Betrayal

"One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though ... betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope."
- Steven Deitz

Betrayal…That’s what I had felt since facing this struggle at work. She was one of my immediate supervisor at night. I fully trusted her and I poured out my heartaches after I was told some discriminatory remarks. I blamed myself. Out of pain and anger, I let my emotions be poured out in front of her. She never offered help. But that morning, I saw her took another supervisor to their designated office and only God knew what conversation occurred.

That person she talked to pulled me aside in the middle of my work. She had mentioned the same things, the same exact discriminatory words I shared with the other. I knew it was an opportunity for her to trap me knowing how that was her favorite thing to do: to cause harm and commit ill intentions among those who had gone their way and chose to just quit and exit as a quick escape from their intimidations.

One accusation became big. They were forcing me to do what they wanted, disregarding facts I had given them. Disregarding supporting documents given them. They tried everything in a subtle way. All acts, all words thrown at me to make me resign.

I haven’t…And I knew they haven't stopped planning other devises to cause my termination.

I haven’t done anything wrong. I had worked the same way I had performed on day one: work hard and give my all…

Betrayal hurts…They think that by doing so, they will make me paralyzed and not be able to do anything. But all actions have consequences. How do you battle lies but with truth? How do you get rid of bullies but to face them and not turn your back away? How do you avoid poison and deceptive plans but by being careful of what is being offered every time?

This morning, I woke up and thought about Judas. Why did he betray Jesus when he was one of his disciples? He must have seen his miracles. He must have heard Jesus’ divine wisdom. He must have seen his unfathomable acts of forgiveness, understanding, compassion and love. But why did he sell Jesus for 30 pieces of silver? If his love was for the money, then he must not love Jesus at all. He must not have believed completely in Jesus’ divinity. 

 “INRI…” It was placed up on the cross. Meaning “Iesus Nazarenus Rex Iudaeorum”…”Jesus of Nazareth, the King of Jews”…

People placed titles on the head of the cross to show the crime that crucified person committed and his name. That was an accusation they placed on Jesus’ cross. It was the crime they accused Jesus of. But in reality, that was the absolute truth!

I look at this road up ahead. Right now, I’m on a standstill. People I work with are also part of law enforcement. Ironically, they are not afraid to break the law…

I knew Who walked on this road before. He walked carrying a heavy cross as He bled while many spat on Him and wanted Him dead. Judas was wrong! People were wrong! They did not cause Jesus to die! It was already planned because God loves us all. Jesus endured and died on the cross so we may live.

He walked before us. He’s inviting us to “follow Him…” Let’s not betray Him…

Praying For Children

“Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.”

– Proverbs 22:6 (NLT)

The caffeinated aroma filled all corners of our kitchen as 2 cups and a glass were waiting on the wooden table. I arranged some cookies dusted with snow-like sugar and my child’s favorite chocolate muffin and banana-walnut for my husband and I were carefully stored in a white paper bag, to surprise a gnawing pang of late afternoon hunger for three tummies.

My son walked in, toting his semi-heavy backpack on his back, smiling and started spilling how his day went on his first day of school. He was so excited! His day was filled with seeing his old friends again, with some of them ending up being in the same class as his, his teacher in Graphic Design who was happy to know that his presence in his class meant he was there to assist him and to help out new faces in this new school year, and the patience he needed to have in going home as the traffic piled up in the loop and some parents or driving students tried to take advantage of each other at times.

How I enjoyed his moment of sharing and I was happy for him, the way he handled small trials with confidence, strength, and “not going with the usual flow of this world.” We were so caught up in our sharing that we almost forgot he had an Orthodontist appointment. I was thankful my husband remembered and in short 15 minutes, barely made it to his appointment.

The small tension that arose in our hearts, wondering if we would make it because of the large volume of traffic out on the road was replaced with laughter as we were relieved to arrive right on time. On the way home, we both were laughing so hard about how much we got so lost with his stories that we almost forgot about everything.

I smiled at him and I told him how proud I was of him for always working hard and never forgetting the things of God and that how he did well with his driving to and from school for the very first time, all alone.

In between pauses of a deafening laughter, my heart softly cried in prayer as my son taught me another thing:

“For me to always be excited in His presence and spill how each of my day goes…”Oh how much He must long for each of His children to come to Him and talk to Him with all their hearts and minds the way I expected my child to do with his father and mother.

“Thanks Mom. I love you,” my child uttered which interrupted my secret prayer.

“You’re welcome,  Kristian. I love you, too.”

Off he ran toward his father waiting in the garage and gave him a hug, as I carefully tried to park my car in the designated space. I was alternately looking at the direction I was supposed to be watching for. Yet I couldn’t help but look at my child who was already half-child, half-man.  Gratitude overwhelmed my heart upon his sight. Thankful to be given this precious blessing and at the same time, I was thankful to be given the opportunity of becoming a “mother.”

 A role that is not easy but at the same time is an important part in shaping the precious life entrusted to me and that of my husband’s. With his figure still present in front of me, I saw a little bit of me. I saw a little bit of my husband. But what was not obvious was his heart being shaped by His Word. That was the best way to train a child! His way!

Help me us as parents, Lord, not to neglect praying for our children. Help us remember that the best way to train them is to nurture them with the kind of love that comes from You. Guide us Lord with Your wisdom to help us teach our children about You. Thank You Lord for Your love and grace. Thank You for being our heavenly Father Who loves us unconditionally. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

A Mother’s Prayer (HANNAH'S SONG) Words by Rachel Aldous
  Music by John Mandeville
Verse:
My sweet baby on loan from above.
No better treasure could I more love.
I stand here beside your bed as I pray
I lay my hand on your head and I say:

Chorus:
May you grow up to serve Him
all of your days.
May He lead you and guide you
in all of your ways.
May His hand bless your future with
friendships that last.
May you cherish your youth
and not grow up too fast

Verse:
I stare in wonder at your tiny frame.
Just to think that God knows you by name.
He knows every hair on your beautiful head.
He knows your thoughts before they are said.

Chorus:
May you grow up to serve Him
all of your days
May He lead you and guide you
in all of your ways.
May His Hand bless your future with
friendships that last.
May you cherish your youth
and not grow up too fast.

Prayer:
May God grant you peace
in the midst of a storm.
May God give you strength even when you’re forlorn.
May you answer the door when
Jesus comes knocking.
May wisdom guide when
your mouth is talking.
May discretion protect you
and keep you pure.
May you never stumble
or fall for a lure.
May your heart remain humble
to the very end.
May uprightness and truth
be what you defend.
May the world not ensnare
or change who you are.
May the light that's within you
shine like the stars.
May angels surround you
body, spirit, mind.
May favor and peace be yours to find.
May rejection and pain
never reach you.
May your spirit grow bold
for what you’re called to.

Chorus:
May you grow up to serve Him
all of your days
May He lead you and guide you
in all of your ways
May His Hand bless your future with
friendships that last.
May you cherish your youth
and not grow up too fast.

Singing:
As you rest in God’s care I will rest, too.
Knowing that Jesus is watching over you.
Amen

Hannah speaks: I love you, Mommy…

The Car Of Life

Amidst the misty atmosphere this morning, my husband and I, side by side, walked out into the driveway to wave goodbye to our son who was leaving on his first day of school. He wove and did a “familiar gesture” that only this family could understand and was meant as a joke. He froze his left hand by the driver’s window forming a shape that resembled a “talking mouth.”

“Talk to the hand!” we’d say whenever we heard things that were nonsense.

But this morning, my son did that to make me smile. And his dad. Knowing it was the very first time that he was going to school sans the “mom as the usual driver.” Not today. He was stepping into a new adventure where the car would depend on someone’s decision. His. Alone. He knew we had mixed emotions as I sipped my early morning coffee. My face was showing off a big smile but my heart was tinged with a little sadness yet was also filled with joy. Joyful for a new milestone his steps had to take. Joyful for a new road he needed to take.

“We must learn to let go…” I whispered to my husband, who was so excited to see his son drove off in the usual pace he mastered before getting his license.

A pang of pain pinched my heart again. Letting go seemed to be difficult because it was coming from being protective of your own flesh and blood, knowing how cruel and evil this place could be. As parents, it was a natural instinct to guard the children from any harm. But doing so would be inevitable.

Someone has to fall first before he can get up. A rose with red petals shows off its beauty but along with it come the thorns. A heart learns to mend only after it is broken. 

The car was long gone. The fume still lingered. My heart's ache also vanished as I let go of my son.

To His hands Who would direct his car of life.

“Proverbs 3:5?” I quizzed my son after breakfast and before we all prayed together…

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding!” he quickly replied.

“Verse 6?”

“In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.”

I heard my cell phone had an incoming text message...

“I’m here now. Luvu…”

“Luvu too…” I slowly typed and sent the message.

My heart by then was completely in peace, surrendered to the One Who could see my son and protect him in all his ways. Here I was teaching my child about Him, but in the process, I was the one who was learning to trust more and depend more on Him Who also had let me go in my own ways before… Yet readily welcomed me upon my return into His loving arms. No questions asked...

My Heart's Deeper Wounds

“God never uses a person greatly until He has wounded him deeply.The privilege He offers you is greater than the price you have to pay.  The privilege is greater than the price.”
~ Helen Roosevere, April 13, 1993

I searched for more areas in my heart that bled. This process had been becoming more common since being involved in a huge battle at work, with some people desiring to cease my career as a Correctional Nurse using the power they were in. Lies upon lies were poured out in front of me, accusing me of my own inability when it never prevented me from performing my tasks for so many years.

I found one…I quickly opened the Kit (Bible) and tried to find the best suiting remedy to soothe the searing pain I felt upon seeing that cut. And how I was impatient! Carefully, I read the Instruction in a rush and then, I slowed down and let every letter coat that pain.

“Can any of the worthless foreign gods send us rain? Does it fall from the sky by itself? No, you are the one, O LORD our God! Only you can do such things. So we will wait for you to help us.”

– Jeremiah 14:22 (NLT)

And how my heart struggled to not be soaked in this right dose, begging for His answer to come quick!

As my heart was still trying to avoid that needed dose for its wound to be exposed then be healed, another part showed up: “anger”… I was not worried at all with whatever outcome this battle would produce. I was becoming more upset with the unfair treatments, the bias, the discriminating actions or words I heard over and over, not only for me, but for those who had left long time ago…

“Nurse G. might quit…She applied for another facility and she is going to move there,” one co-worker called me and informed me the other day.

Nurse G. and I had shared so many frustrations when I was still going to work and she found out about the mistreatments I had been receiving from the same people who plagued her with same dilemma.

“That’s sad. I am sad because she said she was going to fight but I understand, too. It is quite tiring and it is a long process. It seems it’s easier to just quit,” I replied.

“Ouch! What was that?” I looked and saw that part of my heart pulsing with more “anger.” The opened Kit in plain sight directed my vision to what cure it needed.

“People with understanding control their anger; a hot temper shows great foolishness.”

– Proverbs 14:29 (NLT)

I was barely done reading that verse and another one showed up, as if an invisible Finger kept pointing at another remedy for me to choose:

“¹⁹ Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. ²⁰ Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. ²¹ So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls.” – James 1:19-21 (NLT)

“Aww..." a soft cry emanated from deep within me, realizing the truth that exposed more of my heart's core...

I closed the Kit not in protest but I knew I had enough treatment for the day of my heart’s deeper wounds. The pain that I thought came from those evil intentions from work was not true. The pain came from His truth…His Word! It is taking away the areas in my heart that needed to be removed. No wonder it hurts! And I must let it shape my life and the only way to do that is to allow His Word to reveal who I am and what I’m not. 

“For the Word of God is full of living power. It is sharper than the sharpest knife, cutting deep into our innermost thoughts and desires. It exposes us for what we really are.” – Hebrews 4:12 (NLT)