Laughter

“My left arm hurts!” she yelled through the glass partition window that separated us.

“I already know that, Ma’am,” I replied without any bit of concern.

“You’re not going to send me to the hospital?” she queried.

“Not at all,” I confidently answered.

“My face now is getting numb!” she yelled again.

“Just have a sit and relax! That’s all you need to do.” I ordered.

Pacing back and forth in the small area of the Clinic’s waiting room, oblivious to her, I watched intently with my spying eyes from a distance as I pretended to continue working in the computer. She was walking normally going in and out of the bathroom when she thought no one was watching her.

I got up in between and asked, “So, how are you now?”

“Still hurts! You need to send me to the hospital. They need to give me something for pain!”

“Just RELAX! Here, take this cup and drink water!”

“Ma’am, it’s cold here! Can I get a blanket?”

“No! Because this is a waiting area. That was the reason why the nurses earlier had sent you back to your unit because it would be more comfortable there. They were not able to do anything further like me at this time because our doctor had already given you something for pain.” I explained.

“But you need to send me to the hospital!”

“I’m sorry. This is the last time I am going to explain to you that you don’t need to say that to us! We know when we need to send you to the hospital! You saw that your blood pressure and everything else was normal! There’s nothing wrong with you but you need to relax because of your anxiety. You’re letting it consume you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize. I had told you earlier that another nurse had already referred you to our Mental Health Services. Our medical doctor can’t do anything about your anxiety because it has to be the Mental Health Doctor who needs to see you. Just be patient and try to relax. I know it’s not easy on your part.”

And she sat quietly, curled up on one of the blue chairs in the waiting area. Her demands ended and she was thinking deeply. She knew she couldn’t get away with all the complaints she faked, no matter how hard she tried.

Just like so many incarcerated inmates who are suffering from anxiety and other mental health problems, we all can try to relax and amidst our sorrows, we can find that time to laugh and energize our spirits. I thought about Sarah who laughed after being told by God that she would have a son despite her old age. Or how about people who found that freedom that comes from Him?

“When the LORD restored the fortunes of Zion,
   we were like those who dreamed.
 Our mouths were filled with laughter,
   our tongues with songs of joy.” - Psalm 126:1-2

When we abide by Truth and Spirit, we must be careful to look at His Word about laughter. We shouldn’t change His Word to conform to what we experience but rather conform to God’s ways.

When was the last time you really had a good laughter? I saw this cute baby and what made him laugh was so simple but listen to the baby’s pure joy. God bless.

"A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;"
- Ecclesiastes 3:4

Victory in Jesus

"But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." - 1 Corinthians 15:57 (NIV)

I glanced again and again. Reading those words written by my own hands many years ago. I didn’t mind the heat of the sun’s rays hitting my left side of face through a slightly-cracked window. Inside my car, I quietly rejoiced. I didn’t need anything anymore. God had told me to get this paper resting on the palm of my hands as I sorted page after page. So simple thing but was His way of exposing those lies they had accused me of.

“Who would have thought but You?” I softly asked.

My eyes welled up with tears. There was just no right word to express my gratitude to my Father Who desired a relationship with me, through His Son Jesus Christ. He wanted all of us to be victors not victims. He wanted all of us to soar not to fall. He wanted all of us healed not sick. He wanted all of us to be strong, not weak. But His desire wouldn’t be effective if our hearts choose not to obey. If we choose to be self-absorbed. If we choose to remain attached to the things of this world.

He freely grants us that “freedom to choose”, for His love is unconditional. And the trials we all face in this temporary place we inhabit will never be bigger than our Father Who loves us first.

We can choose to live victoriously amidst all of these trials we face. Because of what Christ had done. There is nothing in our lives that He doesn’t know. He already knows even before we know it.

I turned the ignition on, as I continued to thank His everlasting kindness. I knew this was another “faith marker” He proved as I met these little bumps on the road I was walking on. He proved time and time again that He truly would never forsake His children. The problem would never be Him. The problem would always be me who has the tendency to always walk away from Him. But He remains patient. He remains forgiving. He loves to show His mercy.

I realized and wanted to know why my battle had to happen now after so many years? But why even ask? What’s the worth of asking when God already planned this? The bottom line rests on my heart’s willingness to continue to be a broken vessel ready to be moved by God to where He wants me to be.I will just hope that I am Christ's letter other lost ones can read.

“Daddy,” I told my husband over the phone.

“I have His victory! Praise the Lord!”

But in that moment of triumphs, even greater was the sadness I felt for those who loved to hurt others. Those who don’t know how to act in love because they don’t know the One and only Savior. Jesus…

I was never afraid the moment this trial started for me. Knowing Jesus would pick me up right away where I fall. Knowing He is holding my hand no matter where it brings me. Knowing He is my Greatest Shepherd protecting this once lost sheep before. Knowing that He is leading me to another place of greater opportunity, more spiritual growth and Him taking me away from those things that hinder my walk with Him.

I want to thank you my beloved friends for always encouraging me and praying for me always. It means a lot and at this time, please forgive me if sometimes I may not be able to visit you but just know that you are all in my heart. I always thank God for all of you and keep you in my prayers also.

In all of this, to God be the glory forever and ever in all ages to come. Please let us pray for each other everyday.

This was a song He gave me on June 19, 2003 as my family and I were also going through a trial but ended up in His victory!

Come and Seek the Lord

No matter how tough the trials that come your way

No matter how much they break your heart today

Fill your hearts instead with joy

Knowing Jesus is there for us all

Chorus:

Come and seek the Lord (3x)

For He had overcome the world

No matter how much pain and suffering

No matter how heavy the burden they bring

Trust in the Lord it will be okay

For He will show us the way

(Repeat Chorus)

Only In Jesus

I bowed my head and closed my eyes as our church family sang in chorus yesterday. I wanted to savor every word as we sang “In Christ Alone”. Wishing I could freeze time, as I fell down at His feet and my heart, absorbing the truth in each lyrics.

“You are indeed good to us Father,” I softly whispered.

“Forgive me for those times when I forget that when I worry, that means I don’t trust You. Thank You Lord for Your love, Your mercy and grace.”

Illness? Financial difficulties? At the verge of losing a precious relationship? Trapped in destructive habits? Taking pleasure from things that do not satisfy?

What is each of us facing now? Do you truly know Jesus?

Let us go to Him and truly surrender. Not just once but every day. If Jesus placed the sins of the world on Him, what else could He not take away from us?

Let us “Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.” ~Psalm 34:8

Infected Dough

"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." - Galatians 1:10 (NIV)

“So how do you like your new schedule now?” asked this one co-worker.

“Awesome,” I replied but at the same time with doubts brewing in my mind. This was not the first time she asked me. I was careful ever since changes were made in the night nurses’ schedule, being told that someone didn’t like the way it was before. So change was a must.

There was silence as she listened to the rest of my reply.

“I love it that I’m off now on weekends than working. I get to go with my family to our fellowship on Sundays and then, for some quality time, go out for brunch.” I continued. I wasn’t trying to brag. I intentionally gave that same reply because there were many who had asked me and it was a part of my discerning their intentions or motives.

The silence remained. I stopped talking because only then I realized that if someone had asked and became silent after hearing an honest reply, then, that person must not be truly happy for others nor truly cared for someone else.

I was happy then, working on my own in another facility for maybe almost two years. Then, some nights, I ended up working with another nurse they gossiped about that he was not a great nurse but I didn’t listen to that. We ended up getting along well, divided the work amongst ourselves. Our work completed by morning and we both grew compromising, helping each other, not complaining and doing our work cheerfully. Until….changes occurred and they wanted me back at the main prison. That was in 2003. I was hired in 2000. I went through so much pain and fear because I got so comfortable in that facility and working with that nurse the others despised. Too much grapevine just kept going on to the main facility. I wasn’t afraid of the people. I just didn’t want the atmosphere. I found my comfort the usual way. That was to seek the Lord for I knew that when change came, He would be there with me anyway. So, fear vanished and I had been working at the main prison for many years again, overcoming whatever came my way because of the strength He gave and continues to give.

That person who asked me professed that she was a Christian during those early days we met. And I remembered how many times I struggled to question God why couldn’t be everyone be just called Christians, instead of different denominations people follow?

With this battle I’m in, I’m thanking the Lord for giving me a part of His answer as I go through this battle at work. Not everyone can be called “Christians”. Only those who follow Christ’s steps are the “true Christians.” For it is easy to claim someone is a Christian, yet does not realize their motives are still selfish.

Paul asked, “You were getting along so well. Who has interfered with you to hold you back from following the truth? It certainly isn’t God, for he is the one who had called you to freedom. But it takes only one wrong person among you to infect all the others – a little yeast spreads quickly through the whole batch of dough! I am trusting the Lord to bring you back to believing as I do about these things. God will judge that person, whoever it is, who has been troubling and confusing you.” – Galatians 5:7-9 (LAB)

I am beginning to see the roots of this battle I am facing. One’s false perception became a huge desire to hurt someone’s joyful life. That someone is me. But what they don’t understand, if that person knows their true identity in Christ, even if changes come, that person’s stability comes from knowing God Who doesn’t change!

And as I recalled those pain and fear back in 2003 when I was being transferred to the main facility and with this huge battle I’m in now, I have no fear because I know how important it is to only please God not men.  Why? As a child of God and wanting to be His true follower, I know that truth that we are called to live in freedom. Not the kind that satisfies my desires but the kind of freedom where He is calling His followers to serve another in love.  I never desired to be a part of that batch of dough, infected with yeast. 

"Stop putting your trust in mere humans. They are as frail as breath. How can they be of help to anyone?" (Isaiah 2:22-LAB)

They accused me. They had said lies about me. But I wouldn't face them and make them hear what they want to hear. What they would hear would hurt. Because His Word is like a double-edged sword. The sWORD that can remove that yeast infecting the dough.

"As the Scriptures say, 'He will be proved right in what he says, and he will win his case in court." - Romans 3:4 (LAB)

I yanked out one of my guitars off the wall where it was hanging. I haven’t played it in a while. Remembering all the songs He gave me, I wanted to offer it back to Him. Stretching the strings of my guitar, I patiently compared it with the guitar tuner. The tighter the strings got, the better tune. Oh, how my life right now is being stretched by His hands. I just pray that I will bring my best tune to His ears.

The Lord gave this song into my heart during that time of pain and fear in August of 2003:

Spirit of Lord

Lord, how can I go on?

How can I do Your will

Without backing down on my own?

It’s hard, oh Lord,

I cry for everyone

Who does not follow Your plans

Chorus:

Spirit of Lord, come and fill our hearts

Let Your love overflow and guide us

Spirit of Lord, come and live in us

Let Your works shine, glory is Yours always

Spirit of Lord…

Lord, sometimes I don’t understand

But I want Your will

So, give me the strength

It’s hard, oh Lord

But I want to be

A servant to Your plans

(Repeat Chorus)