Twisted Truth

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I worked at the prison’s Intake Saturday night as the assigned nurse had called in sick. It was quiet and calm until the arrestees started showing up between the hours of 3:30-4:30 in the morning.

I kept staring at this arrestee’s shallow puncture wound, atop his right eyebrow, as I started screening him for any medical or mental health problem. His arresting officer watching us by the door.

“I did it! Yes! I stabbed myself with a screwdriver because I was so pissed off with my wife,”he replied when I asked him what caused the wound. I noticed the scattered minor scratches all over his arms. None of them were bleeding fortunately.

“Do you have any history of mental problem or were you ever on any Psych meds?”

“I think I have depression but no! I am not taking any meds,” he answered as he kept his head bowed low, looking down on the floor.

“Do you feel like hurting yourself still at this time?” I probed.

“No! I promise you, I don’t! I was just upset earlier,” he stated.

“I’m sorry, Sir. Even though you stated you don’t want to hurt yourself anymore[as I studied his facial expressions the whole time], I have no choice but to still put you on Suicide Watch!”

“Why? I told you I’m okay now!”

“Why? It’s because who in the right mind would do something like that, “stabbing himself with a screwdriver because you were angry?” And because you told me that you might have a history of depression, I would like for our Psychiatrist to see you first thing in the morning when he gets here.”

“I want you to know, you will be put in a special cell, everything removed and you will be given a Velcro-strapped clothing to cover you and at least keep you warm. Deputies and myself will constantly keep an eye on you and you don’t have to do anything special but just try to rest and just wait on the doctor to come. I am not risking any moment for you to be a risk for your own safety.”

He started sobbing, as I saw the arresting officer nodding his head in agreement. Tears flowed and in between his sobs, he uttered, “Okay.” He stopped explaining about his promises not to hurt himself.

After the chaotic time ceased when a wave of arrestees came, I went to see him on the Suicide Cell. He was asleep, looking peaceful down on a blue, plastic boat, a makeshift bed on the cold floor. I knew that morning, it would be a new day for him. After the Psychiatrist would come and assess him, I knew the right help would dawn on him. As he rests…

His promise sounded so true. That he wouldn’t hurt himself anymore. But deep inside, there was more to that puncture wounds and few scratches. The real wound was unseen deep in his heart. If I missed those unseen cues, I could have listened to him and would have put him in general population. But I couldn’t imagine that risk if he ever had the strength and opportunity to harm himself.

Our spiritual enemies love to twist the truth. The devil challenged Jesus when He was in the wilderness.

The enemy took Jesus to Jerusalem, to the highest point of the Temple and said, “If you are the Son of God, jump off! For the Scriptures say, ‘He orders his angels to protect you. And they will hold you with their hands to keep you from striking your foot on a stone.” [this is in parallel with Psalm 91:12]

But Jesus responded, “The Scriptures also say, ‘Do not test the Lord your God.” [Matthew 4:6-7]

The enemy used the Scripture to try to convince Jesus to sin! He may sound very convincing but Jesus knew the Truth.  He knew that the devil twisted the truth. 

If we study the Bible carefully, especially with the broader contexts of specific verses, we will truly understand God’s principles for living and what He wants for our lives. We are to REST upon His faithful promises, not TEST Him!

"God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth."
-John 4:24 (NIV)


"The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of human beings who suppress the truth by their wickedness."
-Romans 1:18 (NIV)


"You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies." - John 8:44 (NIV)


"But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come." - John 16:13 (NIV)

Learning To Endure Amidst The Trials and Pains

“Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses.” – 2 Corinthians 6:4 [NIV]


“But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness.” – 1 Timothy 6:11 [NIV]

Trying to hold my cell phone as my cold hands pressed the button to call my son’s cell, I saw some of the night crew heading to each of their cars, ready to go home after a long Saturday night of work. One by one, the electronic gate opened and like a parade, we followed each other to get out of the staff parking.

No one answered so I knew that my son was probably downstairs, eating breakfast with his father, getting ready to go to church. I dialed our house’s number and my husband picked up.

After greeting him “Good Morning”, I asked about our son.

“Oh….He couldn’t pick up your call because he’s here in the laundry room, washing his clothes.”

Tears welled up in my eyes. As foggy as the morning mist I had to go through, I tried to steady my eyes on the road.

“Are you okay? What’s wrong?” my husband asked.

“No! These are tears of joy. The other day, when I was explaining about my schedule change at work to him, I told him, sometimes, we have to look at these changes, that they are happening, not only for me, but also for him. When the Lord is calling for us to step up and do more responsibilities for Him, the changes often hurt, but the outcome far outweighs the suffering or hurt we have to endure. If He can’t trust us with smaller things, how much more with bigger things?”

“I told him that anything he can do to help both of us around, it would be great. Not only is he helping us, but it will be a great opportunity for him to be more responsible, think about others and not of himself, and do them with great joy in his heart, to always commit them with the Lord. I’m crying because he remembered…”

As I got done preaching talking, my husband handed the phone to my son.

“Kristian, you’re so sweet. I just want to say thank you and I love you.”

“You’re welcome, mom. Drive safely and I’ll see you when you get home. I love you, too.”

“Thank You Lord. Thank You for these changes that hurt. They hurt because You want us to be more faithful. You want us to be more trusting in You. You want us to grow in our character. And even if we don’t know what lies ahead, You always provide with our needs. Thank You for Your love and grace.”

This time, I let the tears flowed behind the sunglasses that sheltered my eyes from the bright light peeking through the clouds from a distance. I knew I didn’t deserve anything. I was always an ordinary person but He never thought that way. He would entrust things to my hands because He always believed in me. And now that I had tasted His goodness, there was just no other response but to continually praise and thank Him for all of these opportunities of growth and bigger responsibilities. These challenges create a big change not on the outside, but from my inside. The way I will handle any trial is an opportunity of showing how a child of God can endure.

We endure not because we are strong. We become more patient not because of our own strength. It is because God sustains all those. If we can show others those God-given abilities, may it make them see God through our sufferings and changes. We are given talents not only to minister to each other but much more, we have that responsibility to always proclaim about the Truth. Because in the long run, it is not our opinions about God that will matter. He is not bound to change and adapt to how we want Him to be. [“Jesus Christ is the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow.”-Hebrews 13:8] We forget that though He loves to bless and provide a lot of things, He is also the One Who punishes sins. We look at comforting Scriptures but bypass those that are uncomfortable. We have to learn to endure amidst such pain and trials because God is calling for us to be more pure, letting go of those things that hinder our growth and relationship with God.

More Than Conquerors

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 [NIV 2010]
- [emphasis is mine]

“Rcubes…how do you feel about the schedule change?” “Are you worried?” asked one of the LVN’s.

She was talking about the new schedule for the night shift staff, starting January 15. She noticed I would be working weeknights now, instead of weekends I used to do for so many years. I had job-shared during those years to lessen my hours and not aggravate the neck pain I sustained from an injury, working at a big hospital for almost 10 years.

“Not really.”

“Oh, that’s good!” she replied with a surprised tone of voice. She paused, wanting to hear more about my personal reasons.

“I think it’s awesome. Now, I get to spend more time with my family and do a lot of things families do.”

“Ohhh…” she didn’t know what to say next.

“Sometimes, it’s those little things that mean the most. I’m grateful for those.”

She started walking away, her head nodding slightly. But she would be the only one to know what her thoughts were upon hearing my answers.

Not all big things here on earth are better. Not huge amount of money. Not being powerful and listing all those achievements. They don’t mean a thing sometimes.

I may have this disability but despite the pain I had, that was the time I felt my strongest. That was the time I had achieved a lot of things I knew would be impossible for me to do most of the time. That was the time I had learned to grow more patient, more humble, more forgiving and more loving. That was the time I had more compassion.

It was because of Jesus. He had paid the biggest sacrifice to save us all. And now, He is inviting everyone, anyone, to submit their hearts and lives to Him completely. And having things like trust or even faith as small as a mustard seed on Him, He turns it into bigger things.

It is through brokenness when His redemption works best, not on being whole. It is through weaknesses that His power and might works evidently. It is by being weak that we become conquerors, because once He starts His work in someone’s life, He is always faithful to complete it. Thank You Jesus!

"31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written:


“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”


37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[k] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord" - Romans 8:31-39 [NIV 2010]

Small things + faith = more than conquerors in Christ:

[please silence my playlist on top]:

Meeting Him In The Deepest Part Of My Soul

I guess I still struggle with this notion when I brought up the thought to my husband who sat next to me as I was browsing some sites in the Internet last night.

“Why is it that Christians are Lutherans, Baptists, or others? Why not just Christians?”

Even those perfect-looking churches are all made up of once broken people, transformed by the work of the cross. Even those ministers or pastors were once lost, found and reformed by Jesus’ saving grace. Like my husband. Like my child. Like me…And you…

We were all prisoners of many kinds of sins, freed by our Savior Jesus Christ. Am I wrong to say that? Why can’t we be called just plain “Christians”? For everything we attained or lost should be pointed and reflected back at Him Who rescued us from the pits of hell? Doesn’t Jesus deserve all the glory? All the honor? All the thanks and praise?

CHRIST….IAN [I Am Nothing]

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” –John 15:5

Isn’t a Christian  one who is to conform to God’s character? Someone who is called to walk with God as Jesus did? One who is called to live not by his/her own strength but by the power of God? What do you think? Do you struggle with this like I do?

This year, I want to search for His answers in the deepest, not the shallow part of my soul.  To have my roots grow deeper into His love. I can’t do it on my own, that I know. Only by His grace. [“I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” – Philippians 4:13]

The past year had shown so much pain and suffering. Countless lives worried as they faced mountains of trials. Christians included. But as true follower of Jesus, we are called to endure so we can follow God, show trust in Him, draw nearer to Him, please no one but Him, imitate Jesus and reflect Him to those who don’t know Him fully well.

In the prison where I work, deputies do unannounced shakedowns to catch inmates off-guard. During that time, that is when they usually find illegal substances like pruno [alcohol they make from fruits], drugs, or shanks [any improvised weapons]. When our world seem to be shaking, maybe we should consider that God is shaking it to call our attention and truly listen to what He is saying.

 “5Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; ⁶ in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. ⁷ Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil.” – Proverbs 3:5-7 [NIV]


“so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God…” – Colossians 1:10 [NIV]

“Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives’ tales; rather, train yourself to be godly.”

- 1 Timothy 4:7 [NIV]

Lord, help me find and meet You and hear You speak in the deepest of my soul. Guard me in all of my ways. That I may give you all the glory You alone deserve. Lord, forgive me for all of my lack of attention, those times I remain dry and not wanting to desire for more of You. Lord, I trust only in Your own understanding. Not mine. Give me the strength I need Lord to know more of You and less of me. All the glory, honor, thanks and praise belong to You Oh Lord. Thank You for Your love, mercy and grace. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

Please silence my playlist...