I Am A Coward

I printed out a new copy of upcoming schedule. Only to have a little worry set in as I saw that I would be working at the prison’s Intake at least every other Friday, starting August.

Now, I’m that kind of a worker who is flexible. I don’t mind going there or anywhere else in the jail, even float to other facilities. But it’s just that it’s the busiest place inside the prison and that, as an Intake Nurse, you’re just by yourself. While if assigned at the Infirmary, at least, there are always a few nurses. Not that they are not going to help but still, it’s only the Intake Nurse’s sole responsibility to oversee the male and female side. Aside from screening all the arrestees who come in fresh from the streets, the Intake Nurse has the responsibility to check all those who are in Suicide Watch and all those drunk bodies, in many sobering cells. Fights are possible when many bodies end up in one cell, as their minds or consciousness are altered with the effects of many illegal substances and alcohol. Paired with that are many telephone calls from many local cities’ police department who wants the Intake Nurse’s “go signal” whether their arrestees can stay in the local jails or need to be transported to our main jail, since we have the nurses there, 24/7. The jail doctor comes every morning ‘til evening daily.

When the Lord took me out of my comfort zone many years ago [Orthopedic in a prominent hospital], and brought me here and gave me many unknown challenges, it was still His provision that made me survive the evilness in this place. Working as a correctional nurse goes beyond the physical symptoms. The spiritual battle here is real. Many unseen spirits tormenting those preys that otherwise, have no knowledge of this battle in the spiritual realm. I am grateful that the Lord had prepared me way earlier before putting me in this assignment.

You would think that I am comfortable now that I had been there for 10 years. But each night, there is always a new challenge. So, sometimes, I feel like I’m more like Jonah more than Isaiah. So, as you are here now, reading this, may I ask a favor to include me in your prayers for the Lord’s guidance, protection, wisdom, discernment and strength as I perform this upcoming task at Intake?

Isaiah 6:8 [53 kb]

Lord, I am a coward when it comes to not knowing what is about to happen. I don’t want to take Your leading for granted, knowing that You are bringing me to a more challenging task. But doing so, I am grateful that You chose me. Then I know that You can trust me better as I perform these bigger duties. I want to make that commitment to You Oh Lord, to be Your instrument in everything that I say and do. Empower me Oh Lord with Your strength and might and fill me with the Holy Spirit. Whenever You ask “Whom should I send as a messenger to My people? Who will go for us?”, help me Lord to be confident and courageous and be bold like Isaiah and reply to You: “Lord, I’ll go! Send me…” [Isaiah 6:8]…Please forgive me for all my sins, and cleanse me. Yes, Lord, I am a coward and inadequate…that is on my own…But with You, it is a different story. Thank You for Your grace. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

"But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them--yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me." - 1 Cor.15:10


  1. amen AMEN AMEN>>FATHER GOD I know it is not by chance that she would write this and struggle right now as I too will start Monday on another task..she has only been doing this `10 years..and here I am 20 years and I'm struggling..so as I've been dealing with being a Jonah, I cry out the song I love from Isaiah..here I am Lord, it is I Lord, I have heard You calling in the night. I will go Lord, if you lead me,,I will hold Your people in my heart.

    amen amen amen

    Thank you for posting this and yes, I will pray and please pray for me.

  2. Rosel ~

    My dear friend! May you be strong in HIM and in HIS Power! I ask in the Mighty name of Jesus that fear would take its place which is under your feet! When you are weak HE is strong! When you humble yourself and pray HE will heal you! The Lord did not give you a spirit of fear ~ but of Power, Love and a sound mind!!

    I pray you feel the prayers of Many, the Love of more and most importantly the Presence of the Lord in ALL you do! As you renew your mind may you Hear what the Spirit is saying!

    I love you my friend and am praying always!!

  3. Sweet sis, I will increase my prayers for you. Asking God to put angels all around you, guarding you with protection and peace. I love you.

  4. Dear Rosel,

    I have no doubt that you will have many angels surrounding you (and be sure to loose them as well).

    What a wonderful warrior you are my friend.

    I pray you'll have supernatural peace and a hedge of protection around you in Jesus' Name.

  5. Of course I will continue to pray for you! You have been such a blessing to so many of us in blog land I can only imagine what a comfort you are to those you come in contact with at your job.

  6. I will be sending prayers up for you Sis. God is keeping you and will never let you go.


  7. Gods schedule...not ours! How I know that adventurous road! I don't seem to ever get use to it either! Somehow, I think GOD knows HIS twists and bends placed in my path make me into a better person...and keep me ever so dependent upon HIM.

    I have missed coming by regularly. I love you and your prayers mean more to me than you will know. Please keep them coming!


  8. Rosel, Many prayers have been said for you and I will continue to pray for your safety and peace. May God protect you and keep you safe my dear friend.

    Do you have a guard that stays close to you? Love you,

  9. I am praying with you and for you. I pray that God will give you the courage you need and provide you with the safety and peace you need in the job you choose because you choose to serve the Lord whole heartedly. Blessings Anne

  10. The Lord is your light and salvation; whom shall you fear? The Lord is the strength of your life;Of whom shall you be afraid? Psalm 27

    He who dwells in the secret place of the most high, shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord He is my refuge and my fortress. Psalm 91 I pray for a hedge of protection around you in the name of Jesus..

  11. I love that you were willing to leave the comfort of a city hospital to minister to those in prison. If the Lord has called you to this ...He will supply what you need. But I can only imagine the evil influence that you must see and feel.

    I remember one incident when I was working in a hospital and I could feel the evil spirit in a man. It was awful and yet I had to care for him.

    I pray for God's protection in your life.

    Blessings and love,

  12. ps Isaiah 54:17 Speak it out..No weapon formed against me shall prosper..

  13. Thank you precious friends for all of your encouragement. Love Isa.54:17 sunnycalgirl. Thank you so much to all of you. August is not here yet but I definitely feel all these wonderful support from all of you. God bless you more.

  14. You really have opened my eyes up to a whole new world by reading your posts. You definitely have my prayers for safety, courage, wisdom and anything else you need for your tasks.
    Blessings to you,

  15. God has His perfect timing. Blessing to you dear one.

  16. I am printing your prayer and putting in on my bathroom mirror! I raised my hand - and when God said, "Go" last year, I did. But, oh, the struggles, the attacks. I thought I was so much stronger. I know I was prepared. But maybe this first year was like the first wave in the ocean crashing against you as you walk in, causing you to wobble, stretch for balance and adjust to the pressure.

    I will be praying for you! For strength, protection and a good Teflon Holy Spirit Spray that let's those demonic spirits just slide right off!


"Faith is taking the first step even if you don't see the whole staircase..."
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

All posts/composed songs copyright by RCUBEs.


The Attacker (5/15/09)

The sun was just peeking from the Eastern skies. Ephesians 6:12 [37 kb]

Out in the prison’s yard, some huge Sheriff’s buses were illuminated by the soft glow coming from the lights all over from the tall lamp posts. Their engines were turned on, warming up, before the buses would take the inmates to the different courts where they would have their trials.

Orange-uniformed men were lined up in pairs, joined together with handcuffs and chained, forming a long line. They already had their breakfast and had their morning medications prior to going to courts. Some were fidgeting, as they waited to board those buses.

All of a sudden, all hell broke loose! Two men were engaged in a fight, using weapons they made secretly for a while. Deputies called for help on the radio, both for custody back-up and medical staff, as well.

When the air was cleared and the other inmates were secured, one man was down on the floor. He sustained multiple gashes but two of them were deep. One cut was vertically etched from his left ear going down to the jaw line. The other dangerous cut was horizontal on his left neck, close to the jugular vein. Pool of blood dripped all over the floor. Holding his bleeding neck, he was pointing at the other inmate few feet away, being guarded by the other deputies.

The other man being accused was not hurt. There were no lacerations nor any other signs of trauma. He was obviously very agitated as he was being questioned by those deputies, while the medical staff started treating the other man on the floor. They cleaned the wounds and controlled the bleeding. That man was sent to the nearby hospital.

When the investigation was finalized, it turned out to be that the “downed man who was accusing the other inmate” was the attacker and the other one who didn’t have injury was the one attacked. The deputies found out that it was the second attempt to attack the unhurt man. Both attacks on him failed. He was well-prepared after the first attempt on him, that when the second attempt was done, he was able to defend himself and ended up injuring his attacker severely.

[Source: NLT Bible ]:

We also have an “accuser of the brethren.” Satan and his army of demons are the enemies of God and of everything good.

“Because God’s children are human beings – made of flesh and blood – Jesus also became flesh and blood by being born in human form. For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the Devil, who had the power of death.” –Hebrews 2:14

Because of what Jesus had done [dying on the cross], we, who live in constant fear of death shouldn’t be afraid anymore. Jesus had freed us from that fear so we can live for Him. When we belong to God, we know that death is only the portal that leads into “eternal life”. [“Thank You Lord!].

Paul warned us, too that we also battle against the evil forces of Satan, who is a vicious fighter. But to be able to withstand their attacks, we must depend on God’s strength and use every piece of His armor. We face an army whose goal is to defeat Christ’s church. When we believe in Christ, they become our enemies. They will try any device to turn us away from the Lord.

Fear not! For God has provided His supernatural power to defeat Satan and his army, through His Holy Spirit within us. So, arm yourselves with God’s armor.

Let us be strong in the Lord's mighty power. Let's put on His whole armor to resist the enemy's attacks: put on the sturdy belt of truth and the body armor of God's righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News, so that we are well-prepared. We will need faith in every battle as our shield to stop the fiery arrows aimed by Satan and his army. Let us put on salvation as our helmet, not forgetting the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. Let's pray at all times, on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit. We must stay alert and be persistent in our prayers for all Christians everywhere. [Ephesians 6:10-18].