I Failed

He was one among the others I had dealt with before…In need of help from the medical staff as they battled the symptoms that plagued them for years. Being locked up made it even harder for them to deal with ever growing loneliness behind those thick prison walls. The moment the heavy, metal doors slammed behind them, males or females, they had to face a lot of other battles immediately: isolation, rejection, harassment, intimidation, bullying, shame, hopelessness, onset of sickening withdrawal symptoms from abused illegal substances, mental torture and hearts slowly being drowned with waves of current troubles they carried with them from home.

The female deputy wheeled in a young, male inmate from her unit. About to fall off from the wheelchair she was pushing, his body was obviously rigid, his mouth constantly opening yet it failed in producing complaints that he wanted to say. He was shaking uncontrollably. His heavy, very rapid breathing like that of a car racer’s engine was going on, unstoppable with the verge of collapsing on the floor.

All of a sudden, he grabbed my right hand. The deputy and the other nurses stood nearer to make sure he was not going to hurt me with his "not welcomed" behavior displayed. I sensed the tight grip of my fingers from his rigid hand as I met his eyes, which started to turn red and filled up with tears.

“It’s okay,” I told him and the staff on alert.

“Are you scared?”

“I…just…needed…to talk….to someone…” he uttered in broken words as the tears flowed from the corner of his eyelids, struggling to produce each words.

“You can tell me anything you wanted to share…if you feel that it will help you…” I reassured, his grip loosening a little bit.

No words came out. He never turned his head and just stared at me. Eye to eye.

I had seen that look before. My spirit sensing his need. Not for our help from our physical hands. But a need for a Savior. I felt like a failure every time. With others surrounding us, I couldn’t bring up about “Jesus”.

There were 3 of us, nurses, who surrounded him and tried to calm him down. We knew he was having a severe panic attack. I called the ER doctor to get an order for a calming medicine. I told him we needed a “shot form” to make it work like “Stat!”. He understood the desperation as I barely knew his medical background. I could only relate the symptoms I was witnessing. I looked at the syringe again, filled with the clear medication that would oppose his symptoms. I aimed for his right thigh. We watched the improvised “vomit bag” to cover his mouth and saved some of the carbon dioxide he was exhaling at a rapid pace. His rigid body made him grimaced time to time, complaining “pain” as he or we tried to move him to get his comfort. A few minutes passed…he began to relax his breathing, his muscled, tired from being rigid and perhaps from spasms became relaxed.

As we kept and monitored him for a few hours, he was able to sleep and kept thanking us. In between those moments of rest, he was able to tell me that he caught his best friend with his wife having a relationship but they were not the reason why he was jailed. He was there because he was a “parolee” and during one of the officers’ routine checks, they found the 3 guns he was keeping. Then, he got worried about his 2 little sons so he wasn’t able to sleep since he was incarcerated. That was when the anxiety attack hit him hard. I reassured him that I would have the Mental Health Doctor see him as we transferred him to another unit capable of caring for those individuals who had mental health issues.

“Good job, Rcubes!” the Charge Nurse hollered as she saw me let go of the inmate from the Clinic.

“You handled the situation very well,” she added.

“Thank you, but you were also there,” was all I could say.

She would never know. It was the opposite for me. I felt like a failure and unable to help that man. Spiritually… Every time I waited for that perfect place…For that perfect time to share about the Good News...It was always wrong…Because there was no such thing! Oh, I pray that God may give me more courage to plant that seed from Him even with the expectation that the ground about to receive it is never ready. For Jesus alone is the One Who will till that soil. I am only to plant. And I fail…every time I don’t even try to throw that seed. Same seed He planted in my heart. Forgive me Oh Lord!

 "And he said to them, “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation."
Mark 16:15 ESV

 "And he said to them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest."
Luke 10:2 ESV

A 911 Emergency Call you will never forget from teamjesusconnect on GodTube.

The Slow Snail

Biblically, waiting is not just something we have to do until we get what we want. Waiting is part of the process of becoming what God wants us to be. – John Ortberg

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I saw it there…Early this morning when I rushed to dump another bag of trash into the bins by the curb. Awaiting trash pick up and I wanted to make sure I had all the trash out before the rain came down again. The shower that came down at the wee hours of the morning was brief. Followed by just a single blinding lightning and the thunder that was long and roaring as if a giant hollered to wake up everyone sleeping. Indeed, the deafening roar  shook our house, woke up my son and startled me.

Inch by inch it tried to make its way perhaps, looking for a drier ground. I was talking about a snail. Its upper tentacles erected so high as its vision tried to see the way up ahead, a longer path he took in the cold, wet, cemented driveway.

I closed the garage door and finished making breakfast for my son and I. After an hour or so, placing his backpack straps on his shoulders, my son opened the garage door and there I was, headed again toward the big bins with another bag of trash.

I saw the snail able to make it to the mid part of our driveway, about 10 steps for me and it took more than an hour for it to reach that destination. But it kept going. Never stopping despite the hardship its slow body tried to gain for another few inches.

“What patience!” I thought to myself as I started marveling at its courageous mission to reach another destination despite the wet, cold ground and a lot of hours it would take him for what would be equivalent to only a few steps into my human capabilities.

The sight took me back…Thousands of years ago…Because of its patience, it was rewarded by God for its life to be spared from the impending flood that would cleanse the earth of wicked men.

I wondered….how long and laborious it took the snail to reach Noah’s ark…But that shouldn’t matter what hardships it had gone through. What mattered as I stared again at the slow, slimy body was that the snail reached the ark and was saved. It was not because of its patience….It was because of God’s patience…Who waited for it to reach Noah’s Ark.

And if God loves the snail, how much more with us, men, He created after His image? And no matter how difficult a man’s trek is in this place, God is still patiently waiting for everyone to be saved…The question is… “Is the pair of a man’s eyes able to see?”

“But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God,
   slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.” – Psalm 86:15 (NIV)

“May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had.” – Romans 15:5 (NIV)

“This calls for patient endurance on the part of the people of God who keep his commands and remain faithful to Jesus.” – Revelation 14:12 (NIV)

“But you must not forget this one thing, dear friends: A day is like a thousand years to the Lord, and a thousand years is like a day.” – 2 Peter 3:8 (NLT)

Euroclydon

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"13And when the south wind blew softly, supposing that they had obtained their purpose, loosing thence, they sailed close by Crete. 14But not long after there arose against it a tempestuous wind, called Euroclydon. 15And when the ship was caught, and could not bear up into the wind, we let her drive." - Acts 27:13-15 (KJV)

My battle against powerful people from work had been going on for almost 14 months. As they desired to strip me off of my regular position and made me a contract nurse despite working there for 11 years, their actions were sudden, unannounced and was sort of a slap to my face, so to speak.

For each day of those months that had gone by, it is God alone Who helped me endure. I trusted and always believed in Him because of my past history of hurting my neck from the hospital after working there for almost 10 years, and Him placing me in the Correctional setting when the examining doctor had already advised me to quit Nursing.

I must say that God taught me much about the unseen war that goes on in every believer's soul as I started working in a different environment aside from the hospital. The prison is a place of darkness, lots of tortured souls, and filled with tormenting spirits. But here in this secluded place, God never fails to show me how strong His arsenal of weapons truly are!

The verse above was my morning devotion nugget. God reminds me that our life's journey is not always smooth-sailing. Like Euroclydon, violent winds may come abruptly and unexpectedly. Most of the time, there are no warnings. The men in the ship with Paul got scared and thought they would die. They even got rid of some of their cargoes to make the load of the ship lighter.

"18 The next day the storm was blowing against us so hard that the men threw some things out of the ship. 19 A day later they threw out the ship’s equipment. 20 For many days we could not see the sun or the stars. The storm was very bad. We lost all hope of staying alive—we thought we would die." - Acts 27:18-20 (ERV)

How very true in our lives that suffering exposes to us what truly matters in our lives. The riches and things of this world are coveted and thought to be powerful blessings, but if misused and desired first than God may turn out to be burdens in our lives instead.

Paul had a mission for God as he sailed through the storm. He knew the purpose why he needed to go to Rome despite the winds of Euroclydon bearing down upon the ship he was in. But God fulfilled His promise of saving Paul from the shipwreck and the men with him.

Paul arrived in Rome not as a free man but as a prisoner, his enemies perceived that way. But what they never realized, Paul was only the prisoner of the Lord. Of God Who wanted him to bring the gospel to those who were lost and were imprisoned by their sins. It was something their human chains could not hold. It was something their prison could not lock up!

What "Euroclydon" are you now facing? There is no mission too little or too big for God Who desires to call on those who willingly want to suffer for His cause. And when we set sail, He never abandons us for He truly is our sole Source of protection no matter how many "Euroclydons" come bearing down upon the ships of our lives. He is faithful. And how He loves us!

"Wait for the LORD’S help. Be strong and brave, and wait for the LORD’S help." - Psalms 27:14 (ERV)


"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." - Philippians 1:6 (ESV)


"The LORD will fulfill [his purpose] for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever--do not abandon the works of your hands." - Psalm 138:8 (NIV)

I know many of us are sailing through rough seas. May this song that the Lord gave me in 2003 encourage you and remind you that with Jesus, we will safely reach the Shore.


The Light of Life

You're the Light that I see in the middle of the storm
Guiding my way so I can reach Home
No matter how strong the winds, Your Lights still I see
And to see Your Light gives me hope and the will to move on


Jesus....Jesus...


So the Light is shining on and keeps guiding me
Darkness won't prevail 'coz Your ray still beams through
Amidst the storm, my fear is gone, there's strength in me
You're always there for all the lost, out in the sea


Jesus...Jesus...


You're the Light that I see in the middle of the storm
Guiding our ways, so we can reach Home...
Jesus...Jesus...

Unnatural Aging Process

Flopping her weary body as I told her to lay down on the exam table, she sighed heavily, still complaining of unrelieved chest pain. Her tiny pupils tried to look through mine, struggling to make sense why she was in deep physical distress. As I started applying the EKG leads on specific parts of her chest and extremities, I noticed some red bumps on her arms and legs and as I expected, I uncovered more needle tracks scattered all around her body. Her disheveled blonde hair, wrinkled face and energy that seemed to be waning as every hour passed by told me she was a substance abuser, long before she related her history with me.

“I use 5 bags of heroin a day,” she cautiously answered to my queries. Then, decided she could not hide anything from me as her chest pain progressed and she got worried knowing she also had some cardiac problem.

“Yes…I also drink a lot everyday,” she volunteered.

“Keep the pill under your tongue,” I commanded as I opened a fresh tiny bottle of Nitroglycerin after taking her abnormal EKG. Strapping her arm with the blood pressure cuff, I started monitoring her blood pressure as the medication could cause a drop. She continued to breathe heavily, restless and having difficulty lying on the exam table still. She tried to avoid the nasal cannula I tried to apply at first to sustain her oxygen intake.

“Relax!”

“How long more, Ma’am? I’m still in pain,” she asked.

“We’re just waiting for the ambulance to arrive. Here…Take the second pill…”

After waiting for 5 minutes that felt like eternity, I asked if she got relieved of her chest pain from the 2nd pill of Nitro.

“A little bit better,” she softly spoke as if trying to gather her remaining energy as she went through withdrawal symptoms at the same time.

Drugs…Alcohol…Prevalent and widely abused nowadays to numb someone’s pain. For what could be fun for others who just wanted to experiment sometimes, ended up using quite a lot more to help them cope with the pain that comes from abusing it. Lives are destroyed. Faces…Aged unnaturally. A lot of times, they feel that there is no more hope for them. But that’s not true… The truth is:

“For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” – 2 Cor.3:17 (NLT)

When God sends His Spirit, transformation takes place. Darkness turns into light. Chaos and confusion turns to order. Death becomes life…





“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”
- Proverbs 31:30 (NIV)

Beauty recommends none to God. It’s not a proof of wisdom and goodness. It is having a reverential fear of God which shows the true beauty of a soul. A person who reflects good virtuous qualities ages beautifully because that person delights in pleasing no one but God. A person who desires to always be trusted, respected, useful, and honored in his or her ways.