The Untamed

Spilling everything with tears over the phone to this particular supervisor, she was silent at the other end of the line. She never interrupted me as I related the hurtful words delivered in front of my face by the medical examiner, as I was being evaluated for my injury that happened years ago.

“Don’t worry about it,” she finally cut-off.

“Just give me the medical note from your doctor,” she added.

The same heart which listened compassionately that day was the same heart that sat next to me and demanded for me to give another medical note, when it was clear that my injury was permanent. The same mouth which uttered the words that sounded like encouraging was the same mouth delivering the message of her intention to end my career.

The words were: “I would be off-duty” starting April 25, 2011.

To her, her statement was ended with a period. But on my part, her statement was ended with a question mark. In God’s perfect time, she and others would need to answer. Not only with their mouths. But to show the true intentions of their hearts. To bring all the hidden lies under His Light.

The tongue....so small of an organ...yet so hard to tame...

“Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.” – Proverbs 21:23 (ESV)


“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” – Ephesians 4:29 (ESV)

“Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit.” –Psalm 34:13 (ESV)


“For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body. If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell.”
– James 3:2-10(ESV)


“From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.”
- James 3:10 (ESV)

There is Someone from the beginning Who has never failed to encourage all of us. And it is His Words that I'm clinging to.

The Young Inmate With The Chest Pain

"When you have to make a choice and don't make it, that is in itself a choice."  ~William James

“I’m having chest pain!” “If I don’t get my meds, it gets worse. I can also have a seizure!” complained a very young, newly booked inmate this morning in front of me. He was so restless and so anxious. Despite the big, glass partition window in-between us, I could hear him so clear. I could see clearly what the problem was. I knew all the things he told me like chest pain and seizure were not true. I didn’t listen to his complaints. I listened to his heart.

“What medications are you taking prior to being arrested because it seems you’re so anxious?”

“Ahhh….Valium and Oxycodone.”

“I’m assuming you are using them so much?”

“Yes.”

“Did you have this kind of chest pain before and if you did, was it the same kind you’re having now?”

He looked at me as if he wanted to dodge my queries. He became uncomfortable and unsure where my questions would lead to. But he remained insisting that he felt he was in serious condition and that in a slightly threatening tone of voice, he demanded for me to give him the same medications.

“Sir. You don’t understand…Even before you coming down here to the Clinic complaining of chest pain to your deputy, I knew that you were just having anxiety attack because that was the condition you had told the Intake Nurse. Remember talking with a nurse when you first got here?”

“Yeah…you’re right,” he replied.

“I’m going to take your blood pressure and pulse. But I must warn you now. I can’t give you any medications because like other inmates who just got here, you must patiently wait for the Psych Doctor to see you. He is the one who can order those medications you need for your anxiety. I can’t help you except the only one who can help you is yourself.”

“What do you mean?”

“Relax…Take a lot of deep breaths. You can try to. I can’t do that for you. Your long time use of those medications are also adding to your feeling of doom. Your body craves for it now because you’ve been using them for so long and I don’t know if you’re using a lot of dose.”

He sat quietly on the chair and stopped whining. He knew he lost his demand to get the meds his way. He looked up but remained with sealed mouth as he looked at the deputy standing just right behind me. He knew he couldn’t say anything further.

We all are in this mess at one point or even now in our lives’ journey. We make wrong decisions. We choose so many things that we think will give us satisfaction. I know what his heart was saying because I had been there before. I heard his heart’s wishes out loud because now, I know the simple truth that He always reminded me of with His Word:

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” –(Matthew 6:21, ESV)

The One Who Looked Like Jesus

I just walked in into the Clinic last night to start my usual night shift. Placing my transparent purse to the familiar corner, someone tried to grab my attention.

“Rcubes…Look!!! Who do you think he looks like?” asked a per diem nurse who had been coming a lot lately to pitch in with our short staffing.

I stared at a copy of an inmate’s booking photo. I knew the answer he wanted me to say. But I remained silent and smiled.

Photo Credit

“Who do you think he looks like?” he repeated, anticipating my slow response, as he laid out the printed picture with his right hand. The inmate’s beard and contour of the face did resemble a famous face. His hair, though disheveled showed the long length that he allowed to grow.

“Did you want me to say Jesus?” I asked.

“Yeah….So, are you saying now that Jesus looks like an inmate?” he laughed, not careful if he would offend others surrounding us. He was a Muslim.

Others heard and laughed with him. I did not. Looking at him straight in the eyes as he continued to enjoy his own humor, I asked in one simple sentence, “But how do you know that Jesus did look like that?”

His awry smile disappeared. His laughter died. He mused.

“You’re right…I don’t know.”

“Then, don’t make fun of Jesus because some human looks like him. The truth is we don’t really know how Jesus looks like,” I added. The others who joined him in reveling laughter stopped and went back to what they were doing prior to me arriving at the Infirmary. He did the same.

Let me ask you…”Do you know how Jesus looks like?”

The Bible described Jesus this way:

“My servant grew up in the LORD's presence like a tender green shoot, like a root in dry ground. There was nothing beautiful or majestic about his appearance, nothing to attract us to him.” – Isaiah 53:2 (NLT)

Like what the lady said at the last part of the video, I would say the same thing…. "that it doesn’t really matter how Jesus looks like. What matters is what He did…” If many of His followers were there to describe his physical appearance, they could have. One thing was obvious. No one did except that brief description from the prophet Isaiah. If we truly believe in God and in Jesus, we don’t need to see his physical attributes because those were not important. It was what Jesus did that was the most important. He suffered, died and was resurrected. He came as a suffering Servant but will return again as a Judge and will rule as a King.

Psalm 2

 ¹ Why do the nations conspire
   and the peoples plot in vain?
² The kings of the earth rise up
   and the rulers band together
   against the LORD and against his anointed, saying,
³ “Let us break their chains
   and throw off their shackles.”

 ⁴ The One enthroned in heaven laughs;
   the Lord scoffs at them.
⁵ He rebukes them in his anger
   and terrifies them in his wrath, saying,
⁶ “I have installed my king
   on Zion, my holy mountain.”

 ⁷ I will proclaim the LORD’s decree:

   He said to me, “You are my son;
   today I have become your father.
⁸ Ask me,
   and I will make the nations your inheritance,
   the ends of the earth your possession.
⁹ You will break them with a rod of iron;
   you will dash them to pieces like pottery.”

 ¹⁰ Therefore, you kings, be wise;
   be warned, you rulers of the earth.
¹¹ Serve the LORD with fear
   and celebrate his rule with trembling.
¹² Kiss his son, or he will be angry
   and your way will lead to your destruction,
for his wrath can flare up in a moment.
   Blessed are all who take refuge in him. (NIV) - (emphasis was mine)

The Hostile Inmate

“I like your style,” stated a deputy to the Charge Nurse. He was briefly covering the Infirmary while the one assigned went for his break.

“You don’t let them get away with it,” he added.

He was talking about a bruised and beaten up inmate who just returned from the hospital. His injuries were a result of him resisting arrest from the arresting officers and he tried to fight them off.

“I need a wheelchair!” he demanded while sitting on the chair in the hallway as he awaited for me to see him.

“You don’t need it!” yelled the Charge Nurse back. “You know you can walk!”

The deputy went out to the inmate and started talking with him.

“Shut up! (profanity)…”

“But my back is broken! The doctor told me! It hurts! I can’t walk!” he yelled back with breaths of pain being let out of his mouth.

“Shut up! Your back is not broken! If you didn’t fight with the cops, you would not be here in the first place!”

Instead of sealing his mouth, words continued to flow in aggression from the inmate.

“And if they didn’t outnumber me, I would have been here for murder!” he proudly replied. (He meant that he intentionally wanted to fight and even to the point of claiming the cop’s life).

The deputy was not happy with his reply. He needed to tell someone about it. He needed to tell the deputies working in Classification about this inmate’s attitude and statement, because he was a potential danger, not only to officers but to all the staff. The red flag just went up on this man.

“(More profanities…)This is what’s going to happen with you every time. You can walk. You don’t need a wheelchair ‘coz your back is not broken!”

I summoned the deputy to come inside the Clinic, away from the inmate so he wouldn’t hear me.

He gave me a look, wondering why I interrupted him when he wasn’t done dealing with the inmate’s lack of respect and unstable behavior.

“Deputy, I just want to let you know…He does have a broken back!”

He turned red and in a very soft voice uttered, “I’m sorry, Ma’am…I just went by what the Charge Nurse told me.”

“You don’t need to apologize. I’m just reminding you that not everything that you hear is true.”

Off the inmate went to the prison’s Intake to be housed, pushed by that same deputy as he sat on the wheelchair I provided for a limited amount of time.

I saw my own reflection as I watched that interaction between the inmate and that deputy. We all had the same similar attitudes. We all had the same behavior.

"You adulterers! Don’t you realize that friendship with the world makes you an enemy of God? I say it again: If you want to be a friend of the world, you make yourself an enemy of God." - James 4:4 (NLT)

Sinful behaviors are man’s nature. And how we demand for God to give us the things we need, the plans that we want, the roads that we think are safe to travel on or the blessings that we deserve. The truth is we don’t deserve anything! But...

“God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him.” – 1 John 4:9 (NLT)

“So work with fear and trembling to discover what it really means to be saved.” – Philippians 2:12 (CEV)