screen
so we could open a chart. I was sure that Intake Nurse should have opened one
if he claimed that he had mental health problem the moment he walked into the
Booking area of the jail. But the Intake Nurse did not remember anything about
him. There was no chart, affirming my “gut feeling” that he just complained that
morning.
As I was about to print some medical labels, I overheard the
deputy who escorted him and the incoming Intake Nurse for the day shift talking
with him. Sure enough, with eye contact that couldn’t outlast ours by then, he
started shaking a little bit, more nervous as he admitted that he got
threatened by his cellmates in the unit that they would beat him up and even
kill him.
“Why? What’s your charge?” asked the deputy.
He paused. He didn’t want to say anything, I felt because of
embarrassment with regards to his answer. A slow minute passed by as we all
stood in front of him awaiting for his answer that would help us in return
whether I would put him on Suicide Watch or not.
He took a deep breath as he fell on the chair and whispered,
“ Rape and Sodomy…”
I let the deputy and the Intake Nurse talked to him that
going suicidal was not the answer. After being evaluated by the Mental Health
Doctor, he would surely be put back into the same unit. Same cell. Because it
was more of housing issue, the deputy went ahead and took him back to Intake so
he could be re-housed. I saw his face lit up a bit as he walked slowly, his
wrists remained cuffed behind his back.
“Go figure!” the Infirmary Deputy stated.
“Those others were probably thieves, murderers and substance
abusers yet there they were, ready to kill this man because they wouldn’t
accept the fact that he raped someone else. They hated that crime yet they also
committed their own crimes…”
I just remained silent. Working for 13 years in the prison,
I learned about that and never understood at the beginning of such behavior.
But when I read more about God’s truth, I knew He was right!
That we, humans, are quick to trust in ourselves and think
how righteous we are! And how we despise others! When in reality, it is only
God Who can help us be righteous. No one can enter God’s Kingdom if he is full
of himself. One needs to come to God with humility and trust.
I hardly see improvement from the lives of these
incarcerated individuals. Not until they recognize that each of them has
committed crimes, and that in truth, there is really no one better than the
other. The fact is they have all broken the laws.
For it is only by recognizing one’s sins and depending on
God’s mercy (by acknowledging what Jesus has done on the cross to save
humanity), one can enter His Kingdom.
Not by one’s own merit…
