I Was That Leaf

leaves all over our front yard

My son stood for a few minutes, with mouth agape upon the sight of wind-strewn leaves all over our front yard. The forceful gusts of wind kept coming in increments it seemed.

“Drive safely,” I cautioned as he prepared to go to his school.

I walked back into the house and heard the phone ringing. I didn’t pick up the call and let the caller leave a message on purpose. I wasn’t ready to give any answer, careful not to rush with any decision.

The winds outside blew harder. I saw the palm trees bending more and more as more leaves were scattered down the street and into people’s yards. The howling seemed threatening. Yet, I was grateful for the warmth and silence inside our house.

The red light kept blinking, catching my attention every time I passed by the answering machine, begging to be heard and be replied to. I did listen to the message. Then, decided not to reply. At least, for a while…

The powerful winds were created by people sitting in higher positions at my workplace almost a year ago. Fueled by their ill intentions to end my career, they tried to show their force. Their roaring accusations were all baseless. They were just loud. That was it…Loud and with empty promises. I wanted to quit at one point. But when I took refuge in His shelter, it became a different story. The strength, courage, peace and joy immediately surrounded me and sheltered me from these people.

“Just wondering if you’re able to come and help us out. Please give me a call back…” I played it over and over. Their intimidation to make me feel that I was useless because I couldn’t work longer hours was their main reason to not allow me to work the usual hours I worked for 11 years. It didn’t make sense. Now, they kept calling me many times just to request and sometimes beg me if I could go and help out a certain shift. It felt as if they were the ones caught in these powerful winds they created themselves.

this leaf caught my attention

I heard the flapping of the white tarp on our side yard as the wind blew again. I looked out and saw more yellow leaves fell from the tree across the street and down they went with a rustling sound as if they were marching down the street. I went out to take a few pictures and found one particular leaf right next to our palm tree in the front yard. Nestled on the frozen ground. Unmoved by the forceful winds. Displaying its own splendor crafted by the Hands above.

Like that leaf, I knew I found the truth that no matter how forceful the winds of evil men planned for me, I would be unmoved and would forever feel secure because the God of impossible was and would always be with me. The God we serve can turn around even these powerful winds into our advantage. I still was not sure where this battle would lead me but one thing was true from the start: wherever the winds had taken me and would take me, God had a purpose already planned from the start. I was that leaf, blown by the winds all over the place and down the street. Yet, I remained intact because of His grace…

And my tears flowed…feeling His love was always more powerful than any forceful winds here in this world. I was swept away. Landing on His merciful hands. Nestled on His loving arms. Unmoved because I knew Jesus’ hold never lets go.

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." - Philippians 3:12 (NIV)

The Heart Bypass Surgery

“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.” – Isaiah 43:2 (NLT)

I recognized her face right away as I peeked through the glass partition window. Sitting comfortably but seemed bored upon the wait, she was being monitored for her morning sugar level was low. The LVN who checked her blood sugar needed to leave as her shift was done. Worried that she might have forgotten something, she asked me to do a favor to take over the care of this particular female inmate.

“I already gave her a tube of that glucose, Rcubes,” she advised.

“Don’t worry. I’ll take care of her. Just go and have a great day.”

“Ms. W.!” I summoned her after a few minutes had passed to re-check her blood sugar. She was slow in getting up but that didn’t bother me. I remembered what she had gone through the last time I had to deal with her. To think that she was begging me not to send her to the hospital at that time as her chest pain was going away and all because of the reason that she was getting impatient waiting for the arrival of the ambulance in the prison, I was glad I didn’t let her refuse the treatment we initiated.

“How’s your leg?” I asked.

With a puzzled look, she didn’t know how to answer, confused that I might have mistaken her for someone else.

“Ma’am…”she shyly replied, “I didn’t have anything done in my leg. I had a problem with my heart,” her tone of voice was firm and sure.

“Yes, you did!” my long-term memory in the works uttered.

“Remember, the doctors had to use some of the veins from your left leg to help your clogged heart when you were treated for your chest pain?”

Feeling embarrassed when I brought up that point, she admitted her mistake.

“You’re right, Ma’am…”

“I’m sorry. I forgot about my leg. I’m doing okay. It healed well (incision),” she smiled big, as a much-better appreciation for an extension of her life glowed on those haggard face.

“No one even bothers to ask me about my leg or my heart. Only you,” she added.

“Well, it was because we spent a whole good amount of time, waiting for the ambulance that day and I’m glad I didn’t listen to your request to cancel it.”

“Thank you. I remember that.”

“Oh, wow!” I interrupted our conversation about her coronary bypass surgery. “Your sugar even went lower.”

“Ma’am, my breakfast in my unit is probably cold now. Can you just send me back and I’ll just eat there?”she requested, the boredom manifested on the brows when they got lifted.

“No, Ms. W. Remember what we just talked about? I won’t send you back not until your blood sugar is more stable. I’ll get some breakfast for you now and re-check your blood sugar again.”

“Okay…You know what you’re doing. Thank you,” she replied as she went back to sit again on one of the plastic chairs in the small waiting area. Propping her head up, she glanced at the TV monitor hoisted up in one corner of the room and tried to amuse herself with what was showing.

Photobucket.com

No one recognized her but me. But it wasn’t me who cared. I was in her shoes before. Impatient with what was going on in my life’s journey, wanting to bypass the valleys so I could be on top of the mountain always. But that was not possible. Driving from a local store back to our home yesterday, I saw the different mountains in front of my windshield. Down below were numerous valleys that had a darker shadow as they were lower and light was hitting fully just on the top of the mountains.I thought..."What if...God is using us to shine our little light  in the darkness that covers the valleys?" Walking through any valley is painful, scary, and an exhausting process at times. But God knows that. He never leaves us alone as we walk during the lowest times in our lives. ("You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence." - Acts 2:28 (NIV)

“How beautiful!” I exclaimed to myself, only to quickly realize and ponder how incomplete that magnificent view was if it was just only the mountains or only the valleys. They were arranged in a row, like in waves. First came the valley, then a mountain and so forth.  A reminder of the Hands that created them and other great things, yet, He always cared for even the littlest detail.

We grow impatient. Sometimes, we don’t see the disastrous outcome in the long run whatever road we’re walking on. But one thing never changes…Jesus is always there Who sees our life’s struggles and victories. He is concerned. He truly cares. The question is… “Are we able to recognize and remember His love and all of the good things He blesses us with?” Just like that bypass surgery that inmate had to aid her heart, Jesus provides a way out when the roads we’re walking on seem clogged up. Then, we are able to move on again and live life again except with a better appreciation after letting Him do that much-needed surgery in our sinful hearts.

^“21Then I remember something that fills me with hope.  ²²The LORD's kindness never fails! If he had not been merciful, we would have been destroyed.  ²³The LORD can always be trusted to show mercy each morning.” – Lamentations 3:21-23 (CEV)

Something Beautiful

“Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain.” ~Author Unknown

“That’s the only thing,” I vented to one of my co-workers I used to work with when I used to work nights before my superiors had transferred me to a Per Diem position, “My process would take a very long time. Only God knows when it even starts…But I’m not going to quit!” I whispered.

She was one of our medical secretaries who saw my struggles when my battle began. Despite the grapevine, she knew the truth of what was going on with my situation. She knew because she cared and encouraged me the moment she found out.

“Just keep fighting,” she would always tell me. I felt her encouragement arose from our brief moments of “coffee breaks” after a hard night’s work. We would both pass by the nearest Starbucks and would each grab a favorite blended caffeinated drink because we both would drive a long distance from work. I started admiring her when I found out she was trying to help out her parents with their financial needs that she put aside her own dreams of marrying her long-time beau.

Smelling the aroma from the cups we were holding during one of those breaks, she uttered, “Don’t quit Rcubes. Your situation is like my dad’s. They (supervisors) did that to him too when he got hurt at work and wanted him to resign. Except my dad didn’t want the hassle and did not fight back.”

“Where is he now, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Oh, he’s working some place else. But it’s too far from us. It’s in another state. But at least he’s happier.”

“Oh…You must miss him a lot!”

“Yes, we do,” she replied with a bead of tear formed in one corner of her eyes.

When I saw her again on Thanksgiving, night shift when I went to work, she approached me right away upon seeing my shadow. Her eyes gleaming with happiness.

“How are you, Rcubes?”

“Hi, N…So good to see you. I’m doing well,” to her delight upon hearing my answer despite the what seemed to be a bleak situation I had been going through. Other ears, to our awareness, were listening. But we had the slightest care. It was good to look back and remember the heartfelt conversations we had about families and about our own struggles.

We parted that cold morning as we separated to go to our parked cars. There was no intention to get our favorite coffee but our hearts remained full of encouragement for each other’s struggles. They had never stopped caring for each other though I worked lesser hours now, knowing that we both needed to persevere in our life’s struggles. Hers. And mine.

I saw her back turned away from me as she opened her driver’s door in her car. And I thought to myself, I was looking at one of the greatest persons here on earth who knew how to persevere as she cared for her family and not even think about her own needs. She used to thank me for a cup of coffee I insisted on buying for her and that how much I encouraged her to be strong. Little did she know, she was the one who also inspired me as I looked at the accomplishments she was achieving, one by one, despite what was going on in her life.

And how true it is….that God is making something beautiful in a person’s life through one’s own struggles as one learns how to persevere. It is those who suffered the most that seem to be the greatest.

“Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NLT)

"Look At Me"

“Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;

   his love endures forever.” – Psalm 107:1 (NIV)

My husband and I joined our hands in prayer before him leaving for work. As we started our whispers of petitions, his one-liner praise drowned my own as I started lifting up our needs:

“Thank You, Lord for Your grace, love and mercy…” was what I heard as my heart was asking Him to heal my son’s lingering coughs since he got sick, about my work that had been discriminating me, my achy neck and other physical symptoms and the uncertain future of my career once my charge against those people in higher positions would start.

My prayers became silent feeling a little embarrassed with everything that I was asking for. Instead, I found myself asking God in which He alone would hear, “How can I thank You despite what’s going on in our lives?”

“How can I thank You if physical healing seems to be not happening?”

“How can I thank You knowing I didn’t deserve the unfair treatment at work?”

“How can I thank You knowing how those people abusing their power seem to be getting away with everything they do that makes everyone at work not happy and treat us without any regard to our needs and capabilities?”

“How can I thank You knowing a lot of family and friends are going through tough times?”

I slightly peeked at my husband who was nearing to end his prayers of thanks, thinking that he said something else to me.

“Look at Me…”was what I heard audibly, except it didn’t come from my husband’s lips. It was whispered into my heart.

And in that split second, I was taken back to that time when the Egyptians were pursuing the Israelites after leaving Egypt with Moses. Moses’ faith-filled reassurance to people about God’s help prevailed more than the fearful cries of pleas from the Israelites. With God’s help, the people were able to cross the parted Red Sea while the Pharaoh’s entire army was swept away when the waters returned. God’s providence did have a bright and pleasant side toward His people.

My neck pain? How would it compare to Jesus’ wounds and what He had to endure on the cross?

My son’s lingering coughs? They were not bad after all. The doctor must know he would need his inhalers temporarily and God had been awesomely providing for our needs. Despite my work limiting my hours and giving me a hard time, God had provided us enough to pay for our bills, food, and other things.

The unfair treatment at work? Nothing any one of us does would ever slip His justice because in the end of our journeys, we would all face God.

The suffering loved ones and friends? Relationships are His gift in the first place. Through sharing grief and other pain, the burden becomes lighter for one carrying that heavy load.

How can I give thanks when facing all these storms of life? I can…Knowing that behind those dark clouds, the Son is always shining. God’s love is never far from us. It’s always close, waiting to be accepted in a person’s heart…For what God had done to show how much He loves us, that alone is suffice to always be “thankful”…

How can I be thankful? I should be…because of Jesus…Like those Israelites saved by God out of slavery (Egypt), Jesus truly sets us free!

“Let us look only to Jesus, the One who began our faith and who makes it perfect. He suffered death on the cross. But he accepted the shame as if it were nothing because of the joy that God put before him. And now he is sitting at the right side of God's throne.” – Hebrews 12:2 (NCV) - (emphasis is mine)