I'm Allergic To Cinnamon

“Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place.” – Ephesians 6:14 (NIV)

One female inmate tried to fight with a unit deputy. With the imminent danger of having most of the inmates in the segment against one or two deputies, the pepper spray was deployed to prevent the combative inmate from harming the deputies. Nurses were summoned to assist with treating that particular inmate. Except…the other inmates from the bottom tier were also affected by the stinging aroma of the spray.

I just went back to the Clinic from that unit to bring some needed items for the nurse. I saw her shadow with what seemed to be gasping for air. I asked the Charge Nurse if I could help so she gave me her chart. She did have a history of Asthma. I immediately brought her in and reviewed the chart as I took her vital signs.

“I’m allergic to cinnamon and I think my throat is closing up,” she complained.

“Relax!” I commanded. “I saw that from your chart. Let me finish taking your vital signs…Take a deep breath!” I stated as I held the end of my stethoscope close to her chest and listened to her lungs expanded and deflated. I didn’t hear any abnormal sounds. As I took it away, I heard a more audible wheezing-like sounds coming from her nares. I knew she was doing it but I ignored her drama. I couldn’t ignore the fact that she still suffered from the pepper spray’s effects.

“Ma’am, I can’t breathe!” she wailed.

Putting my oxygen monitor in front of her, it was registering at 100%. A perfect amount of oxygen reading in her blood.

“See this?” She nodded before I even explained anything.

“That number means your lungs are well-ventilated. You need to relax…”

“But I’m allergic to cinnamon!” she whined.

“Ma’am…Cinnamon is not one of the ingredients in the pepper spray. But the pepper. It will hurt your vision though and your breathing because it can irritate your throat and that’s what you’re suffering from. Have you washed your face or rinsed your mouth?”

“I haven’t done anything.”

“Okay. Go to the restroom and wash your face really well to wash off some of it and rinse your mouth.” She obeyed. She sat down after, looking less anxious. I was glad she finally listened and chose to not be stuck with her thought that “cinnamon” from the spray bothered her. She gave me a smile as I handed a sack lunch I ordered from the prison’s kitchen. I decided to keep her temporarily until the problem in her unit got resolved. She took two puffs from the inhaler I issued and related how she was feeling much better.

That’s what humanity is. Stuck with our own thoughts. Our own ways. It’s easier to believe when we see proofs of our existence. Choosing to ignore that “faith” is not based on seeing things. Faith is a result of having a knowledge of knowing God first. We can’t challenge that the pepper spray doesn’t have cinnamon because that’s the truth. So, if that’s the truth, why argue?

“He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth. The world cannot receive him, because it isn't looking for him and doesn't recognize him. But you know him, because he lives with you now and later will be in you.” – John 14:17 (NLT)

“Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” – John 14:6 (NIV)

“The LORD is close to all who call on him, yes, to all who call on him in truth.” – Psalm 145:18 (NLT)

“Buy the truth and do not sell it; get wisdom, discipline and understanding.” – Proverbs 23:23 (NIV)

“For you are the children of your father the devil, and you love to do the evil things he does. He was a murderer from the beginning. He has always hated the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies.” – John 8:44 (NLT)

Overcoming Suffering

³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. – Romans 8:38-39 (TNIV)

“I can’t believe my cousin had told my aunt that I said those things,” lamented a friend over the phone.

Her cousin was diagnosed with an illness. She called to try to comfort him. Instead, her words became like a sword that pierced and wounded her cousin’s heart. Because of what he was going through that he knew was just the start of his suffering, he must have misunderstood the meaning behind my friend’s words. Instead of feeling comforted, he got very upset and chose to distance himself from his cousin since.

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Co-workers knew the battle I had been in at my workplace for over a year now. The process I took of fighting for myself would be like a snail’s pace. Slow…but it would still come. They knew the trial I was in was not that easy for no one dared to fight. Most of the nurses who people in higher positions disliked, ended up exiting the prison’s door, ending their career as Correctional Nurses. I knew I would suffer. It would be difficult to face those Goliaths. But like David, I knew I wouldn’t be alone.

I woke up this morning, my spirit feeling low knowing so many people around me and including myself, faced trials or sufferings. I wandered to the Book of Job. Knowing how much this man had gone through but despite him facing the worst calamities of life, he chose to never wane his faith and belief in one, true God. I wanted to not waver in my faith, too. Sometimes, it was not easy. I think I focused more on the wounds in my heart and that of others I loved. I saw myself with his cries:

“What are mere mortals, that you should make so much of us? For you examine us every morning and test us every moment. Why won’t You  leave me alone – even for a moment? Have I sinned? What have I done to You, O Watcher of all humanity? Why have You made me Your target? Am I a burden to You? Why not just pardon my sin and take away my guilt? For soon I will lie down in the dust and die. When You look for me, I will be gone.” – Job 7:17-21 (NLT)

I stopped in the middle of those verses. I felt a conviction stirred inside of me. Why did those questions sounded like God was Job’s enemy? For He surely never felt that way for me. I don’t believe that God is amused when one is facing life’s toughest storms.

Like Job who hungered to know the reasons why bad things happened to him, it is by gaining wisdom that a person can truly understand why bad things happen. Even to good people. So, where does wisdom come from?

Job answered himself: “But do people know where to find wisdom? Where can they find understanding? For it is hidden from the eyes of all humanity. Even the sharp-eyed birds in the sky cannot discover it. But Destruction and Death say, ‘We have heard a rumor of where wisdom can be found.’ (Job 28:20-22,NLT)

“God surely knows where it can be found, for he looks throughout the whole earth, under all the heavens. He made the winds blow and determined how much rain should fall. He made the laws of the rain and prepared a path for the lightning. Then, when he had done all this, he saw wisdom and measured it. He established it and examined it thoroughly. And this is what he says to all humanity:

‘The fear of the Lord is true wisdom; to forsake evil is real understanding.’” – Job 28:23-28 (NLT) -emphasis is mine...

I don’t know why bad things happen to good people. We are limited with answers. But God is not. He is the Source of wisdom. If He is, then I must continue to respect and revere Him because that’s only the beginning…Of finding true wisdom that this world doesn’t know…Because when one is able to find true wisdom, he can see bad things as opportunities instead to turn to God, the One Who knows everything, for strength and to be able to endure. When he can trust God when in pain, confusion, loneliness, depression, then he can win the victory and repel the darts of doubt that the devil throws to those who love God.

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." - John 16:33(NLT)

Help Me To Know You More...

“ ⁴ Love Jesus is patient and kind. Love  Jesus is not jealous or boastful or proud ⁵ or rude. It Jesus does not demand its his own way. It  Jesus is not irritable, and it  Jesus keeps no record of being wronged. ⁶ It  Jesus does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. ⁷ Love  Jesus never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NLT) –changes are mine…

Down on my knees and in desperation, my heart cried for help. I tried to be as quiet as I should be so as not to disturb the others in the house I was living in. Darkness covered the entire room where I was kneeling on the floor, my cheeks and eyes soaked with tears. It had been many years of loneliness, of feeling alone. It had been years of endless struggles to finish Nursing in a foreign land. It had been years of suffering and treading through the waters without any relief on sight.

“I’m sorry…”I whispered without allowing the forming sobs to be audible. The beams from the moonlit night penetrated the sole window in that room I was in…

“Please help me! I don’t think I can go on any longer…” I uttered softly.

“Could it be?” I asked myself…

“That I am in love? Just like that? How could it be?” as I felt something heavy got lifted up into the air and vanished. My shoulders became strong. My heart felt light. My tears of despair, replaced with an unfamiliar feeling. Of joy!

I did not know how long I was in that position with bended knees and neck flexed low. I looked up and there up on the wall, I saw the moonlight illuminated a face. Jesus’…

That was the early 90’s…To this day, I’m still very much in love. With Jesus. Because His love touched me. Love that is not comparable to the kind of love this world teaches or knows. His love frees. His love is true. His love is everlasting. His love is faithful. His love knows no bounds. His love is high. His love is deep. His love wide. His love is long…

¹⁶ I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. – Ephesians 3:16-19 (NIV)

What does being a Christian mean?

What does it mean to “walk the talk?”

What does it mean “to willingly serve?”

But there’s this question for everyone…

“How much do you know about Jesus?”

“Jesus…the lover of our souls…”

Help me to know more about You, Jesus…Draw me near to You…Thank You for Your unconditional love…

God Bless...

“What sorrow for those who say that evil is good and good is evil, that dark is light and light is dark, that bitter is sweet and sweet is bitter.” – Isaiah 5:20 (NLT)

Looking through the inmates’ eyes as they tell me “God bless you!” I am always careful when to respond back or not. Someone can sense the sincerity or lack of it if certain words are spoken.

Working for 12 years now in a correctional setting, I used to pass medications in a particular facility for almost a year. There, I learned through inmates what their “lingo” meant.

“Be careful, Nurse Rcubes,” warned one long ago.

“Others who tell you ‘God bless you’ doesn’t mean it is what they hope for you…They will say that with you thinking how respectful of them to you...but the meaning was the opposite...So,they won't get in trouble..."

“What do you mean?” I probed after he downed the prescribed pills I handed to his open right palm and as he quickly took a sip of water from his small, brown cup, he tried to explain…

“Well, it can also mean that they are cursing you by saying that…”

“Ahhh…Okay…I got it. Thanks!”

“Look who’s here!” exclaimed one from the back of the line as everyone slowly got up at the wee hours of the morning to get their pills from me.

“It’s the pusher!” he joked around.

I kept giving the medications to those ahead of him until it was him who was in front of me.

“What did you say about me?”

“I was just joking, Ma’am.”

“Well, I don’t appreciate it. I’m not a ‘pusher’. I want you to know that I am doing an important job of giving prescribed medications to all those who need it. Including you. There was nothing funny about what you said.”

He smirked. Got his pills. Thanked me. And said….

“God bless you…”

I kept silent. He didn’t expect that. As one tall man behind him with closed fists whispered to his neck, “You better apologize to this nurse.” He turned around, ready to fight back. Only to find out that he was facing a giant. A lot bigger than him. He cowered and apologized immediately. My protector was one of the long-time incarcerated male who happened to have a heart problem. I made sure that he always got his pills on time and before they would run out, I made sure the doctor already had reordered them. Expected role I needed to accomplish. But a big thing to him who was in need and learned to appreciate that.

Good and evil simply don’t mix.  God is holy and righteous…

“Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are good, your whole body also is full of light. But when they are bad, your body also is full of darkness.” – Luke 11:24 (NIV)

“See to it, then, that the light within you is not darkness.” – Luke 11:35 (NIV)

“You have wearied the LORD with your words. "How have we wearied him?" you ask. You have wearied him by saying that all who do evil are good in the LORD's sight, and he is pleased with them. You have wearied him by asking, "Where is the God of justice?" – Malachi 2:17 (NLT)