Amidst the misty atmosphere this morning, my husband and I, side by side, walked out into the driveway to wave goodbye to our son who was leaving on his first day of school. He wove and did a “familiar gesture” that only this family could understand and was meant as a joke. He froze his left hand by the driver’s window forming a shape that resembled a “talking mouth.”
“Talk to the hand!” we’d say whenever we heard things that were nonsense.
But this morning, my son did that to make me smile. And his dad. Knowing it was the very first time that he was going to school sans the “mom as the usual driver.” Not today. He was stepping into a new adventure where the car would depend on someone’s decision. His. Alone. He knew we had mixed emotions as I sipped my early morning coffee. My face was showing off a big smile but my heart was tinged with a little sadness yet was also filled with joy. Joyful for a new milestone his steps had to take. Joyful for a new road he needed to take.
A pang of pain pinched my heart again. Letting go seemed to be difficult because it was coming from being protective of your own flesh and blood, knowing how cruel and evil this place could be. As parents, it was a natural instinct to guard the children from any harm. But doing so would be inevitable.
Someone has to fall first before he can get up. A rose with red petals shows off its beauty but along with it come the thorns. A heart learns to mend only after it is broken.
The car was long gone. The fume still lingered. My heart's ache also vanished as I let go of my son.
To His hands Who would direct his car of life.
“Proverbs 3:5?” I quizzed my son after breakfast and before we all prayed together…
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding!” he quickly replied.
“Verse 6?”
“In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.”
I heard my cell phone had an incoming text message...
“I’m here now. Luvu…”
“Luvu too…” I slowly typed and sent the message.
My heart by then was completely in peace, surrendered to the One Who could see my son and protect him in all his ways. Here I was teaching my child about Him, but in the process, I was the one who was learning to trust more and depend more on Him Who also had let me go in my own ways before… Yet readily welcomed me upon my return into His loving arms. No questions asked...
Another one of those milestones for a young person, but transition for the parents. We are going through several of them right now. The big one: our youngest leaves for college next Wed - 12 hours away. We are taking her and will drop her off and have a long ride back.
ReplyDeleteI know what was going through your heart as you waved good-bye. As tough as it is, it helps me to remember that, "This is actually good. Things are developing the way God planned for them." Makes it a little easier to realize that.
Sounds like you guys have done a good job! Congratulations.
It's hard to let go of our children, especially during those years when they are driving on their own. But when we let go and let God take care of them, He never fails us. He faithfully & lovingly took care of mine during those years and He'll take care of your son, too. What an exciting time for him. I pray he'll have a great school year.
ReplyDeleteDeep hugs to you Rosel.
ReplyDeleteI am in tears as I type this comment in response to your very beautiful post, my dear Rosel. There is a big lump in my throat, because I can relate to what you feel, the bittersweet joy and sadness at the same time.
ReplyDeleteI am with you in this season of letting go. You are letting go of many things... wish I could be with you to give you a tight hug... or pray with you and share a cup of gourmet coffee... because we come from the same homeland, you have a special place in my heart.
Praying for you... always
and if you have time, may I invite you to read this post I wrote a two years ago I think... it is about my letting go season for my youngest child, my only daughter. I hope it will also encourage your heart.
http://mla-crownofglory.blogspot.com/2009/07/to-my-daughter-if-i-could.html
Much love
Lidj
Love you dear sister and hugging you across the many miles...sniff sniff.
ReplyDelete{{{Alleluiabelle}}}