Who Am I?

“If you’re having chest pain, you wouldn’t be able to make it down here from your unit,” hollered one nurse to a female inmate who requested to be seen middle of the night.

Peering through the glass partition window, the inmate started getting upset and became belligerent to that nurse.

“If you are going to be upset like that, then sit over there and wait until I call you, " retorted the nurse.

While sitting on one of the plastic chairs in the waiting area, the deputy came, not knowing what happened, he just heard the last part when the inmate was angry at the nurse and was saying profanities.

“Don’t come here if you’re gonna’ have that kind of attitude. It doesn’t work here,” yelled the deputy.

“Sir, it’s not me! It’s those nurses. They don’t seem to care, " more profanities came out of her loud mouth. She heard two nurses laughing as they talked and perhaps, felt like they were talking and laughing at her.

“Rosel, do you mind seeing this inmate?,” requested the charge nurse, knowing that there was already an air of animosity between that inmate and the other nurse who initially saw her when the inmate walked into the clinic.

“Not at all, " I said.

“You’re gonna’ be good with her?”

“I’m always good with them,” as I smiled softly.

I motioned that inmate to go through the door that led to the inner part of the Infirmary where we house our gadgets to check for their vital signs. The deputy stood nearby to give me protection as he thought that the inmate has an unpredictable behavior and could be dangerous to staff.

Speaking softly and gently, I asked her, “ I heard you were having chest pain? Since what time? How bad? What kind? And do you have any heart condition that I need to know?”

Inmate: “I couldn’t sleep. My heart feels like it’s racing. It’s hard to breathe. I’m not really having chest pain, more of discomfort like it’s tight.”

“Ma’am, your blood pressure is normal. Except your pulse is high at 109. Your lung sounds are clear and you have no fever. May I ask you if you have a history of anxiety or even claustrophobia?”

Inmate: “You’re right. I do have panic attacks sometimes and it does feel like that. No! I’m not scared of small spaces.”

“Well, then [after doing an EKG to read the electrical activity of her heart], your EKG is normal. I would advise you to just try to relax. I can’t answer for the things that go around here. But I would request you to remain patient and try to calm down when you have episodes of panic like that. I saw that the Psychiatrist had already prescribed you some medicine for it. If you feel like they are not working or maybe not getting enough effects, you may always put a sick call request to see us.”

Inmate: “Thank you so much. I feel so much better now. Can I tell you something? You seem to be the only one nice around here. You never called me names. You never accused me that I was just lying. Thank you and I just want you to know that.”

I just smiled at her and reassured her, motioned for her to go back to the waiting area and rest until she felt much better. As soon as she closed the door, she had asked me if she could go back to her unit then as she felt more relaxed and able to breathe better. I gave her “pass” and out she went to the female side, steady gait and with a smile on her face.

I know….I treated her in a respectful way. But who am I to judge her? Who am I to yell at her and expect for her to change her bad behavior? Who am I to assume that she was just lying when I don’t see the true intentions of her heart?

I was once like her. Treated with ignorance, with rejection, with disrespect by this world. Laughed at, scorned at, and judged. Discouraged, unneeded, unheeded, and unaccepted sometimes. Broken and battered by the storms of life yet there was no one willing to stand by me.

Except for the One Who truly understood and saw my heart. He was the first to go through all those painful scorns and rejection by this world. No wonder why He understood what I had gone through…He had been there…

He treated me with an out-of-this-world compassion, of love, of mercy and of forgiveness. He changed my heart. I had no other wish but to conform to His likeness when I received His faithful love.

Who am I that even when I rejected Him, He continued to offer me His friendship and gift of salvation? Who am I that I was His enemy, yet He died for me and called me His friend when I finally trusted Him?

“Who am I to You, Oh Lord?” He spoke to my heart:

"You are My child and I am your Father."

"And I love you with an everlasting love."

Thanks for visiting me and I love you all with the love that comes from the Lord. Turn up that volume of yours and feel the faithful love that comes from the lyrics of this great song. Bask in the love from the One Who's always waiting for all of us to love Him back and acknowledge Him into our lives. How long are you going to keep REJECTING the One Who hasn't done you any wrong except to love you from the start?

All posts/composed songs copyright by RCUBEs.


The Attacker (5/15/09)

The sun was just peeking from the Eastern skies. Ephesians 6:12 [37 kb]

Out in the prison’s yard, some huge Sheriff’s buses were illuminated by the soft glow coming from the lights all over from the tall lamp posts. Their engines were turned on, warming up, before the buses would take the inmates to the different courts where they would have their trials.

Orange-uniformed men were lined up in pairs, joined together with handcuffs and chained, forming a long line. They already had their breakfast and had their morning medications prior to going to courts. Some were fidgeting, as they waited to board those buses.

All of a sudden, all hell broke loose! Two men were engaged in a fight, using weapons they made secretly for a while. Deputies called for help on the radio, both for custody back-up and medical staff, as well.

When the air was cleared and the other inmates were secured, one man was down on the floor. He sustained multiple gashes but two of them were deep. One cut was vertically etched from his left ear going down to the jaw line. The other dangerous cut was horizontal on his left neck, close to the jugular vein. Pool of blood dripped all over the floor. Holding his bleeding neck, he was pointing at the other inmate few feet away, being guarded by the other deputies.

The other man being accused was not hurt. There were no lacerations nor any other signs of trauma. He was obviously very agitated as he was being questioned by those deputies, while the medical staff started treating the other man on the floor. They cleaned the wounds and controlled the bleeding. That man was sent to the nearby hospital.

When the investigation was finalized, it turned out to be that the “downed man who was accusing the other inmate” was the attacker and the other one who didn’t have injury was the one attacked. The deputies found out that it was the second attempt to attack the unhurt man. Both attacks on him failed. He was well-prepared after the first attempt on him, that when the second attempt was done, he was able to defend himself and ended up injuring his attacker severely.

[Source: NLT Bible ]:

We also have an “accuser of the brethren.” Satan and his army of demons are the enemies of God and of everything good.

“Because God’s children are human beings – made of flesh and blood – Jesus also became flesh and blood by being born in human form. For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the Devil, who had the power of death.” –Hebrews 2:14

Because of what Jesus had done [dying on the cross], we, who live in constant fear of death shouldn’t be afraid anymore. Jesus had freed us from that fear so we can live for Him. When we belong to God, we know that death is only the portal that leads into “eternal life”. [“Thank You Lord!].

Paul warned us, too that we also battle against the evil forces of Satan, who is a vicious fighter. But to be able to withstand their attacks, we must depend on God’s strength and use every piece of His armor. We face an army whose goal is to defeat Christ’s church. When we believe in Christ, they become our enemies. They will try any device to turn us away from the Lord.

Fear not! For God has provided His supernatural power to defeat Satan and his army, through His Holy Spirit within us. So, arm yourselves with God’s armor.

Let us be strong in the Lord's mighty power. Let's put on His whole armor to resist the enemy's attacks: put on the sturdy belt of truth and the body armor of God's righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News, so that we are well-prepared. We will need faith in every battle as our shield to stop the fiery arrows aimed by Satan and his army. Let us put on salvation as our helmet, not forgetting the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. Let's pray at all times, on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit. We must stay alert and be persistent in our prayers for all Christians everywhere. [Ephesians 6:10-18].