Remembering The Wounds

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” – Galatians 5:1 (NIV)

I woke up few minutes ago, greeted by a welcoming relief: a drop in the temperature I had hoped for from the past days. I let out a long sigh as another day came, still feeling the wound in my heart. Pierced 8 months ago, my battle at work has not even begun. Yet, for 8 months I had remained strong, my heart’s course changed, filled with more hope and unwavering future.

Thousands of years ago, hands and feet were also scarred by those nails and His side pierced with a spear. They never vanished before He sat at the right hand of God. They were proofs to show that it was Him…Jesus. The scars that made a doubting Thomas exclaimed, “My Lord and my God!” Those scars were proofs of His love for humanity, His way of making us remember His sacrifice.

Ten years ago, America was wounded and forever changed. Many hearts lost their loved ones. The pain radiated not only from New York, but was also felt by all from every corner of this wonderful nation. It was one of those darkest times Americans had experienced. The acts of evil committed intended to cripple and to instill fear in everyone’s hearts. It wanted to steal this nation’s freedom.

I’m still fighting in this huge battle I’m in at work and one day, will make it known that those people in position who intended to hurt the ones below them never made me incapable.

Jesus’ death was never a defeat. He conquered death instead because He had life in Him. His wounds were the visible weapons of His love.

Today, we remember that wound that pierced America’s heart. It’s good to remember that during that darkest hour, Americans would never be paralyzed by fear. Let us remember the lives lost not in vain, but in victory. The enemies might seem to succeed in destroying two tall buildings but they are being replaced with an even more strong structure. They might have killed thousands of lives but they didn’t die in vain. They will be forever remembered not because of the kinds of jobs they did but because of the love they left with those they left behind. Through their acts, America learned that evil is real and that hate does not build up but destroys.

Yes, it is good to remember that day because Americans have learned that heroes do exist and courage won’t be contained. That darkest time helped Americans realize how fragile life is and united, we are ever stronger. Stronger to fight for the freedom we enjoy. After all, America is a nation under one God!

“Three things will last forever--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love.”

- 1 Corinthians 13:13 (NLT)

Cross found from the collapsed tower

Being The Same

Photo Credit

“When we get together, I want to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours.” – Romans 1:12 (NLT)    

It felt like I was dragging bags of cement as I took a step, one at a time from the moment I arrived in the Prison Staff’s parking lot. The graceful swaying of palm trees greeted me, the usual way it welcomed me when I got hired 11 years ago. The lawns were lush and green despite the almost triple digit heat and the humid air swirling around. I was taking my time. I did not want to rush. How deceiving this place was, I thought to myself. So beautiful outside. But full of suffering inside.

Everybody was surprised to see me and most were thrilled to see me back. I was cautious yet responded to their “hello’s” with eagerness. I might not like some of them who I felt were not sincere, but that was just the right thing to do: “To respond in loving ways, whether I liked them or not.” That was being etched in my heart from these past days where I was on a leave and was not able to go to work because of some people’s decisions.

There were only 2 of us scheduled for the evening shift. I had met him before and though I knew he was a new grad, I knew he was a great nurse and had adapted quickly to this setting.  The quiet night I was praying for turned out to be a very chaotic one and a very challenging shift for him and I. We were running the whole time, for the first 5 or 6 hours, only taking sips of water in-between and couldn’t even take a break. I managed to gobble a banana the fastest way I had eaten it and I saw him took a few, quick bites of Graham crackers and then, we both heard another “mandown” over the radio where the deputy advised that the inmate was unconscious, or so it seemed. I was in the middle of sending one female, pregnant inmate who was having a vaginal bleed to the hospital and dropped everything and offered my help to him. Off, we both ran the fastest pace we ever knew down the long, far hallways. Our sweats dripping from our brows but we both never complained. We just did what we needed to do.

“Octopus!” I yelled out to one of the medical secretaries talking on the phone, getting the inmate’s booking number requesting to be seen, as she was trying to grab the other phone behind her in the middle of that conversation.

She gave me a puzzled look why I called her that, only to laugh when she got done on the phone, realizing why I did. She knew I called her that because all of her arms were trying to reach all the in-coming what felt like thousands of phone calls, to help us out. She knew we were both tired and still were not done.

“Thank you,” I whispered to her.

“I’m so glad you came in early to help us out. I don’t know what we would have done without you.”

“Rcubes, I feel bad for you and Z. You guys are non-stop! What a bad night!”

“No! It’s okay…”

Again, her brows met with a confused look.

“Because I can have a busy night and have 3 or 4 nurses but if they are lazy, it’s no use. I know I’m working with a great nurse even though he’s new. We’ll manage.”

“That’s true,” she finally agreed.

And indeed, as I savored my dinner I brought from home, slumped on a wheeled, soft chair in the break room, I tried to gather my remaining strength just to finish that dinner. At that time, it had grown much calmer and that nurse and I finished dealing with all the emergencies and other problems.

“Put your feet up on the other chair!” yelled that medical secretary when she passed by to grab a cup of coffee.

“I’m fine now,” I replied smiling and feeling much relieved to weather that storm.

We’re all in this!!! How true it is with us, as believers, serving the One and only True God, weathering the storms of life as we share the same faith, sharing same suffering and comforts because of Christ. As we all go through different kinds of trials, I’m thinking of you through prayers but I also want to thank you for encouraging me and continuing to lift me up also in your petitions. Because of our Lord Jesus, our faith blesses us all, finding joy and having gratitude instead, as we all wait for what is to come: “eternal life with God” where there is true REST.

“Then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.” – Philippians 2:2 (NIV)

Pursue The Highest Goal

“Let love be your highest goal!” (1 Corinthians 14:1; NLT)

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Staring at the unused Scrubs uniforms in the closet, I opted for my favorite black one. I knew I had to clean my transparent small bag I toted with me to work. Tomorrow would be my first day back after being put on a forced leave. My heart has been feeling heavy as I smelled the usual dread. It was not the work that was difficult. It was the people I worked with.

I can't lie. I miss seeing manipulative inmates who can fake any physical symptoms known just to acquire more potent pain medications and other narcotics they are known to abuse outside the prison walls. I miss hearing and trying to discern suicidal statements and intentions if they are real or woven just to avoid other predators harassing them in their units and cells. I miss administering as simple as a piece of orange to a conscious diabetic, to starting intravenous line and giving high sugar kind of medication through that to an unconscious one whose blood sugar level could be fatal. I miss assessing someone having seizure and determining if it is a  life-threatening type or not.

But I never missed:

~ Gossiping that can spread like a wild fire

~ Intimidation from others who always think they are better than the rest

~Harassment arising from statements and even flirtatious acts with sexual innuendos

~Rejection towards those who do not belong to their circle or group

~Caring statements that contradict the actions. In other words, “being hypocrites”…

~ Lies that can deceive any one to believe them, forgetting that there are always 2 sides to a story

~Offered wisdom that in true sense, does not contain any knowledge

“Pursue love…” That’s what the Lord had been telling me since yesterday and this morning as I had been breathing heavily, venting out to my husband that I truly did not feel like going back anymore. My joy to be a Correctional Nurse would always be there, but because of the discrimination from people in higher positions made me feel it would be easy if I would not see their faces. Not that I was scared. I could say I was tired of their plots because it had been going on even prior to them dealing with me and many nurses had quit from the past.

The battle I thought would be so hard against these people turned to be a “piece of cake” because none of their accusations against me were true. But what I did not expect, there was another battle that would be harder to be in. It was a war in my spirit.

When I wanted to be angry, the Lord would often remind me to “be slow in doing so.”

When I heard some of them were getting into troubles, I wanted to say, “Good! They deserved that!” only to be warned right away that “it was not the right thing to think nor say.”

When I wanted to pay evil for evil, He said the right way was to pay evil “with good.”

How could I pursue love and let it be my highest goal? How could I love others who hurt me?

Again, I looked into myself and I got the quick response deep within!

“Mercy…” God had shown me mercy…because it’s just natural for Him and not for me.

It was given not for me to keep but to let it flow to those who needed it.

With mercy, comes along LOVE. Love that sees beyond faults and sees what can become. Love that sees enemies through God’s eyes and emits compassion and forgiveness, instead of revenge or grudge.

“Pursue love…”  for God is love…

“Pursue God…” (the Highest Goal)

Captivate Us (Watermark)

Your face is beautiful
And Your eyes are like the stars
Your gentle hands have healing
There inside the scars
Your loving arms they draw me near
And Your smile it brings me peace
Draw me closer oh my Lord
Draw me closer Lord to Thee

(chorus)
Captivate us, Lord Jesus
Set our eyes on You
Devastate us with Your presence
Falling down
And rushing river, draw us nearer
Holy fountain consume us with You
Captivate us Lord Jesus, with You

Your voice is powerful
And Your words are radiant bright
In Your breath and shadow
I will come close and abide
You whisper love and life divine
And Your fellowship is free
Draw me closer O my Lord
Draw me closer Lord to Thee

(chorus)

Let everything be lost in the shadows
Of the light of Your face
Let every chain be broken from me
As I’m bound in Your grace
For Your yoke is easy, Your burden is light
You’re full of wisdom, power and might
And every eye will see You

(chorus)

The Fig Trees

I looked again at a couple of fig trees in the backyard. I couldn’t help but compare. They were bought few years ago, same time, and were planted the same time. No special nurturing done except we water both and try to avoid using any pesticides.

fig tree laden with fruits

barren fig tree

 “This is enough!” my friend’s mother sort of complained because she thought I had been giving her so many figs.

“Are you saving some for yourself?” she added.

“Of course, Ms. K.! I love them and I truly have more than enough!” I replied as I insisted in putting a bag filled with newly-washed figs on her hands.

“Anyway, do you remember when you gave me so much few years ago from your fig trees? And now that the birds eat them before you even get a hand on some, I’m only paying back what you did to me. I want you to know I appreciated and enjoyed those figs you shared with me.”

Her hands grabbed hold of the see-through bag and she smiled, admitting defeat with my insistence. I knew she was that type of person who would enjoy simple things like that.

picking the fig

But there was that tree. It looked so barren. It was not neglected but I wondered why it never gave us fruits. They were on the same soil. They were cared for the same. No bias!

A thought flooded my mind about Jesus cursing a fig tree to die. Expecting for it to have fruits, it had none! (Observing our own fig tree, the fruits come out first and are green that they sort of blend in with the green leaves). Jesus must have expected the fig tree with green leaves to have fruits. How disappointing that it had none!  (Mark 11:12-14, 20-21)

Anyone can claim they are Christians. But without putting our faith to work, it will never produce any fruit like that barren fig tree. However, if our faith is real, it always has the best potential to ask God to help us bear fruit for His Kingdom..

sweet figs

 Lord, help us draw nearer to You. Knowing that a life apart from You will make us produce nothing. Help us to walk closer with You and at the same time, give us the convictions in our hearts to truly know that we are sure that we are walking in the same direction You are walking on. Help us not to get distracted by many things of this world. Help us to focus on You alone.

Increase our faith Lord as we all go through different trials. Through these storms in our lives, help us get rid of things that do not belong to You. Help us to be holy for You are a Holy God. Empower us Lord with Your Spirit so we may leave each day remaining in our lives to glorify only You in everything that we do. Please protect us Lord against our spiritual enemies and give us Your gift of discernment. Only by Your grace we are able to produce fruits that are pleasing to You. Thank You Lord for Your love and grace. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

Friends, thank you all for your encouragement and prayers. I truly appreciate each and everyone of you. May the Lord bless you all and guide you in everything that you do. Your faith always blesses mine. To God be the glory!