I Choose To Hope

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." ~ Psalm 43:5

“Nurse! Just send me back to my unit if you guys are not going to do anything! I will just file a grievance,” an irate female inmate yelled through the glass window.

She had been waiting in the Infirmary for hours before I got there that night. Yet, she was just seen by the jail doctor the previous day and earlier that day and many other times. She always complained of her heart hurting. That she needed to go to the hospital because of her heart condition. So upset that she was not seen by the cardiologist.

“Ma’am,” I approached the window as the charge nurse felt exhausted dealing with her. “I also had spoken with you earlier. I told you that the reason why they kept you so long here was because you kept complaining of chest pain. We did the EKG. It was normal. I called you in and took your vital signs and I showed you, that everything was normal. I just need you to understand that we can’t do anything at this point because there was no abnormal findings even when the doctor had seen you earlier. It doesn’t mean we don’t believe you. We are aware of your congenital heart problem. But you need to understand that it is a process when we refer you to the cardiologist. There is nothing life threatening that is happening right now with you and you had this condition since you were little.”

She didn’t know what to say. With those thousands of words that came out from me, I was feeling exhausted, too. And I only had dealt with her for an hour.

“You don’t understand. I need to go to the hospital! I need a cardiologist now!” she demanded.

“I would not keep repeating my explanations. We do understand that it is frustrating on your part. But you need to be patient. When a specific date and time comes back to us from the Cardiology department, they will just get you from your unit and bring you to the hospital,” I added.

She reached out her right hand below the glass partition window. I handed her yellow pass so she could go back to her unit. Shaking her head softly, feeling as if she had no more power to demand all she had wanted done her way, she surrendered. Her steps slowly retraced her prints she left earlier when she first walked in. Back to her cell.

“Lord! Lord! Why are our prayers not answered?” How often I demand God to explain things to me, too and when things don’t go the way I want it to go in my life. When my prayers seem unanswered as I see others and I struggling for physical healing, for provision of needs, for freedom from being imprisoned with many, many bondages. “Why God when You have the power to do so?” When He is truly bigger than any of these things! Often I see myself in complete surrender. That’s what needs to happen most of the time. To give me time to reflect on His true nature. That He is a God of love. That despite the circumstances around me, He is the One Who has the control not me. That I still must choose to have joy in my heart despite the trials and heartaches. That I must still choose to have hope despite things looking bleak at times. Because these awful times are what drive me to surrender to Him. And in those quiet times, in those quiet places, that’s where He usually meets me and softly explains to my heart the plans in my life. That it is a process. Not my way. But His. That there is Someone Who always intercedes for me. And I know, my prayers are being heard. Mine and yours. Yes, I must choose to hope Lord. I choose to still hope…Knowing Christ did die for me. Knowing Your plans give me hope and a future.

"For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good." ~ Titus 2:11-14

All posts/composed songs copyright by RCUBEs.


The Attacker (5/15/09)

The sun was just peeking from the Eastern skies. Ephesians 6:12 [37 kb]

Out in the prison’s yard, some huge Sheriff’s buses were illuminated by the soft glow coming from the lights all over from the tall lamp posts. Their engines were turned on, warming up, before the buses would take the inmates to the different courts where they would have their trials.

Orange-uniformed men were lined up in pairs, joined together with handcuffs and chained, forming a long line. They already had their breakfast and had their morning medications prior to going to courts. Some were fidgeting, as they waited to board those buses.

All of a sudden, all hell broke loose! Two men were engaged in a fight, using weapons they made secretly for a while. Deputies called for help on the radio, both for custody back-up and medical staff, as well.

When the air was cleared and the other inmates were secured, one man was down on the floor. He sustained multiple gashes but two of them were deep. One cut was vertically etched from his left ear going down to the jaw line. The other dangerous cut was horizontal on his left neck, close to the jugular vein. Pool of blood dripped all over the floor. Holding his bleeding neck, he was pointing at the other inmate few feet away, being guarded by the other deputies.

The other man being accused was not hurt. There were no lacerations nor any other signs of trauma. He was obviously very agitated as he was being questioned by those deputies, while the medical staff started treating the other man on the floor. They cleaned the wounds and controlled the bleeding. That man was sent to the nearby hospital.

When the investigation was finalized, it turned out to be that the “downed man who was accusing the other inmate” was the attacker and the other one who didn’t have injury was the one attacked. The deputies found out that it was the second attempt to attack the unhurt man. Both attacks on him failed. He was well-prepared after the first attempt on him, that when the second attempt was done, he was able to defend himself and ended up injuring his attacker severely.

[Source: NLT Bible ]:

We also have an “accuser of the brethren.” Satan and his army of demons are the enemies of God and of everything good.

“Because God’s children are human beings – made of flesh and blood – Jesus also became flesh and blood by being born in human form. For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the Devil, who had the power of death.” –Hebrews 2:14

Because of what Jesus had done [dying on the cross], we, who live in constant fear of death shouldn’t be afraid anymore. Jesus had freed us from that fear so we can live for Him. When we belong to God, we know that death is only the portal that leads into “eternal life”. [“Thank You Lord!].

Paul warned us, too that we also battle against the evil forces of Satan, who is a vicious fighter. But to be able to withstand their attacks, we must depend on God’s strength and use every piece of His armor. We face an army whose goal is to defeat Christ’s church. When we believe in Christ, they become our enemies. They will try any device to turn us away from the Lord.

Fear not! For God has provided His supernatural power to defeat Satan and his army, through His Holy Spirit within us. So, arm yourselves with God’s armor.

Let us be strong in the Lord's mighty power. Let's put on His whole armor to resist the enemy's attacks: put on the sturdy belt of truth and the body armor of God's righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News, so that we are well-prepared. We will need faith in every battle as our shield to stop the fiery arrows aimed by Satan and his army. Let us put on salvation as our helmet, not forgetting the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. Let's pray at all times, on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit. We must stay alert and be persistent in our prayers for all Christians everywhere. [Ephesians 6:10-18].