Pinocchio's

“Glorify a lie, legalize a lie, arm and equip a lie, consecrate a lie with solemn forms and awful penalties, and after all it is nothing but a lie. It rots a land and corrupts a people like any other lie, and by and by the white light of God's truth shines clear through it, and shows it to be a lie.” – E. H. Chapin

The battle I’m dealing with at work has been going on for 9 months now. But on my part, my effort to fight back has not even started.

Those people holding a higher position make it seem that they are giving me options to help me keep my job. In reality, there is none. All of my previous benefits are stripped away. Not only they accused me with no basis but they keep playing their game.

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How do you catch liars but with inconsistencies with their answers or any statements? I think I’m seeing a lot of “Pinocchio’s”. I can’t imagine with the 11 years I have been working in the prison, if some of these people’s noses do grow, I often wonder what the length will be by now.

I asked a simple question.

“What is my job status now?”

The answers got me confused.

~ “You’re an extra help so you’re still part of the County…”
~ “You are not terminated. You just had a transition from one job classification to another…”
~ “You have limited benefits (when they took it away!)…”
~ “You are not a contract…(So…why do they want me to sign one?)…”

Again, I emailed to have this clarified. The promise was:

“I’ll look into this and will get back with you…” (Sounds like a lie or truth?)…

I will let you know if this simple question will get a straight answer, God-willing. In the meantime, I’m glad to be not working as much. I surely hate it to be bumping against “long noses”…

“Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are his delight.”

– Proverbs 12:22(ESV)

“You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father's desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” – John 8:44 (ESV)

“But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. These are what defile a person. But to eat with unwashed hands does not defile anyone.”

– Matthew 15:18-22 (ESV)

I'm Still Suicidal

“So, you are playing games!” exclaimed the Charge Nurse as she heard me assessing the inmate who claimed that he wanted to hurt himself.

He had a good eye contact as I started questioning him when the unit deputy brought him in, his wrists handcuffed to his back. I motioned for him to sit on a chair and as I started taking his vital signs, I started probing on my own.

“How much bleach did you ingest?”

“Not a lot.”

“Just give me a minute…”

Turning away from him, I asked the deputy if they could have an access to any cleanser in their unit. He said it would be possible if they bought some from their “Commissary” but it wouldn’t be much.

I went back to asking the suicidal inmate while his blood pressure and pulse registered in the automatic machine. Both readings were normal.

“I’m not gonna’ send him out to the hospital. I don’t feel he ingested too much of that bleach he was claiming he did because the deputy told me that it wasn’t much from their Commissary. The vitals were all normal. I just wanted you to be aware,” I explained to the Charge Nurse who agreed with me.

“Do you have a problem in your unit?” I added before he was about to get up to be taken to a place where they house the suicidal inmates for closer observation.

“Yes!”

“Oh, okay. You want to tell me or your deputy?” the deputy now with both ears open and was near both of us, awaited for his response.

“People there are all murderers! I’m not a murderer! I don’t belong in that unit!”

The Charge Nurse heard the answer and that was why she exclaimed that he was just playing games.

“I’m still suicidal!” he responded with an annoyed tone of voice.

I knew he was just playing games the moment I started asking him questions. His behavior had given me a lot of clues. Even more toward the end, he gave me the true intention of his heart. But whether he was playing a game or not, his belief that he shouldn’t belong with other inmates who he thought were murderers would still make him feel low which could later drive him to intentionally inflict injury to himself.

“You may take him to Suicide Watch,” I advised the deputy as he took his cuffed hands and led him away from us.

This reminded me of how often I was like him. Pursuing what I wanted to happen in prayers, instead of seeking God's will for me often end up hurting me rather than helping me.

^"5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
   and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ in all your ways submit to him,
   and he will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 3:5,6 (NIV)

Remembering The Wounds

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” – Galatians 5:1 (NIV)

I woke up few minutes ago, greeted by a welcoming relief: a drop in the temperature I had hoped for from the past days. I let out a long sigh as another day came, still feeling the wound in my heart. Pierced 8 months ago, my battle at work has not even begun. Yet, for 8 months I had remained strong, my heart’s course changed, filled with more hope and unwavering future.

Thousands of years ago, hands and feet were also scarred by those nails and His side pierced with a spear. They never vanished before He sat at the right hand of God. They were proofs to show that it was Him…Jesus. The scars that made a doubting Thomas exclaimed, “My Lord and my God!” Those scars were proofs of His love for humanity, His way of making us remember His sacrifice.

Ten years ago, America was wounded and forever changed. Many hearts lost their loved ones. The pain radiated not only from New York, but was also felt by all from every corner of this wonderful nation. It was one of those darkest times Americans had experienced. The acts of evil committed intended to cripple and to instill fear in everyone’s hearts. It wanted to steal this nation’s freedom.

I’m still fighting in this huge battle I’m in at work and one day, will make it known that those people in position who intended to hurt the ones below them never made me incapable.

Jesus’ death was never a defeat. He conquered death instead because He had life in Him. His wounds were the visible weapons of His love.

Today, we remember that wound that pierced America’s heart. It’s good to remember that during that darkest hour, Americans would never be paralyzed by fear. Let us remember the lives lost not in vain, but in victory. The enemies might seem to succeed in destroying two tall buildings but they are being replaced with an even more strong structure. They might have killed thousands of lives but they didn’t die in vain. They will be forever remembered not because of the kinds of jobs they did but because of the love they left with those they left behind. Through their acts, America learned that evil is real and that hate does not build up but destroys.

Yes, it is good to remember that day because Americans have learned that heroes do exist and courage won’t be contained. That darkest time helped Americans realize how fragile life is and united, we are ever stronger. Stronger to fight for the freedom we enjoy. After all, America is a nation under one God!

“Three things will last forever--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love.”

- 1 Corinthians 13:13 (NLT)

Cross found from the collapsed tower

Being The Same

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“When we get together, I want to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours.” – Romans 1:12 (NLT)    

It felt like I was dragging bags of cement as I took a step, one at a time from the moment I arrived in the Prison Staff’s parking lot. The graceful swaying of palm trees greeted me, the usual way it welcomed me when I got hired 11 years ago. The lawns were lush and green despite the almost triple digit heat and the humid air swirling around. I was taking my time. I did not want to rush. How deceiving this place was, I thought to myself. So beautiful outside. But full of suffering inside.

Everybody was surprised to see me and most were thrilled to see me back. I was cautious yet responded to their “hello’s” with eagerness. I might not like some of them who I felt were not sincere, but that was just the right thing to do: “To respond in loving ways, whether I liked them or not.” That was being etched in my heart from these past days where I was on a leave and was not able to go to work because of some people’s decisions.

There were only 2 of us scheduled for the evening shift. I had met him before and though I knew he was a new grad, I knew he was a great nurse and had adapted quickly to this setting.  The quiet night I was praying for turned out to be a very chaotic one and a very challenging shift for him and I. We were running the whole time, for the first 5 or 6 hours, only taking sips of water in-between and couldn’t even take a break. I managed to gobble a banana the fastest way I had eaten it and I saw him took a few, quick bites of Graham crackers and then, we both heard another “mandown” over the radio where the deputy advised that the inmate was unconscious, or so it seemed. I was in the middle of sending one female, pregnant inmate who was having a vaginal bleed to the hospital and dropped everything and offered my help to him. Off, we both ran the fastest pace we ever knew down the long, far hallways. Our sweats dripping from our brows but we both never complained. We just did what we needed to do.

“Octopus!” I yelled out to one of the medical secretaries talking on the phone, getting the inmate’s booking number requesting to be seen, as she was trying to grab the other phone behind her in the middle of that conversation.

She gave me a puzzled look why I called her that, only to laugh when she got done on the phone, realizing why I did. She knew I called her that because all of her arms were trying to reach all the in-coming what felt like thousands of phone calls, to help us out. She knew we were both tired and still were not done.

“Thank you,” I whispered to her.

“I’m so glad you came in early to help us out. I don’t know what we would have done without you.”

“Rcubes, I feel bad for you and Z. You guys are non-stop! What a bad night!”

“No! It’s okay…”

Again, her brows met with a confused look.

“Because I can have a busy night and have 3 or 4 nurses but if they are lazy, it’s no use. I know I’m working with a great nurse even though he’s new. We’ll manage.”

“That’s true,” she finally agreed.

And indeed, as I savored my dinner I brought from home, slumped on a wheeled, soft chair in the break room, I tried to gather my remaining strength just to finish that dinner. At that time, it had grown much calmer and that nurse and I finished dealing with all the emergencies and other problems.

“Put your feet up on the other chair!” yelled that medical secretary when she passed by to grab a cup of coffee.

“I’m fine now,” I replied smiling and feeling much relieved to weather that storm.

We’re all in this!!! How true it is with us, as believers, serving the One and only True God, weathering the storms of life as we share the same faith, sharing same suffering and comforts because of Christ. As we all go through different kinds of trials, I’m thinking of you through prayers but I also want to thank you for encouraging me and continuing to lift me up also in your petitions. Because of our Lord Jesus, our faith blesses us all, finding joy and having gratitude instead, as we all wait for what is to come: “eternal life with God” where there is true REST.

“Then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.” – Philippians 2:2 (NIV)