Fear of the Judge

“Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our “God is a consuming fire.” ~ Hebrews 12:28-29 (NIV)

I tapped on the glass window to get the attention of the Intake Nurse rushing to go toward the transportation area of the prison. She didn’t notice me as I waited for the Custody Specialist to just open the heavy, metal door.

As the Supervisor left early and gave me the task to be the acting Charge Nurse, I listened intently on the radio traffic as inmates were being prepared to be boarded in their designated buses that would bring them to court and see the judge that morning. It never failed, morning by morning, on court days, when something always went wrong with those inmates. Some happened to complain of feeling like fainting. Others were secretly hit by strong punches from unknown fists if personalities among them clashed. Some were planned. It was always a hectic time for the Intake Nurse as any mandown would give more work to be done, and would slow down her already burdened work load. Any pair of extra hands would truly make the task easier.

She smiled upon seeing me, as she pulled the wheeled vital signs machine. Halfway in the long hallway, we saw a deputy holding the shoulder part of the inmate’s orange shirt. He complained of feeling like he was going to faint. The fumes coming from the warming up huge, diesel-fueled buses were noticeable even though the metal doors were closed.

All of the man’s vital signs were normal. But it didn’t mean that there was nothing wrong with him. We completely understood the fear that must have overwhelmed them upon realizing that they had to face the judge that morning, with the punishment still unknown to the crimes they committed.

“Sorry, you must go,” we uttered. “Your vital signs are okay. Just try to relax.”

The deputy upon hearing us yelled, “Let’s go! Get in the bus!” Every second was rushed by then. There shouldn't be any delay, as some of the buses would have to travel long distances. He picked up the inmate sitting on the cold floor and holding him again by the shoulder, he helped him get up as his wrists were cuffed behind him.

Don’t we all face the same reality of fearing God? Of facing the only Judge? But for those who don’t believe in God, they face the fear of God’s judgment and eternal death. And for those who believe in Him, it is different. Fear is much more of revering Him.

God's Math

"Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ." - Philippians 3:8 (NLT)

Hanging up the phone with my left hand getting tired after getting an update on the inmates that were admitted in the hospital, I asked for permission from the night charge nurse if I could go briefly to our ODR (Officer’s Dining Room) and I had a taste for coffee which was unusual for me to drink while at work.

The other nurse working with me, upon hearing that I was going to get a cup wanted to tag along, too. So, off we both went. What was puzzling was he never usually said anything let alone, he wanted to go with me which would mean conversation would be inevitable.

Sensing he wanted to vent out, he sort of talked about some frustrations about co-workers how some were lazy and some were abusing their power. I could feel for him as I was involved in a battle with some in positions and the silent war was not known except between myself and those others involved.

“I know,” agreeing with his statements. “Nothing new. It’s been that way. I had never been so grateful than when I was blessed with this job,” I uttered.

“Sad to say, the problem is always about the people.”

Tracing our steps back to the Infirmary down a long hallway, with him balancing 2 styrofoam cups of coffee on his right hand as I held on to the lid of my coffee, I felt not the warmth of the coffee but more of the warmth of our conversation and was glad that he opened up. I was beginning to know a little more about his attitudes since we started a new schedule this year and I was glad to be included with the people I ended up working with most of the time. It was a new thing tried out to encourage everyone to have a better working relationship.

“If only people would learn to compromise and truly look for the good and not the bad, it would have been the best job,” I stated as he nodded his head in agreement and took a careful sip from the warm liquid.

People had talked about him being lazy. But I never agreed since I started working with him and found out that he worked as hard as the rest of us. That’s the problem at work. People love to believe “hear says.” They forget that there are always 2 sides to a story. One side always seem so true not until you hear the other side.

“How many updates did you do?” he asked, changing the topic.

“Man! There’s more admits tonight. I had to call for 15 inmates.”

15. A number. Sounds like a lot. I also screened almost a 100 health screen forms, approving those who could be transferred to our other prisons if our main jail needed to make room for newly-arrived prisoners. To others, that would be a lot. But for me who did more at the hospital I used to work in for almost 10 years, that would mean nothing. An easy kind of work for those of us who did more hard work at the hospital.

At work, they look at those numbers for our supervisors to know how much work our shift does. The higher the number, it meant more work was done. Yet, those numbers would never reflect the quality of work applied by many of us. Some did them fast without complaining. Some did them slow and took work for granted while doing other idle and useless things.

People forget there is a Boss Who looks at everything and sees everything. With numbers or no numbers, He knows what transpires every time. If people can only learn from Him and truly know Him, every work will be able to create a masterpiece. Oh, how I pray for His love to cover our workplace, touching each person’s heart! For only then those numbers will have a meaning as a result of changed hearts -  hearts that if only can learn to surrender to His love will gain His rich spiritual blessings instead of counting it as a loss. For in God’s Math, the “cross” resembles the “plus” sign in this world’s math. So, everything is a “plus” if people’s hearts open up and allow God’s love to be poured into theirs.

The One In Control

“Just concentrate on your breathing!” both of us reminded this inmate worker who was hyperventilating as he sat on the cold steps of the  stairs in the prison’s main kitchen.

It was his first night to start work and he was doing well, learning to work with others, as they all prepared the meals that would feed the thousand others and same with the prison staff. All of a sudden, he was very short of breath, according to the Kitchen Deputy. He ended up sitting on those cold steps and was not moving except he was breathing so rapid. The call on the radio that broke was not clear at first as we heard someone needed medical assistance.

I grabbed all the medications I could possibly think of to aid this inmate they said was having “asthma attack” as the other nurse grabbed the emergency kit.

He was breathing too rapid. His fingers were all turning bluish and getting more stiff. He panicked more upon seeing his fingers. Judging from the looks in his eyes, I could sense it wasn’t a true asthma attack but more of an anxiety attack.

“Were you taking Psych meds before?”

He nodded as he was not able to talk, paralyzed in fear as he saw his fingers getting stiffer and stiffer.

“Listen, you have to help yourself. Only you can control your breathing. We can’t give you any medications at this time because you just need to simply relax,” reminded the other nurse.

I got a makeshift bag and held it close to cover both his nostrils and mouth and instructed him to concentrate on breathing slowly. He tried. And as his chest began to slowly rise and fall, we decided to bring him to the Infirmary so we could continue to monitor him. He was already referred to Mental Health Services.

How scary it must be for anyone to be not in control of anything. Most of the time, we don’t know what will happen. A lot of times, we are uncertain of the future. But Jesus reminds us “not to worry for worrying won’t even add another hour to our lives.” Worrying takes our focus off on God and that makes us more scared, more worried and not helpful with our own physical, mental and emotional health.

May we remember that even if we have no control of things, there is Someone we can rely on Who does.

"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
~Matthew 6:34 New American Standard Bible


"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
~Matthew 11:28-30 NIV


"God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble."
~Psalm 46:1 King James Version

God Fulfills His Purpose

^“I give you thanks, O Lord, with all my heart;

…Though I am surrounded by troubles,

You will preserve me against the anger of my enemies.

You will clench your fist against my angry enemies!

Your power will save me.

The Lord will work out his plans for my life –

For your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever.

Don’t abandon me, for you made me.”

~ Psalm 138:1,7-8

I had never worried since day 1, the moment these people wanted me to be in despair. Accusing me with lies, they used their power to try to stop what God had planned for me. They created problems for me, thinking that in so doing, I would desire to stop the kind of work I loved doing for the Lord. They sugar-coated their words but with His gift of discernment, those words were void of good intentions and heartfelt concerns.

I remained silent, meeting their gaze with my own until they couldn’t stand my penetrating stares. I brushed off whatever lies came out of their mouths and let them out the other ear. But I was angry with their evil hearts. I often wondered how many people they had hurt from the past and those people left because they were told lies and were given no options but to leave.

I got home and in tears knew where to go first thing. The heightened mixed emotions of injustice and at the same time, loneliness for their ignorance of God’s love flooded my heart and mind.

In prayers, I cried with tears as the air of arrogance and lies surrounded me. Silently, I gathered my strength and from His Word, my spirit was being rejuvenated. As I took my first step to fight back quietly, I knew that it would hit them hard and would hurt them, because I would never fight in the flesh. And you friends were a part of my spiritual warfare. I thank you all for your continued intercessions in this long battle I’m in.

Going to work last night, I saw that what they threatened me with did not happen. There was something different with one person who was among those who wanted me displaced from work. I could sense the disappointment from her spirit and a cowered one. I knew that if they had heard about my defense, they must be very nervous now. How would someone defend their lie?

“Good morning,” I greeted her.

She didn’t know what to say at first. Still a little surprised with the way I was treating her.

Yes, I wanted justice from the Lord. It was never my desire to wish anyone of them any wrong thing. But I desire for their hearts to get to know God through this trial. He alone knows each person’s heart.

Moses got angry when Korah, conspired with some men and accused him of acting as if Moses was greater than anyone else among God’s people. But  it was never about Moses. It was about these men’s evil desire for priesthood knowing that Egyptian priests had great wealth and political influence. Moses told them to bring their incense burners and the Lord would show them who belonged to Him and who was holy.

“Then Moses became very angry and said to the Lord, ‘Do not accept their offerings! I have not taken so much as a donkey from them and I never hurt a single one of them.” – Numbers 16:15

Moses warned the Israelites not to touch anything that belonged to these men so that they wouldn’t be destroyed for their sins. As he was telling the people that if Korah and those men died from natural death, then it would mean that God did not send Moses for them. But if God would do a miracle and the ground would open up and would swallow them and all their belongings, then the Israelites should know that these men had despised God.

Moses was hardly done speaking those words when the ground suddenly opened up and the earth swallowed those men and their belongings. (Read this story from Numbers 16).

No matter what other people say about our lives’ journeys, what matters is that God is the only One Who already had it planned for each of us. With His true promises, He is always here with us going through each trial we face. What seems difficult to us is never with God Who promised to be with us “up to the end of the age.” May we never let any worries take us off from focusing on God Who loves us all and desires a relationship with every lost souls .