The Electronic Door

4 weeks ago, I noticed it right away. For almost 11 years I had been working in the prison, that door, the 3rd entry door that led to the units downstairs was always open. Not that night! I almost forgot, it worked by swiping the electronic key card I carried with me. I was just so comfortable just entering it that I almost forgot, it could be locked, too.

I wasn't sure if anything happened. If any outsider tried to get in as sometimes, being near to the Releases Area, some inmates mistakenly took the wrong path and were found walking across the Administration building, where we entered. They knew they were not allowed in those premises. It was only meant to be for staff and our parking lot was just across from this building. We had to still dash across and open the 1st door that was always locked, as it was the first entry to get to the jail.

I swiped my card to which I heard the immediate sound of the door being unlocked. With one hand remaining as I carried my stuff with the other, it was easy to open it and as it slammed right behind me, it automatically locked itself. But what a great comfort I had since seeing that change that night. I felt more security. I felt more confident that the entry to where we all worked would not be easily accessible by some unexpected intruders.

How true it is with us donning God's Armor. We can't let any part of the Armor open to any of the enemies' attacks. It is not the Armor that changes. It is us who are wearing it. If we start relying on our own strength and being confident with ourselves, that weakens all of these pieces. We must not forget that it is our dependence on God and His strength that makes every piece powerful. Yes, we are wearing the helmet of salvation but do we have a sturdy belt of truth around our waists? Yes, we are so knowledgeable with His truth but are we wearing the body armor of God's righteousness? And let's just say, we have the helmet of salvation, the sturdy belt of truth and the armor of God's righteousness, but are we forgetting to put on the shoes? How much faith do we truly have to stop the fiery arrows aimed at us? Are you armed with the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God? [The Bible says, "...my people are destroyed from lack of knowledge - Hosea 4:6].

With any missing piece, just like that open electronic door in the prison, we are open to the enemies' attacks. The battle is real. And putting on God's Armor as a child of God is not an option. It is a must! The whole piece comes in one unit, not for us to choose a particular piece that we like. So, why don't we all assess any open door, any weak part of the Armor we are wearing and most important of all, rely on the One Who provides this Armor, not the Armor itself nor ourselves.

"A final word: Be strong in the Lord's mighty power. Put on all of God's Armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies and tricks of the devil." - Ephesians 6:10,11

Strayed Away Too Far

“Never cease loving a person, and never give up hope for him, for even the prodigal son who had fallen most low, could still be saved; the bitterest enemy and also he who was your friend could again be your friend; love that has grown cold can kindle.” ~ Soren Kierkegard

I opened the narcotic cabinet and took a pain pill and a small cup of water, as he sat there in the waiting area, crying, holding his left arm on a splint and sling with his right hand. He just returned from ER and was treated for his left wrist fracture he sustained when he fell as he was being chased by the arresting officers the day before.

I decided to add 3 tablets of Motrin with a higher dose and secured them in a tan envelope so he could have extra pain medications before seeing the jail doctor. He still needed to wait and the night was only young.

Calling him from a brief nap he was in as weariness set in, he started crying again as I talked to him and gave the medications.

"What hurts? Your arm or something else?" I queried.

"Yes, it does. But not as bad. I'm crying because I can't help but think about my wife who is in the hospital now...pause...more tears....She broke her back when she accidentally got run over by the cops. "F..." I told her not to run!..."S..." I told her to stay where she was!" he related as he continued to sob. [I let him continued to vent out despite the vulgar languages that came out of his mouth]...

I saw his arms covered with tattoos. Of images of dragons, and devils and women in provocative pictures. He was somewhat in his early 30's as I estimated. On and off, he was sobbing.

"Dude...You!....Been in and out here?" I asked as I tried to find commonality among the differences in our own jargons.

"Yes, Ma'am. Many times."

"Your wife?"

"No!"

"Picture yourself, who hasn't been in the jail yet...Here comes the cops after you. What will be your initial reaction?"

"Run away...'Coz I'd be scared..."F____!"

"Exactly what she did! So, don't be upset for the way she reacted... You use drugs or other substances?"

"Weed....Been on it for many, many years...pause...more sobs....My wife and I have been using it since we were younger...Like a joint or 2...I violated my parole...I got caught and I tried to take off..."F...!" I shouldn't have done that! Now, my wife is hurt. She might need surgery. I heard she broke her back in 2 places! Gosh!!!! I love her so much. Because no one else loves me but her!"

"Hearing voices?"

"No!"

"Feel like hurting yourself?"

"No...I just want to talk...Thank you for listening."

"No...Thank you for venting out. Because I want to help you with whatever way I can. I just hope doing so, you are feeling better."


"I'll have someone from mental health services see you anyway because you are very anxious right now and so worried. [The mother side of me wanted to say a lot of things but something prevented me from doing so]. "You can't do anything at this time being locked up anyway. It's easy for me to say this...but let your own injury heal and take care of your own problems first because you need to overcome this before you can take care of your wife. Okay? Your wife is in the hospital. She's in the best place where she can be taken cared of and with good technology nowadays, try not to worry."

"Thank you for listening and giving me these pain meds," he uttered as he finally wiped the drops of tears that kept rolling down his haggard face.

The "mother side" of me that didn't unleash was a good thing to happen, a divine provision, His gift of discernment. If unleashed would have turned him away and would prevent him from venting out what was cutting deep into his heart.

"Pray...."

"What Lord?"

"Pray...now! For Him!"

"How? People are in here!"

"Pray, My child!"

"He's one of the prodigals that I'm still seeking...You know...You were a prodigal before, daughter...But I found you...And I want you to pray for him so he will turn to Me. You know it's not true that it was only his wife who loves him. He forgot! I love him very much. The way I love you all!"

"I saw it, Lord....I saw his red eyes welling with tears, wanting a way out but he was in such a deep mess. He wanted to get out. But he didn't think there was a way....But nothing is impossible with You...."

I closed his medical chart and put my pen down. And unsuspecting to the rest of my coworkers, I bowed my head down and uttered a prayer for this prodigal. I knew...He would return...to God...

Because in this life's journey, no matter how far we had strayed away from Him, no matter how many wrong roads we have taken, it's not our hold on Him that saves us....It's His!

"You will be accepted if you respond in the right way. But if you refuse to respond correctly, then watch out! Sin is waiting to attack and destroy you, and you must subdue it." - Genesis 4:7

Internal Bleeding

He came down, demanding to be seen in the middle of the night, interrupting me as I drowned in chaos of doctor’s orders, telephone calls, other unscheduled sick calls and other delegated tasks by the charge nurse. After all, who else would do the work but only me? We were very short of staff last night as there had been many co-workers calling in sick.

“It is bleeding inside! And look at this mark! I didn’t see that before,” he exclaimed as he raised his outer orange shirt and inner white shirt to show me 3 intact and healing stab wounds on his mid-abdomen. His appendix was just removed a week ago. Complaining of severe pain and internal bleeding, I knew he just wanted more pain medications.

“Sir, with all due respect…that is not a hematoma. You are not bleeding inside. Look closely! The area where they shaved you prior to surgery, those hairs are growing back. And that mark? That’s a dried up Betadine solution or whatever they used to clean your abdomen before they did the incision,” I explained.

He wasn’t saying much after. His vital signs returned normal. As 2 LVN’s approached us and got curious upon hearing his complaints. They both uttered, there was no bleeding!

“Okay, you may go back now to your unit. I just ask that you remain patient. I’m not allowed to disclose any information but you will have a follow up appointment at the hospital,” I added.

Raising his right arm quickly, he tried to cover his mouth and complained that he then felt like throwing up.

“You do?” I asked, this time, my patience wearing a little thin as I recognized how much time was being wasted by a need [drug-seeking] that couldn’t be met. Recalling how much work was waiting at my station, I was starting to grow tired of his complaints.

“Here’s a basin! Go back in the waiting area and you can try to relax there,” I ordered. He didn’t know that was a part of my observation if he would really throw up.

“Well, nurse, can you give me Zofran? [a potent anti-nausea or vomiting medication]” he tried.

“No! You know what? You may go back now to your unit. I can’t give you Zofran because the truth is I don’t even see you get nauseous or throw up even once!” I stated in a little louder tone.

He got up from the metal bench. His subjective excuses must have run out compared to my objective interpretations.

“Look at him!” yelled the Infirmary Deputy. “He was walking so fast going out! If he was having abdominal pain, he wouldn’t be walking like that!”

“I know…I know…”

Suffering?…Who wants it? Trials? Who wants to be in them? Mountains? Who wants to climb them when you have to go through the valleys first before reaching the top. We grow tired waiting for the best outcomes. We grow impatient. We whine. We complain. We want what we think is right for us. Not like me who had gotten impatient last night, I’m glad we can approach Someone Whose compassion, love, and understanding never diminish! God’s compassion never fails!  And that’s His promise….To go through those trials with us. Because Jesus already had overcome the world!!! But the best is yet to come. That’s what awaits…It’s hard to see this future glory when someone is going through a fiery trial. But may we remember that God’s love and compassion never fails!

Lord, we are tired. We feel lost. Sometimes, we doubt. Sometimes, we still stray away from You. Forgive us Lord. Help us see things through Your eyes. Help us focus intently on just looking straight on this narrow path. Help us Lord not stumble. Help us remember that Your plan is for hope and a future. Just like the way that woman with internal bleeding was healed, help our faith to increase. Help us to always trust on no one but You. I lift up all of Your children who need to know You are there beside them. At this very hour, may they all feel Your presence Oh Lord. I humbly ask for you to bless them with Your richest blessings. Healing to those who are sick. Salvation to those who are still lost. Provisions for those who are in financial pain. Comfort for the deep wounds. Strength for the weakening will. Oh Lord, the needs are too many but there is no need that is bigger than You, the mighty God we serve.


In this road, lead us Lord....Lead us Lord...Give us Your discernment and wisdom, guidance to continue to follow. To continue to recognize that Voice. Thank You Lord for Your faithful love, grace, mercy, and compassion...I love You Lord. In Jesus' Name. Amen...

Voices

I  dealt with them, time to time…In front of me, each affected inmate would accept that he has been hearing voices telling him to hurt himself. To kill himself. With their eyes surrounded by darkness and had grown puffy, I could just tell, that inmate was not able to sleep. That deep inside him, something was eating his heart.

I had seen those who tried to follow what the voices were telling them. Whether the voices were soft as a whisper or bombarding their minds vigorously, they tried to put an end to that by actually harming themselves. Battling depression or other mental illnesses, their addiction to illegal substances that could also bring psychosis, there seemed to be no escape.

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And there were a few. The ones who wanted to overcome. No matter what the voices were dictating, they knew something was not right. And they were brave enough to take the first step. That was to seek help. From the nursing or custody staff. Until we could determine the need to place them in Suicide Watch for their own safety. To house them there temporarily until the Psych Doctor would come and assess each of them and an appropriate therapy started to help them win and preserve their precious lives.

Voices…We are bombarded by 2. This world’s and that of the Lord’s…Which voice would you likely seem to follow?

“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.” ~ John 10:27