The Beautiful Church

 ³ Then the word of the LORD came through the prophet Haggai: ⁴ “Is it a time for you yourselves to be living in your paneled houses, while this house remains a ruin?”
 ⁵ Now this is what the LORD Almighty says: “Give careful thought to your ways. ⁶ You have planted much, but harvested little. You eat, but never have enough. You drink, but never have your fill. You put on clothes, but are not warm. You earn wages, only to put them in a purse with holes in it.”

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 ⁷ This is what the LORD Almighty says: “Give careful thought to your ways. ⁸ Go up into the mountains and bring down timber and build my house, so that I may take pleasure in it and be honored,” says the LORD. ⁹ “You expected much, but see, it turned out to be little. What you brought home, I blew away. Why?” declares the LORD Almighty. “Because of my house, which remains a ruin, while each of you is busy with your own house. ¹⁰ Therefore, because of you the heavens have withheld their dew and the earth its crops. ¹¹ I called for a drought on the fields and the mountains, on the grain, the new wine, the olive oil and everything else the ground produces, on people and livestock, and on all the labor of your hands.”- Haggai 1:3-11 (NIV)

“Oh, no!!! I’m not going in there!” I warned my friend when I chose to go with her to Whole Foods yesterday. Despite being tired, I needed a few items. Grocery shopping, as simple as it was, was something we both treasure. We both enjoyed it. And so was eating out. Except…I had geared myself more to opt for better options when it comes to eating. Like consuming lesser salt, lesser or no sugar, lesser fat. Not that I don’t crave for “junk foods” sometimes. But I started thinking, it felt like a waste of money to buy and eat those with so little benefits to sustain my physical needs. That Whole Foods market was so close to this cupcake shop. Of course, with the wintry weather we were experiencing yesterday, people from different ages were already in a long line, marveling at the sweet aroma and the beautiful cupcakes behind the glass counters.

There I saw this lady, sitting comfortable on a wooden bench outside. Jerking her legs as if to aid in keeping herself warm from gusty, cold winds as her arms were neatly folded across her abdomen. I didn’t want to look at those bad cupcakes…So, I ended up turning to her direction and she was looking away.

“Hello…” I softly uttered.

“Too cold today, isn’t it?”

“Oh, hi!” she responded a little surprised I noticed her.

“I know…Weird weather…”

“Those cupcakes look so good…But I better not go in…” I continued.

“Me, too…I didn’t want to come here but my son wanted to get a few for his friend’s birthday. I haven’t been in this area. I live from the southern part…”

“I see. Well…I used to live in this county but my husband and I moved long time ago. Though far, this is the nearest Whole Foods where I could go. I didn’t mind driving down here because I always go with my friend…” I shared.

“Sorry to ask you,” she interrupted.

“Is that church a Mormon church?”

“I think it is.”

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

“It had been here for so many years now. Being close to the freeway, the steeples are the first things that will catch anyone’s eye.” I replied.

She started sharing about her job being a Pharmacy Tech in a particular drug store and how hard it was. I told her how I used to work in a well-known hospital in that area and had asked her if she tried applying there, just to see if there would be a relief for her in her heart without giving up the work that she loved doing. Her face lit up and with a smile she uttered, “That’s what I was thinking before you talked with me! Thank you for telling me. I’ll go and try to apply sometime…”

With our conversation that lasted for 5 minutes, we both had shared a lot of information with each other. Interrupted when my friend came out from the shop beaming with a soft smile as she held a small box filled with the favorite flavors of those cupcakes. She was surprised to see me chatting with the lady knowing how usually, I was a quiet type.

“Have a good day and I wish you the best when you try to apply at the hospital!” I formally ended our conversation.

She gave me a huge smile but short with words as if she was still hungry for more conversation.

“Bye and thank you,” she finally said, jerking her legs harder as a blast of chilly air hit all around us.

I looked at that tall tower from the church the lady asked about. So beautiful outside but I wondered how it looked like inside. I kept staring at it and reminded me how this past week, as I read His Word, I came a lot with rebuilding the temple for the Lord until the second coming of Jesus Christ. Sometimes, the knowledge from Him is too much for me to take.

“Just something easy Lord but a simple truth,” I often asked Him. “Always lead me in Your truth…”

The setting sun’s rays hit the very top of the steeple and what a marvelous sight it was as the freeway started getting clogged up with people hurrying to go home, probably had hit the road many times that they didn't even pay attention to that soft, gold-like glow from the church. I saw myself in my rear view mirror in the car as my friend and I were both eating the rice bowls we got for dinner. This body that now is His temple that I better work hard to start rebuilding it, keeping it at its best until He returns. Because I want to be beautiful not only outside, but especially inside so His light in me will shine and prayerfully reaches those who work so hard to keep their houses nice looking but forgetting to build the true temple of God. Their hearts.

Time is short…Before the gate closes…

Rest From Jesus

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls - Matthew 11:29 (NIV)

"Do you want the leftover last night for lunch?" I asked my son when he got home early from school. I had made something with beef for our dinner the night prior and approximately one more serving was left.

"Don't throw it away," I cautioned my two boys who ate a little later than me.

My son preferred the salad so I warmed up the beef and ate it with a little bit of rice. After cleaning up and as I sat down, I felt my eyelids became droopy until I couldn't fight the weariness from having lack of sleep last night. My son was studying until the clock hit a few minutes after midnight. I could hear him so I was tossing and turning. Not that he was noisy. I think it was because I was feeling sorry knowing how hard his classes were.

"Rest for now!" I warned him after taking the last bit of morsel from his lunch.

His rest meant doing something lighter in advance so he could get done with a project for his French class. There I was, dreaming in the mid of the day, sitting comfortably in the recliner upstairs. I surrendered to the aching desire to doze off for a little while after days of waking up so early, preparing sack lunches for my husband who would always leave way  early every weekdays.

My husband's call advising me he was on his way home interrupted my nap. Though I sounded dazed to him, I felt a sense of renewal with my strength.

"There is balance with the LORD," I reminded my son.

"There is a time to work hard but it's also important to rest other times."

Jesus had shown how our spiritual lives needed refreshment from Him. He offers rest to those who are weary. (Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. - Matthew 11:28 NLT).

Then Jesus said, "Let's go off by ourselves to a quiet place and rest awhile." He said this because there were so many people coming and going that Jesus and his apostles didn't even have time to eat. - Mark 6:31 NLT

In Jesus, we can learn to be content because He is our All-in-All. No one is ever turned away who desire to draw near Him. He can give everything that we need. Yet, with all of His bountiful blessings, it is good to learn not to throw away those extras that we don't need as many are in want. Who knows...What could have been thrown away now might be needed sometime in our future?

Idols

"“You shall have no other gods before me. " - Exodus 20:3 (ESV)

I was surprised to see him with the Acting Supervisor, wife of the current highest supervisor from our Healthcare Department. We both started around the same time 12 years ago. He was brought to my last meeting with 2 other people who held high positions. A tryst they planned thinking they would scare me by doing so.

I greeted them both as I sat on a nearby chair. Waiting for minutes and I arrived way early than their set time.They were late. He didn't know what to say. He couldn't look me in the eye. I sensed he wasn't comfortable. But I also understood that he needed to do what was being told to him in order to protect his own career. I never saw him after he was granted a higher position. He held an office upstairs, close to the highest Supervisor's room.

I was more calm during that time. Answering appropriately to their questions with no more anger as I had dealt with them with the previous 2 meetings that didn't make sense at all what they were doing with my job. They had put me to a tremendous pressure to make me quit on my own. But I never did. They had tried all sorts of plan even a forced leave to scare me. Such tactics didn't work as I clung more to Jesus' comfort and faithful promises.

They were all in that circle. Elevating each other by their praises. Giving their own selves a "pat on their own backs." I just looked at them in silence. But when I asked them something, a simple question, their answers were vague. If not, they didn't have an answer at all.

I felt good leaving the room as I said goodbye to four of them, wishing them a good day to which they didn't know how to react. I knew they knew in their hearts the ill treatments they had been giving me that I didn't deserve. They had nothing to show that I did anything wrong at my work during those years I had worked as a night nurse. They only threw one accusation about my neck injury. Except it was a lie. I didn't respond in anger anymore knowing I could prove it in God's perfect time. But I didn't want them to know I had that evidence. I left as I saw him fidgeting, tapping the pen in his right hand on the table as if it was a drum.

It had been almost a year since I battled with these people. The lesser hours that replaced my once steady shifts should have made me worried. It meant lesser income. But God turned it into good. It became an advantage as my husband became busier with his line of work. Our income was much lesser but God did sustain my family and I this whole time and to my disbelief, my husband and I were still able to help out his parents. I was never wrong about completely trusting in Him though it was difficult to not know what was coming. Day by day, He always replaced the uncertainties in every crevices of our hearts with His faithfulness, love, and grace.

"¹ The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
 ² He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
 ³ he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
   for his name’s sake.
⁴ Even though I walk
   through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
   for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
   they comfort me." - Psalm 23:1-4 (NIV)

The help I sought would be starting anytime soon. Whether I would win or lose actually didn't matter anymore. I would rather rely more on the help that would come from His hands. What was a man's help? We are all humans and we know we are limited and we are all not perfect. Except Him.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." - Jeremiah 29:11 (ESV)

I thought he was different. Others from work did, too. That he would always do the right thing. But the influence of being swayed by a particular group made him like them, wanting to see things the way they desired. Even if it was wrong. They praised each other but elevating anyone or anything above God would make them blind to His love. They were trying to hurt me but spiritually, they didn't know, they were just hurting themselves as if they were sitting as they cut on this huge branch of a tree...My tree...Except the branch they were cutting was the very branch they were sitting on...

"All who fashion idols are nothing, and the things they delight in do not profit. Their witnesses neither see nor know, that they may be put to shame. Who fashions a god or casts an idol that is profitable for nothing? Behold, all his companions shall be put to shame, and the craftsmen are only human. Let them all assemble, let them stand forth. They shall be terrified; they shall be put to shame together. The ironsmith takes a cutting tool and works it over the coals. He fashions it with hammers and works it with his strong arm. He becomes hungry, and his strength fails; he drinks no water and is faint." - Isaiah 44:9-12 (ESV)

I'm Sorry

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“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless - - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” – C.S. Lewis

She was one of those who hurt and broke my heart from the past…It took me many years before I had forgiven her. Not because I wanted to. But because God compelled me to. That was the right thing to do as He willingly forgives. Not just once. Many times.

I found out she had said many lies behind my back. I welcomed her but she rejected me. My ways seemed not enough to please her. I felt I wasn’t good enough. No matter how hard I tried for her to love me and accept me. Until the pressure our strained relationship had started building up and was about to explode. I confronted her. She didn’t know what to say. She was surprised I knew about the things she used to break my heart. With lack of words to reason out, she shed big tears and said, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”  As she attempted to wrap her arms around me.

Like a dam that broke and the water was released, a flood of anger broke through the walls erected in my heart as each season passed that I was with her in order to protect myself from the pain she caused…But with honesty, I told her I forgave her except…I was not willing to be hugged at that moment because deep inside, I sensed something. It was easier for her to say those words, “I’m sorry…” Only time would tell if she meant it. Years had gone by and this person had been miles away from me…I showed her that my trust then broken would never be the same. My heart. The reservoir for love was broken would still try to love her. Not because of her. Not because of me. It was because God wanted us to love others as well after Him. It wasn’t easy to follow what He wanted. To love even our enemies.

True enough, her words were empty. Her actions never matched what she uttered to me that day. It saddened me that she would choose to not change and be her old self. She allowed dividing walls in between us instead of a bridge. She succumbed to her refuge, a place of isolation.

How many times I did that to God? Easy for me to say “I’m sorry” then I find myself doing the very same things that I said “I was sorry for.” Except…He’s always willing to accept and forgive me. But He desires only one thing…To offer Him true repentance. What good would it do for me to utter those words and my inward thoughts and the condition of my heart do not match with “I’m sorry?” That would be simply a hypocrite thing to do…Oh, that I pray for my heart to always be quick to be torn when it stores things that God despises. True repentance from a broken heart also tears the heaven's door so love, grace and mercy can be poured out into those broken pieces in order for it to be healed...Yet it also seals Satan's door...

“Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the LORD your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity.” – Joel 2:13 (NIV)

“The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.”

- Psalm 51:17 (NLT)

“Return, O Israel, to the LORD your God, for your sins have brought you down.” – Hosea 14:1 (NLT)

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18 (NIV)

“Sow for yourselves righteousness, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the LORD, until he comes and showers righteousness on you.” – Hosea 10:12 (NIV)

“Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land.”

- 2 Chronicles 7:14 (NLT)