The Important Piece Of Clothing

There was so much to learn when I started this venture of becoming a Correctional Nurse 11 years ago. Aside from our policies and protocols, it also required learning about inmates’ behaviors. The colors of clothing they wore typically identified the severity of the crimes they had committed. It took a long time before I got so familiar with the meaning of the incarcerated individuals’ colored clothing.

I’m always cautious when dealing with those “Red Suiters” we called them. They are usually known for trying to escape at any opportunity they could find, sometimes with the intention to be successful at any cost including harming staff.

“Green” is more a protection for those who committed sexual abuse against others or for those who held positions outside like lawyers, law enforcement officers or perhaps, well-known by others who are potential targets by any predators lurking in the prison, ready to pounce on their target for intention to hurt and even to kill.

“Gold uniforms” are given to those who have history of mental health problems. Not only they are beneficial to themselves but to staff as well, since dealing with them will require a different mode of communication.

“Blue” uniforms are for those who work in and out the prison walls. Some are found cleaning the floors. Some out in the yard, keeping the lawns well-manicured, the bushes well-trimmed and other troubles that need repairs. Some are in the kitchen, alternating shifts, learning to get orders and serve. Some are out in the laundry, washing the uniforms inmates wear. The skills they learn are to their advantage if they want to look at them that way so they have something to use to keep them productive when they get released.

And us, as medical providers are required to always wear a white lab coat. That sets us apart from the uniformed deputies all over the place.

Properly identifying the crimes and knowing the felons’ backgrounds help in classifying the inmates on who to put together which prevents any potential fights and riots.

I’m sure it takes a lot of knowledge for the deputies who work in Classification to do that, all for the sake of peace and quiet during times of incarceration.

As Christians, we are also required to put on a special clothing.

Love…

For God is love…

Lord, search the closet of my heart and remove any clothing that does not please you. Please fill and cover my heart with the garment of love that comes from You: sacrificial, powerful, pure, proven, protective, always ready to forgive others, unconditional and limitless. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

“Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.”

- Colossians 3:14 (NLT)

My Neighbor Bob

"If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, "Love your neighbor as yourself," you are doing right.
- James 2:8 (NIV)

I contemplated on mowing the lawn this morning prior to the future forecast of rainshowers the following day. In fact, it was supposed to be until Thursday.

Pausing only to wipe the sweat that dripped from my brows, I kept on sweeping and gathering the leaves and the other traces of grass that was scattered on the sidewalk. Suddenly, behind my back, a familiar sound of footsteps caused by the shoes being dragged heavily on the curb caught my attention.

“Oh, Hi Bob!” I exclaimed.

“Good morning,” I added as I waved my right hand up in the air with him nodding at my direction to acknowledge my greeting.

“How are you?” he asked me back.

With a slight boyish smile as he kept chewing his gum, he uttered, “There’re also some leaves that need to be swept in front of my house…” His way of joking around with me whenever he sees me cleaning in the front yard.

“I surely will be right over as soon as I get done here!” I replied smiling back at him.

“Well, you have a great day!” we both wished each other in unison.

I went back to finishing my task as I heard the footsteps lessened and Bob’s shadow becoming smaller as he walked away. I enjoyed short conversations with him since I met him from the first day. Through those short encounters we had, I always learned a little bit more about Bob.

A very old man, happy with the way his life had been despite the trials he had gone through from the past. When I see every line on his forehead, it reminds me when he was a war veteran. He only lives with his wife now, with his kids all grown-up and are on different States. His wife, most of the time felt weak that he had been walking alone. He has a house in Arizona but he told me that he preferred to live in California because he favored the climate.

“I’ve seen it all. I’ve done it all. And now, I’m just contented with walking everyday. This is my exercise. You’ll see me walking here and there,” he warned me once.

“I think that’s great. You are stronger than me I think because you always tell me how far you’ve gone and though I’m cleaning here in front of our house, I have not walked farther than you do…”

Reflecting and knowing how his experiences have made him a better person he is today, a much accomplished man yet contented with just simple things, I started hoping to be like him.

“Anytime, I’m ready…” he warns me again…pertaining to dying.

“I’ve seen it all. I’ve done it all. I’m happy…God is good.”

“He is, isn’t He? I’m grateful, too for God, Bob.”

I know I’ll see Bob again and even if I miss him during his early morning walks as I’m brewing my coffee inside the house and not ready to go out in the front yet, he taught me so much about life’s journey.

That like him, I can also go farther and go for longer distances as long as I have FAITH and BELIEF. As long as anyone has faith, Jesus always meets us there on the road we are walking on. He is faithful to walk right beside us in this life’s journey all the way. And where is Jesus….there’s our true Home.

I haven’t seen it all. I haven’t done it all. But because I believe and trust in Jesus, I am contented that no matter what goes on in front of this road I’m walking on, I shouldn't be moved. There will be bumps. There will be rain storms. But anytime… “I’m ready.”  And how I long to be with Jesus knowing in His place, there’s no more pain, no more tears, no more shame…

one of my encounters with Bob

I glanced at Bob’s disappearing shadow and uttered a soft “Thank You…”

Thank you Lord for having me meet my neighbor Bob.

How Long Oh Lord?

“ ¹ How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever?
   How long will you hide your face from me?
² How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
   and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
   How long will my enemy triumph over me?” – Psalm 13:1,2 (NIV)

“Stop talking! Just relax!”

Panting slightly, she pursed her lips and let out some rapid breaths. The nasal cannula in her nostrils delivering 2 liters of oxygen per minute aided a bit. I kept observing a foot away from where this middle-aged inmate was sitting. A nurse had previously seen and treated her already for her chest pain.

“How much longer Nurse? I’m feeling okay now.”

Dialing the nearby phone, I verified with the Charge Nurse and asked about the Estimate Time of Arrival of the ambulance.

“Soon….Just be patient.”

Excitingly, she started again telling me about her family history of how she, being the oldest among 5 sisters was the only one alive and her dad, being 82, was so youthful for his age.

“Wooo….I’m so excited that it’s getting hard to breathe…”

“Stop talking! I told you, just relax…”

Breathing in through her nose, I coaxed her to slow down and savor the oxygen going through her nostrils. She appeared calmer. Her white hair strewn in disarray and the lines on her made her look older for the stated age. She had been using heroin for 30 something years, she told me. The use of injected drugs made our IV starts difficult. She knew her working veins well, pointing to me where to land the needle. Without success. The veins and arteries felt hard, so hard that they were scarred because of the long drug use.

“I’m getting tired Nurse. I’m not having chest pain anymore. Oh….How much longer do I have to wait?”

“Just a few more minutes Ma’am. I heard it on the radio, the ambulance just arrived in the yard. You still need to go to the ER to be examined and make sure your heart is okay.”

I felt like that inmate, too, being impatient with the outcome of my battle that started in December 2010. While my enemies laughed at me and continue to harass me, I remained silent as this was not the proper time to speak up. I felt tired. I felt weak. I had been having pains from all the wounds those people had been inflicting me with. But I knew from the start, it would be Jesus Who would carry me through. I was never afraid of them because I knew I didn’t do anything wrong. They were just plain abusive of the power given to them that they thought they could do anything they wanted to do on a certain person. Like me. But victory was won! Long time ago! Victory that was given to me as He poured His love on my heart and brought me to a place of abundance. I needed to learn to relax. I needed to be patient. Everything happens for a purpose and I must trust on His timetable not mine. Forgive me Oh Lord.

^“3 Look on me and answer, LORD my God.
   Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
⁴ and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
   and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
 ⁵ But I trust in your unfailing love;
   my heart rejoices in your salvation.
⁶ I will sing the LORD’s praise,
   for he has been good to me.” – Psalm 13:3-6 (NIV)

How Long Oh Lord (Psalm 13)
Robert Barham Music Psalms


Consider, and answer me my Lord.
Re-store my strength; don't leave me here to die.
I know that you've been good to me,
I know that you will rescue me,
So please, answer me my Lord.

I've trusted in your steadfast love,
My heart will rejoice in Thy salvation,
I find these times so hard to bear,
I need you Lord to hear my prayer,
So please, answer me my Lord.

How long Oh Lord? Will you hide your face from me forever?
How long must I bear this pain in my soul?
How long Oh Lord? Will my enemies prevail forever?
How long till I see the light of your love?

I've trusted in your steadfast love,
My heart will rejoice in Thy salvation.
I find these times so hard to bear,
I need you Lord to hear my prayer,
So please, answer me my Lord.

How long Oh Lord? Will you hide you face from me forever?
How long must I bear this pain in my soul?
How long Oh Lord? Will my enemies prevail forever?
How long till I see the light of your love?
How long till I see the light of your love?

My Sister-In-Christ In The Prison

¹⁶ Rejoice always, ¹⁷ pray continually, ¹⁸ give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. – 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NIV)

She exclaimed a little “Ooohh…,” surprised with the landing of small dab of cold gel on her lower abdomen despite my warning prior to squeezing the little bottle. Laying on the exam table, I encouraged this young female inmate to take deep breaths and try to relax as I scanned the tiny Doppler being glided by my right hand, finding the right spot to make her baby in the womb’s heartbeat to be audible.

“There you go! Can you hear it?”

“Yes, Ma’am…”as I made her look at the number that registered in the Doppler.

“147-155 beats per minute…That’s good.”

This inmate was 4 months pregnant, complaining of right flank pain. She was just sent to the hospital for the same reason. They told her that her ligament was being stretched so it was hurting on that spot. She was trying to tough it out yesterday, not demanding despite the continuous pain that bothered her all day. Until she could not stand it anymore and worries overcame her than calm. Pressing the call button in her tiny cell, she requested to be seen by us, medical staff.

“Everything was good. You didn’t have any bleeding. Your vital signs are normal. And your urine was normal too except I noticed it was concentrated. Try to drink more water so you won’t have Urinary Tract Infection.”

“You’re right, I was not drinking as much. I’ll try…”she softly uttered as she got up from the table, with both of us separated from any one’s eyes with the drape I pulled all the way to cover the door.

I knew she was incarcerated for helping in a gang activity. But I wasn’t afraid of her. I knew I must not be talking with her in friendly manner because it was in the prison’s policy to not make the inmates feel that they were being befriended. Silence. Just her and I in that Exam room filled with all medical supplies. The thought of my Highest Supervisor witnessing both of us…as she started venting out.

“I read the Bible a lot so Ma’am, I’m not afraid. I know that God has a plan and that everything happens for a reason.” She tried to look me straight in the eye, trying to see my reaction.

Remaining calm and perhaps, spilling a little joy from my eyes, she sensed that upon her mention of the word Bible and God.

“That is true. Everything you said…God is good…You got any other kids? You don’t have to answer me if you don’t want to,” I reminded her.

“Oh, no. I feel comfortable with you Ma’am. Yes, I have 2 small kids still at home. My husband is also here (in the prison).”

“That must be very stressful…”I left my statement with a sort of fill-in-the blank at the end…

“Yes…I think of my children a lot…”

“You believe in God and you read the Bible. That is a great thing to have. He does have a great plan for all of us. But we must also do our part….(long pause as she bowed her head then looked up again and instead of standing up, remained eager to hear the rest of my statement sitting down on the edge of the table)…It starts with making the right choices. You’re still young and you have a baby to be brought out of this world and the other two back home needing their parents.”

“I’m sorry…I can’t let you stay here for a long time though I still want to talk to you…”

“I understand, Ma’am. I know the rules here…Thank you so much for your help…”

She took a sip of the small glass of water I offered when she first walked in…

“One more request, Ma’am…”

“Yeah?”

“Would you please pray for me, as a ‘sister-in-Christ?” she smiled shyly, as if making a big and impossible demand.

“I always do…”

“Sister…”

“Even for those who don’t know Christ yet…”

I let her out of a metal door and her body mingled with those other who came down to have their blood sugar levels checked inside the Infirmary. I saw her leave the Clinic amid the big throng of orange-uniformed women, marching back to the corridors that led to their units.

“Oh, Lord…Please help her…and all these women know Your love and grace. Help them find their true freedom despite being locked up. The freedom that comes from You…Thank You Lord…”

“Are you okay, Rcubes?” asked one of the people who I discerned to be a part of those who had been giving me a hard time regarding my job.

“Yeah, I’m okay…”

“Are you sure?”

I was intimidated with her question. I sensed she wanted me to relate more regarding my battle at work and find out the difficulty or any hardship I was going through. But these things did not matter anymore to me at this point. After meeting that inmate and other past events, I knew God was always in control. For me to think of their senseless evil ploys would be just useless. It was that inmate and others like her that mattered to me more than my own battle at work against some people trying to imprison my spirit with invisible walls of hate, wanting me to be a part of their schemes…

“Yes, I’m sure…because God is good…” I spoke with certainty.

It was her turn to be silent…But in my heart I would always remember that she and the others, too, who were abusing their power at work were also in big need of prayers…

For they don't know...my sister-in-Christ incarcerated was truly free...

^“5 “When you pray, don’t be like the hypocrites who love to pray publicly on street corners and in the synagogues where everyone can see them. I tell you the truth, that is all the reward they will ever get. ⁶ But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private. Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.

 ⁷ “When you pray, don’t babble on and on as people of other religions do. They think their prayers are answered merely by repeating their words again and again. ⁸ Don’t be like them, for your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him! ⁹ Pray like this:

   Our Father in heaven,
      may your name be kept holy.
   ¹⁰ May your Kingdom come soon.
   May your will be done on earth,
      as it is in heaven.
   ¹¹ Give us today the food we need
   ¹² and forgive us our sins,
      as we have forgiven those who sin against us.
   ¹³ And don’t let us yield to temptation
      but rescue us from the evil one.^{” – Matthew 6:5-13 (NLT)}