Our Gift To God

“For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.”

- Romans 6:23 (NLT)

“Rcubes, you’re doing the inside diabetics,” warned the Charge Nurse as I walked into the Clinic to start my shift. (It meant doing the blood sugar levels of those who could come down to the Clinic while another nurse goes to those who were locked up and not allowed to go out of their cells). I would have more diabetics than that other nurse.

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“Wow!” I thought…”I haven’t done it in a long time…”

“Okay. Thank you for telling me. Are all the units aware of who to send?”

“Yup! They got the lists of the names and the insulin was already pulled.”

“Awesome! Whoever drew the insulin,’thank you.’”

My skills seemed rusty at first, monitoring, getting the blood sugar levels, recording, then administering the needed dosage, adding if more insulin was needed. It seemed easy but not when there were fifty-something bodies that kept flooding the Infirmary’s waiting area, the scent of sweat pooling in the already stagnant atmosphere. But I needed that. I learned prioritizing through that, watchful for those who tried to get my attention and distract me. They were frustrated that their attention-grabbing manners were not succeeding. I remained careful and making sure I was getting all the “needles” they used to prick their fingers.

As I survived the first wave of these diabetics, I had a 3 hour window to prepare for the bedtime doses and prepare the names of those needing to check their sugar levels again before bedtime. As one body showed up after another, I only heard the last word “suicide”, a distress call from our radio and calling for medical staff’s help. I dropped everything and still wearing my pair of gloves, I saw the Charge Nurse grabbed the heavy medical emergency bag and I ran right behind her, the Deputy left to watch the things I left without any warning.

Down the hallway that led to one of the two female housing units, a hoard of female deputies came out, pushing an orange-suit clad female inmate wailing in tears, her wrists cuffed up behind her. They stopped in the middle of the hallway as they saw our pairs of feet rushing to meet theirs.

She was asking the Deputy something at first after chow time (meal). When the Deputy had advised her to wait as she was doing her logs (checking on all inmates), her cellie (cell-mate) buzzed the bell and told the bubble (those controlling the doors and security of that unit) that this inmate had cut her throat with a razor.

“Thank God, the wounds are superficial,” I uttered to the Charge Nurse watching me clean her vertical wound on the right side of the neck. The gauze gathered the few drops of blood that covered the cut. On the left side of her neck were three cuts, one with a little deeper wound and had more blood than the rest. I poured more saline to a fresh wad of gauze and she grimaced in pain as I barely touched those areas.

“I’m sorry, it’s gonna’ sting some,” I warned. As I got done cleaning her wounds and covering them with more fresh gauze, I could only put little pieces of tape to make the gauze stick to its place. She would be in constant monitoring after that because of her suicidal intention. She was placed in Suicide Watch and she had to wait until the Psychiatrist had to evaluate her and either keep her or release her from that cell.

As the female deputies continued to talk with her, with one yelling at her and asking her why she couldn’t wait, I could only pray for this precious life who was given a second chance by the One Who gave her life in the first place.

If people will only draw nearer to God, they will know that God’s plan is for life, not death…God is the Potter. We are the clay. In His hands we are constantly being spun, shaped, and reshaped. Those times when we are broken, it’s only His hands Who can fix those pieces. Only if we allow those Hands to change us and make us more like Jesus, that’s when we know our true life’s purpose. Through tears, we are being kept moist and through brokenness, that is when the power of the Cross works best. Only those willing broken vessels are used best by God. And that is our greatest gift to God.

“What we are is God's gift to us. What we become is our gift to God.” – Eleanor Powell

Not The Same Without A Father

“There's something like a line of gold thread running through a man's words when he talks to his daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love itself.” - John Gregory Brown, Decorations in a Ruined Cemetery

I had learned so much about the different continents of this world because of my father who worked as a Radio Operator when I was growing up. He traveled and had gone to many countries and as he did, he communicated with me by sending many beautiful postcards and had told me things about a particular culture. I was always so excited every time he would come home during his vacations, bringing me lots of markers with the colors of a rainbow and other things I could use to draw pictures and make my own stationeries. Those things I used when I would write him back.

Though he was away for more months than with us as a sacrifice to earn and provide for his family, leaving my mother to be both as our mother and father at times he was away, he made his presence known by nurturing his family with his love shown through actions.

As he was dying surrounded by us, his children, all he whispered with remaining strength were the words: “I love you all. Do not forget that…”

“I love you…” Those words still echo in my heart even in his absence. Despite the big hole he left (same with my mother) in our hearts, it truly never felt empty because they both made sure they filled our hearts with their love.

It doesn’t matter who he was. I would always remember my father how he was to us, his family and same with his friends. He was always a funny guy but he left many hearts crying on the day he went Home to our good Father Who is the true Source of love.

And now with my own family, I see the same loving acts from the one I married. He is a loving and supportive father to our son. Always sacrificing, always compromising, always understanding, always helping and most of all, always loving and making it known to his son and me.

As I write, I know others long for that kind of love. The love that comes from a father. But know this:

“The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him.”

- Psalm 103:13 (NLT)

Lord, thank You for You, for being our Father we call on from up above. Thank You for Your gift of love. Thank You for giving me a father who loved us unconditionally and had taught me to be grateful for the littlest things I have, especially that of love. Thank you for guiding my father to shape his children’s future and for sharing with us about Your goodness.

Thank You Lord for giving me a man who loves my son and I unconditionally. Continue to guide him with Your divine wisdom and empower him with Your Spirit to walk in fatherly ways the way You do.

I pray for those who are hurting Lord and who are growing up or had grown up without having earthly father’s sacrificial love. Please comfort them and make Your love known in their hearts. Thank You Lord for all of Your blessings. Thank You for loving us first. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

Life is not the same without a father. Life is even more fulfilling if we know and acknowledge the love of a Father Who is in the heavens. He desires for us to draw nearer to Him. Happy Father's Day!!! May you be a father who loves those around you unconditionally. May you look up to our Father in heaven Who can empower you to follow His footsteps. Through children's eyes, life is not the same without a father.

The Nourishment

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I was dragging my feet as I neared the entry door of the prison. That was my first day to work PM shift after working many nights for many years. It wasn’t my choice. It was those people in power who wanted to see me crushed and were hoping for me to quit who wanted this to happen. In doing so, they thought that would have made me choose to leave my position. Except….”I’m not a quitter!”

“Rcubes! How are you?” yelled the Charge Nurse with a very excited tone of voice. I remained quiet for a few seconds and truly did not know how to respond to her seemingly nice welcome. How could I be enthused with such a warm greeting when she was the one among the many who wanted to end my career as a Correctional Nurse? How could I even acknowledge when she was among them who broke my trust?

“I guess I’m back to work,” I replied cautiously. I was not able to reply with the same excitement because to do that I knew would be a lie.

As I continue to wait for the outcome of my battle with them, one day at a time, I remain strong because of God. I often wonder, if these people who see themselves wise and are hungry for power go through a tough time like mine, where are they going to draw their needed nourishment if their faith is parched? Do they really think that they can get away with every evil plans they commit?

“The human heart is most deceitful and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is? But I know! I, the Lord, search all hearts and examine secret motives. I give all people their due rewards, according to what their actions deserve.” – Jeremiah 17:9-10 (NLT)

It’s very clear! God said that when we sin, it is a matter of the heart!

I don’t want to be like them. But God had placed me in this dark place to work here. Being a Correctional Nurse gives me fulfillment. But along with it came a lot of pressures, too. Through the many seasons I have worked here behind the prison walls, God made me learn that He is the Source of my strength, my Fortress, and He truly is the Place of Refuge.

I don’t have the same desire every time I’m scheduled to work because of this battle I’m in. But I won’t let the enemies steal my joy. If ever my career here ends, I know it’s not them who made it possible but Him. And if He does, I know it’s because He wants me somewhere else.

In any battle or trials of life we face, God is teaching us patience. It seems we always have to wait. But in this waiting period, it is also a great opportunity to know more about the things of God. We fold our hands more in prayers as we bend our knees even if we end up with calloused knee caps. I pray for my enemies. I pray for the situation. But in this waiting period, I pray for me the most. For God to continue to mold me and make me like Jesus. For Him to change me the most. I feel I don’t even care about this battle anymore not because their accusations had no basis anyway but because I don’t want this to affect my thoughts and attitudes. I know I’m being given a hard time because I won’t succumb to pleasing them. But with a renewed heart, I would rather seek for only One’s approval. That of God’s. My Source of imperishable nourishment.

“Oh, the joys of those who do not follow the advice of the wicked, or stand around with sinners, or join with scoffers. But they delight in doing everything the Lord wants; day and night they think about his law. They are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit each season without fail. Their leaves never wither, and in all they do, they prosper.” – Psalm 1:1-3 (NLT)

Letting Go

So…my husband and I had allowed our son to drive on his own since passing his driving test within short distances like visiting his friends and right now, as I’m typing this, he’s getting ready to play tennis at a nearby high school to play with his friends he had known since elementary days.

On my own longer trips, because he’s on a vacation, I asked him if he wanted to come with me and when he did, I often handed him the keys. Not only I was able to rest from driving and this time, was able to enjoy some scenic views but I was also able to observe his driving skills. I became comfortable the more I let him drive and make his own decisions knowing that I could trust him and him, knowing that his father and I trusted him.

“So, you’re gonna’ be visiting a lot down here when Kristian goes to college here?” my friend asked.

Adding with a laughter, she uttered, “She’d be spying on you, Kristian.”

I laughed. My son laughed. But as the laughter died down, I replied, “Spying? Hmmm…I know…That’s what moms would want to do.” Intentionally letting my son hear me and he knew this before anyway, I added, “But it’s not spying…It’s being a “mom”. It is a job that requires for us to be protective of our young. And in a very difficult moment, even if I don’t want to, I need to learn to “let go.”

This precious life that the Lord had given my husband and I is not only ours. This life was from Him. We were given the task to guide him. We were given the duty to tell him about his Father in heaven Who would guide him and direct his ways, not us. Letting go of our children’s independence is hard. But letting go is a must. If we truly understand that they need to have fear of the Lord, a good kind of fear, then we know deep in our hearts that “letting go” becomes easier. If their roots are also established in God’s ground of love, letting go allows us, as parents, to watch our children make either right or wrong choices, despite the pain wrong decisions bring. But in doing so, we have allowed them to feel our love and trust.

An enduring love is what I want my son to learn. Having this, I want him to know that he can always come back to his father and mother any time he chooses to, knowing that “open arms” are ready to welcome him, after he begins his own life’s journey. We want him to be aware that his journey wouldn’t be easy. There are hard times. But he is not alone.  I know…because our Father in heaven  let me go many times despite the pain it caused Him with my wrong decisions and watched me headed for danger. Still…I didn’t listen. And when I finally reached a breaking point and turned back to Him,  I only heard Him say, “I love you…”

“Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.” – 1 John 4:18 (NLT)


Father, it is not easy to let go of my child to let him make his own decisions. But saying that is only to show fear. Forgive me Lord and continue to mold my heart. As a mother, help me show that by letting go of my child, I am completely trusting in You Oh Lord. From now on, I am "letting go" of my child to Your hands knowing that You are the One Who truly created him and will direct his footsteps as he begins his own life's journey. I pray that You will guide him with Your divine wisdom Lord and that You will always give him the gift of discernment. Lord, draw my son nearer to You. May he never forget to completely trust in You and in You alone. Thank You Lord for everything that You have done in our lives. Thank You for Who You are. Help our roots go down deeper into your soil of extravagant love. Thank You for Your love, mercy and grace. In Jesus' Name. Amen.