In The Lowest Times

Overwhelmed with thousands of cases from employees who brought charges against their employers, I could see that closing my case without truly looking at all the evidences gathered was the easiest route to lessen that lady’s load. I was upset at the beginning knowing that their help was the only help I needed to show how much discrimination and harassment occurred at work from those people who held high positions and were used to doing everything in their own wisdom, even if such actions or words were not right, propelled them to keep repeating such knowing that they could get away with it. 

As soon as I got home after trying to go to this government office, about a little over an hour away, I called my work to verify when I would be scheduled to work. The Charge Nurse at the desk just informed me that another evening shift nurse had quit. He had faced a tough battle, too, I was sure of that. From our supervisors.

Waiting for 2 years, I thought for sure, that I would get that help I was expecting for. And that was what upset me when the lady called me and told me I couldn’t do anything because I accepted the Per Diem position according to my employer. Despite my response that I was given no choice and accepted under duress because otherwise, verbally and written by those people, not accepting the offer would mean termination on my part. I asked her if that was not considered a demotion of my position since I lost all of the benefits a regular job status had. She did not know what to say. She promised she would get back with me. But that promise was replaced with a letter instead that arrived from the mail. 

Case dismissed.

I wasn’t even given a chance to be able to bring it to a federal court. No wonder, no lawyer would pick up. There was a time frame. If I didn’t make it, that was it. I lost this case. Forever.

I wanted to fight. Knowing that no one monitored these people also from the government. But the process was not always easy. It was hard to get an appointment to see the Director. I tried personal visits. Emails. Phone calls…Nothing…I knew my case became just an “statistic”…Among those cases closed.

Over the course of this ‘waiting period’, I gathered my strength from God’s truth. I knew from the beginning how tough the battle would be because of corruption in this world. What powerful people thought of their victories are actually what enslave them. Pride. Power. Their own wisdom and strength. Those can easily be their own bondage. And when entangled, one could easily be trapped.

Only God’s truth protects me. Only God’s truth strengthens me. Only God’s truth gives me hope and helps me rests in peace and joy despite all those tough moments I had to go through, especially when facing such “powerful people”. I never showed I was afraid of them. I only told them about hurtful words. Hurtful. Because they were the truth. To none, they could not respond. To none, they could not give me any facts. To none, they could not hurl anything back. Truth for truth. Because there was no truth in their actions nor words.

If I may seem to quit battling this people, I would never consider it a loss. I felt already I had the victory even from the start. No matter what the outcome was. The process might be painful but this same process had drawn me closer to Jesus. And in Him, there is truth!!! And the word of truth is the water of life. It refreshes one’s soul no matter what it is facing in life...Ahhh… The rivers of grace and of His mercy…Because of them, going through a trial is a must. That’s when the eye of faith is tested. That’s the chance for a soul to prosper. What this world says is not true. That a man’s lowest point is when he’s facing the darkest times of his life. But in God’s eyes, through persecution and those lowest times are the periods when souls can truly prosper and be at their best health.

Yes, with God, our worst things are often our “best things”. For with wicked man’s mercies come unpleasant things but what hidden blessings found in a righteous man’s cross!!!

Yes, I will quit. With this case if it comes. But I will not quit to persevere. 

Because doing so brings me closest...To His cross...That of Jesus'...


 

In Me

during one of our trips by the beach

I took the last sip from my second cup of coffee I brewed when I got up at 4:00 in the morning. Spending time with His Word before the sun peeks at the horizon this Friday. The what was very cold last drop touched my tongue and reminded me I had forgotten to lift my cup as I visited some of my blog friends.

I haven’t worked since my brother and his family came here for a visit last month. It was my choice. My work did not want to accommodate me when I asked to remain working part time 2 years ago. But since demoting my position, it didn’t make sense to me that they kept calling me, requesting, sometimes, even pleading that my help was truly needed and would be appreciated. Just like yesterday…I was tossing the vegetables with the chicken on the stove top when the phone rang. I didn’t pick up and let the answering machine took the message. For me. The one doing the nurses’ schedule left a message, coaxing me that my help was needed this Saturday for night shift as they would be very short.

Nights? I thought to myself. They didn’t even want me to work nights. Now, she wanted me? I had been a night nurse since 2000 when I entered that prison door. But they took that away also. The harassment and discrimination that seemed to be determined that I would be calling it “quits”. But by God’s grace, I didn’t. I hang on. I tried to fight. Even if the expected help did not come. But it was the divine grace that sustained me. Up to this time…

They put me as Per Diem. The statements uttered to me with pride knowing what their positions could do without anyone questioning them would happen. They knew. I knew. It was the way things always go in this world. That they seemed to prosper by relying on the power and strength they possessed. Thinking that they would enable me by making me a Per Diem and not gave me the benefits I shouldn’t be entitled to because of my disability, they were sure that I would quit. 

But they didn’t know. I gave this battle from day 1 to Jesus. Making me a Per Diem became an advantage. Instead of them forcing me to work on those shifts that were hard, I could then choose the hours and the days that I wanted to work.  They couldn’t do anything. They were the ones who did that. But God had turned around. For good.

 

And this morning, as I sipped that cold coffee, I am not even aware that the golden glow of the sun had already burst from the eastern skies, as I looked out the window. I will not be afraid even if I don’t know what is to transpire this day. Knowing that in this world’s instability, I believe in a constant God. I believe in His truth. I believe in the Anchor of my soul Who gives me calm and peace and joy especially during the severest storms in my life. He is my hope. I turned my head again toward the window. 

Deep inside I know…We don’t cast out anchors deep below. We cast our anchors high above. That is where imperishable hope comes. That is the source of true peace as we weather the storms here below. Jesus is here...

In me…

This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God's inner sanctuary. - Hebrews 6:19 (NLT)

Two Gardens

But Jesus answered by saying to them, "You don't know what you are asking! Are you able to drink from the bitter cup of suffering I am about to drink?" "Oh yes," they replied, "we are able!"-Matthew 20:22 (NLT)

This is what the Sovereign LORD, your God and Defender, says: "See, I have taken the terrible cup from your hands. You will drink no more of my fury.- Isaiah 51:22 (NLT)

He went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, "My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine."-Matthew 26:39 (NLT)

For some reason, my husband and I noticed that since we removed the grasses from our lawns and replaced them with gravel, the incidence of neighbors’ dogs pooping had gone down to “zilch”. I remembered those times when my husband would come home, tired from a long day’s work, only to find out that he needed to clean a mess that someone else left with no regard to what was done. It became annoying but we couldn’t do anything since we couldn’t catch who was responsible for letting their pets pooped in the front yard.

I did enjoy the sight of green grasses and sort of miss it sometimes. I enjoyed mowing the yard weekly.  It was fun during those times not until the front yard became the habitat for those unwanted droppings.

The gravel might not be as colorful as the grasses and seemed like a bore at times, but despite the monotonous appearance, it was a delight to see it always poop-free. I started enjoying it more and it actually gave me more time to do other things, than mowing the lawn. Week. After. Week.

The trial I had been in at my work felt like the same. In the beginning, it had been fun and exciting to do a nursing job completely different from the hospital setting. The pay was better. Lifting patients was not known. One fact that helped me avoid hurting my neck, already injured. Until people in prominent positions allowed their pride to leave messes in this place. The air stank. From all the discrimination and harassment subtly done. Not to all. Only to certain nurses. One of them was me.

I knew from day one when they gave me a hard time about my history of disability, that it was a mess I couldn’t clean alone. I knew it was only those Scarred Hands Who could take over this matter. And while they took away my regular position and thought I could be suffering, changing my position did not bother me. I accepted that. Not from them. I accepted that because of Him. I accepted that through that change He allowed, I would be given this opportunity to grow stronger. To develop strength. To grow in character. If I was contented before, the more contentment I had knowing that He alone could give and could take away.

This morning, I saw two gardens.

The Garden of Eden.

image from visualbiblealive.com

And the Garden of Gethsemane. 

While the first one was known to be a paradise, men made a mess there. And the latter, despite the agony, still prayed for the Father’s will to be done, not what He wanted, knowing that His suffering would become the redemption for everyone’s messes.

What garden or yard are you in at this time? Are you in a beautiful, comfortable place but deep inside, you know that there is a lot of mess that surround you? Or are you in this boring and ugly place but know deep inside that there is an eternal treasure that awaits? Jesus was willing to take that cup of suffering for us and never gave up, and now, He has been inviting us to drink from that cup. To suffer for His cause. But in reality, offers those who are willing to partake a cup of joy and eternal bliss.

Yes...This Man...Jesus...God and Man...

Shepherd Of The Storm

“No one is here today,” uttered the lady in the counter. My husband and I both breathed a sigh of desperation. He accompanied me to EEOC to ask the lady who took my case and instead of calling me back to answer my challenging questions in response to what my employer’s excuse of demoting me, she closed my case. After almost 2 years of waiting for their help…Closed…Just like that…Without mentioning the other instances when discriminatory statements and actions were also done and with evidences I had submitted.

My shoulders must be droopy and my face must have shown it, my husband gave me a hug as I opened the car doors inside the parking lot. 

“It’s gonna’ be okay,” he reassured me.

“Really, I’m not worried. I am more upset with the fact that people don’t do what they need to do.”

My husband knew…as we faced this storm 2 years ago, it was God and still is God Who calms this storm in our lives. 

The LORD is my shepherd; I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams.-Psalm 23:1,2 (NLT)

“She closed your case, you can’t even sue outside,” were the last words this lady in the counter added. I was reading disbelief in her face though she was trying not to be obvious. I understood. She was not supposed to say anything against her co-workers.

“Do you remember that restaurant we frequently visited long time ago?” I asked my husband as I moved the car forward.

“I was thinking the same thing…It’s actually close here. Wanna’ have lunch there and get something for Kristian (our son)?”

We enjoyed lunch that day. Forgetting the storm that had been trying to cause ruins in my heart.  Storms that never really caused true havoc as God has been the Strong Tower that sheltered us. Upon arrival at the valleys where we lived, I saw the beautiful flowers sprouting in different places, along the roadside. The sun was shining brightly despite the early morning shower that teased the dry earth. 

I thanked God for this storm. Because this storm and no matter what storm comes, it is an opportunity indeed to be driven to Him more. Because of His love, grace, and mercy, nothing in this world can ever take away the confidence I have in His faithful love and care. He provides. He gives me that hope that even if everything is taken away from me, I still have Him. Because His hold on me and to those who trust in Him never lets go. He never allows His children to fall so deep that He is not able to reach out and save them.

I searched the EEOC website. I found out   He showed me that someone could try to talk to the Office Director if that someone didn’t agree with the decision. I felt the storm subsided a little. There was hope. Peeking still at the door that was closed. But I had peace…Knowing that in this valley, even if a road I was walking on was closed, He surely would give me another way. 

So I (and you) who trust in the Lord, will get to the mountaintop. 

Shepherd of the Storm(Goodsalt.com)

Safely…

Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.-Psalm 23:4-6 (NLT)