The Inmate With The Heart Problem

"Do you know what that means?" I asked the Charge Nurse last night at work.

"That was embarrassing. That whatever reason I sent the inmate for, he was treated for something else."

She just smiled but knew where I was coming from as she also went through that somehow, as our county hospital sometimes fails to evaluate the sick inmates further. The hospital sometimes doesn't understand that our prison is not equipped with other medical stuff needed to treat the sick inmates.

I saw his figure disappeared behind the restroom in the waiting area. Upon emerging, he was fixing the strands of his dark hair with his hands on each side of his head. His hair very wet from the water he doused it with.

He was only 24. Well-built. Tall. Scanning his medical chart prior to his arrival in Infirmary, I gathered he often came complaining of chest pain. Always demanding that he needed to have a cardiac echo done because someone told him he had some heart issues. Evading the symptoms and the demands he started whining about, I explained that I was not ignoring his complaint of chest pain but I was trying to rule out if there were any other possible causes as no cause was ever found out anyway from the last time he made a trip to ER.

"You know, like what were you doing prior to having this pain?" I continued...

"Were you exercising heavily or some other games in the yard?"

"I told you, Nurse. I was just resting on my bed." Then, he paused as if he didn't want to spill the next words.

"2 days ago, yes, I did 200 burpees...But I didn't want to go to the hospital so I didn't complain," he softly uttered though it was only him and I chatting in front of the Exam Room I already opened and with the EKG machine nearby.

I asked him to urinate and tested his urine for presence of blood. The urine dipstick came back positive for a large amount of blood. I sensed he could be having Rhabdo. So I decided to send him out with the help of our Transportation Deputy.

When he got back from being treated in ER, most of written notes were about his heart. Nothing was addressed regarding the symptoms I suspected. He probably demanded for his heart to be examined more that all the doctor's orders were about having cardiac echo and that he had a history of Congestive Heart Failure. Yet, all the exams they did were marked normal, including his urine dipstick.

"How could that be?" I asked the Charge Nurse.

"Either there was something wrong with my eyes because I saw the result or there was something wrong with our test strips." She didn't know what to say.

As I talked to the inmate prior to sending him back to his unit, he thanked me and that he said he felt much better. I reassured him but couldn't help and asked him if they said anything regarding the "burpees" he did. He didn't say anything but..."Oh yeah, the nurse there did tell me that I had a little bit of blood in my urine but it should be okay."

I already knew. He didn't say anything about those exercises he did and kept on insisting regarding his heart condition though nothing was previously found at a well-known hospital.

As I kept writing about all my observations and the inmate's statement in his chart, I noticed how the ER doctor had noted that he was diaphoretic (sweating profusely) when he wasn't as I examined him. It dawned on me that he went to the restroom twice and kept wetting his hair. I warned the other nurses because of the possibility of him always coming down for complaints of chest pains. I left a note inside the chart to observe him if he would do that behavior again to make it look like he was in distress.

Just like that inmate, we all make demands in our prayers to God. We want things to happen our way without understanding first that He has the best reasons even when we don't understand why things happen in our lives. We often think about ourselves and always forget to think about what God wants from us. What we want seems to be complicated at times. What God wants from us is one and plain simple:

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." (Mark 12:30 NIV)

It is only by putting Him first in our hearts that our lives will be in order.

 "Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need."
- Matthew 6:33 (NLT)

Bad Cupcakes

“Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path.”
– Psalm 119:105 (NLT)

“I feel bad now…I shouldn't have asked you to go there...” commented a friend on the other line.

We had gone to a favorite cupcake shop and I had been saying “No” to her prior to our arrival that I made up my mind...I wouldn’t buy anything for me and my family so I requested for her not to buy anything for us knowing how generous she always was.

As I turned off the car’s ignition and headlights, the slight darkness of the night surrounded us but the long line of people inside the well-lit bakery didn’t miss our attention. I felt a rush of excitement came over me, anticipating what flavors were offered last night.

“I’ll just stay here in the car!” I advised my friend who already opened the passenger door. I knew it was better for me to not even go through that glass door knowing the sweet aroma of cupcakes would greet anyone. But I wanted to be with my friend. I didn’t want to let her go by herself. This was one of our times together that we always shared.

Photo Credit

There were chocolate ones. Some red velvet ones. I saw pumpkin. The toppings were beautiful. Sprinkles. Candied art. Coconut. Name it…

“Give me 2 red velvet and 1 dark chocolate,” I ordered.

My friend insisted on sharing with the ones she bought so I could save the ones I got for my family. I had a little bit of the red velvet cupcake she got. It was delicious. Not too sweet. Still…

“Don’t feel bad now!” I quickly replied.

“I’m just saying that my family and I are trying to cut down on sweets. Of course, I enjoy going there with you,” I reassured.

As I said “Good Night”, I thought about my own life.

How often I venture into those lit-up places of this world, mimicking His Light. Everything looks good. But actually harmful in the end. But God has given His guidance through His Word and if I don’t equip myself with His Word, that’s how I fall and head toward those kinds of guided directions but altered because of my wrong choices. If I hunger instead for His Word (guidance), by His grace and mercy, I should be able to share that with others instead who need guidance like me. I was once lost and still get lost at times. It is only by His grace I am able to finish this journey. It is only with the help of the True Light of this world...Jesus...

“Oh Lord, please direct my ways. Always lead me in Your truth!”




Thy Word lyrics
Songwriters: Smith, Michael W; Grant, Amy;



Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path

When I feel afraid
And think I've lost my way
Still, You're there right beside me
Nothing will I fear
As long as You are near
Please be near me to the end

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path

I will not forget
Your love for me and yet
My heart forever is wandering
Jesus by my guide
And hold me to Your side
And I will love You to the end

Nothing will I fear
As long as You are near
Please be near me to the end

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path
And a light unto my path
You're the light unto my path

Can I Give You Anything?

"We know that we are from God, and the whole world lies in the power of the evil one." - 1 John 5:19(ESV)

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." - Romans 12:2 (ESV)

"Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes." - James 4:14 (ESV)

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." - Hebrews 13:8 (ESV)

"And everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?” - John 11:26 (ESV)

"Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life." - John 5:24 (ESV) +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

She was one of those night nurses I used to work with. Being placed on a Per Diem status, I hardly saw her. Until Friday night…

“Hey, Rcubes! Good to see ya!”

“Hey Nurse H.! Good to see you, too. What’s up with you?” I returned.

“Remember when I told you about my son having his back surgery? It will happen this Tuesday…”

“Oh, yes! I’ve never forgotten. I know it must be worrisome for him to have this surgery but I hope that he will get relief from his back pain.”

“Can I help you with anything, Nurse H.? Can I give you anything?”

She moved her head side to side implying a “No” answer. But somehow, deep inside, I knew she was thinking about something. A few seconds that felt like eternity went by as she kept looking at me, eye to eye, still thinking…

“I don’t need anything, Rcubes…Just “prayers please…”

Her request pierced my heart. I felt her worries and her heartaches as a mother. How easily I forgot…

“That there comes a time in a person’s life, not only when facing life’s adversities, but even with a day to day routine, we discover that we are limited as humans.”

“Sure!” came my loud response as I whispered if she would like the two of us to pray together at that moment. A smile wrinkled her mouth as she accepted. We both went to seclusion in one of our exam rooms. I could see her excitement as she drew the curtain to give us some privacy as I went to one corner and turned down the lights in the room. We both sighed. We both closed our eyes. I had seen her cue that she was not comfortable giving me her hands. That was okay…Prayers did not need special words. Prayers did not need rituals…Prayers were the cries of one’s heart. I felt her defeat building up in her heart. But I also felt her increasing faith and reliance on God Who knew it all.

I led the prayer. She remained quiet. I wasn’t sure if she was praying but I kept pleading not only for her son, but also for her and the whole family. I knew the toll it would take not only on the person having surgery, but also for the rest of the family members who would be her son’s support. As I ended my prayers “in Jesus’ Name. Amen,” I opened my eyes only to feel slightly embarrassed that she still had her eyes closed and her lips mumbling so faintly. Tears formed in the corners of her eyelids. I bowed my head and closed my eyes again. This was a sacred moment coming from a person who chose to believe and I dared not to interrupt…

We both opened our eyes after that. She hugged me tightly and thanked me. I reminded her I was not the one hearing her cries. It was God. He was the One Who deserved all her thanks.

The smile I saw earlier remained on her face. As we both joined the working medical crew inside the Clinic, I heard her laughing as one started joking around. How foolish of me to think that I could really help her with anything! When in reality, it was only God Who could give everything. She needed Jesus. I did, too. Even after accepting His gift of grace and forgiveness...

Friends, while you're here, do you mind if you can drop a prayer for Nurse H. and her son, C. who's having a back surgery tomorrow in the morning? Thank you...God bless you all.

No Matter What

“Give it about 60 more days,” uttered the lady on the phone…

“60?” I asked.

“Ma’am, if I had waited this long, 60 days is nothing…”

She laughed softly, as if amused by the strength and in the way those words were stated to her ears.

“I understand,” she replied…

I had been waiting for some help I needed to fight the decisions made for me by some people who sat on higher positions from my work. They were determined to end my career because I did not and could not obey their demands. It had been a little over a year now since my battle began. My working hours were reduced. I was placed on a shift that I never wanted but worked it as I couldn’t do anything at that time but waited for this help. I knew the process would be long. It could be exhausting. Evidenced by many before me who failed to state their cases. Known by others that those people either chose to quit or just accepted their fate of leaving Correctional Nursing. Slapped with wrong motives, unfair treatments, and abuse of power.

I wanted to take the same route at first. But when I asked in prayers, I was reminded that any trial that came in my journey, even this one, was never unnoticed by the Highest Authority.

There is no trial that never goes through His hands!

And I chose to believe. If I learned patience before, this process made me learn patience even more. It was tough. But at the same time, my heart and mind were like branches being pruned to be prepared for another season. I was hungry for His quick justice. Except…The answer might not come quick.

Knowing how God brought me from the hospital when I hurt my neck in 1997 and how He placed me in a Correctional setting and blessed me tremendously both physically and spiritually, I knew I must trust. No matter what the outcome would be.. I would always choose to believe that He has the best reasons why things happened. Even with those not so nice ones. This trial that I thought would be hard to overcome as if a big mountain on my path was nothing compared to the Mountain Who granted me and anyone who believed His victory!

"You don't have enough faith," Jesus told them. "I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it would move. Nothing would be impossible." – Matthew 17:20 (NLT)

I thank God I have a Mediator through Christ in every trial that comes my way. I know justice will come. Not in my time. In God’s perfect time…

“The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. To him be glory for ever and ever. Amen.” – 2 Timothy 4:18 (NIV)

Lord, thank You for Your grace and mercy. I know that I can't do anything with my own strength. I thank You that through trials, You remind me to depend on You more and completely put my trust in no one but You. I know that I don't see things clearly and I don't see the whole picture. Grant me Lord Your eyes that I may see things the way You see them. Give me Your heart that readily forgives so I may be able to forgive those who hurt me. Thank You Lord for Your provisions despite the hardship these people tried to inflict me with. Thank You for reminding me through Your Word that no matter what people plan, it is You Who always direct my steps. I praise You Lord. And I ask that You also strengthen my family, friends, and blogging friends and help us all with all the trials we are facing. Please protect us. Empower us with Your Spirit. In Jesus' Name. Amen.