Struggling Here

I'm linking this post at Spiritual Sundays. Please visit this warm place hosted by sisters Ginger and Charlotte.

So, I talked about this female inmate from my previous post “Cut Off” [see prior post below] of how she complained all night long about her back pain. But she was in for committing robbery. After dealing with her at Intake on Friday night, I wasn’t surprised to see her again the following night at the Infirmary, wanting the same attention. She wanted to be given higher doses of pain medications, faking every movement as she rose from her mattress.

Don’t think of me as always being kind. Because that night, I was being mean. I made fun of her whining with my co-workers, copying her and to my co-workers delight. I knew I had enough of her excuses. But having a bad night from Intake dealing with her up to the following day was not a good excuse in the eyes of the Lord.

Many animals change their colors to adapt to their environment. It’s their way of fitting in. The Lord brought to my mind and heart about what I did [making fun of that female inmate]. That was my conviction from the Lord this week. That I should continue to work on becoming a “new nature” because I’m already His child. His light in this dark world. That I am not to conform to this world. That I represent Him in anything I say, think or do.

That I don’t need to fit in in my workplace though I’m surrounded by corruption, sins, evil spirits. I don’t need to adapt to this situation because I have His freedom. I don’t need to survive. The Lord is my life and hope and everything put together. He is not of this world.

I had visited some blogging friends this morning and they also talked about not “conforming to this world.” I knew the Lord was not done with His convictions on me as I read every precious posts.  “Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?” [Psalm 139:7]


I’m not kind! I’m not always nice! I am still struggling with every step I take to finish this race for Him.



Oh Lord, thank You by revealing these things that do not please You, that otherwise, will just go unnoticed. Thank You that Your Spirit searches out everything and exposes these ill behaviors or ways we do, that do not glorify You. Help me Oh Lord to continue to grow in Your ways. Like Jesus. Please forgive me for my sins. Purify us Lord. Help me to be transformed by You, instead of being conformed to this world.In Jesus’ Name, I pray. Amen.

“What this means is that those who become Christians become new persons. They are not the same anymore, for the old life is gone. A new life has begun!” - 2 Corinthians 5:17

Cut Off

“You’ve been mean to me ever since I got here!” screamed one female, heavy set inmate in front of the female deputy. Her torso bent midway, with her right hand supporting her weight as she leaned on the deputy’s desk.

I just gave her some Motrin for her complaint of back pain and a small cup of water.

“Don’t you dare spill that cup of water on my desk!” exclaimed the deputy. As she saw the inmate put down the plastic cup with her unstable stance.

If anyone saw this moment, they would truly believe the inmate. That this deputy had no heart. That she was a plain evil person. But it wasn’t true. I came on to start my shift that night. Unable to get report from the evening shift nurse, I got a little background from the same deputy.

I saw this inmate first on the floor, moaning and crying, not wanting to talk with the nurse or the deputy. Complaining of back pain and screaming every time the staff asked her if she could share a little bit about herself so we could attend to her needs. But she remained just that. Moaning and crying all night long. Until she was called to be processed. And the deputy called me and requested if I could give her something for pain because she found out that she had been abusing many types of narcotics. And that was what she was in for. Committing robbery perhaps, to sustain that habit.

The following night, I was not surprised to see her inside the female waiting area in the Infirmary. She was doing the same thing. Moaning and crying and pretending that she could not get up when staff was present. But some of us [including myself] had witnessed she was able to get up and go to the bathroom without any problem when she thought that no one was looking.

We are used to this kind of game. Some inmates play games, pretending that their conditions are really bad that they can’t be incarcerated. They wanted to be free. Despite the crimes they committed. They exaggerate symptoms thinking it will earn them a free pass,  an easy way out. So they think….But it doesn’t work that way. You can’t be free without acknowledging the mistakes you have done. Freedom is always available. But there is always a cut off…Only to those willing to accept responsibility for those mistakes and learn from them are able to recognize the worth of becoming free. To feel sorry and not do these same crimes, mistakes, hurt, sins…



"From that time Jesus began to preach, and to say, Repent: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand." - Matthew 4:17


"I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish." - Luke 13:3


"Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord,..." - Acts 3:19

No repentance, no forgiveness...


No forgiveness, no salvation...

Prayer For The City

I remember hearing this song when my oldest brother from Denmark shared this song with me and aside from the beautiful melody, I fell in love with the lyrics which is so vital for us to do. I just want to share this song with you all and may you remember to "incessantly pray."

My brother gave me this special gift, a limited edition from the Oslo Gospel Choir and I love to listen to this anytime of the day. Thank You Lord.

This is the best version I found in you tube:


Prayer For The City


C                       G
We open our hearts
Am                                   F
And our lives to You O God
Dm                         C          Am
Create within us a servant part
              F                             G
So that we can show Your love


C                                      G
Where all hope has been lost
Am                                   F
Let Your Spirit bring new life
 Dm                               C Am
To those in need bring prosperity
                              F                          G
Where there's darkness shine Your light

 F       G              Em             Am
We pray for the city we live in
 F       G                 C              Am
We pray that our sins be forgiven
 F              G               Am          F
Do Your will right here as in heaven
 C                 F          G        C
Father, we call on Your Name

           F                    C
We pray for our children
           F                     C
We pray for our leaders
            F                   C
We pray for our families
          Am          D           G
Oh, bless us Lord we pray

Addendum: Sorry, I was going to post the guitar chords but I couldn't find the copy I had [for you JBR and others out there who knows how to play the guitar. I'll come back if I find it]     :)

@ 0935 hrs: After searching desperately, I found the chords!  God showed it to me! Yay! Thank You Lord. I added it, simple but truly a beautiful song. I hope you all like it.

I Am A Coward

I printed out a new copy of upcoming schedule. Only to have a little worry set in as I saw that I would be working at the prison’s Intake at least every other Friday, starting August.

Now, I’m that kind of a worker who is flexible. I don’t mind going there or anywhere else in the jail, even float to other facilities. But it’s just that it’s the busiest place inside the prison and that, as an Intake Nurse, you’re just by yourself. While if assigned at the Infirmary, at least, there are always a few nurses. Not that they are not going to help but still, it’s only the Intake Nurse’s sole responsibility to oversee the male and female side. Aside from screening all the arrestees who come in fresh from the streets, the Intake Nurse has the responsibility to check all those who are in Suicide Watch and all those drunk bodies, in many sobering cells. Fights are possible when many bodies end up in one cell, as their minds or consciousness are altered with the effects of many illegal substances and alcohol. Paired with that are many telephone calls from many local cities’ police department who wants the Intake Nurse’s “go signal” whether their arrestees can stay in the local jails or need to be transported to our main jail, since we have the nurses there, 24/7. The jail doctor comes every morning ‘til evening daily.

When the Lord took me out of my comfort zone many years ago [Orthopedic in a prominent hospital], and brought me here and gave me many unknown challenges, it was still His provision that made me survive the evilness in this place. Working as a correctional nurse goes beyond the physical symptoms. The spiritual battle here is real. Many unseen spirits tormenting those preys that otherwise, have no knowledge of this battle in the spiritual realm. I am grateful that the Lord had prepared me way earlier before putting me in this assignment.

You would think that I am comfortable now that I had been there for 10 years. But each night, there is always a new challenge. So, sometimes, I feel like I’m more like Jonah more than Isaiah. So, as you are here now, reading this, may I ask a favor to include me in your prayers for the Lord’s guidance, protection, wisdom, discernment and strength as I perform this upcoming task at Intake?







Lord, I am a coward when it comes to not knowing what is about to happen. I don’t want to take Your leading for granted, knowing that You are bringing me to a more challenging task. But doing so, I am grateful that You chose me. Then I know that You can trust me better as I perform these bigger duties. I want to make that commitment to You Oh Lord, to be Your instrument in everything that I say and do. Empower me Oh Lord with Your strength and might and fill me with the Holy Spirit. Whenever You ask “Whom should I send as a messenger to My people? Who will go for us?”, help me Lord to be confident and courageous and be bold like Isaiah and reply to You: “Lord, I’ll go! Send me…” [Isaiah 6:8]…Please forgive me for all my sins, and cleanse me. Yes, Lord, I am a coward and inadequate…that is on my own…But with You, it is a different story. Thank You for Your grace. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

"But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them--yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me." - 1 Cor.15:10