My Shield

^“3 But you, O Lord, are a shield around me;
      you are my glory, the one who holds my head high.” – Psalm 3:3 (NLT)

I played and heard each message I recorded over and over again. The voice that seemed so sweet from each message was not the same in person. Her advices that seemed full of hope were in reality void and deceptive. I never believed her and the others in the first place the moment my battle with them began.

They thought by outnumbering me, I would be easily defeated. The case kept being dragged on from making it appear that they were doing something for me but in reality, they were not allowing to have any options.

They were puzzled every time we met in a well-choreographed conference. They thought I was alone that they could say what they wanted to say to intimidate me, scare me, and to harass me. They were frustrated not to know what my actions would be for I never spoke but only at the proper time. I was never alone. He was with me. I was not hurting anymore with all their wrongful accusations and lies being hurled at me. With every hurt they caused me and every wound in my heart they created, He healed me immediately. With every tear I secretly shed, He was there to wipe every bead and comforted me. With their deception, He proved how faithful He’s always been. With their intention to kill my career as if it was on their hands, they didn’t know it was Him Who placed me in the prison in the first place after I got hurt working in a hospital.

They were confident that because they had done it many times against many workers who didn’t choose to fight back, that they would do the same act against me without any trace. But Someone had been watching this shameful act from the beginning! He provided me with His weapons right away. And now, because of His strength I had been more than willing to fight back. I was never afraid knowing I have the Best Back Up. But at the same time, He warned me not to rejoice in my already known victory! He wanted me to show compassion on them the way He did for humanity. He wanted me to throw love for every evil deed that was done. He wanted me to forgive no matter how hard…because He forgave me.

I heard the last message. I sighed…The very same words hurled at me would be thrown back to them at His perfect time. I was ready when they started their plans to paralyze and kill me. My question was: “Would they be ready when I play these same messages at the right time?”  Do they have anyone or anything to defend their accusations? I don’t desire only to win my case. I know I’m already a winner because of Him. But I desire to throw the sWORD and pierced their calloused hearts.

In our lives, it is not the wounds or the storms of life that can hurt or kill us. It is the way we react and respond to them. We must not be afraid if you know that you have fully trusted and believe in Jesus. He is our protector. He is my Shield. He is Our Shield.

A Servant Attitude

^“2 Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.

 ³ Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. ⁴ Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

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 ⁵ You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.” –Philippians 2:5-8 (NLT)

Four of them against one in this planned, mandatory tryst…That one was “me”…That was my second meeting with them except one person got changed, a move I discerned to be dodging from being blamed much later. They laid out their plans. I was calm and prepared. They spoke so many words. They were all empty and void.

They did not know. I had a meeting prior to that. In tears, I consulted His advice. I was comforted. I was reminded not to be thinking nor acting the way they would. I was strengthened even more with what I perceived as inability, He promised He would enable me.

They were flustered when I spoke and they tried to cut off what I was saying. They knew truth would hurt but they chose to ignore it. I was not afraid knowing I was not alone and I was only speaking of the truth. They chose to continue to follow their evil ways and with the power they had, they were certain they took the right route in dealing with my case.

This morning as I was consulting the Best Advocate again, this word came to mind: “HUMILITY…”

Sadness came swiftly in my mind and heart. This world seemed to not like that. For some, humility meant defeat. But not in God’s place. He opposes the “proud.” He sent Jesus Who set the example of being submissive in everything and of serving God and others. He didn’t act like He was “a big thing.” He clothed Himself with humility and came as a Servant.

At this tough time I’m going through, I am being taught to become more patient. I am being taught that there is nothing wrong about being a “servant.” I may not have the power those oppressive people have but I don’t desire their ways. I desire that of God’s. God is teaching me to learn to wait. If I did before, then, wait some more on His perfect timing. With the power that comes from Him, it’s all worth the wait.

God wants us to serve. It’s easy to choose who to serve and to be a servant. But the sad part is when we put a stress on what we should or shouldn’t do without any concern for the inner condition of our hearts. Without an inward change, our walk is empty and shallow.

Those people in power are in great positions to serve. But they set their own rules. They are consumed with self-reliance and have no regard with others’ needs. Please help me pray for them that they may know God’s love and grace. Please help me pray for them that they will recognize that power and position is only a gift of God and that they will use that to serve God, not themselves.

Please pray for me that this “inner change” will start with me. Thank you for your continued encouragement and prayers. I know that our suffering will never compare to what Jesus had gone through. We must remember He suffered first before He was lifted up.  The cross came first before the crown. I know we all long for that day where there is no more pain, no more rejection, no more suffering. We must keep that longing because that will always remind us that we are all strangers or aliens in this world.

I have shared this song before but it truly blesses me that I always listen to it. As you come and share with my heart’s pain, I would rather have you be leaving encouraged and be reminded how important it is with God that we be changed into new and different people. His people. As believers, we have truly been set free by our Lord. Let us use our freedom to live for Him and serve Him. Let us be true servants of God. Let us suffer together for Him.

No Matter What

“2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you.
When you cross rivers, you will not drown.
When you walk through fire, you will not be burned,
nor will the flames hurt you.
3 This is because I, the LORD, am your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” – Isaiah 43:2-3 (NCV)

I was calm when this battle at work started. None of the surprising attacks from those who love to see other people get hurt ever caught me off guard. Out of the many years I had been working behind the prison walls, my spiritual condition was allowed to grow. You see, when I injured my neck in 1997 from a busy Orthopedic ward in a famous hospital, I worried. I thought I wouldn’t be able to do Nursing anymore after a treating physician had advised for me to look for other options, aside Nursing. I let hope slipped away from within me, nurturing anxiety instead of it.

With endless tears I cried out for help. He heard me! In front of a blinking cursor, He guided my hands to type the word “corrections…” And right in front of my eyes, He showed me that He indeed could open doors if everything else had closed in on me. With the background check that usually took months only took a few weeks for me. With renewed confidence, I faced a couple of interviewers who were careful in finding out both of my weaknesses and strengths. Until I had turned the table and asked the Nurse Manager if I could be given a tour inside the prison. She marveled at the brave request I had demanded. She told me none of the previous applicants had ever said that before. She liked the idea because she said that maybe that was the reason why many who were eager at first to start working in the prison, ended up quitting, right on the first day of their work.

To make this story short, I was given that tour. What was beautiful outside was completely opposite from what I saw inside. Heavy metal doors were banging. I heard lots of yelling, either from deputies or disrespectful inmates. Fists were thrown into the air.The Infirmary was busy. Phones were constantly ringing. Mental Health Services were checking their long lists of those needing to be seen and evaluated for their mental problems. Medical doctors, same with Nurses, had their hands full with the sick call they needed to finish that day. I left very uncomfortable after seeing a new workplace that was completely strange for me. I left a little intimidated and scared because none of my Orthopedic skills would apply.

I was barely parking my car into our garage when the phone rang. When I picked it up, it was the Nurse Manager who couldn’t wait for my answer. She offered: “You’re hired! Are you able to start tomorrow?”

How could I say “No” when Someone opened that door for me. Despite the fear of unknown, I knew that was the time that I should place my trust in what He could possibly do for me. The first thing for me to do on my part was to “believe.”

The first three months were tough. I sustained injuries but the kinds that were not seen. Fear... Hopelessness...Intimidation...Doubt...Ridicule...Rejection... My heart was wounded countless times, scarred in different places.

Looking back, now I know I was injured in order for me to learn how to endure. The trials were not about to end. I was to face a bigger battle.It only started. Except I was not afraid anymore, no matter what the outcome. He arms me. He protects me. He guides me. He surrounds me.

Indeed, God gives and God takes away...I must let go of any worry and fear no matter what circumstances I’m in because I do belong to Him. The fact is: it’s not my hold on Him that saves me. It is His. And because of that, I choose to rejoice and praise His Name, no matter what season of life I’m in…Blessed be Your Name Oh Lord!

No Exemption

“5 In your lives you must think and act like Christ Jesus.
6 Christ himself was like God in everything.
But he did not think that being equal with God was something to be used for his own benefit.
7 But he gave up his place with God and made himself nothing.
He was born as a man
and became like a servant.
8 And when he was living as a man,
he humbled himself and was fully obedient to God,
even when that caused his death—death on a cross.
9 So God raised him to the highest place.
God made his name greater than every other name
10 so that every knee will bow to the name of Jesus—
everyone in heaven, on earth, and under the earth.
11 And everyone will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord
and bring glory to God the Father.” – Philippians 2:5-11 (NCV)


“So, how’s Mr. B?” I queried my son who just got home from volunteering in a nearby high school for a couple of hours. He has not seen this particular teacher from middle school and he was eager to volunteer and helped him out in preparing his classroom before the new school year would begin.

“He’s doing well, Mom. It was great to see him and he was so happy to see me and hear about what was up with me and the stuff I had been doing at school. He was asking about you and dad.”

“And…what did you say?”

“I asked him if he could pray for you because Mom, if you didn’t mind, I told him a little about what was going on at your work. I was surprised how quickly he replied that it was illegal. I mean, he doesn’t even work there in the prison.”
“Well, I didn’t mind that you told him and thanks for asking him to pray for me. I certainly need prayers.”

As we ate lunch together, he was so excited to tell me about how his time went with Mr. B. I was glad that they had time spent together today and in prayers, I was grateful for one of God’s greatest blessings in my life: “my child.”

I knew he was very observant of my own life’s struggles. He had been watching me do my steps carefully as I continued to rehearse and perform this dance of life. He knew that perfecting my moves had nothing to do with my own strength knowing how limited we truly were! He witnessed that I was quick to fall down on my knees and in tears, lift up my petitions to the One Who had strong convictions if I had done any wrong steps. He knew I read His instructions daily, as I tried to go against this world’s rules and regulations. My son saw the truth in His Word and the importance of following His commands. He understood that aside from being obedient, He also desired for us, dancers, to seek Him first on top of everything and then…to love others and even our enemies...

Through this greatest rehearsal, others are watching every step and every move…Whether they like our dance or not, what matters is pleasing the One Who is always patient to teach us the right moves!

“I love you, Mom. Thanks for the lunch… Thank You, Lord,” my thoughts interrupted by my son’s gratitude.

I fell many times as I danced. I cried many tears as I went through so much pain. I had been broken but comforted and healed anyway. I knew deep inside, there was no promise for only good, fun times as I chose to dance in this narrow stage. And the crucial thing to know was that bowing down was the first step even prior to my performance. And for those who choose to not listen and do the moves on their own strength, all the things we all do would not matter. To bow down after one’s performance was over might even be too late in God’s sight…For in God’s perfect time, there would not be any exemption.

And all of us will bow down…