The True Emergency

“Guess he was having seizures,” reported a unit deputy over the phone. As I struggled to finish some doctor’s orders in the computer with the goal of having more done during the 4 ½ hours I came for to help the night crew.

He was a heavy set man. Ambulating only with a wheelchair. His salt and pepper beard and disheveled hair catching my attention as his mouth was endlessly talking with the young unit deputy who wheeled him in into the Clinic. With my gloved hands, I held the chart close to me and led him to the hallway where the vital signs monitor was waiting.

Rubbing a slightly red cut on the bottom of his dry lips, he uttered, “My cellmate tried to catch me, Ma’am. I don’t know. Guess I was having a seizure. I don’t remember much.”

He proceeded…

“I don’t like Dilantin and they’re not giving me the meds that I want. It should be Depakote.”

Addressing the first statement, I replied, “Your cut looks old. That’s not a fresh injury. What caused your cut because it’s not from a fall.”

He acted like he didn’t understand me but managed to reply, “Ahhh…I was tasered outside. I got hit there…”

“Okay, Sir…So, that’s not from the fall. It was an injury during your arrest. Though it’s slightly red, it seems to be healing.”

“Now, give me a few minutes. Let me review the medication form they have in the pharmacy and I’ll get back with you…”

Holding the tan envelope with his name and all the medications he was being given, I showed it to him.

“See this? What does it say on the last label?”

“Depakote…”

“Sir, I can tell you now. You didn’t have a seizure (his face was painted with a surprised look as if I didn’t know what I was saying). You thought you had one or you just plainly couldn’t remember. But here you are talking with me appropriately and demanding for a medication you want when it has been ordered and being given to you.”

His mouth opened as if he wanted to say something but no words came out.

“Well…Is it okay for me to stay a little bit here?” he asked as the Infirmary Deputy behind him loudly yelled “No!” in protest when he heard the conversation between us.

“No!” I finally answered.

“There is no medical emergency and no good reason for you to be here in the Clinic. You know that in true emergencies, all you have to do is press that button (in his cell) and if you’re not able, I know your cellmate will and your unit’s bubble (control room).”

The tall Clinic Deputy turned his wheelchair facing the first metal door that would open to the hallway leading to his unit. He was visibly upset as this inmate was down in the Clinic for different reasons not warranting any medical intervention. Night after night... He denied that he was having a problem in his unit when I asked him. I had no choice but to send him back. Glancing at them, I knew…He would return…

How many times people whine, forgetting the availability of God’s grace? Instead of pressing on with prayers, they impatiently want the answers for the things they want their way instead of surrendering to what He best planned. That in so doing (whining or complaining), it does nothing but makes a situation not even better. Instead of thanking Him , many hearts lose to see the truth. That in trials, both with answered and unanswered prayers, He is always there. Those hearts fail to see the good outcome in store when they whine and start looking at the negatives. Backs end up turned on Him instead of sinful lives. 

But in reality, Jesus is “only a prayer away.” Anytime. Anywhere. He is not far. When prayers are not answered, the wretched heart should ponder…

 

How far has he walked away from Jesus or how much things of this world is polluting that heart? If you find out the answer, maybe it’s time…To go back to Jesus, to seek Him and truly tell Him what’s ailing that heart. To allow that heart to cry out the true emergency…Of needing God’s forgiveness.

"I'm With You Always" (a song He gave me on July 23, 2004)

When you feel the weight of the world
And you have no one to help you in any way
You may not know, you may not feel
I've loved you from the start, I always will

I'm with you always...you're never alone
I'm always by your side...no matter the season
I'm with you always...keep this thought with you
Just call on Me, I'm always here...I'm always here...for you

You may be heartbroken but I'm Someone you can trust
You may fall on your knees, just reach out for My Hand
You may cry every tear, I will wipe them dry
You may feel just existing, but I can give you life... 

The "Thing"

 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. - Psalm 139:13,14

I didn’t know if she would have a family member or even more by her side after our Transportation Deputy dropped her off at the county hospital. The fact that she was incarcerated, I wasn’t sure how much time Custody would allow for some family members to even be with her. 

She walked in, as she showed a “thing” nestled on both of her palms. The female deputy right behind her as she escorted this young inmate to the Clinic. The material was wrapped on what appeared as paper towel. A little blood obviously soaked one part. It was inside a sealed sandwich bag.

“Thank you,” I uttered softly.

“I didn’t need to see it. But if it would bring you comfort to have the doctor at the hospital take a look at it, go ahead and bring it with you when I send you there.”

“I remember that’s what they told me anyway,” she agreed.

Bleeding for two to three days, she acknowledged she was on her 12^th week of pregnancy. I remembered her from the previous night as I helped the other nurse examined her for bleeding. She was just sent to the county hospital. I knew she was supposed to be seen by our jail doctor that same morning (yesterday) when she returned. They were watching her hCG level after she started spotting.

As soon as the unit deputy called and mentioned her name, I remembered her right away. I advised for her to bring her right away to the Clinic because she would definitely go to the hospital. Again.

After taking her vital signs, I showed the chart to our Charge Nurse. 

“It’s sad,” I quietly informed her.

“Why?”

“Our doctor noted that her hCG level had gone down dramatically. She must have lost the baby already from the previous episodes she was seen.” I added.

“Do you know she was supposed to have twins?” the Charge Nurse asked.

I didn’t answer. The vibrant, young female outside the metal door, holding that “thing” was not fully aware yet. I called her and offered anything she might need to which she declined. But deep inside, I knew she would not need anything but comfort to an impending discovery of her loss. I didn’t want it to come from me, being not the right person to tell her. I wouldn’t see how she would accept it from the doctor, who was best qualified to evaluate and tell her at the same time.

I wouldn’t see her as I would be off for some nights. I just prayed. She would be comforted. That in this deepest wound to break her heart, she would truly seek God’s invitation for grace, comfort and mercy. 

My mind thought about that “thing.” It wasn’t a “thing”. It was an unborn child created by God’s hands in her womb. Though not even able to start his or her race, I believed God has a purpose in all of these events. This was a baby God also created and loved. And even if this young mother wasn’t able to see her baby and even hold the baby in her arms, I knew she would be the one who would need the strength and be comforted and be held by His loving arms.

Prayer

Lord, as 2013 leaves and another year comes, I ask that You increase our faith even more. Help us Lord to turn our eyes only on You. Help us Lord to aim for love as our highest goal when 2014 arrives. Lead us Lord into Your truth always. Thank You for always being there with us as we encountered both trials and moments of peace from the past. Thank You for all of Your provisions. Most of all, thank You Lord for Your love, grace and mercy. I pray Lord that You will fan the flames in each of Your children’s heart. That You will help us see those things that are not seen but have eternal values. Lord, please take away anything in our lives that hinder us from walking in Spirit and Truth. May many turn to You Lord and surrender for doing so is not defeat but victory. I pray for this country. To have all the lies be exposed under Your Light.  Remove those blinders Lord that prevent people from seeing Your offer of salvation.  

Thank You for loving us first Lord. Help us to seek You first and love others unconditionally the way You love us. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

This 2014

It was a given. That this female inmate lied about her injury. She claimed she fell and had a seizure. A condition she denied to our treating jail doctor’s assistant. That she was never put on any medications. However, as a precaution, she was assigned the “bottom bunk” in her cell to avoid any injuries. And a yellow band marked “seizure” applied to her left wrist to aid the responding medical staff should any emergencies arose.

“Kumusta ka na???(meaning ‘How are you?’ in Filipino language,” she yelled at me while I hurried my pace to get the plugged vital signs monitor from one of the walls. I remained silent. With her smiling widely, not minding the presence of her unit deputy and despite the fact that inmates shouldn’t talk as if they were befriending any staff. It was a “no-no!” The incarcerated ones were given the rules and policies as they got housed in a particular cell or unit.

“Did you hear me, Nurse?” she repeated, wondering why she never evoked a warm, perhaps, a surprised response from me. Deep inside, I wasn’t in the mood to act as if we could be friends. I knew she was wasting my time by lying about her injuries.  The LVN watching me do her sick call was surprised. This particular nurse was in school to take his RN degree and I often would call him to get him more familiar with ways and things an RN would do so he would know more by the time he advanced his degree and remained working as a Correctional Nurse. I knew he was hungry to learn, often volunteering to help me when I needed an extra hand.

“Hey, nurse! Kumusta ka na?” she repeated even louder as she slightly adjusted her tall, heavy set body on the chair when I neared her space. Awaiting for a warm response from this muted nurse.

“Ma’am…I am not ignoring you. You were brought here by your deputy for a specific purpose of being evaluated for the injury you claimed. And that’s what I intend to do. To talk about your situation if any and find out about it.”

“Tell me how you got hurt…”

Her face changed to a sour note. With her feelings being offended by a quick brush of a little authority and truth, she cleared her throat.

“Well, I fell from the top bunk and then hit my head on the ground. It hurts,” she replied with a slight tone of arrogance as her right index finger pointed to the right side of her temple. I didn’t see any lacerations nor any bump. The nurse next to me whispered and wondered why I didn’t progress right away to that area she complained about.

“I’m digging deeper because her injury is not true,” I whispered back at him. Being new to full assessment, he watched her intently and I could tell, his ears were even more widely open to hear what I would ask.

“From what bunk did you fall?”

“Well, I was at the top bunk so you know that’s high,” she continued to answer as if I was dumb enough not to understand her first complaint.

“If you were given a bottom bunk by our doctor’s assistant, what were you doing on the top bunk?”

Her eyes immediately looked at the deputy, who already looked upset from taking those long walks to bring her to the Clinic. Without any answer, she started sobbing.

“I don’t know. I didn’t like my ‘cellie’ (cellmate) I guess, so I switched beds with her.”

“Even if you are injured, it was your fault for causing that fall. There is a good reason when one assigns you to the bottom bunk. But I can tell you also don’t have any signs of injury.”

Her sobbing grew louder. As loud as when she first walked in, asking me “How I was”. She knew she was caught lying. And had run out of any course to get out of it. 

“Take her with you,” I advised the ‘pissed-off’ deputy.

And as she remained crying, I added, “But you know you can ask to see us anytime if you have a true injury.”

“Wow!” the other nurse whispered again to me.

“Didn’t know she was lying at first.”

I wasn’t sure how long she would be in the jail but I knew she wouldn’t be back to the Clinic for a while. She probably thought it was okay to lie to get her things that would benefit her. But how would she know the true condition of her heart if no one else pointed at it? And that was my hope. For her to search her heart’s intentions. And truly discover that instead of helping her ended up hurting her.

For all of us are the same. We don’t know other’s hearts’ conditions. Sometimes, we don’t even know our own. This New Year, I’m tired of making resolutions that are hard to accomplish. I want to be real in having such goals more realistic. And I know it starts within me. For we become numb with the same habits we have as humans. Imprisoning our own bodies and spirits with a lot of the world’s things we often think as harmless. But how true that our hearts can be deceitful in our corrupt state. And only God sees these harmful things in our hearts. Time is short and I want to be wise. And I pray that God will search every room, every corner of my heart. This 2014.