Bullies

“Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him.” – Ephesians 6:9 (ESV)

Enjoying some artwork through the glass case, I marveled at the beautiful sight with my family. All of a sudden, I saw some faces being reflected behind me. Faces of my co-workers who were trying to intimidate me!

“You’re under arrest!” exclaimed one of them, as he took out a pair of handcuffs and immediately applied them to both of my wrists in front of me.

“I’m sorry, you have to surrender your gun!” he added to my husband baffled at what was going on. Then to his side, came along my son with a confused look on why those metal cuffs were on my wrists.

“Daddy,” I softly whispered to my husband, “Just follow what he wants for now. Please don’t fight! Think about our son. We’ll just get a lawyer!”

Peering through a small window, I saw the same faces mocking us and I heard how they would give me a hard time once I got into our prison. Not as a nurse. But as a prisoner this time.

I tapped my husband’s shoulder and I asked him to hug me.

“I was having a nightmare,” I told him.

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There was no difference from that dream into what was going on in my reality. I felt they had been trying to bully me. Mentally… (A bully is a person who is habitually cruel or overbearing, especially to smaller or weaker people). The fight was real. As I saw those evil smiles in my dream, I saw them, too in reality. But I chose to remind myself that I was never weak. I was never small.

“The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.  We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.  And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete.”

– 2 Corinthians 10:4-6 (NIV)

For now, it seemed I had no defense. But I trust in my Lord that in His perfect time, every evil act would be revealed. No one had dared to fight back before. Those being intimidated had left. One even died. But I was never afraid of them because I knew that I serve a mighty God Who knows it all and Who will fight for me.

For now I will wait…Wait for His perfect timing….As the lyrics of the song “Everlasting God” played at the back of my mind:

“Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord…

We will wait upon the Lord…

We will wait upon the Lord…”

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At The Bottom Of The Wheel

"The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, and he who wins souls is wise." - Proverbs 11:30 (NIV)


I saw the frustrations on his face. A puzzled appearance the way his brows arched. He looked at his partner who had the same face. My son was playing tennis yesterday and they were ahead by 3 points to nothing. All of a sudden as if the wind blew against them, they started losing.

“Mom, I don’t know what happened,” he whispered as he gave me a hug and saw me watching his matches.

“That’ s okay. You tried your best and that’s what’s important, same with your partner,” I replied and hugged him tight.

The match between the 2 teams lasted longer than expected. And the whole team from my son's school lost by 2 points margin.

This morning, as I talked with my son before going to school, I reminded him not to be discouraged. There are times when we are at the bottom of the wheel. Some days, we are on top. But it is in those times of being low when we are pushed to our limits, testing our patience and endurance.

“When you lose, you are being put under a lot of pressure,” I stated. “But you must never quit. How much pressure can you take?” I asked him.

He was quiet, contemplating.

“I’ll keep trying, Mom. And I do pray.”

“Okay, then, keep praying anyway.  Pray for your partner, for the whole team and even for the other team. You know that with His strength, you can do it!”

I’m at the bottom of the wheel, too. As I fight against some people in power. I know that what they had been saying and doing is not right. But it’s not my time yet to say anything. For now, I’m learning to endure. It’s too much pressure and I feel like being crushed at the bottom. But I must learn how to endure, like what I tell my son. I know because he’s watching me, too. And as he watches me, so it is with others around us.

For life is not about winning or losing tennis matches. It’s not about me being right at work. Life is about winning souls for Christ. Souls who are watching and reading our character. Souls who are observing how we deal with stress and tremendous pressure. Souls who are hearing how we speak about things. We grow in character because He promises to be there during our times of trials.
 

" ⁷ But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. ⁸ We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹ persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. ¹⁰ We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. ¹¹ For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. ¹² So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you." - 2 Corinthians 4:7-12 (NIV)

It's Your Choice

“Maybe the atheist cannot find God for the same reason a thief cannot find a policeman.”  ~Author Unknown

“Do I have a choice?” an angry female inmate replied back at me. I asked her if I may take her blood pressure and pulse.

I was trying to help the other nurse who was getting his supplies to clean her left wrist, visible with superficial cuts she did to herself with a razor blade she managed to remove from her shaver. Couple of days ago, she was just placed on Suicide Watch except, the Mental Health Doctor did not want to give her any medications. I didn’t know the reason but usually, when the Psych Doctor did something like that, it meant that the inmate was just playing a game and just wanted something…Just to get something. His or her way.

Prior to sitting down, a struggle occurred between her and two female deputies from her unit, as our own Infirmary Deputy had joined in to control her combative behavior. I peeked through the door and saw this young female. Looking at the prior history, she was already in and out of the prison many, many times. For such a young age, that was sad.

“Yes, you do!” I told her when she gave me that nasty reply.

“You have the right to refuse and I want to make sure you’re aware of that!” I added.

She grew quiet as if she was contemplating of what she needed to do next.

“Well, then, I don’t want you to take my blood pressure,” she replied.

“That’s all you needed to say,” I told her as I looked her straight into her eyes. “Simple as that. You don’t need to be angry. You need to relax.”

She was quiet the whole time and became cooperative with the male nurse who started cleaning her left wrist and had applied a dab of antibiotic ointment over the superficial cuts. He wrapped it neatly with a gauze and then, she was sent to Suicide Watch to be monitored until she was to be evaluated again by the Mental Health Doctor.

If there is one thing that God cannot do, it is He can’t force anyone to love Him. It is our choice to either believe in Him or not. It is our choice to love Him or not. But He had shown His choice from the start…He loved us all first. Do you believe and love Him?

²³ Search me, God, and know my heart;
   test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me,
   and lead me in the way everlasting. - Psalm 139:23, 24 (NIV)

No Doubt!

How many times I’ve been hurt before? My trust broken? And it’s happening again at my workplace. It’s so ironic that we are working as a part of law enforcement, yet, some people in power don’t seem to care to break the law in order to fulfill their own desires. In order to satisfy their own intentions.

My broken heart, Someone did rescue. The only Healer. The only Mender. The only One Who gives hope. The only One Who remains faithful. The only One Who accepts and loves me (any one of us) for who I am we are.

I used to wonder. I used to have doubts of His existence. But He remained faithful. Day after day. Month after months. Year after years. He has proven and has shown that what’s impossible for me is not for Him. Doubt…No! I never doubt His power. I never doubt that He is risen. I never doubt that He is the Son of God. Because when I doubt myself, He always believed in me. The God Who is able.

Do you believe in Jesus?

Run With Endurance

“In the same way, you who are younger, submit yourselves to your elders. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because,
   “God opposes the proud
   but shows favor to the humble.”
 6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. 10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11 To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.“
- 1 Peter 5:5-10 (NIV)


The message was clear yesterday. I was being offered a great option to have hope and keep my job. My heart leaped for joy as I heard it but sadness and frustration followed right away and overwhelmed the first reaction.

Only God can give any one of us His gift of discernment. What this world says will not be the same as what God says.

That offer sounded true….but in reality, it was deceptive.

It gave hope…in reality, offered none.

It sounded possible to be done…in reality, it didn’t give me enough room to make decisions.

Along with that message was an email which sounded I ignored her phone calls. In reality, she never responded to my emails when I asked why I was always told after the fact happened.

Our spiritual enemy does the same.

Where he offers the most beautiful things, in reality is offering the worst.

Where he approaches with light, in reality, mimics the one true Light.

Where he offers hope and restoration, in reality, wants destruction.


The devil gets around but he is not omnipresent.

He is smart but not omniscient.

He is powerful but not omnipotent.

He is a master schemer, tempter and deceiver. He wants to only “steal, kill and destroy.”

As a child of God, I choose to stand firm in my faith.


I am not alone in my trials.


I know that all of these troubles are but for a moment.


I know that God will make all things right.


I know I have victory and He deserves all the praise and glory.


I know that despite the difficulties I encounter in this race I’m in, I know He is faithful to be by my side to help me finish this journey.


“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” - Hebrews 12:1,2 (ESV)



In this journey we are all in, we all start at first...But it's not about starting that is the most important and crucial in any race. It is "being able to finish." There are times when those moments come, when we feel that we can't go on any farther, any longer. But in a journey of faith, we see with our hearts. We believe "by not seeing." And we have a heavenly Father we can't see with our eyes Who is helping us endure and win this race...So....we must never give up. Let us all run with endurance. Thank You Lord for Your faithfulness, love, grace and mercy.

Draw Near...Even Nearer....

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I don’t know what this coming April 25, 2011 has for my current journey after I got that memo that those people in power desired for me to be placed on an “off-duty” status.

It is a “waiting game” but I choose not to worry about an outcome that is not known. Have you had those moments when you feel that you can’t hear God’s answers to your prayers or questions? I’m sure we all do. But never I doubt that He is here with me. Never I doubt that when He answers, He may reply with either a question right back for me. I never doubt that when He responds, it is not something surprising. Often, He responds with quiet or gentle whispers.
There are three lessons for me at this stage as I go through this huge battle from my workplace:

(1)It is helping me to develop and allow my faith and trust on God to even grow more, as I learn to be more patient and wait for His perfect timing on everything. I know I have the victory (literally speaking) even before this obstacle happened but despite having my own arsenal of weapons, His weapons matter more. This battle is not mine but His.

(2)God is reminding me through this battle that no matter how overwhelming the pressures are from the outside, those will never compare to the “power within me” that He gave.

(3)In His quiet whispers, I only have one option to do. That is to draw nearer to Him, so I can hear His answers clearly.

As you meet any bumps or other obstacles on the road you’re walking on, are you choosing to draw nearer to Him? The temptation to either run away from God seems an easier choice. The desire to quit and walk on another road seems to be easy, too. But becoming faithful and learning to believe in one, true God does not offer short-term benefits. Those are only gratifying our sinful nature.

Who knows? God intended to leave these obstacles on the road we’re walking on to allow us to develop faith and obedience after all. And that’s what’s going on with me…allowing our good God to continue working within me.

“Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.” – James 4:8 (ESV)

The Untamed

Spilling everything with tears over the phone to this particular supervisor, she was silent at the other end of the line. She never interrupted me as I related the hurtful words delivered in front of my face by the medical examiner, as I was being evaluated for my injury that happened years ago.

“Don’t worry about it,” she finally cut-off.

“Just give me the medical note from your doctor,” she added.

The same heart which listened compassionately that day was the same heart that sat next to me and demanded for me to give another medical note, when it was clear that my injury was permanent. The same mouth which uttered the words that sounded like encouraging was the same mouth delivering the message of her intention to end my career.

The words were: “I would be off-duty” starting April 25, 2011.

To her, her statement was ended with a period. But on my part, her statement was ended with a question mark. In God’s perfect time, she and others would need to answer. Not only with their mouths. But to show the true intentions of their hearts. To bring all the hidden lies under His Light.

The tongue....so small of an organ...yet so hard to tame...

“Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.” – Proverbs 21:23 (ESV)


“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” – Ephesians 4:29 (ESV)

“Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit.” –Psalm 34:13 (ESV)


“For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body. If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell.”
– James 3:2-10(ESV)


“From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.”
- James 3:10 (ESV)

There is Someone from the beginning Who has never failed to encourage all of us. And it is His Words that I'm clinging to.

The Young Inmate With The Chest Pain

"When you have to make a choice and don't make it, that is in itself a choice."  ~William James

“I’m having chest pain!” “If I don’t get my meds, it gets worse. I can also have a seizure!” complained a very young, newly booked inmate this morning in front of me. He was so restless and so anxious. Despite the big, glass partition window in-between us, I could hear him so clear. I could see clearly what the problem was. I knew all the things he told me like chest pain and seizure were not true. I didn’t listen to his complaints. I listened to his heart.

“What medications are you taking prior to being arrested because it seems you’re so anxious?”

“Ahhh….Valium and Oxycodone.”

“I’m assuming you are using them so much?”

“Yes.”

“Did you have this kind of chest pain before and if you did, was it the same kind you’re having now?”

He looked at me as if he wanted to dodge my queries. He became uncomfortable and unsure where my questions would lead to. But he remained insisting that he felt he was in serious condition and that in a slightly threatening tone of voice, he demanded for me to give him the same medications.

“Sir. You don’t understand…Even before you coming down here to the Clinic complaining of chest pain to your deputy, I knew that you were just having anxiety attack because that was the condition you had told the Intake Nurse. Remember talking with a nurse when you first got here?”

“Yeah…you’re right,” he replied.

“I’m going to take your blood pressure and pulse. But I must warn you now. I can’t give you any medications because like other inmates who just got here, you must patiently wait for the Psych Doctor to see you. He is the one who can order those medications you need for your anxiety. I can’t help you except the only one who can help you is yourself.”

“What do you mean?”

“Relax…Take a lot of deep breaths. You can try to. I can’t do that for you. Your long time use of those medications are also adding to your feeling of doom. Your body craves for it now because you’ve been using them for so long and I don’t know if you’re using a lot of dose.”

He sat quietly on the chair and stopped whining. He knew he lost his demand to get the meds his way. He looked up but remained with sealed mouth as he looked at the deputy standing just right behind me. He knew he couldn’t say anything further.

We all are in this mess at one point or even now in our lives’ journey. We make wrong decisions. We choose so many things that we think will give us satisfaction. I know what his heart was saying because I had been there before. I heard his heart’s wishes out loud because now, I know the simple truth that He always reminded me of with His Word:

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” –(Matthew 6:21, ESV)

The One Who Looked Like Jesus

I just walked in into the Clinic last night to start my usual night shift. Placing my transparent purse to the familiar corner, someone tried to grab my attention.

“Rcubes…Look!!! Who do you think he looks like?” asked a per diem nurse who had been coming a lot lately to pitch in with our short staffing.

I stared at a copy of an inmate’s booking photo. I knew the answer he wanted me to say. But I remained silent and smiled.

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“Who do you think he looks like?” he repeated, anticipating my slow response, as he laid out the printed picture with his right hand. The inmate’s beard and contour of the face did resemble a famous face. His hair, though disheveled showed the long length that he allowed to grow.

“Did you want me to say Jesus?” I asked.

“Yeah….So, are you saying now that Jesus looks like an inmate?” he laughed, not careful if he would offend others surrounding us. He was a Muslim.

Others heard and laughed with him. I did not. Looking at him straight in the eyes as he continued to enjoy his own humor, I asked in one simple sentence, “But how do you know that Jesus did look like that?”

His awry smile disappeared. His laughter died. He mused.

“You’re right…I don’t know.”

“Then, don’t make fun of Jesus because some human looks like him. The truth is we don’t really know how Jesus looks like,” I added. The others who joined him in reveling laughter stopped and went back to what they were doing prior to me arriving at the Infirmary. He did the same.

Let me ask you…”Do you know how Jesus looks like?”

The Bible described Jesus this way:

“My servant grew up in the LORD's presence like a tender green shoot, like a root in dry ground. There was nothing beautiful or majestic about his appearance, nothing to attract us to him.” – Isaiah 53:2 (NLT)

Like what the lady said at the last part of the video, I would say the same thing…. "that it doesn’t really matter how Jesus looks like. What matters is what He did…” If many of His followers were there to describe his physical appearance, they could have. One thing was obvious. No one did except that brief description from the prophet Isaiah. If we truly believe in God and in Jesus, we don’t need to see his physical attributes because those were not important. It was what Jesus did that was the most important. He suffered, died and was resurrected. He came as a suffering Servant but will return again as a Judge and will rule as a King.

Psalm 2

 ¹ Why do the nations conspire
   and the peoples plot in vain?
² The kings of the earth rise up
   and the rulers band together
   against the LORD and against his anointed, saying,
³ “Let us break their chains
   and throw off their shackles.”

 ⁴ The One enthroned in heaven laughs;
   the Lord scoffs at them.
⁵ He rebukes them in his anger
   and terrifies them in his wrath, saying,
⁶ “I have installed my king
   on Zion, my holy mountain.”

 ⁷ I will proclaim the LORD’s decree:

   He said to me, “You are my son;
   today I have become your father.
⁸ Ask me,
   and I will make the nations your inheritance,
   the ends of the earth your possession.
⁹ You will break them with a rod of iron;
   you will dash them to pieces like pottery.”

 ¹⁰ Therefore, you kings, be wise;
   be warned, you rulers of the earth.
¹¹ Serve the LORD with fear
   and celebrate his rule with trembling.
¹² Kiss his son, or he will be angry
   and your way will lead to your destruction,
for his wrath can flare up in a moment.
   Blessed are all who take refuge in him. (NIV) - (emphasis was mine)

The Hostile Inmate

“I like your style,” stated a deputy to the Charge Nurse. He was briefly covering the Infirmary while the one assigned went for his break.

“You don’t let them get away with it,” he added.

He was talking about a bruised and beaten up inmate who just returned from the hospital. His injuries were a result of him resisting arrest from the arresting officers and he tried to fight them off.

“I need a wheelchair!” he demanded while sitting on the chair in the hallway as he awaited for me to see him.

“You don’t need it!” yelled the Charge Nurse back. “You know you can walk!”

The deputy went out to the inmate and started talking with him.

“Shut up! (profanity)…”

“But my back is broken! The doctor told me! It hurts! I can’t walk!” he yelled back with breaths of pain being let out of his mouth.

“Shut up! Your back is not broken! If you didn’t fight with the cops, you would not be here in the first place!”

Instead of sealing his mouth, words continued to flow in aggression from the inmate.

“And if they didn’t outnumber me, I would have been here for murder!” he proudly replied. (He meant that he intentionally wanted to fight and even to the point of claiming the cop’s life).

The deputy was not happy with his reply. He needed to tell someone about it. He needed to tell the deputies working in Classification about this inmate’s attitude and statement, because he was a potential danger, not only to officers but to all the staff. The red flag just went up on this man.

“(More profanities…)This is what’s going to happen with you every time. You can walk. You don’t need a wheelchair ‘coz your back is not broken!”

I summoned the deputy to come inside the Clinic, away from the inmate so he wouldn’t hear me.

He gave me a look, wondering why I interrupted him when he wasn’t done dealing with the inmate’s lack of respect and unstable behavior.

“Deputy, I just want to let you know…He does have a broken back!”

He turned red and in a very soft voice uttered, “I’m sorry, Ma’am…I just went by what the Charge Nurse told me.”

“You don’t need to apologize. I’m just reminding you that not everything that you hear is true.”

Off the inmate went to the prison’s Intake to be housed, pushed by that same deputy as he sat on the wheelchair I provided for a limited amount of time.

I saw my own reflection as I watched that interaction between the inmate and that deputy. We all had the same similar attitudes. We all had the same behavior.

"You adulterers! Don’t you realize that friendship with the world makes you an enemy of God? I say it again: If you want to be a friend of the world, you make yourself an enemy of God." - James 4:4 (NLT)

Sinful behaviors are man’s nature. And how we demand for God to give us the things we need, the plans that we want, the roads that we think are safe to travel on or the blessings that we deserve. The truth is we don’t deserve anything! But...

“God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him.” – 1 John 4:9 (NLT)

“So work with fear and trembling to discover what it really means to be saved.” – Philippians 2:12 (CEV)

PTSD

The letters were very clear as I snapped out of my deep sleep early this morning. I slid open my cell phone resting on top of the table, with the alarm set to rouse me at a specific time. The light illuminated the little window of time: “2:38” in the morning. Still early. But the letters were so vivid.

P…T…S…D…

We all know this. It means “Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder”. It is an anxiety disorder usually associated with serious traumatic events that produce symptoms like: guilt, reliving the trauma, numbness, sometimes lacking involvement with reality, even worse, the recurring awful thoughts or images.

I sensed something deep in my spirit. PTSD…It was not about those who sacrificed themselves in the military and were traumatized by the effects of being shot at, losing limbs when bombs detonated, and seeing comrades fell on the ground.

It was not about those inmates who were traumatized by rape, witnessing a murder, or abused by either family members or others.

The Social Worker who came to our annual mandatory meeting had also talked about those officers who dealt with this disorder after responding to traumatic or very stressful situations. It paralyzed them. PTSD…But my spirit was not thinking about that…

I closed my eyes hoping to catch more sleep. It was difficult. PTSD was just dancing in my mind, trying to get all of my attention…

It brought me back to this spiritual battle I was in. Those letters revealed I was a victim, too, no different than those who physically and emotionally battle it. The letters brought a new meaning in my half-awake state.

P…..ast

T….rials

S….piritual

D…iscernment

Lifting the pages of my life’s story, I knew I had gone through so many trials from the past. So, this new battle was not something that surprised me. But what stood out was the ways and means that came to help me overcome those trials, no matter how big. It was because I was truly never alone. Someone kept His promise of not leaving me alone and instead, would be there as I go through all those trials. It’s true, even to this day. His Name is Jesus.

Though painful and traumatic some of those events were in our past or even at the current time, we can use these trying times to point those who don’t know Jesus to Him. We can let them know about the One Who has already conquered the world and Who truly gives peace in this tumultuous times.

Jesus prayed to the Father, “I’m not asking you to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one.” (John 17:15-NLT). We don’t need to escape from the world because Jesus desires for us to witness amongst those who are still lost and are spiritually dead. That is…if our hearts are willing to obey Him. Even through trials, God is using those events to make others know Him through our victories. Through our triumphs. Through our freedom. Through our being conquerors! Because of Jesus. (Amen!)

“18 Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later. 19 For all creation is waiting eagerly for that future day when God will reveal who his children really are. 20 Against its will, all creation was subjected to God’s curse. But with eager hope, 21 the creation looks forward to the day when it will join God’s children in glorious freedom from death and decay. 22 For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We, too, wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children, including the new bodies he has promised us. 24 We were given this hope when we were saved. (If we already have something, we don’t need to hope for it. 25 But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.”
~ Romans 8:18-25 (NLT)

So, are you ready to “PTSD?” (Point Them away from Spiritual Death)… Are our lives reflecting His light and salty enough to affect those around us? I am a big work in progress but that is my desire...I don't want to blend in in this place. May God continue to work in each of our hearts.

I Have Limitations...But I'm Able...

“Give me a call. We have to talk about a lot of things…”

That was the call I intentionally did not pick up after asking why I never got a memo regarding these people wanting to stop my career as a Correctional Nurse. She said I seemed to have a lot of questions. That wasn’t true. I only had one from the start. And their answer was obvious right from the start. I lost my trust judging from their actions which were totally in contrast to their words spoken.

But I had no intention to give up. I had no intention to just wait and not do anything.

They said I lied. It was very clear I didn’t.

They were forcing me to work more than I could handle.

They made me feel I was incompetent.

But I don’t believe them.

God Who accepted me from the start told me otherwise…

“You can do all things through Me Who gives you the strength.”

“Don’t be afraid or terrified because of them, for I go with you. I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to Me.”

“Do not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time you will reap a harvest if you do not give up.”

And there are so many more wonderful and true promises that I know but don’t have enough space here. They can try to hurt me but they will not make me paralyzed in fear because I won’t face them with my own strength. I gave it to His hands as soon as this battle started. I have limitations. They know that but they don’t know that my limitations do not make me incapable of accomplishing things for His glory. He started this work in me. For where I am not capable, He sustains me. After all, He is God Who is able!!!  He turns my ordinary abilities to extra-ordinary. He uses my limitations to make others know that it is His power that strengthens me. Through trials that break me and expose more of my limitations, it would be more foolish to run away from Him. People who have power at work who thinks that I am at my lowest point have no clue that it is in these moments when God lifts hearts that are broken at His feet.

“Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.” – Ephesians 3:20-21 (NLT)

Friends, while you're here, would you please pray for me regarding my trial at work? The Lord knows what's going to happen. Please pray that all the lies be exposed to His light and whatever He wants me to do for Him at this time, I will not miss. Thank you for all of your encouragement and prayers. God bless you all.

Shake The Dust Off

“Eeewwww,” exclaimed one of the medical secretaries.

“What’s wrong?”

“Look Rcubes! Look how thick the dust is!”

Our supervisor had moved a huge copier machine that belonged to Psychiatry and had placed it in a spot where it used to house the diabetic charts inside the Clinic or Infirmary. In the prison, Psychiatry had their own agenda, separate from the medical staff. It just didn’t belong there. Everyone was surprised because it took up a huge space for something that was not often used by everyone.

The secretary shook her hands after touching the keypad that had the controls for this machine.

“Eewww…I don’t know why I even touched it!”

“That’s okay. We’re not used to having it here that’s why we’re all not happy about it. I hope that it would be moved to another spot if they can find any other place where it won’t take up this much space we need here inside the Infirmary.”

That was only an equipment. But the people working in the medical field is another thing. Our work is easy, so to speak. When problems arise, it’s not usually about work but more of the people and their attitudes or work habits. I discern many spirits here. Of pride….. Laziness…. Anger….. Rebellion….Lust…and many other. It’s hard to be working in an environment where bitterness and envy among people dwell and here you are trying to do the best for God’s glory as His child.

When God brought me here and had taken me out of comfort zone many years ago, this was the place that had brought me to a more intimate relationship with Him as I needed more of His guidance, wisdom, discernment, protection and other things. Here I learned how real it is that I can’t make it in anything apart from God. Here in this place, is where I know this is truly His battle, not mine. Here in this place, is where I learned that His power is truly amazing and that by the utterance of His Name "Jesus", how spiritual enemies cower.

As I go through a big battle against those in power, fueled by pride and self-interests, the dust reminded me of how I must respond to this trial. Reading His Word and knowing that He commands for believers to love Him first, then, love others, I, too must learn to forgive no matter how big of a wound these people are creating in my heart.

“If a village doesn’t welcome you or listen to you, shake off the dust of that place from your feet as you leave.” – Matthew 10:14

The prison is a place where unbelief resides and perhaps, having no faith and belief in God. This is where God’s gift of discernment is truly much needed by those who reflect His light. There is a perfect time to share and a perfect time when not to give things that are holy.  

Every time I welcome sunrise after  hard nights of work, that’s what I intend to do: “to shake off the dust of resentment or animosity towards these people who want me to fail.” I need to leave those if I want to be obedient to God Who deserves all my heart, all my soul, and all of my mind. I will not worry about the injustices done to me knowing that I can fully rely on Christ Who promised to bring justice in His perfect time.  I don’t need these dust to cling to me and hinder me from doing what He willed for me. So, why should I be afraid of them? Nothing can separate me from His love. But it is my duty to continue sharing His love, grace and mercy to those who need to know Him, the way He found me, too when I was lost. I will not be afraid of what these people intend to do with this work that the Lord has given me in the first place. I know I’m in Good Hands. “I know…” Because He wrote my name on the palm of His hands (Isaiah 49:16)