I'm Truly Fine

One of the supervisors has not seen me for a while as I was put on a forced leave, then was changed into a position that meant just being “an extra help” when there would be a need in the prison staff.

“How are you?” she asked me when I already had greeted her when she was getting a report from another supervisor who loved to intimidate those weaker ones and was responded with coldly.

But I never let those responses bother me anymore knowing that I didn’t lose anything by greeting them and trying to pay respect for their ill behaviors.

“I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

So simple of a question but that kind of question penetrated my heart and my mind with a searing pain knowing that she wanted a different response from me. She wanted to know if I was suffering after I started my battle with them.

“Lord, help me…” I softly whispered as my lips opened and closed, not obvious to the people working with me that day.

Her question could have easily toppled me and could have added insult to an already huge injury they inflicted deep within me. I had been remaining quiet, hoarding a stash of physical and spiritual weapons they didn’t know I had.

But I must admit….her intimidating question bothered me. Day. After. Day.  Why?

Because it was the same tactic that our spiritual enemies always used:

Maligned...

It sounded like she was concerned for me when deep inside she was not… That was the reason anyway why I was battling these people in power. They never cared to know the truth and depended on their own wisdom.

“And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.”-2 Cor.11:14 (ESV)

But the reasoning of this proud world…the foolish wisdom it knows…exalting itself…These would be the same reasons that would make itself crumble down…for it never sees the Light of the World, His wisdom and thoughts that are truly higher than ours...Power or force would never mean anything to God. A clear conscience, humbleness and knowing and accepting the truth that He is the only Truth, the only Way and the only Life is what matters…A life dedicated to follow Christ’s footsteps might seem feeble to this world yet in reality was mighty because of what Christ had already done on the cross!

“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” – 2 Cor. 10:5 (NIV)

Because of Christ, no matter what happens around me, I have this hope that never perishes.

“There are so many, countless things in my life that are far more worth than even worrying about this battle I’m in…” I thought to myself. “And I’m so grateful….” “So grateful…”

“¹¹ Furthermore, because we are united with Christ, we have received an inheritance from God, for he chose us in advance, and he makes everything work out according to his plan. ¹² God’s purpose was that we Jews who were the first to trust in Christ would bring praise and glory to God. ¹³ And now you Gentiles have also heard the truth, the Good News that God saves you. And when you believed in Christ, he identified you as his own by giving you the Holy Spirit, whom he promised long ago. ¹⁴ The Spirit is God’s guarantee that he will give us the inheritance he promised and that he has purchased us to be his own people. He did this so we would praise and glorify him.” – Ephesians 1:11-14 (NLT)

“Yes, I’m truly fine…” I uttered firmly. She remained quiet after that…





By the way, thank you friends for keeping me in your prayers. The battle is still going on but it is the Lord Who comforts me and strengthens me. I know that He is always in control no matter what they plan. So, all the praise and glory to the One Who deserves it all! Love you all in Christ.

It's The Power Thing

“It’s the ‘power’ thing…”exclaimed some of the upset co-workers. One emotion I gathered from them with the now seldom hours I had been working with them in the prison since being given a hard time regarding my request to remain working part-time.

They were husband and wife who were both seated in the highest positions in our ladder. The husband got the highest position when the previous Nursing Manager left and immediately, his wife took over the position he vacated. They said it was temporary at first. Around that time, he made changes with the Night Nurses’ schedule. No one got affected but mine. His wife dealt and got involved with the plan regarding my request. All the accusing lies she also used as a basis to give me a hard time in order for me to quit on my own. It had been going on since December. But by God’s grace, I hang on. They accused me of lies, intimidating me by even putting me on a forced leave. They tried to use all of tactics to scare me in every way possible. I held tighter to God’s hands. Nothing happened. The pain I had to endure strengthened me more instead. It had increased my faith instead. It proved that trusting completely in His plan would never fail. Even in the worst scenarios, God proved to me many times, He was and will always be in control.

A memo was put out by the husband a month ago, informing everyone that his wife would take the position under him. A lot of people got upset and knew it wasn’t right. Some went to a specific committee that dealt with that kind of problem: conflict of interest.

Around that time, I wasn’t working as I was put on a leave and was not given a position by the same woman. Next thing I knew, she was not the Nursing Supervisor anymore, though she kept her other position. Hearsay now was many nurses were being moved around in our facilities, lots of swapping which would make some happy but others, angry. They couldn’t understand the Manager’s plans but they couldn’t do anything as he could do that and they were thinking it was all a retaliation for not agreeing with him, installing his spouse as our Supervisor.

All their pains happened to me first. I was the first to taste how evil “pride” could be if allowed to grow in one’s heart. It never saw any compromise. It only saw its own needs and plans. It felt good to see others get hurt instead of helping them out at times of needs. It always was right and never was wrong. It felt righteous when it was not. None of these changes surprised me as I foresaw way before what they wanted to do: total control and power. If someone did not agree, that person would not be liked at all. That was just how it worked.

I never agreed. I knew the consequences. The worries and fear I gave instead to His scarred hands. To the One Who always saves!

The plans those couple and others in position did with my position would never stop me from trusting all the more with the One, the only One Who has the true power. His power is just. His power is righteous. His anger is righteous, yet He is quick to forgive and love and His ways are without bias!

“Jesus…”

He is calling all of us through His whispers, to allow us to see His just power and His gift of grace. Any walls of Jericho we allowed to grow in our hearts would never please Him. May His whispers, may His calling make the walls in your heart crumble.

“¹⁶God is wonderful and glorious. I pray that his Spirit will make you become strong followers ¹⁷and that Christ will live in your hearts because of your faith. Stand firm and be deeply rooted in his love. ¹⁸I pray that you and all of God's people will understand what is called wide or long or high or deep. ^{[b] 19}I want you to know all about Christ's love, although it is too wonderful to be measured. Then your lives will be filled with all that God is. ^20-21I pray that Christ Jesus and the church will forever bring praise to God. His power at work in us can do far more than we dare ask or imagine. Amen.” – Ephesians 3:16-21 (CEV)

The Important Piece Of Clothing

There was so much to learn when I started this venture of becoming a Correctional Nurse 11 years ago. Aside from our policies and protocols, it also required learning about inmates’ behaviors. The colors of clothing they wore typically identified the severity of the crimes they had committed. It took a long time before I got so familiar with the meaning of the incarcerated individuals’ colored clothing.

I’m always cautious when dealing with those “Red Suiters” we called them. They are usually known for trying to escape at any opportunity they could find, sometimes with the intention to be successful at any cost including harming staff.

“Green” is more a protection for those who committed sexual abuse against others or for those who held positions outside like lawyers, law enforcement officers or perhaps, well-known by others who are potential targets by any predators lurking in the prison, ready to pounce on their target for intention to hurt and even to kill.

“Gold uniforms” are given to those who have history of mental health problems. Not only they are beneficial to themselves but to staff as well, since dealing with them will require a different mode of communication.

“Blue” uniforms are for those who work in and out the prison walls. Some are found cleaning the floors. Some out in the yard, keeping the lawns well-manicured, the bushes well-trimmed and other troubles that need repairs. Some are in the kitchen, alternating shifts, learning to get orders and serve. Some are out in the laundry, washing the uniforms inmates wear. The skills they learn are to their advantage if they want to look at them that way so they have something to use to keep them productive when they get released.

And us, as medical providers are required to always wear a white lab coat. That sets us apart from the uniformed deputies all over the place.

Properly identifying the crimes and knowing the felons’ backgrounds help in classifying the inmates on who to put together which prevents any potential fights and riots.

I’m sure it takes a lot of knowledge for the deputies who work in Classification to do that, all for the sake of peace and quiet during times of incarceration.

As Christians, we are also required to put on a special clothing.

Love…

For God is love…

Lord, search the closet of my heart and remove any clothing that does not please you. Please fill and cover my heart with the garment of love that comes from You: sacrificial, powerful, pure, proven, protective, always ready to forgive others, unconditional and limitless. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

“Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.”

- Colossians 3:14 (NLT)

My Neighbor Bob

"If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, "Love your neighbor as yourself," you are doing right.
- James 2:8 (NIV)

I contemplated on mowing the lawn this morning prior to the future forecast of rainshowers the following day. In fact, it was supposed to be until Thursday.

Pausing only to wipe the sweat that dripped from my brows, I kept on sweeping and gathering the leaves and the other traces of grass that was scattered on the sidewalk. Suddenly, behind my back, a familiar sound of footsteps caused by the shoes being dragged heavily on the curb caught my attention.

“Oh, Hi Bob!” I exclaimed.

“Good morning,” I added as I waved my right hand up in the air with him nodding at my direction to acknowledge my greeting.

“How are you?” he asked me back.

With a slight boyish smile as he kept chewing his gum, he uttered, “There’re also some leaves that need to be swept in front of my house…” His way of joking around with me whenever he sees me cleaning in the front yard.

“I surely will be right over as soon as I get done here!” I replied smiling back at him.

“Well, you have a great day!” we both wished each other in unison.

I went back to finishing my task as I heard the footsteps lessened and Bob’s shadow becoming smaller as he walked away. I enjoyed short conversations with him since I met him from the first day. Through those short encounters we had, I always learned a little bit more about Bob.

A very old man, happy with the way his life had been despite the trials he had gone through from the past. When I see every line on his forehead, it reminds me when he was a war veteran. He only lives with his wife now, with his kids all grown-up and are on different States. His wife, most of the time felt weak that he had been walking alone. He has a house in Arizona but he told me that he preferred to live in California because he favored the climate.

“I’ve seen it all. I’ve done it all. And now, I’m just contented with walking everyday. This is my exercise. You’ll see me walking here and there,” he warned me once.

“I think that’s great. You are stronger than me I think because you always tell me how far you’ve gone and though I’m cleaning here in front of our house, I have not walked farther than you do…”

Reflecting and knowing how his experiences have made him a better person he is today, a much accomplished man yet contented with just simple things, I started hoping to be like him.

“Anytime, I’m ready…” he warns me again…pertaining to dying.

“I’ve seen it all. I’ve done it all. I’m happy…God is good.”

“He is, isn’t He? I’m grateful, too for God, Bob.”

I know I’ll see Bob again and even if I miss him during his early morning walks as I’m brewing my coffee inside the house and not ready to go out in the front yet, he taught me so much about life’s journey.

That like him, I can also go farther and go for longer distances as long as I have FAITH and BELIEF. As long as anyone has faith, Jesus always meets us there on the road we are walking on. He is faithful to walk right beside us in this life’s journey all the way. And where is Jesus….there’s our true Home.

I haven’t seen it all. I haven’t done it all. But because I believe and trust in Jesus, I am contented that no matter what goes on in front of this road I’m walking on, I shouldn't be moved. There will be bumps. There will be rain storms. But anytime… “I’m ready.”  And how I long to be with Jesus knowing in His place, there’s no more pain, no more tears, no more shame…

one of my encounters with Bob

I glanced at Bob’s disappearing shadow and uttered a soft “Thank You…”

Thank you Lord for having me meet my neighbor Bob.