Wait...Wait Some More...

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I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth. - Psalm 121:1,2 (ESV)

“Would you please relax?” my husband suggested as our son and I had called him from home and greeted him with our usual “Good Morning” as soon as our son woke up.  Our son started his week-long vacation to observe the Thanksgiving Holiday. 

“Forget your charge for now,” he added. “Just go out and enjoy the day! Like you guys can go and have lunch somewhere!”

The day’s forecast predicted a beautiful weather. Not too hot. Not too cold. As I did my last load of laundry, my close friend called me and asked if it would be okay for her to come over after her doctor’s appointment so we could have lunch together with my son who was also close to her. What a perfect time! I thought…

“Where are we gonna’ go?” I texted.

“Okay to go to our favorite hotdog and hamburger place if your labs returned okay?” I added ending that statement with a smiley face.

A little over an hour, she did come and my son chose to go to a near deli shop close to our house where old folks and familiar customers usually gathered. It was a quaint shop but the food served was delicious! 

Except…the waiting could also be a long time. 

We pushed the glass door with a dangling “Open” sign slowly as we saw how many people were already sitting, waiting for their orders. In fact, most of the tables were filled. I saw 2 tables that were empty so we all walked to the one near the wall. Greeted with a big smile by the old lady working there, she took our orders for our drinks. As we browsed. And browsed. On what to order. So many choices. Except. The risk was to wait. My friend knew by that time as my son tried to explain. But he also warned her, she would love the sandwiches they were famous for!

“J (my husband) told me to forget about my ordeal and enjoy the day and go out for lunch,” I told my friend as she intently read what was on the menu.

“I hope you’re listening,” she replied.

“Well, I’m glad you came. Thank you for coming and having lunch with us,” I echoed.

So…I ended up ordering Barbeque beef on their French roll. My son ordered Pastrami sandwich and my friend decided she would have the Philly Cheese Steak. 

“Okay…Here we go…” I whispered.

“What?” my friend asked with her brows raised, trying to get a clue.

“The waiting period starts…now!”

We chatted. About my son’s latest from his school activities. And though he knew I didn’t want to brag much about him, he knew I was proud of his hardworking study habits without my husband and I telling him to do so. My friend was enthusiastic to hear much from him all the time since she knew our son since he was 4 years old. He would be an adult soon. We all got carried away with joking around and telling other stories that we didn’t seem to notice how long we had waited. Until the orders came, piping hot as each huge plate was being placed in front of us.

The first bites came and our conversation died down as the three of us, savored and enjoyed the delicious sandwiches. The wait was worth it. My friend and I always fight when it comes to paying My friend grabbed the check and ended up paying for our lunch. She wanted to treat me and my son as she hasn’t seen him in a long time. We slowly got up and as we went out the door, we couldn’t help but observe how many more people kept coming in. The sun by then was shining brightly.

“What a beautiful day!” exclaimed my friend.

I looked up and saw how clear the blue skies were. 

“Thank You!” I whispered.

I looked up and let the sun’s rays bathe over me. I knew the profound truth that waiting for His timing was always the best thing I could do. It would be all worth it. To see the “blurry” with the “eyes of faith” and just wait…Wait…Wait some more…

"Someday...I will understand

All the things will be clear for me

As I live for now, all I know

Is that I must...trust in no one...but You..."

~ chorus part from my song "I Will Never" on 1/17/07

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!!! God bless!

In The Lowest Times

Overwhelmed with thousands of cases from employees who brought charges against their employers, I could see that closing my case without truly looking at all the evidences gathered was the easiest route to lessen that lady’s load. I was upset at the beginning knowing that their help was the only help I needed to show how much discrimination and harassment occurred at work from those people who held high positions and were used to doing everything in their own wisdom, even if such actions or words were not right, propelled them to keep repeating such knowing that they could get away with it. 

As soon as I got home after trying to go to this government office, about a little over an hour away, I called my work to verify when I would be scheduled to work. The Charge Nurse at the desk just informed me that another evening shift nurse had quit. He had faced a tough battle, too, I was sure of that. From our supervisors.

Waiting for 2 years, I thought for sure, that I would get that help I was expecting for. And that was what upset me when the lady called me and told me I couldn’t do anything because I accepted the Per Diem position according to my employer. Despite my response that I was given no choice and accepted under duress because otherwise, verbally and written by those people, not accepting the offer would mean termination on my part. I asked her if that was not considered a demotion of my position since I lost all of the benefits a regular job status had. She did not know what to say. She promised she would get back with me. But that promise was replaced with a letter instead that arrived from the mail. 

Case dismissed.

I wasn’t even given a chance to be able to bring it to a federal court. No wonder, no lawyer would pick up. There was a time frame. If I didn’t make it, that was it. I lost this case. Forever.

I wanted to fight. Knowing that no one monitored these people also from the government. But the process was not always easy. It was hard to get an appointment to see the Director. I tried personal visits. Emails. Phone calls…Nothing…I knew my case became just an “statistic”…Among those cases closed.

Over the course of this ‘waiting period’, I gathered my strength from God’s truth. I knew from the beginning how tough the battle would be because of corruption in this world. What powerful people thought of their victories are actually what enslave them. Pride. Power. Their own wisdom and strength. Those can easily be their own bondage. And when entangled, one could easily be trapped.

Only God’s truth protects me. Only God’s truth strengthens me. Only God’s truth gives me hope and helps me rests in peace and joy despite all those tough moments I had to go through, especially when facing such “powerful people”. I never showed I was afraid of them. I only told them about hurtful words. Hurtful. Because they were the truth. To none, they could not respond. To none, they could not give me any facts. To none, they could not hurl anything back. Truth for truth. Because there was no truth in their actions nor words.

If I may seem to quit battling this people, I would never consider it a loss. I felt already I had the victory even from the start. No matter what the outcome was. The process might be painful but this same process had drawn me closer to Jesus. And in Him, there is truth!!! And the word of truth is the water of life. It refreshes one’s soul no matter what it is facing in life...Ahhh… The rivers of grace and of His mercy…Because of them, going through a trial is a must. That’s when the eye of faith is tested. That’s the chance for a soul to prosper. What this world says is not true. That a man’s lowest point is when he’s facing the darkest times of his life. But in God’s eyes, through persecution and those lowest times are the periods when souls can truly prosper and be at their best health.

Yes, with God, our worst things are often our “best things”. For with wicked man’s mercies come unpleasant things but what hidden blessings found in a righteous man’s cross!!!

Yes, I will quit. With this case if it comes. But I will not quit to persevere. 

Because doing so brings me closest...To His cross...That of Jesus'...


 

In Me

during one of our trips by the beach

I took the last sip from my second cup of coffee I brewed when I got up at 4:00 in the morning. Spending time with His Word before the sun peeks at the horizon this Friday. The what was very cold last drop touched my tongue and reminded me I had forgotten to lift my cup as I visited some of my blog friends.

I haven’t worked since my brother and his family came here for a visit last month. It was my choice. My work did not want to accommodate me when I asked to remain working part time 2 years ago. But since demoting my position, it didn’t make sense to me that they kept calling me, requesting, sometimes, even pleading that my help was truly needed and would be appreciated. Just like yesterday…I was tossing the vegetables with the chicken on the stove top when the phone rang. I didn’t pick up and let the answering machine took the message. For me. The one doing the nurses’ schedule left a message, coaxing me that my help was needed this Saturday for night shift as they would be very short.

Nights? I thought to myself. They didn’t even want me to work nights. Now, she wanted me? I had been a night nurse since 2000 when I entered that prison door. But they took that away also. The harassment and discrimination that seemed to be determined that I would be calling it “quits”. But by God’s grace, I didn’t. I hang on. I tried to fight. Even if the expected help did not come. But it was the divine grace that sustained me. Up to this time…

They put me as Per Diem. The statements uttered to me with pride knowing what their positions could do without anyone questioning them would happen. They knew. I knew. It was the way things always go in this world. That they seemed to prosper by relying on the power and strength they possessed. Thinking that they would enable me by making me a Per Diem and not gave me the benefits I shouldn’t be entitled to because of my disability, they were sure that I would quit. 

But they didn’t know. I gave this battle from day 1 to Jesus. Making me a Per Diem became an advantage. Instead of them forcing me to work on those shifts that were hard, I could then choose the hours and the days that I wanted to work.  They couldn’t do anything. They were the ones who did that. But God had turned around. For good.

 

And this morning, as I sipped that cold coffee, I am not even aware that the golden glow of the sun had already burst from the eastern skies, as I looked out the window. I will not be afraid even if I don’t know what is to transpire this day. Knowing that in this world’s instability, I believe in a constant God. I believe in His truth. I believe in the Anchor of my soul Who gives me calm and peace and joy especially during the severest storms in my life. He is my hope. I turned my head again toward the window. 

Deep inside I know…We don’t cast out anchors deep below. We cast our anchors high above. That is where imperishable hope comes. That is the source of true peace as we weather the storms here below. Jesus is here...

In me…

This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God's inner sanctuary. - Hebrews 6:19 (NLT)

Two Gardens

But Jesus answered by saying to them, "You don't know what you are asking! Are you able to drink from the bitter cup of suffering I am about to drink?" "Oh yes," they replied, "we are able!"-Matthew 20:22 (NLT)

This is what the Sovereign LORD, your God and Defender, says: "See, I have taken the terrible cup from your hands. You will drink no more of my fury.- Isaiah 51:22 (NLT)

He went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, "My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine."-Matthew 26:39 (NLT)

For some reason, my husband and I noticed that since we removed the grasses from our lawns and replaced them with gravel, the incidence of neighbors’ dogs pooping had gone down to “zilch”. I remembered those times when my husband would come home, tired from a long day’s work, only to find out that he needed to clean a mess that someone else left with no regard to what was done. It became annoying but we couldn’t do anything since we couldn’t catch who was responsible for letting their pets pooped in the front yard.

I did enjoy the sight of green grasses and sort of miss it sometimes. I enjoyed mowing the yard weekly.  It was fun during those times not until the front yard became the habitat for those unwanted droppings.

The gravel might not be as colorful as the grasses and seemed like a bore at times, but despite the monotonous appearance, it was a delight to see it always poop-free. I started enjoying it more and it actually gave me more time to do other things, than mowing the lawn. Week. After. Week.

The trial I had been in at my work felt like the same. In the beginning, it had been fun and exciting to do a nursing job completely different from the hospital setting. The pay was better. Lifting patients was not known. One fact that helped me avoid hurting my neck, already injured. Until people in prominent positions allowed their pride to leave messes in this place. The air stank. From all the discrimination and harassment subtly done. Not to all. Only to certain nurses. One of them was me.

I knew from day one when they gave me a hard time about my history of disability, that it was a mess I couldn’t clean alone. I knew it was only those Scarred Hands Who could take over this matter. And while they took away my regular position and thought I could be suffering, changing my position did not bother me. I accepted that. Not from them. I accepted that because of Him. I accepted that through that change He allowed, I would be given this opportunity to grow stronger. To develop strength. To grow in character. If I was contented before, the more contentment I had knowing that He alone could give and could take away.

This morning, I saw two gardens.

The Garden of Eden.

image from visualbiblealive.com

And the Garden of Gethsemane. 

While the first one was known to be a paradise, men made a mess there. And the latter, despite the agony, still prayed for the Father’s will to be done, not what He wanted, knowing that His suffering would become the redemption for everyone’s messes.

What garden or yard are you in at this time? Are you in a beautiful, comfortable place but deep inside, you know that there is a lot of mess that surround you? Or are you in this boring and ugly place but know deep inside that there is an eternal treasure that awaits? Jesus was willing to take that cup of suffering for us and never gave up, and now, He has been inviting us to drink from that cup. To suffer for His cause. But in reality, offers those who are willing to partake a cup of joy and eternal bliss.

Yes...This Man...Jesus...God and Man...