Broken Vessel

“Pizza again?!” hollered my friend on the other end of the line.

“Yes…but this time because it was for a good cause,” I replied with a chuckle.

My son’s tennis team had a fund-raiser last night at one of the pizza places in our town. The budget is really tight this year because of our economy. My friend teased me because it seemed like I just had pizza the other day and then, she learned that I had some more last night. As soon as my husband came home, together with our son, we went there and had ordered the largest pizza to help out the team in whatever way.

My son, after eating a couple of slices, went out and stood by the door with the other teammates. They started handling out some flyers to let the people walking in that they needed help.

The coach came to the table where my hubby and I just got done eating our pieces. Sipping my rootbeer, he uttered, “Thank you guys for coming here and helping us out. Thank you for the donation you gave. It truly helps us and I just want you to know that some of the money, we give back to the boys who have potential and do well academically through scholarships.”

“That’s a great cause. Wish we can give you more,” I uttered.

As he turned to my husband, the coach continued, “Right now, it’s not looking good, too. There are 178 teachers facing a possible lay offs.” He sighed… “And I’m one of them.”

The rootbeer was suddenly hard to swallow as I heard his words. My husband and I looked at each other and we talked through those eyes, knowing that we needed to lift them up in our prayers.

“Coach,” we both said, “We’ll pray for everyone. This is really a tough economy. So unstable and a lot are hurting. But we hope that it won’t happen for you and other great teachers we have.”

He shook our hands as our son came to the table and got done helping out with the flyers. We all got up and said bye to the coach. And we shared the sad news with our son, though we knew it before during the initial meeting we had before they started playing tennis. But the news seemed becoming a reality now more than ever.

I didn’t need to eat pizza. Trying to live a healthier lifestyle. But our schools and tennis team are in great need. Whatever little money we had, we gave to help out. As we asked the Lord to bless it prior to giving it. And as my son handed the money to his coach, I thought about the boy who brought 5 loaves of bread and 2 small fishes who was in the big crowd, eager to hear about Jesus but the people were all hungry and had nothing to eat. Of how Jesus gave thanks to God and broke those bread and fishes and was able to feed the 5,000. There were even left overs! 12 baskets of bread and fishes! [John 6:1-14]

Of those times when Mary broke an alabaster jar containing an expensive perfume and poured it on Jesus’ feet and wiped it with her hair. Its content worth a year’s wages. How she demonstrated to give sacrificially to the One she loved so much. And no one felt that impact but Jesus Himself, that He wanted this act remembered forever. [Mark 14:3]

Of how God chose the way of brokenness in order to be used. [1 Corinthians 11:24 - “and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, ‘This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me.’”

Likewise we must chose the way of brokenness. [2 Corinthians 4:7 - “But this precious treasure - this light and power that now shine within us - is held in perishable containers, that is, in our weak bodies.”]

I looked at the left over 5 pieces of pizza. Served whole earlier. 2 slices for my husband, myself, my son and a teammate who sat next to my son, starving and had no money to buy. It is through breaking one whole thing, and sharing it that the power of God and His blessings are known. I want to be broken and spill a fragrant scent of worship like that alabaster jar.

Oh Lord, I don’t even know how to pray this morning. Knowing there are so many precious friends and family hurting. During this hard, economic times and also spiritually. Lord, You alone know their needs and I lift them up to You. Thank You for all the blessings that You give us, in return we are able to use to bless others. Remind me O Lord to be humble, knowing that the power and all the blessings are from You, not my own doing. Thank You Lord for the strength, the protection, the discernment and everything that You always give to us. Thank You for Who You are, God of love. Who gives us “wholeness” in our broken state. I love You Lord. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

[Please pray for our teachers facing lay offs. And for many, many others hurting at this time. God bless you all.]

Have No Fear

“You had great shots. Just relax,” I told my son as he came out from one of the courts where they went against another school yesterday.

“I don’t know what it is, mom. I’m not sure if I’m a little nervous or what. I can’t focus,” he replied.

“It’s okay to be nervous. But being afraid is not. You are doing well but because of that feeling, it’s making you lose points. I know you’re always trying your best. That’s what matters,” I reassured him.

He was trying to avoid the previous wrong moves he did from the last game. Trying to place the ball on the other side where the opponent would have a hard time hitting it back. He succeeded with some, others, he failed. Rushing at times, the ball would hit the net.

The coach stood next to me and whispered, “I don’t know what it is with him. When he’s playing, it’s like he gets nervous or something. But during training and drills, he does so well.”

“He knows it coach,” I uttered. “He just needs to learn to relax and practice those hard moves that he needs to learn.”

“Good job!” I told him, as he opened the gate of the court where he played. He managed to smile at me despite just losing some valuable points. He went to the coach and I saw him had a good talk with my son. A few taps on his shoulder and my son came back to me.

“Don’t worry about it, Kristian,” as I smiled at him and gave him a middle “5”.

“Well, coach told me that he still would want me to play in the coming match on Thursday,” he said.

“Good. Because he sees that potential in you Kristian. Just relax. It’s okay whether you win or lose,” I added.

“Thanks, mom. I love you,” he whispered.

Are the balls hitting right in front of you? And you can’t seem to manage to hit the balls back and make a score? Are you nervous or are you afraid? Being nervous is okay. But the force that comes with it differs. Either it drives you to do your best and hit those winning moves. Or it paralyzes you with fear that you’re too afraid to move, too afraid to make mistakes.

Paul reminded Timothy that we have a spiritual enemy that does not want us to use our spiritual gifts for God. And he will try his best to stop you from using those gifts to use for His Kingdom. Satan doesn’t want us talking about Jesus. He doesn’t want us serving Jesus by telling others about Him. But do not be afraid! Fear is a spirit but you certainly can overcome it!

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” -2 Timothy 1:7

It’s knowing God that will empower us. Proverbs 11:9 says, “Through knowledge the righteous will be delivered.” The more we receive God’s love, the lesser the hold of spirit of fear will have on us. “Perfect love casts out fear.” - 1John 4:18

I learn a lot watching my son’s tennis games. Knowing how every game is the same as the life I play. I know the trials pressure that comes. I know the team's God's expectations. I always remind my son. That in tennis, he will surely fare better if he focuses on having fun and improving his game, not on focusing to win. Winning is only a part of improving. But in the matches played in tennis and life, it is about staying happy even on losing those matches that matters. Knowing that we played well against a better opponent than winning a match in which we played poorly. It is learning how to be patient in every game. Freedom from fear comes from having faith. Because you can't have fear and faith at the same time.

In the matches of life, we must not live in fear but be conscious instead that God is within us, around us and over us. We need to remember that God Who is in us is greater than the spiritual enemy. And if God has already overcome the world, having Him in us, then, we surely are victorious because of Him. So, don’t bow down to fear. Live in victory!

“The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid?” ~ Psalm 27:1

To Give Ears

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” ~ Robert McCloskey

Three of us were slumped on our chairs last night. Everyone, including the Clinic Deputy, were all exhausted, explaining things to her but nothing was working.

In between loud sobs, a young female inmate demanded for so many requests every 5 minutes. Her face pressed on that big glass partition wall in the waiting area. She came in complaining of vaginal bleeding. 5 minutes later, she also had depression. 5 minutes later, she was also dizzy. 5 minutes later, her head hurts. 5 minutes later, she asked:

“If I hit my head in the bathroom, will you guys send me to the hospital?”

I just walked in to start my shift. The charge nurse was exhausted dealing with her and gave me her chart. She requested me to check her vital signs, whenever I was ready. While complaining to the deputy, I summoned her in. She kept talking the whole time. I only talked to her when I needed to. And concentrated on the things I needed to assess for. Her pulse and blood pressure and everything else were all normal. She denied a history of mental problem. She was at the earliest stage of being pregnant and complained of severe vaginal bleeding.

I told her to go to one of the exam rooms. As I had the Deputy stood nearby but enough to give the inmate some privacy.

“Show me your pad!” I demanded.

“What?” she acted not sure what I meant.

“Lower your pants and show me the pad they gave you earlier. If you are bleeding, I want to see how much!” I added.

There were no blood clots. There was no sign of any fresh, massive bleeding.

She didn’t know what to say. She started whining again in front of me.

“Can I stay here and wait here?” she asked, pertaining to the rows of chairs in front of the exam rooms.

“I’m sorry. I can’t let you stay here. We only bring you here if you are being treated. For now, you need to go back to the waiting area until we know that you’re feeling better, then, we’ll send you back to your unit,” I explained.

And for the ensuing hours, she remained whining, sobbing, yelling, demanding for treatment as she is a “high-risk” pregnant. She wouldn’t listen to our reassurance, to our explanations of her plan of care. She ended up being brought to the Suicide Watch because she threatened to hurt herself by hitting her head.

It was mentally exhausting. To try to explain things to someone who just didn’t want to listen.

“Are you okay?” asked the Charge Nurse.

“I’m fine. Just tired,” I answered as she laughed and concurred she felt the same. But my mind was somewhere else. Of the times God must have been longing for me to learn to listen. Except that He does not feel exhausted with my behavior. He always longs. He patiently waits. He watches faithfully. He always listens to me. To my whining…But how often do I listen to Him?

How it must be frustrating also for others who just want us to listen to them. Sometimes, it’s even better not to give any advices but just to let them know that we truly care and love them. By lending a pair of ears. A shoulder to cry on. How precious it would be to learn the art of listening. Of being still and remaining focused on what someone has to say. For the ability to speak well contributes to a successful communication. But so it is with the ability to listen…

Enough for me talking here….Go ahead, friends, your turn to speak!!! I need to listen!


James 1:19 - “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry…”

Desire His Gift of Discernment

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

~Luke11:9

I slowly parked my car in one of the empty space I spotted in our staff’s parking last night. A slight gust of wind was blowing on and off, as a dust cloud twirled in one spot at times. I took a deep sigh after uttering a silent prayer. Feeling the covering of the Lord’s protection all around me before I entered the dark, evil place where I had been working, I was feeling strong in His power. Even before I set my feet into the prison’s door, I always asked for His gift of discernment. Knowing that I had no clue of what was to be expected.

Wisdom is His gift. But He gives it to those who earnestly seeks it. It takes effort to find it. Its path, exhausting. But when we do discover that true wisdom that comes from God, it’s very rewarding. Knowing that He is there to guide us in everything that we do.

“My child, listen to me and treasure my instructions. Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding. Cry out for insight and understanding. Search for them as you would for lost money or hidden treasure. Then you will understand what it means to fear the Lord, and you will gain knowledge of God. For the Lord grants wisdom! From his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He grants a treasure of good sense to the godly. He is their shield, protecting those who walk with integrity. He guards the paths of justice and protects those who are faithful to him. Then you will understand what is right, just and fair, and you will know how to find the right course of action every time. For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will fill you with joy. Wise planning will watch over you. Understanding will keep you safe.”
~ Proverbs 2:1-11

Here is an example why I need to seek His gift of discernment with the line of work I’m in:


May you seek His gift of discernment.

Proverbs 3:5-8 - “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths. Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the Lord and turn your back on evil. Then you will gain renewed health and vitality.”

Here’s a prayer for discernment [Vasily Drosdov Philaret; c.1780-1867]

“O Lord, I do not know what to ask You. You alone know my real needs, and You love me more than I ever know how to love. Enable me to discern my true needs which are hidden from me. I ask for neither cross nor consolation; I wait in patience for You. My heart is open to You. For Your great mercy’s sake, come to me and help me. Put Your mark on me and heal me, cast me down and raise me up. Silently, I adore Your holy will and Your inscrutable ways. I offer myself in sacrifice to You and put all my trust in You. I desire only to do Your will. Teach me how to pray and pray in me, yourself…”


In Jesus’ Name, I pray…[I added this]…..And all of us please say…..AMEN!!!

Please visit Spiritual Sundays for many, many encouraging posts. I'm going to take a nap for now friends and will visit you when I get refreshed. Be strong in the Lord's mighty power [Ephesians 6:10]