No Matter What

“2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you.
When you cross rivers, you will not drown.
When you walk through fire, you will not be burned,
nor will the flames hurt you.
3 This is because I, the LORD, am your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” – Isaiah 43:2-3 (NCV)

I was calm when this battle at work started. None of the surprising attacks from those who love to see other people get hurt ever caught me off guard. Out of the many years I had been working behind the prison walls, my spiritual condition was allowed to grow. You see, when I injured my neck in 1997 from a busy Orthopedic ward in a famous hospital, I worried. I thought I wouldn’t be able to do Nursing anymore after a treating physician had advised for me to look for other options, aside Nursing. I let hope slipped away from within me, nurturing anxiety instead of it.

With endless tears I cried out for help. He heard me! In front of a blinking cursor, He guided my hands to type the word “corrections…” And right in front of my eyes, He showed me that He indeed could open doors if everything else had closed in on me. With the background check that usually took months only took a few weeks for me. With renewed confidence, I faced a couple of interviewers who were careful in finding out both of my weaknesses and strengths. Until I had turned the table and asked the Nurse Manager if I could be given a tour inside the prison. She marveled at the brave request I had demanded. She told me none of the previous applicants had ever said that before. She liked the idea because she said that maybe that was the reason why many who were eager at first to start working in the prison, ended up quitting, right on the first day of their work.

To make this story short, I was given that tour. What was beautiful outside was completely opposite from what I saw inside. Heavy metal doors were banging. I heard lots of yelling, either from deputies or disrespectful inmates. Fists were thrown into the air.The Infirmary was busy. Phones were constantly ringing. Mental Health Services were checking their long lists of those needing to be seen and evaluated for their mental problems. Medical doctors, same with Nurses, had their hands full with the sick call they needed to finish that day. I left very uncomfortable after seeing a new workplace that was completely strange for me. I left a little intimidated and scared because none of my Orthopedic skills would apply.

I was barely parking my car into our garage when the phone rang. When I picked it up, it was the Nurse Manager who couldn’t wait for my answer. She offered: “You’re hired! Are you able to start tomorrow?”

How could I say “No” when Someone opened that door for me. Despite the fear of unknown, I knew that was the time that I should place my trust in what He could possibly do for me. The first thing for me to do on my part was to “believe.”

The first three months were tough. I sustained injuries but the kinds that were not seen. Fear... Hopelessness...Intimidation...Doubt...Ridicule...Rejection... My heart was wounded countless times, scarred in different places.

Looking back, now I know I was injured in order for me to learn how to endure. The trials were not about to end. I was to face a bigger battle.It only started. Except I was not afraid anymore, no matter what the outcome. He arms me. He protects me. He guides me. He surrounds me.

Indeed, God gives and God takes away...I must let go of any worry and fear no matter what circumstances I’m in because I do belong to Him. The fact is: it’s not my hold on Him that saves me. It is His. And because of that, I choose to rejoice and praise His Name, no matter what season of life I’m in…Blessed be Your Name Oh Lord!

No Exemption

“5 In your lives you must think and act like Christ Jesus.
6 Christ himself was like God in everything.
But he did not think that being equal with God was something to be used for his own benefit.
7 But he gave up his place with God and made himself nothing.
He was born as a man
and became like a servant.
8 And when he was living as a man,
he humbled himself and was fully obedient to God,
even when that caused his death—death on a cross.
9 So God raised him to the highest place.
God made his name greater than every other name
10 so that every knee will bow to the name of Jesus—
everyone in heaven, on earth, and under the earth.
11 And everyone will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord
and bring glory to God the Father.” – Philippians 2:5-11 (NCV)


“So, how’s Mr. B?” I queried my son who just got home from volunteering in a nearby high school for a couple of hours. He has not seen this particular teacher from middle school and he was eager to volunteer and helped him out in preparing his classroom before the new school year would begin.

“He’s doing well, Mom. It was great to see him and he was so happy to see me and hear about what was up with me and the stuff I had been doing at school. He was asking about you and dad.”

“And…what did you say?”

“I asked him if he could pray for you because Mom, if you didn’t mind, I told him a little about what was going on at your work. I was surprised how quickly he replied that it was illegal. I mean, he doesn’t even work there in the prison.”
“Well, I didn’t mind that you told him and thanks for asking him to pray for me. I certainly need prayers.”

As we ate lunch together, he was so excited to tell me about how his time went with Mr. B. I was glad that they had time spent together today and in prayers, I was grateful for one of God’s greatest blessings in my life: “my child.”

I knew he was very observant of my own life’s struggles. He had been watching me do my steps carefully as I continued to rehearse and perform this dance of life. He knew that perfecting my moves had nothing to do with my own strength knowing how limited we truly were! He witnessed that I was quick to fall down on my knees and in tears, lift up my petitions to the One Who had strong convictions if I had done any wrong steps. He knew I read His instructions daily, as I tried to go against this world’s rules and regulations. My son saw the truth in His Word and the importance of following His commands. He understood that aside from being obedient, He also desired for us, dancers, to seek Him first on top of everything and then…to love others and even our enemies...

Through this greatest rehearsal, others are watching every step and every move…Whether they like our dance or not, what matters is pleasing the One Who is always patient to teach us the right moves!

“I love you, Mom. Thanks for the lunch… Thank You, Lord,” my thoughts interrupted by my son’s gratitude.

I fell many times as I danced. I cried many tears as I went through so much pain. I had been broken but comforted and healed anyway. I knew deep inside, there was no promise for only good, fun times as I chose to dance in this narrow stage. And the crucial thing to know was that bowing down was the first step even prior to my performance. And for those who choose to not listen and do the moves on their own strength, all the things we all do would not matter. To bow down after one’s performance was over might even be too late in God’s sight…For in God’s perfect time, there would not be any exemption.

And all of us will bow down…

Our Song

"Part your heavens, LORD, and come down; touch the mountains, so that they smoke.
⁶ Send forth lightning and scatter the enemy; shoot your arrows and rout them.
⁷ Reach down your hand from on high; deliver me and rescue me from the mighty waters,
   from the hands of foreigners
⁸ whose mouths are full of lies, whose right hands are deceitful.   

Choosing to praise even in the darkest hour

⁹ I will sing a new song to you, my God;
   on the ten-stringed lyre I will make music to you..."
- Psalm 144:5-9 (NIV)

I wiped a few drops of tears I shed, hidden in the darkness of the night as I kept tossing and turning and sleep was eluding from me.

I missed weaving memories and learning a lot of spiritual lessons from those incarcerated individuals I often treated when they complained of ailments, even if some of them lied about the symptoms.

I am on a hold at this stage of my journey. People seated in power deliberately planned to cease my work. I felt some piercing stabs in my heart as I recalled those events that led into this situation. One’s lack of understanding caused a wave that sent a ripple effect on those other ones who should have been mourning but rather was rejoicing at the expense of others’ fall.

“Singing cheerful songs to a person whose heart is heavy is as bad as stealing someone’s jacket in cold weather or rubbing salt in a wound.” – Proverbs 25:20 (NLT)

Tears welled up again as my heart ached for justice. I never desired their company. Their words were so many but were empty. They spent time plotting violence. They talked and let rumors sounded like it was the only truth. It would grow as fast as cancer cells, penetrating those ears opened to hear them and as they got passed along, with the truth either unfounded, twisted or had a few more added to it.

I was angry... Angry with their evil plots and actions. I was angry on their words that had no basis and they made the accusations without evidence. More tears and the piercing aches in my heart were more of a pity much later. I abhorred their ignorance. But I felt so sorry for them at the same time. What difference did we all have from those incarcerated individuals if even to lie was a sin?

We are all prisoners. But because of God’s grace, I remained a prisoner, a prisoner not of this world but of His love. I had been both destroying and building up walls in my heart and mind since He found me. Destroying those walls that needed to let go of the bad stuff and building up walls to keep those good things acceptable by Him.

“There is a time for everything, a season for every activity under heaven…a time to tear down and a time to rebuild…a time to tear and a time to mend…” – Ecclesiastes 3:1,3,7 (NLT)

Heavenly Father,  You know my heart’s cries since I started working in the prison where You placed me. The evilness is too much. But it’s because people have the walls of their hearts ruined, lying bare to all of the enemies’ attacks, easily penetrated by their darts of corrupted things, easily conquered for they have no knowledge of Your power and might. Lord, I lift up my co-workers defeated by the enemies, corrupted with the world. Lord, may Your love and grace penetrate their hearts and with Your power, may they turn to You and come to know You.

As I go through this sea of trial, part the waters for me Oh Lord so that I may be able to cross safely. Help me not to miss those things I need to make the walls You help me erect in my heart to contain all those unseen things that have far more value than the things of this world.

It is hard Lord to even talk with You sometimes when You feel so far from me. But I know You are there. I always believe and trust in You because I know You truly alone are the way, the truth and the life. If living life means to suffer, then I am honored even to suffer with You. You’ve been there before that I know You’re the Best One to consult knowing how much understanding, love and faithfulness You have for us. My heart sings for joy Lord because of what You have done. I choose to sing…even in this difficult times knowing You are the One fighting for me and knowing that I already have the victory. Despite my weariness of the false, I choose to adore the Truth... You, Oh Lord are our song from heaven. Thank You for Your love, mercy and grace. In Jesus’ Holy Name. Amen.

By His Grace

I sustained an injury in 1997, working in a busy Orthopedic floor in a well-known hospital. I couldn't do the same work I did and it saddened me. The doctor had advised for me to get out of Nursing. But deep inside, I knew I had that important decision to make. To listen or not listen to that advice, knowing that by faith, God had no limitations with what He could do.

He brought me to the prison. I had fear. I was being taken away from my comfort zone and was being brought to a place not known. I was being delivered to a place where I had to re-learn new skills, different interventions, and with much autonomy with decision-making. I was brought to a place where spiritual enemies abound, but only to prove to me how powerful the Name of Jesus was, that enemies cowered... I knew turning back at that time was not an option. He opened this door to allow me to grow with my spiritual state. I faced that fear.

That was 11 years ago. Strengthened by His power, sustained by His grace, covered with His protection, taught by His wisdom, guided with His discernment, I was injured again. A different kind of wound I sustained. It was my heart that was wounded when hurled with lies. I was constantly accused about my previous injury. They never acknowledged my contribution. Not that I expected anything in return. I loved this place. Knowing I owed it to the One Who helped me conquered my fear and limitations. He didn't give me an option but to fight and never quit. He was the one who enabled me with my limitations.

When you feel weak...When you think you can't overcome...When you think there is no hope and solution...When you think you are not able...Look up to the One Who is able! God Who is able! God of Armor! God of love! God Who is faithful! God Who is righteous! God Who always forgives! God of compassion! And so much more...

"But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them--yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me."
 -1 Cor. 15:10 (NIV)

May this strengthen and encourage you: