The Nourishment

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I was dragging my feet as I neared the entry door of the prison. That was my first day to work PM shift after working many nights for many years. It wasn’t my choice. It was those people in power who wanted to see me crushed and were hoping for me to quit who wanted this to happen. In doing so, they thought that would have made me choose to leave my position. Except….”I’m not a quitter!”

“Rcubes! How are you?” yelled the Charge Nurse with a very excited tone of voice. I remained quiet for a few seconds and truly did not know how to respond to her seemingly nice welcome. How could I be enthused with such a warm greeting when she was the one among the many who wanted to end my career as a Correctional Nurse? How could I even acknowledge when she was among them who broke my trust?

“I guess I’m back to work,” I replied cautiously. I was not able to reply with the same excitement because to do that I knew would be a lie.

As I continue to wait for the outcome of my battle with them, one day at a time, I remain strong because of God. I often wonder, if these people who see themselves wise and are hungry for power go through a tough time like mine, where are they going to draw their needed nourishment if their faith is parched? Do they really think that they can get away with every evil plans they commit?

“The human heart is most deceitful and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is? But I know! I, the Lord, search all hearts and examine secret motives. I give all people their due rewards, according to what their actions deserve.” – Jeremiah 17:9-10 (NLT)

It’s very clear! God said that when we sin, it is a matter of the heart!

I don’t want to be like them. But God had placed me in this dark place to work here. Being a Correctional Nurse gives me fulfillment. But along with it came a lot of pressures, too. Through the many seasons I have worked here behind the prison walls, God made me learn that He is the Source of my strength, my Fortress, and He truly is the Place of Refuge.

I don’t have the same desire every time I’m scheduled to work because of this battle I’m in. But I won’t let the enemies steal my joy. If ever my career here ends, I know it’s not them who made it possible but Him. And if He does, I know it’s because He wants me somewhere else.

In any battle or trials of life we face, God is teaching us patience. It seems we always have to wait. But in this waiting period, it is also a great opportunity to know more about the things of God. We fold our hands more in prayers as we bend our knees even if we end up with calloused knee caps. I pray for my enemies. I pray for the situation. But in this waiting period, I pray for me the most. For God to continue to mold me and make me like Jesus. For Him to change me the most. I feel I don’t even care about this battle anymore not because their accusations had no basis anyway but because I don’t want this to affect my thoughts and attitudes. I know I’m being given a hard time because I won’t succumb to pleasing them. But with a renewed heart, I would rather seek for only One’s approval. That of God’s. My Source of imperishable nourishment.

“Oh, the joys of those who do not follow the advice of the wicked, or stand around with sinners, or join with scoffers. But they delight in doing everything the Lord wants; day and night they think about his law. They are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit each season without fail. Their leaves never wither, and in all they do, they prosper.” – Psalm 1:1-3 (NLT)