Learning To Wait

“Teach me your way, LORD;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.


Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
spouting malicious accusations.
I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.


Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.
~ Psalm 27:11-14 (NIV)


This week is the beginning of a waiting process as I anticipate the start of my silent defense. I just know that if God is taking away something good, then, He must have planned something better for me. If He is calling me to suffer, it is not because He wants me to suffer but to learn to endure. If some things are being taken away, these things of the world are better replaced with those things that have eternal gain.

The way He took me from what I was comfortable doing at the hospital after working almost 10 years there, and He placed me in the darker walls, only had me learn to have more faith and become obedient. It seemed tougher. It seemed scary. It seemed a hard challenge. But it wasn’t.

In the prison, I learned to grow more spiritually. I learned to rely more on His weapons and His strength. Despite the neck injury I sustained working at the hospital, my pain was lessened. Financially, He gave me more and He rescued me from the debts that mounted after those many days of not being able to work in the hospital because of my severe pain.

I had to wait during that transition from being an Orthopedic Nurse to a Correctional Nurse. I had to learn patience. I had to trust more and rely more on God’s perfect timing, not mine. True enough, He refreshed me. He renewed me. He strengthened me.

As I face a tough battle now, I know that whatever happens, it’s because He already planned ahead. In this long process, I know I have to learn to be patient again. Someday, I know it would be worth it. God already granted His children His victory. And in that, I will rejoice.

Thank you for all of your loving comments, continued prayers and encouragement. God bless you all.

My Maker

“The Sovereign LORD has given me a well-instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being instructed.  The Sovereign LORD has opened my ears; I have not been rebellious, I have not turned away.
I offered my back to those who beat me, my cheeks to those who pulled out my beard; I did not hide my face from mocking and spitting. Because the Sovereign LORD helps me, I will not be disgraced. Therefore have I set my face like flint, and I know I will not be put to shame. He who vindicates me is near. Who then will bring charges against me? Let us face each other! Who is my accuser? Let him confront me!
It is the Sovereign LORD who helps me.
   Who will condemn me?
They will all wear out like a garment;
   the moths will eat them up.” – Isaiah 50:4-9 (NIV 2011)

“Kristian, come here,” I called out as my son was coming down the stairs to prepare to go to school. We were preparing ourselves for our daily morning prayers before parting ways.

“I want you to etch His Word into your heart,” I pointed to a specific page in the Holy Bible.

“And don’t forget that you can speak it into yourself and pray it and it is His Word. His Word does not fade. It lasts forever…” I explained.

“You know that mommy is going through a tough battle but you never see me scared. It’s not because of my own strength. It’s because I rely on His wonderful and faithful promises. I want you to understand that.”

“Yes, mom,” he replied as he glanced at the specific part of the Bible I showed.

“Isaiah 54:17 says that “No weapons turned against you will succeed. And everyone who lies in court will be brought to justice…”

“So, you can pray if you are facing any accusations or any threats, “No weapons formed against me shall succeed. And anyone who lies will be brought to justice.”

“Isn’t that a wonderful promise from our Lord?”

“Yes, mom,” he paused as he slowly read His faithful promise. He took my hands and closed our eyes and I heard him slowly led me into prayers. He prayed for all he loves and he prayed specifically for each person’s needs. I heard him asked for forgiveness and I heard him thanked the Lord.

“Yes…Don’t forget to thank Him for anything, whether big or small,” I often reminded my son.

I learned that because He had been good to me. He remains good to me. With what I am facing at my work doesn’t concerned me. It’s because I have Him on my side. I know that He knows what’s best for me no matter what goes on in my life. He always has the best interest for me. Even if the enemies desire to hurt me in any possible way, He reminds me to be forgiving.

When Peter asked Jesus, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?”

Yet Jesus replied, “No! Seventy times seven!” (Matthew 18:21-22)

Because His forgiveness has no limit. As a Father, He wants His children to learn it from Him. I want to learn it from Him. I want my child to learn it from Him. I know that His plans are already made for me. He is my Maker. The One Who promised to fight for His people.

Our Maker does not reject anyone who turns to Him. It is us who tend to reject God. Are you still rejecting God?

My Savior

“Our deepest calling is not to grow in our knowledge of God. It is to make disciples. Our knowledge will grow -- the Holy Spirit, Jesus promised, will guide us into all truth. But that's not our calling, it is His. Our calling is to prepare the world for Christ's return. The world is not ready yet. And so, we go about introducing a dying world to the Savior of Life. Anything we do toward our own growth must be toward that end.” - Jeffrey Bryant

Time felt it stood still behind that closed-door meeting. Facing three of them, two of which I didn’t have the knowledge of, they all talked amongst themselves. Aware of the specific request I did as the new memo came out, they acted as if they were there to help. All the wrong accusations poured in. Their planned answer to my request were written down on a specific form, appearing as if they would try to do their best to help me find what was best. Except the words written did not match what was spoken.

Thinking they would intimidate me, they tried to discourage me instead by instilling fear of what could lie ahead for my future. I stood silent, my eyes meeting their gaze that couldn’t stay to meet with mine for so long. Three against one. They felt power in their number. But they didn’t know something about me. I wasn’t alone. The whole time, Someone was with me Who saw and heard all the accusations, all the lies, and all their attacks that wanted to stop His work in me.

Discouragement…Fear…It’s always the enemies’ tactics to stop the work of God’s children. ("For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot." - Romans 8:7). Just like what I’m facing at this time. But they will not be successful. I will continue to trust in His faithful love and promises. I know He is always with me. He is our Savior after all. He loves to save.

He finds the lost. He strengthens the weak. He frees the captives. He forgives not once but many, many times those who turn back to Him. He protects against enemies’ attacks. He gives hope and a future to those who loves Him. He gives eternal life to those who believes in Him. He promises to finish the work He starts in each believer’s life. He restores what’s broken.

The path that leads to Him is narrow. It is never easy. There are lots to overcome. But He promised that He is there walking with anyone who truly trusts and believes in Him. Injustices seem to prevail nowadays. We often ask, “Where are You, God?” The answer might not come quick. But it doesn’t mean He doesn’t hear. All actions produce an outcome. And so evil things committed will reap consequences and will not slip past God’s judgment. For everything happens in His perfect time.

We serve God Who is not passive. And I know by His grace, my own time to defend myself will come. They will be discouraged for their intentions behind that door will be exposed into His light. They will fear because they will realize how foolish their wisdom is compared to that of God's. As I pray, I needed to go into actions. I just pray that I won't miss His plan on this.

This battle I'm in is a long process. But I would rather remain on His side. He is the only Savior Whose promises I can rely on. No promises put out on the table in front of me could be trusted. They were immediately broken because of their evil desires. But they would never discourage nor scare me. Because of my Savior Who continues to love, protect, save, bless and empowers me. I know….because He is in me…
"And my spirit rejoices in God my Savior," - Luke 1:47

Laughter

“My left arm hurts!” she yelled through the glass partition window that separated us.

“I already know that, Ma’am,” I replied without any bit of concern.

“You’re not going to send me to the hospital?” she queried.

“Not at all,” I confidently answered.

“My face now is getting numb!” she yelled again.

“Just have a sit and relax! That’s all you need to do.” I ordered.

Pacing back and forth in the small area of the Clinic’s waiting room, oblivious to her, I watched intently with my spying eyes from a distance as I pretended to continue working in the computer. She was walking normally going in and out of the bathroom when she thought no one was watching her.

I got up in between and asked, “So, how are you now?”

“Still hurts! You need to send me to the hospital. They need to give me something for pain!”

“Just RELAX! Here, take this cup and drink water!”

“Ma’am, it’s cold here! Can I get a blanket?”

“No! Because this is a waiting area. That was the reason why the nurses earlier had sent you back to your unit because it would be more comfortable there. They were not able to do anything further like me at this time because our doctor had already given you something for pain.” I explained.

“But you need to send me to the hospital!”

“I’m sorry. This is the last time I am going to explain to you that you don’t need to say that to us! We know when we need to send you to the hospital! You saw that your blood pressure and everything else was normal! There’s nothing wrong with you but you need to relax because of your anxiety. You’re letting it consume you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize. I had told you earlier that another nurse had already referred you to our Mental Health Services. Our medical doctor can’t do anything about your anxiety because it has to be the Mental Health Doctor who needs to see you. Just be patient and try to relax. I know it’s not easy on your part.”

And she sat quietly, curled up on one of the blue chairs in the waiting area. Her demands ended and she was thinking deeply. She knew she couldn’t get away with all the complaints she faked, no matter how hard she tried.

Just like so many incarcerated inmates who are suffering from anxiety and other mental health problems, we all can try to relax and amidst our sorrows, we can find that time to laugh and energize our spirits. I thought about Sarah who laughed after being told by God that she would have a son despite her old age. Or how about people who found that freedom that comes from Him?

“When the LORD restored the fortunes of Zion,
   we were like those who dreamed.
 Our mouths were filled with laughter,
   our tongues with songs of joy.” - Psalm 126:1-2

When we abide by Truth and Spirit, we must be careful to look at His Word about laughter. We shouldn’t change His Word to conform to what we experience but rather conform to God’s ways.

When was the last time you really had a good laughter? I saw this cute baby and what made him laugh was so simple but listen to the baby’s pure joy. God bless.

"A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;"
- Ecclesiastes 3:4