The Battle Isn't Mine

^“10My people, you are my witnesses and my chosen servant. I want you to know me, to trust me, and understand that I alone am God. I have always been God;  there can be no others.  ¹¹I alone am the LORD;  only I can rescue you.  ¹²I promised to save you, and I kept my promise.  You are my witnesses that no other god did this. I, the LORD, have spoken. ¹³I am God now and forever.  No one can snatch you from me or stand in my way. “ – Isaiah 43: 10-13 (CEV)

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That unexpected meeting had me fully open to their winds of accusations that almost killed the light I tried to carry wherever I went. It flickered. The more wind, the more wavering it did and the little light became even lesser, to the point of going up in smoke.

Then, suddenly, a Huge Hand came and shielded my light against those strong winds of accusations that had no basis. The winds that came from three people in power who just wanted to serve their self-interests. Three people who were supposed to protect, and under our badges, were placed in their prominent positions, became the first ones to accuse and wanted to do a severe damage. They could only see the power that held them high. But they didn’t know. Any power from this world would not last. Any who was number one in position in this world would not mean it would be the same ranking in His Kingdom.

And my light didn’t die. Saved by His mighty Hand. And I saw the scars on His hands pierced by those nails. Nails that were driven by the same passion wrongfully used by those people in high power thousands of years ago. They wanted to kill him even if He was innocent. They didn’t want to believe anything He said though they were amazed by what they heard from Him. They thought they could plan for His death and made Him bleed as He walked through the narrow, dusty road leading to Golgotha, while carrying a heavy, wooden cross. But they didn’t know. It was already planned by God. He sacrificed His own Son to save humanity from their sins.

As I sat there battling those powerful winds, my heart glowed more with hope. Knowing that the God Who raised Him from the dead was the same One Who freed Him from death’s agony; as it was impossible for death to keep its hold on Him. My light grew brighter as He shielded me from those attacks and reminded me of what was to come. Because of what He had done. And because I chose to believe and trust in Him.

I am reviewing what I wrote from day one that there was a big change at work. I keep playing the recorded messages over and over. Praying for God’s discernment daily, I had that gut feeling to start taking notes as I felt that there was an unseen powerful storm that would threaten to stop His work in me. As they smirked and laughed their hearts out, celebrating because of what they thought crippled me, I remained resting in His wonderful promises. His Armor remained intact all over me, day in, day out.

Next week would be a big leap for me. As I try to sort out what I have to fight back.  I feel good. I have His mighty tools He gave me. They will not hear a loud yell from me. They will not expect any disrespectful remarks. For I am not reacting in the flesh but I’m fighting in the Spirit. With my defense, they will cower because of His truth and His righteousness. With my stance, they will not see any fear but peace, love, and the joy of salvation. They will hurt because I will bring the battle into His light and their hearts will be pierced with His sWORD. As I remain not standing up in a stance while holding a fist into the air, I would rather continue to bend my knees and fold my hands together. Even if they get calloused. As I know many of you are also keeping me in your prayers. And because of that, as we gather and meet in the Spirit, I pray that I see everything through His eyes, not mine. To God be the glory! Thank you friends for your prayers and love.

 “And he said, “Listen, all Judah and inhabitants of Jerusalem and King Jehoshaphat: Thus says the Lord to you, ‘Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed at this great horde, for the battle is not yours but God's.” – 2 Chronicles 20:15 (ESV)

Your Love

“I’m sorry for crying, but I just can’t help it. I haven’t been feeling well and I just don’t feel good,” a young, female inmate rapidly stated as she just sat on one of the blue chairs we used for sick call. She was talking so fast that I haven’t even asked her what brought her down to the Clinic. I knew she had a history of anxiety and being bipolar was a possibility according to her records.

“Calm down…..Breathe…” I coaxed her.

“Ma’am, I’m sorry but I just don’t feel good and it’s difficult to breathe and tonight, I started coughing and…”

“Calm….Down….Take a deep breath…Don’t think I’m not listening. I am.”

“But…”

“Breathe! Calm down!”

Her lips pursed, I saw her let out a long breath.

“Again…”

To my command, she let out another. Seeing her more relaxed, I asked, “Do you think you need to see someone from the Mental Health Services? Are you feeling more anxious? Though I know that you were seen before but at that time, you told them that you were okay. It looks like you have a cold. And if you cry, it will make it more difficult for you to breathe. So, try to relax, okay?”

In a much slower rhythm, she replied, “I’m fine, Ma’am. I don’t think I need to see any from Psych. I do have history of asthma.”

“I saw that. I’m just waiting for you to calm down. I’m gonna’ take your temperature and other things and depending on what I hear from your lungs, I might give you an inhaler.”

“Thank you.”

"Try to relax, get a lot of rest if you can and drink lots of fluids as long as you’re not nauseous," I reminded her as I gave her yellow pass after giving the medications to help her with her symptoms.

Oh, how true it is in this life that even smaller things can overwhelm us and seem to choke us when we feel so inadequate in overcoming trials. It’s just hard to breathe. These things that choke us sometimes weaken our faith more and make us forget that God can do amazing things. But no matter what we feel and no matter how impossible the circumstances we are fighting, it doesn’t mean that God is not paying attention to us anymore.

“Be still…” He always reminds us.

“"I the LORD do not change. So you, O descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed.” (Malachi 3:6 – NIV)

He is God of love. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. So, His faithful love doesn’t change.

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For this special day, may we remember the Author of Love.

“16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” – (Ephesians 3:16-19-NIV)

This was a song the Lord had given me on Nov.25, 2004 then He gave me the second part on June 20, 2007…(We will find him if we seek Him and look for Him with all our hearts)…

Your Love, Oh Lord

I can never understand the way You love every man
On the cross You died and You called us friends
I can never comprehend Your sacrifice and all the pains
Even on the cross, You welcomed us with open arms

Chorus:

(That) Your love is wide…..wider than what my eyes can see
Your love is long…it endures for all eternity
Your love is high….higher than the skies and the heavens
Your love is deep…deeper than the rivers and the seas

Your love oh Lord…

Help me be like You in all of my ways
Dwell in my heart, only in You I have faith
I wanna’ be rooted only in Your love
So I can begin to understand…

(Repeat Chorus)..

Your love, oh Lord…(Your love is wide)
Your love, oh Lord…(Your love is long)
Your love, oh Lord…(Your love is high)
Your love, oh Lord…(Your love is deep)

~rcubes 11/25/04

Happy Love Day to all of you and may God bless you all! Thank you for your friendships, sweet thoughts and prayers. It will be a long battle I'm facing in the coming days ahead, but I want to be still and know that it is the Lord's battle, not mine. Love to all of you.

Stuck Doing Nothing

“Why then have these people turned away? Why does Jerusalem always turn away? They cling to deceit; they refuse to return.” – Jeremiah 8:5 (NIV)

In and out of the prison, he had grown accustomed to seeking medical treatment for his high blood pressure. As an illegal alien, his life was spent stealing cars or committing other crimes to support his financial needs. It wasn’t only him who knew how to seek a medical treatment by faking their symptoms, but medical staff knew if their complaints were not valid.

“Give his chart to me,” I requested to the other nurse who was taking a phone call from the same unit where she was already expecting one inmate to come down to the Clinic, complaining of his hip hurting after falling inside the cell.

“How about this other one,” I asked, “What was the complaint?”

“Rcubes, he told Custody…”

Then I heard the radio call, “Unit 8 sending down 2 to the Clinic…”as I was listening to the nurse.

“…that he was complaining of chest pain.”

Reviewing his chart, I noticed he was already seen the day before for a very high blood pressure. The Physician Assistant had already given him a pill to lower the blood pressure immediately and when the reading came down to a less dangerous level, he was sent back to his unit. But he didn’t know that the PA had also ordered new medications to be given starting that morning, with a pill that was not the same as what was given to him during that critical time.

"They said Unit 8," I told that other nurse waiting for the other sick inmate, "I wonder if they were "cellies" (housed together in one cell)?"

After checking in the computer, the same nurse tapped my shoulder and said, "You're right, Rcubes. They are staying together in one cell."

"Thanks. That means one complained, the other heard so either one or both of them are lying anyway.

 

“What’s up, Mr.N?” I started asking through the huge, heavy glass partition window, as the deputy was not around so I couldn’t let him in, into the Clinic.

“Ma’am, they haven’t given me this (he named a particular medication that was supposed to be given that morning) and you don’t understand, if I don’t get that, my chest hurts and I could feel it radiating to my left arm and also around here. Oh, and I don’t want any Nitro. That stuff makes me feel sick (which I already knew anyway because he refused the Nitro being offered by the PA that day),” he uttered as he started rubbing his mid-chest with circular motions.

“So, let me make this clear, Sir,” I probed, “To me, it doesn’t sound like you’re having chest pain. You wanted this specific medication and if you don’t get it, that’s when you will have chest pain.”

“You don’t understand,” he replied and  his facial expression became uneasy.

“I didn’t say you’re lying. And yes, I did understand what you were telling me because I just repeated what you told me. You’re the one who didn’t answer me, Sir. It was only a “yes” or “no”.”

“Ahhh…,” he remained silent for a minute.

“Was it this one (I mentioned the name of the medication that he wanted as I showed him the envelope that morning with the lists of the medications he was supposed to be getting) that you wanted?”

“Ahhh…yes,”he finally answered.

“Sir, you are not patient. It was about to be given starting this morning. You are not giving the medical staff a chance to treat you in proper timing. You just got here yesterday and you’re demanding for so many things. Don’t you think the doctor knows what medications you will need already to keep your blood pressure under control?”

“You need to relax because you’re angry and that’s not helping your blood pressure anyway,” I explained.

He didn’t know what to say. He took the morning pills and a small cup of water I offered. Walking with the aid of a wooden cane, he said a soft “thank you” and motioned the deputy that he was ready to go back to his unit.

God’s grace has been available to anyone seeking healing. We are all sick because of sins. But some who have already known and tasted God’s grace, end up going back and forth sometimes, remaining contented to stay being just saved. After being forgiven, sometimes, the desire to move toward perfection, toward knowing more about God, and toward becoming a new creation end up getting stuck doing nothing for His glory.

Let Your Word Speak

“Good morning!” she verbalized as she whizzed by in front of a counter where I was gathering my stuff, getting ready to leave after a busy night.

“Good morning,” I replied softly as my mind started wandering.

Wandering back to that day when she was in front of me, during a crucial meeting with regards to my work situation. I thought about how she intended to pursue to not have anything available for my request. The way she answered the questions of two more people in power,  incompletely and  often  with half  truths.

Despite the painful wounds she created in my heart and spirit with her lies and her own motive to crush me, I managed to glance at her direction at the opposite side of the wooden, conference table and uttered, “Have a good day”. She didn’t expect that kind of greeting from me, after being wounded deeply and unexpectedly. That was also a signal I gave to conclude our private session in which they had me pierced  with their planned decision to end my career in the prison, as I refused to answer anymore and sign the  piece of paper they had prepared where things were written quite differently from what they were verbally saying to my face.

She must remember that short but powerful moment of the way I responded to her hurtful, piercing remarks with gentleness.  But I wished that she would realize it wasn’t because of my nature. I did that because He lived in me.

“But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Here there is no conflict with the law.” – Galatians 5:22

Lord, I am only but a shadow in Your light. Their words hurt but they will  not wound me deep enough to paralyze me. Their plans for me are already outlined but I know it’s You Who directs our steps and it is only You Who formed us in our mother’s wombs. I pray dear Lord that through me, they will hear Your Word that is sharper than a double-edged sword. This sWORD that will penetrate their souls and spirits, their joints and marrow and make them realize that it’s You Who truly alone judges the thoughts and attitudes of the hearts. Please empower me with Your Spirit so that any wrong desires can be overcome by the fruits of the Spirit. Help me with Your strength for me to continue to easily forgive them and may they see Your grace through me. Lord, let Your Word speak!!! To them who needs to hear You. And to me who needs to continue to get to know more things about You. Thank You Lord for Your faithful love and mercy. Thank You for Your grace. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.