Walk The Talk!

The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.  
~Mother Teresa

“Why are you here? That’s not an emergency!” exclaimed one of the nurses inside the Clinic as I prepared the vital sign machine prior to letting the female inmate walked in so I could assess her further.

“You know that’s not an emergency! That could have waited until tomorrow!” she yelled at me as she saw my shadow emerging behind the door.

“It might not be an emergency but it necessitated to be examined! Like now!” I replied.

“No, it’s not! Who sent her down here?”

“Is that important to know? I was the one who got the phone call from the unit and it was me who decided to see this inmate. Why are you upset about it anyway? I’m the one seeing her?”

I glanced at the Charge Nurse who was keeping quiet, minding her own business as she heard the two of us argued. It wasn’t the right time for me to go up to her. The female inmate holding her right hand heard everything because she was just right behind me. With a worried look and concerned about what she heard, she worried more about being charged $3.00, the amount they had to pay if they requested to be seen by the medical staff.

“Nurse, am I gonna’ be charged?”

“Don’t worry about it! Just relax,” I reassured.

That particular female inmate was just treated for some abscess few days prior to that time she was in front of me. She was barely done taking her full course of a 7-days worth antibiotics issued to her by the doctor. She worked in the prison’s laundry and that day, she noticed her 5^th finger on her right hand getting inflamed and red by the knuckle area. The deputy from their unit got concerned and had asked me if I didn’t mind seeing her to make sure that the infection was not spreading.

“Keep taking the antibiotics they gave you if they are helping with what you had before,” I uttered softly.

“This looks more like a local irritation maybe from soap or some other substance you deal with in laundry. I want you to start paying attention to see if there’s anything in particular that you come across with in laundry that aggravates this every time. If you do, or any time your symptom worsens, you can always ask to be seen anyway,” I explained.

Giving her some topical medication for a possible allergy with instruction, I gave her yellow pass and called her concerned deputy.

I saw the other nurse who got upset just stepped out to go get something to drink from our Dining Area, away from the Clinic. I approached the Charge Nurse and had asked her if she heard everything and I told her that was a very inappropriate action on that nurse’s part to talk about everything where the inmate could hear our conversation, too. She told me to relax and just do what I needed to do. I gathered her lack of interest to say something to that nurse.

“I did what I had to do. I took care of the inmate’s problem despite her being against that.”

“I’m surprised to see her be upset like that. There were times when she overly-cared for others which I knew did not need any special attention,” I added.

In a little higher volume, I told the Charge Nurse, “By the way, I am relaxed!”

Like what I always believe in: “Actions speak louder than words…”

In other words, “Walk the talk!!!”

“All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.” – Proverbs 14:23 (NIV)

Just a little laugh but may we be serious in loving others without hypocrisy!

Bench Therapy

"1 In the past you were spiritually dead because of your sins and the things you did against God.2 Yes, in the past you lived the way the world lives, following the ruler of the evil powers that are above the earth. That same spirit is now working in those who refuse to obey God. 3 In the past all of us lived like them, trying to please our sinful selves and doing all the things our bodies and minds wanted. We should have suffered God's anger because we were sinful by nature. We were the same as all other people.


4 But God's mercy is great, and he loved us very much.5 Though we were spiritually dead because of the things we did against God, he gave us new life with Christ. You have been saved by God's grace.6 And he raised us up with Christ and gave us a seat with him in the heavens. He did this for those in Christ Jesus7 so that for all future time he could show the very great riches of his grace by being kind to us in Christ Jesus.8 I mean that you have been saved by grace through believing. You did not save yourselves; it was a gift from God.9 It was not the result of your own efforts, so you cannot brag about it.10 God has made us what we are. In Christ Jesus, God made us to do good works, which God planned in advance for us to live our lives doing." - Ephesians 2:1-10 (NCV)

“You want me to see him?” I asked the Charge Nurse after seeing a very young male inmate watching t.v. from the cold metal bench where he was sitting.

The unit called prior to his arrival. They said that this inmate was complaining of chest pain.

Words do get passed around. Inmates are aware of the magic word.

“Chest pain!”

They know when to use that because they know that this medical condition can never be denied to be evaluated. They know that they can immediately see the medical staff even if that is not the true symptom.

Just like him…With his young face, slightly disheveled curly hair and his expression seemed lost. I could see him looking at the t.v. monitor but his thoughts were flying somewhere else. Perhaps, tracing back what brought him to the prison in the first place. Perhaps, regretting why he did a crime in the first place. Yet, he might also seem proud and consider that his trophy instead.

“He’s only 19! Give us a break! He can wait there for as long as he wants to!” answered the Charge Nurse.

“We are so busy right now and his situation doesn’t even need any attention. Let him wait!” she added.

I could see where the Charge Nurse was coming from. We usually called that “bench therapy” where we let the inmates who did not have any true medical emergencies wait and wait. And wait. And wait. Until they realized it was not really comfortable to be waiting in the Clinic. For nothing.

Coming from outside, living a dysfunctional life, finding hope in wrong places, seeking temporary pleasures from different ill ways, looking for love that they had no clue what it was like in the first place if they had not tasted a true kind of love, seeking attention that they wanted as most of the time, they were probably rejected by many and that would always be the behavior they knew in order to get what they wanted. How could they find hope, how could they change for the better if no one gave them a chance? Or at least someone would give them the benefit of the doubt?

I looked again and saw the frustration from his tired and impatient face. But he couldn’t do anything. He knew he would get in trouble even if he tried to speak or say something against what was told.

I often wondered. When was it the right time to give the “bench therapy” or not? Giving it to someone with a heart hungry to be loved, to be respected despite the age, young or old, might not be the best answer to every situation. It was more like punitive.

"You may go back to your unit now!" yelled the Charge Nurse after hours and hours she made the inmate waited.

My heart sank. I did not make the decision. But I knew I did not even try to offer my help. I felt helpless as I was told to do my work and not see him. But in the back of my mind, I knew I was letting go of a soul who might be desperate for help. A different kind of help. His heart was hurting to be loved and be accepted. The way I once was. The state in which Jesus found me and instead of giving me a bench therapy, He led me to the foot of His cross and immediately made it known how much He loved me and cared for me. He poured his love unconditionally into my empty heart. He made His love overflowed but with the last command for me not to go back to my old ways. His command was for me to "share His gift of love with others who don't know Him."

The young man's footsteps were long gone in the long, silent corridor. But his demand was still very much audible that I just started praying for him. And for me. I needed His continued guidance and forgiveness...

No Reason Not To Trust

                                 "His love endures forever..."

Turning on my headlights as the clock glowed at almost midnight from my car's dashboard last Friday when I went to work, I dialed the illuminated numbers on my cell phone before leaving my parking spot. I talked to the Intake Nurse (who I used to work with a lot on night shifts) that night who I rarely saw anymore since the people I battled with, had changed my position from regular to a Per Diem or only as needed.

“Are you gonna’ be okay? Don’t you worry,” she reassured when I tried to give her an apology for not being able to speak with her when she called me earlier at work.

“I was seeing an inmate at that time, so…Sorry!”

“It’s okay. I know. Because I’m busy right now here, too,” she reassured me.

“Worry? No! I’m not worried anymore, Nurse P. I trust that the Lord Who put me in this position has everything covered for me. What’s hard for Him to do?”

She didn’t know what to say next. Either I sounded too confident or she perceived my answer to be unrealistic?

“That’s good. Hope to see you again!” she ended as I told her that I would let her go knowing that she had to go back to work and needed to screen more in-coming arrestees coming out from the police’s squad cars, parked inside the prison yard.

“Hey! Take care, okay?”

“I will see you again,” I replied.

The person in Charge of all of the medical staff had made a big change with everyone’s schedule now. He decided to pull back some of the nurses from the other prisons, leaving no room for the Per Diem’s to have availability and be able to work. In a couple of weeks, I was not on schedule as I saw that they would be well-staffed at the main prison where I usually worked.

It didn’t surprise me. I knew it was coming because he was desperate to show that he would always have the power to do that. He wanted to make it known that when people disagreed with his decisions, they would have to pay, whether to be assigned in a place or shift they were known not to like or they would not have a place at all. Since December, God allowed me to discern this person’s heart. His evil ways. There were days at first that I wanted to call it “quits”. But God questioned me “Why?”

In the following days of each month, God had shown me his endless faithfulness and the truth in His promises. Through His Word he reminded me that He was and will always be with me as I went through this battle. He made it known in my heart that if He was there during the good times of my life, much more at the down times.

He reminded me constantly that “I have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from me.  I might be hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. ^“ (2 Cor.4:7-9;NIV)

I have no reason not to trust God Who gave His only Son to save humanity. What is there that is hard for Him to give? I don't even deserve any of His blessings. But He loves not only me. But all of us...

Thank You Lord for Your love and mercy. I put my trust on You alone knowing that You are the One Who has plans that give us hope and a future. Glory be to You!





What is Psalm 118 all about? It's having confidence in God's eternal love. His love never changes in the midst of changing situations. It gives us security. It's recognizing Jesus in the midst of life's storms. That's why I changed my blog header this morning. I wanted to be reminded of His love and grace. Day. After. Day. May you always leave encouraged not by me, but by Him. God bless.

A Glimpse Of Joy

I rarely saw that smile from my friend's face. The kind that dimpled the corner of her mouth and made her eyes shone brighter. Over a cup of coffee, actually, many more cups followed, we both savored the ordered huge breakfasts from the menu. Typical conversations were put out on the table about work, about others' insensitivity, about life.

Hers was not easy. Losing her only sibling, she gave her life caring for her nephews and her mother. She often thought how unlucky she was. A person with a good heart but rejected by many, she never understood why. All she wanted was to be accepted and be loved. Despite the circumstances surrounding her, she remained respectful of others, she remained forgiving, and she continued to love with all the best she could give.

"I'm starving!" I told her as we sat on the table given to us after I picked her up and had invited her to have breakfast with me.

She smiled. I loved seeing those smiles. Knowing that even for brief moments, I was hoping she would forget all the cares in this world. I wanted to let her know that someone cared for her and truly loved her. I wanted to let her know that she was not alone in her struggles. After all, I was only sharing what I had received from Someone Who also loved and cared for me.

We joked around while eating,seeing more smiles that made her weary face even more beautiful.

"How come you're not touching this waffle? I thought we'd share?" she asked me.

"I'm full. I know you liked those that's why I ordered them for you."

"But you said you're starving!" she probed.

"I was..." then I got quiet.

I got lost to thinking that my true hunger was not coming from my stomach. My true hunger was coming from my heart. I wanted to see more moments like these. I wanted to see her happy. I wanted to see those precious, rare smiles on her face. To see it gave me a glimpse of joy knowing that it was a true, heartfelt kind of smile that was hard to surface when someone went through and still is going through very tough times.

Joy that is a gift only from God.

Then I knew she was okay because she also has a piece of heaven in her heart despite her difficult journey.

"Want more coffee?" interrupted the server.

"Please..." I requested.

I glanced quickly at her face and saw her smiled again as she uttered, "Gee! Is that your 3rd cup?"

I smiled back at her. If only she knew...I could have more cups of coffee if only to stall time as it was, to freeze the moment and to see her forget about her worries and see those joy-coated smiles the way it should be. The truth was that it was how God wanted and meant it to be...Because God loved us all first...

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you." - 1 Peter 5:7 (NLT)

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."
- 1 Corinthians 10:31 (NIV)

Lord, help me to have more compassion towards others the way You do. Help me respond to situations and trials in Your ways, not mine. Remind me not to be concerned with the burden that comes from life's trials knowing that none of them are bigger than You. God of possible. God Who is able. Lord, please bless my loved ones and friends and my blogging friends. I know You know each heart's needs. But I want to thank You Lord for everything that You have done for us. Thank You for Your compassion and mercy. May many more turn to You, humble their hearts and accept You as their Lord. Father, thank You for giving us a piece of heaven in our hearts through Jesus. Thank You for Your gift of joy that soothes us, that calms us as we face turbulent life's storms. Thank You for Your love. In Jesus' Name. Amen.