The Best Gift

A warning that it is long. I posted this for my own heart, missing my mom this Mother’s Day. My mother had passed away on December 2000 after having a massive stroke. This was an excerpt from what I had written about her back in September 10, 2001. Her life’s story I had shared with my then, alive father and my other 5 siblings and close friends…My mother did accept the Lord into her heart before passing away.

"The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness. ~Honoré de Balzac"

“Maha…..Maha…O-oooo…O-oooo….” Those were the last words that came out of my mother’s mouth on December 28, 2000. They might not mean anything to someone else, but because I knew my mother well, I knew that she was trying to fight her aphasia so she could utter the words “I love you and yes…yes….” those words spoken in our native dialect.

That was a desperate moment for her, trying to cling to this valuable life that she had known for 69 years. That was a moment when I was also trying to help her win the tug-o’-war, of life against death, as we conversed over the phone. No matter how many worlds apart, we could try. That was a moment when all of the memories we shared together which took many years to be created, flashed back in a matter of only a few, precious remaining seconds. I had a feeling at that time that it was a memory with my mother that was about to end.

My vision was blurry, blinded by the tears that constantly flowed down my cheeks, as I reassured my mother of the possible strength she could still have. At the same time, I was praying and asking God to make her well: for me, for my brothers, for our families, but especially for my dearest father, who loved her so much. Being a Catholic with ardent passion for praising God daily, my mother’s faith was what I needed to combine with mine, so I could ask for a miracle that only God would approve of.

I love to write but at that time, I was at a profound loss for words as I talked [for an imminent last moment] with my mother, whose physical and emotional pain I couldn’t and wouldn’t imagine. I kept telling her “we love you very much”, like a broken record as my voice tried to be in a normal range, despite the choking sensation I had and as I tried to make the big lump in my throat disappear. I spoke about the un-said “thank you’s” that were long overdue. The thank you’s for all the sacrifices she had done to give us, her children, all the good things in life: education, love, faith in God and just for being an understanding, always forgiving and accepting mother to us.

Suddenly, the rest of her words became more incomprehensible as the aphasia affected her more. It must have taken so much strength out of her to convey all of her thoughts and feelings but at the same time, she must be frustrated that nothing came out right from her effort to communicate with me. But that period of misunderstanding was the most understood one -  a feeling of love that was mutually shared, even without words, we both felt that. As mother and daughter, that was the best sharing we had in this lifetime. We. Just. Knew.

God, how I prayed…”Dear God, please take away the pain that my mother is feeling. Give her more strength and courage as she tries to fight this stroke that suddenly hit her. The stroke that came like a thief in the night--without warning! The stroke that robs her of her joyous smiles and echoing laugher. The stroke that caused a slurred speech and made her “I love you’s” incomprehensible. She was a very special gift You gave to our family. If living more for her would mean physical suffering and pain, then, give us the courage instead, to have the readiness and acceptance to let her go. To accept her imminent return to You. Even if it would mean losing the best gift given to us, whose lots of lives she touched throughout her lifetime. Dear God, please give her peace and turn our trial for Your glory.”

The best gift in life doesn’t have to be a dream vacation, lots of money, living the good life, and other material things our mortal souls crave for. The best gift in life is love - - the kind that my mother shared and taught us. The best gift was learning to love and to sacrifice for someone you love, being there during the ups and downs of life. It was a pretty gift wrapped with a golden bow. When we, her children, her husband, other loved ones and friends opened that gift, it was full of memories, of triumphs and losses, of laughter and tears, of joys and sorrows, of broken hearts and mended wounds. It was the kind of gift that wouldn’t get lost. It didn’t need an occasion to be worn. It wouldn’t break and just required our hearts for storage. That will always be the BEST GIFT we could treasure forever…..the Lord’s gift of my mother and her love to us….

"29There are many good women, but you are the best!"
30Charm can be deceiving, and beauty fades away,
but a woman who honors the LORD deserves to be praised" ~ Proverbs 31:29-30 [CEV]

Happy Mother's Day

Posting this early as I haven't been feeling well [allergy] and want to wish all of you great moms out there and those who are like mothers because of their loving, nurturing ways a "Happy Mother's Day"!


“Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs in my field, since the payment is pure love.” ~Mildred B. Vermont

Hope flew away the moment you had gone
Away from the bustle of this world and placed behind bars
Predicament that roused your doubts and fears
Pretending that moment would not last
Yet years would go by, the price you had to pay

Many crimes like webs snatched your feet
One final act, the flooding light illuminated your ill behavior
Taken with handcuffs, swallowed by the metal doors
Here you would feel regrets and time wasted for many seasons
Except it was too late, too many heartaches
Reserved for your children whose mother’s love was stolen from them
Sad but you never thought of their needs but only of yourself

Dreaming behind those cold walls…but won’t change a thing
A child’s tear would always flow, a child’s heart would be in pain
Yearning for a mother’s love, like a puzzle now, has many missing pieces

~rcubes 5/6/10 2030hrs.

“The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.”
~ Proverbs 14:1




Remembering the incarcerated mothers whose children also lost so much ~ their mother’s love.

Lord, You’re the only One Who can change people’s hearts. I lift up these mothers that You will instill that change in their hearts by knowing Your love and forgiveness first. I ask that You bless their children left behind at home or at foster care. Please comfort them. May each of them have that precious time to be with their mother, not only on Mother’s Day but for the remaining days of their lives. And for this Mother’s Day, I ask that you bless all the mothers and all the women who have the nurturing nature that blesses those around them. Thank You Lord for giving us this special gift of having mothers. The ones who gave life to us. The ones who guided us and instilled those seeds of faith in us. I pray Oh Lord for Your love to mend those broken hearts between children and irresponsible mothers. Thank You for giving me one of the best mothers in this world who willingly sacrificed everything to give her family the best in everything. May I be like my own mother who I dearly miss, with my own child. Loving. Forgiving. Accepting. And always sharing about You. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

He Never Sleeps

“Bless the Lord, O my soul, and do not forget all his benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.” (Psalm 103:2-5)


“How come you didn’t put a sick call?” I asked the ill-looking male inmate who was complaining of sore throat and difficulty breathing for 4 days.

“I did, few days ago, Ma’am.”

“No! I have your sick call slip here. It was only put in today.”

He didn’t know what to say. He knew that only life-threatening cases were usually seen at night.

“My point, Sir, was for you not to wait for so long the moment you didn’t feel good. Because nursing staff is here 24/7, even if the doctor is not available at night. We can help you to the best we can. Before something gets worse.”

“I’m sorry, Ma’am.”

“No! Don’t say sorry. It’s just hard to treat something that gets so worse when it could have been prevented.” “Now, say ‘ahhhh!” I had a hard time putting his tongue down with a depressor. Through the difficulty, I was surprised to see his throat.

I was taken aback to see how big his tonsils were. No wonder he was having difficulty breathing because he had “kissing tonsils”. It could be life threatening at times if they indeed get so swollen and could block his airway. I didn’t waste any minute. Immediately, I contacted the on-call physician. He gave me orders to give medications to reduce the swelling right away and started him on some antibiotics. 10 minutes later, the swelling had gone down a little bit. But I wasn’t still satisfied. I still put him in our doctor’s sick call that morning thinking that he might need a shot of antibiotics, aside from the pill form.

“Thank you, Ma’am,” he uttered with relief. “I’m starting to swallow and could feel the difference.”

“That’s why we’re here. Remember, we are here 24/7. Next time something goes wrong, don’t wait too long to be seen either by nurses or doctor.”

That night when I returned to work, I noticed our jail doctor did add a shot of antibiotics and he agreed with the other medications I already had issued to the inmate.

This Monday, the pollen had been high and the gusty winds just made it worse for allergy sufferers like me. Last night, I barely slept because I started coughing though I wasn’t as congested as I used to. I still thanked the Lord that my allergy was not as bad anymore as it used to be. I thanked Him knowing that I could seek Him because He was and is available 24/7.

Our God never sleeps and I know that He is always available to comfort us.



Pardon me my friends if I haven’t been able to visit you lately. But I pray for the Lord to bless you all and grant your hearts’ desires according to His will.

I Choose To Hope

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." ~ Psalm 43:5

“Nurse! Just send me back to my unit if you guys are not going to do anything! I will just file a grievance,” an irate female inmate yelled through the glass window.

She had been waiting in the Infirmary for hours before I got there that night. Yet, she was just seen by the jail doctor the previous day and earlier that day and many other times. She always complained of her heart hurting. That she needed to go to the hospital because of her heart condition. So upset that she was not seen by the cardiologist.

“Ma’am,” I approached the window as the charge nurse felt exhausted dealing with her. “I also had spoken with you earlier. I told you that the reason why they kept you so long here was because you kept complaining of chest pain. We did the EKG. It was normal. I called you in and took your vital signs and I showed you, that everything was normal. I just need you to understand that we can’t do anything at this point because there was no abnormal findings even when the doctor had seen you earlier. It doesn’t mean we don’t believe you. We are aware of your congenital heart problem. But you need to understand that it is a process when we refer you to the cardiologist. There is nothing life threatening that is happening right now with you and you had this condition since you were little.”

She didn’t know what to say. With those thousands of words that came out from me, I was feeling exhausted, too. And I only had dealt with her for an hour.

“You don’t understand. I need to go to the hospital! I need a cardiologist now!” she demanded.

“I would not keep repeating my explanations. We do understand that it is frustrating on your part. But you need to be patient. When a specific date and time comes back to us from the Cardiology department, they will just get you from your unit and bring you to the hospital,” I added.

She reached out her right hand below the glass partition window. I handed her yellow pass so she could go back to her unit. Shaking her head softly, feeling as if she had no more power to demand all she had wanted done her way, she surrendered. Her steps slowly retraced her prints she left earlier when she first walked in. Back to her cell.

“Lord! Lord! Why are our prayers not answered?” How often I demand God to explain things to me, too and when things don’t go the way I want it to go in my life. When my prayers seem unanswered as I see others and I struggling for physical healing, for provision of needs, for freedom from being imprisoned with many, many bondages. “Why God when You have the power to do so?” When He is truly bigger than any of these things! Often I see myself in complete surrender. That’s what needs to happen most of the time. To give me time to reflect on His true nature. That He is a God of love. That despite the circumstances around me, He is the One Who has the control not me. That I still must choose to have joy in my heart despite the trials and heartaches. That I must still choose to have hope despite things looking bleak at times. Because these awful times are what drive me to surrender to Him. And in those quiet times, in those quiet places, that’s where He usually meets me and softly explains to my heart the plans in my life. That it is a process. Not my way. But His. That there is Someone Who always intercedes for me. And I know, my prayers are being heard. Mine and yours. Yes, I must choose to hope Lord. I choose to still hope…Knowing Christ did die for me. Knowing Your plans give me hope and a future.

"For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good." ~ Titus 2:11-14