First Love

I sensed something wrong…As I struggled to try to get a “power nap” before going to work one Friday night. Still… A mother’s gut feeling kept me awake. I found myself praying in the dark. Inside the bedroom so conducive to fall asleep that moment… But... there was a battle going on in this mother’s heart that night… as my son had been studying so hard for the past weeks. Only taking very short breaks to rejuvenate himself with warm meals…Then…back to studying he always surrendered. As he labored to make each project made it on time for each deadline…

“Never, ever quit!” I texted him from my short rest. A funny cartoon from “Charlie Brown” and he briefly replied… I knew it was words that spelled laughter…Yet…Those were just words… I knew as a mother…at that time…they never reflected the “happy, joyful” character I knew and loved since he was able to communicate as a growing up child. I felt his energy, his life being sucked out slowly. I wouldn’t let my son get defeated. I wouldn’t let him lose his “joy” if I knew that something was overwhelming. Being a good child as he was, he would never dare give me or his father any problem. But as a nurse and as his own mother, I knew it was time to intervene…

“Are you okay?” I asked many times the following day as I checked up on him and his assignments he was doing in the computer. Coaxing him to take breaks in between, he seldom smiled like he used to. He sighed…And he started spilling what was eating his heart… He wasn’t happy anymore with what he was doing in the computer. Though it was the same element he usually used to create programs, Computer Science was never his first choice. His true passion was Graphic Design.

I summoned my husband. And after his mixed cries of anticipation and relief, my husband’s and my advices were both short…

“Stop! Pursue what you love!”

A faint smile grew and a little embarrassment showed near the corners of those smiles. He knew he wouldn’t have a problem letting us know if anything bothered him. Except it took him a long time to say something.

“Sorry, Dad and Mom. I wasted a year.”

With our hearts renewed with His grace, my husband and I sighed and told him it was okay. That him going to a college for a year was never wasted. Because through that period, he met so many good friends and one professor who made a difference to his students by being concerned with careers they chose. What was wasted I told him, was not pursuing what his heart loved in the first place. We explained…From our own experiences…That success was not about making lots of money or being on top…Many made it in their lives not even finishing school yet they did so well…

Because they pursued their “passion”… Their “FIRST LOVE”…

Now, he’s been in the process of transferring to another school to take that first step necessary for him to learn more about Graphic Design. I see my “old son” back. Always joking around. Always grateful for little things. Always thankful for God’s life’s lessons for him. Whether it hurts or not…He knows… That pursuing what his heart loves will make him be able to endure and walk for more miles… And no matter what bumps on the road he’ll discover, it will be okay. He can get back up again… knowing he’s looking forward to what his heart loves… that brings joy and contentment and hopefully, he can use someday to help out others and be an instrument of God in that field he chose.

We all face such challenges daily…Of being assaulted with lots of false teachings as we labor for Christ. May we not let such lies overwhelm the truth and love that comes from our Savior, Jesus Christ… For Jesus is our true “FIRST LOVE.” It’s never too late… To turn around and pursue that road that leads to Him… It’s narrow… But the only road that makes our journeys worthwhile and joyful no matter what comes our way in this temporary home we're all in…